Guest bellaragazza Posted April 8 Report Share Posted April 8 reading my old thread might helphttp://bbs.clubplanet.com/showthread.php?threadid=90452anyways this same friend came to me about "not feeling well". It's sort of a complicated story but basically it's that someone he is really close to has bi polar disorder (manic depression) and has been fighting with it for basically all their life. Now my friend feels like he's depressive also and i'm really starting to think that being exposed to the person who is actually depressive is bringing him dwon and can possibly be affecting his life.How do I propose nicely that maybe he just thinks that he's not feeling good and is just influenced by the other person.. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tastey Posted April 8 Report Share Posted April 8 Originally posted by bellaragazza reading my old thread might helphttp://bbs.clubplanet.com/showthread.php?threadid=90452anyways this same friend came to me about "not feeling well". It's sort of a complicated story but basically it's that someone he is really close to has bi polar disorder (manic depression) and has been fighting with it for basically all their life. Now my friend feels like he's depressive also and i'm really starting to think that being exposed to the person who is actually depressive is bringing him dwon and can possibly be affecting his life.How do I propose nicely that maybe he just thinks that he's not feeling good and is just influenced by the other person.. i thought you were a psychology student? shouldn´t you know?(note that you should enhance my examples, preferrably with experiences you or he had or you had together):this is totally on the fly, so you make of it what you want1. show understanding for his situation/feelings and show that you also have gone through this at some time (to create sense of being connected, trust ("connected through depression"))"i can imagine how you´re feeling, i´ve also felt down many times in my life"2. continue to pace the (his) ongoing situation"and i know that this feeling is hard to bear"3. tell story about somebody else (and here you start to "lead")"i once knew this girl, i´ve known her since i grew up, at somepoint we lost contact. i´ve seen her years later and she was totally down, i mean she was such a happy girl when i last seen her, it really frustrated me. so of course i was curious what caused that and found out that her mother died a year ago, and her father fell in depression after her death. she had to constantly care for her father, who got further and further in depression. with the time she started to feel depressed herself, feeling unable to help her father. it was really a pity to see the once so happy girl being so sad now, so i invited her over for a two week vacation from her "duty". she was reluctant at first, what would happen to her father? and we made and arrangement with a nurse that would care for the father in her absense. so she came over to me and over the 2 weeks she really started to lighten up again, saw all the good things in life again (blah blah extend here). when she returned to her father, it had an immediate impact on him, cause she made the discovery that 1) the father and the nurse came along so good that they have begun to become good friends (here you take him the fear of his friend becoming really crazy if he would be taken to hospital) and 2) as soon as she returned, happy and with her refound joy for life, it had an immediate impact on the father and he started to feel better as he saw her feeling better. two months later she called me and told me that the father was feeling much better now, that it seemed like they put EACH OTHER down in the past, as soon as she became positive again her father became much better. we talked for hours and cherished our refound friendship..."extend more if you like, i´m too lazy now Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest bellaragazza Posted April 8 Report Share Posted April 8 yeah i'm a psychology student... but that doesnt make it any easier.. its that much harder to help someone who's so close to you, its hard to have them open up to you having them think your analyzing everything you say Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
georgym Posted April 8 Report Share Posted April 8 Well, I'm actually involved with somebody now who shows signs of bi-polarity, yet isn't clinically diagnosed with it. But from what you've said about your friend, I can see the parallels here.My advice to you is similar to what gothzane had said in a previous post-- help this friend out or let them hit the bottom. Preferably, I'd stick with the former, but only use the latter if you can't take it anymore.These types of people tend to have low self-esteem and low motivation when they "turn the corner" . But I like to think I've helped my "better half",, and she always comes to me when she's down.I would suggest reminding this friend of yours' of his prior successes, and telling him to take one day at a time at tackling problems. They sometimes see everything crashing down on them at once, which leads to laziness and non-action.But if you tell him to 1. STOP .... 2. Take a Deep Breath ... then 3. focus on one thing at a time, he should feel better.Also, compliment him on his past successes, and tell him how there's a lot of potential there, and that he needs to feel "busy". Maybe join a club, or play sports, to get his mind off thinking "on the other side" so much....I hope this helps Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gothzane Posted April 8 Report Share Posted April 8 People respond to their enviroment in strange ways.We respond, counter, interact with every detail.Example: Try resisting a yawn after watching someone else yawn.Try not to bust out laughing when someone is making funny facesTry not to cry when someone you care about is in tears.As a person we are individualBut as a people we are the same...In ways we are bondedSpiritually, emotionally...and then some.If we surround ourselves with sadness...it is going to have an affect on us...no matter how strong our personal will may be.Originally posted by bellaragazza How do I propose nicely that maybe he just thinks that he's not feeling good and is just influenced by the other person.. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tastyt Posted April 8 Report Share Posted April 8 I agree with Papa Smurf and Gothzane...I found this statement a little confusing tho:Originally posted by bellaragazza How do I propose nicely that maybe he just thinks that he's not feeling good and is just influenced by the other person..How does someone just think they're not feeling well? I mean, that's what it's all about right, how we think we feel? When it comes to our mental state anyway. Maybe your friend isn't clinically depressed, but being with this person is clearly bringing him down... (maybe that's what you meant but I'm not sure).Well good luck... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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