And now deep thoughts. . .by Clubkat

[clubkat]

~warning: will be long and winded for some~

7:45p.m. - Kwok Ping ::your neighborhood friendly corner Chinese food restaurant:: Newark, NJ

So I place my yummy order and decide I’ll sit down in one of those hard red booths these restaurants always have . . .and 5 minutes into waiting, at the corner of my eye I see this tall dark dude, big heavy jacket, but all I see is his back so I’m thinking, "hey, normal guy, whatever . . ."

Inside is this really prissy girl with spiked high heels, dress pants, and bleached hair, a 40 something old woman who's always in there selling random $1 things, and a raver looking dude with his girlfriend . . .

5 more minutes into waiting, a few more preppy girls and ghetto boys come in to place their orders too, taking up most of the booth space . . .

The big tall guy comes along and asks me if he can sit with me . . .so I look up . . .and immediately notice the deterioration in his face . . .he had about 4 teeth, a really bad skin infection, glossy eyes, and shaky hands holding a soup and a can of grape soda . . .absolutely a crack head . . .and poor.

I felt a bitter silence pour into the restaurant . . .as if time had stopped and everyone started staring . . .waiting for me to respond.

Usually I would have said yes and then gotten up to wait elsewhere . . .and the thought had of course crossed my mind . . .but for that brief moment in between my answer or my getting up, I asked myself, "why?" . . .

Why should I get up and away if this man who obviously in struggling to stay alive and feed himself needs a place to sit and eat in piece? Why should I be afraid? ::put aside the skin rash he had:: , Why should I think so foul of him? Why would I even do something like that . . .?

Then it kind of hit me that I’ve had a rather fucked up mentality for a while . . .I mean, living in the most urban of urban areas, I’ve done that all my life . . .getting up or walking away or moving out of a way . . .not realizing how these people feel when someone does something like that. Like an outcast or something.

~And the fact that some of them probably put themselves thru their own misery thru drug abuse or what not isn’t my point here~

So I swallowed hard from feeling so many different emotions towards myself and said, "go ahead” . . .I still felt the prying eyes for the 10 more minutes we sat together in silence, between when he started eating and when my order was ready and I even heard a "she's fucking crazy". . .but that didn’t make me feel any worse than how I felt. . .

And when I walked out I lost all appetite, but I was actually kind of grateful that I went through that . . . because with tons of clothes and things, and a new car, and all that material bullshit that humans always seem to prize more than their own lives. .I cared about nothing more than seeing the people I love . . .the shit that actually matters . . .and I kind of feel refreshed . . .

No this isn’t a look to find “hey what a Good Samaritan!” or anything like that . . .

But I want to know if any other CP’ers if for a moment . . .came across a realization of themselves that they didn’t like . . .and are now struggling hard to fix that.

[Xpander]

You know, I think you should give yourself ample credit to the fact that you gave enough of a shit to actually ealize that part about yourself.

You know something, everybody, EVERYBODY, has a side to them that isn't "nice". The fact that you can at least take a minute of your day and recognize what it is puts you head and shoulders above a lot of the general population out there.

And I've had the same consideration that you had..."whould I move away?" Many times I did, sometimes I didn't.

But I have to admit, I'm not sure if it's something that I intend on fixing. Personally, I often look to take myself away from elements of this society, be it homeless people, annoying blabbers, or even friends and family. If you keep the realization that you had in your mind, you'll often find that it keep you from being and acting totally ignorant.

[saigray]

This is something I struggle with a lot...I think we all must living in a city that has such huge disparaties and can be the greatest or the worst place in the world, and can be full of opportunity or the loniest spot in the universe.

Coming out of Vinyl, Sonicinfusion and I were at the subway, and the saddest women, absolutely insane was standing outside with no shoes, just crying into a doorway. A couple minutes later she came down into the station and was just wailing in the corner. two police officers came in soon after and we actually really good with her (gave me a moment of hope for the NYPD) asking her if she wanted to go to the hospital, finding her shoes (they were beyond the turnstile, promising her food..... BUt after a night of shear hedonism, expensive, decadent and something I take for granted now, hearing those lost crying mumbling noises from someone just beyond the edges of hope was so upseting. Threw us for a big loop. Very hard to deal with a universe this arbitrary in doleing out blessings and sorrow.

But seriously, when the person on the train asks for money, and everyone pretends they are invisible....its what we've been taught to do to deal with the city life, but how fucked up is that...to pretend people with problems are invisible and don't exist to us??? I don't have an answer but it makes me dissappointed in myself everytime I do it, but I still go with the crowd and stare off into space.

[gothzane]

Ive seen both sides of this particular coin.

Those who hit rock bottom

and those who give off the illusion of hitting rock bottom to

leech off of peoples sympathy.

When you see the cons to it.

How people can abuse things like this...

now thats painfull.

Sure there are people who just dont give a damn.

But there are a few who know whats really going on.

And who are sickened by it.

[Xpander]

Originally posted by gothzane

Ive seen both sides of this particular coin.

Those who hit rock bottom

and those who give off the illusion of hitting rock bottom to

leech off of peoples sympathy.

When you see the cons to it.

How people can abuse things like this...

now thats painfull.

Sure there are people who just dont give a damn.

But there are a few who know whats really going on.

And who are sickened by it.

True...

This particular aspect makes me laugh sometimes...the fact that there are "professional beggars". However, when you think about it, it's almost a slap in the face of those who are genuinely in a bad situation.

[wideskies]

i've always felt that it's best to act in the most humanitarian ways possible... and sometimes that means offering someone a seat, while other times it means turning your back on someone asking for money to buy a sandwich when you know he goes around the corner to get crack from the kids on the corner.

i try to think to myself that we're all people with faults, but we're still all PEOPLE.

[JonStephen]

Originally posted by saigray

This is something I struggle with a lot...I think we all must living in a city that has such huge disparaties and can be the greatest or the worst place in the world, and can be full of opportunity or the loniest spot in the universe.

Coming out of Vinyl, Sonicinfusion and I were at the subway, and the saddest women, absolutely insane was standing outside with no shoes, just crying into a doorway. A couple minutes later she came down into the station and was just wailing in the corner. two police officers came in soon after and we actually really good with her (gave me a moment of hope for the NYPD) asking her if she wanted to go to the hospital, finding her shoes (they were beyond the turnstile, promising her food..... BUt after a night of shear hedonism, expensive, decadent and something I take for granted now, hearing those lost crying mumbling noises from someone just beyond the edges of hope was so upseting. Threw us for a big loop. Very hard to deal with a universe this arbitrary in doleing out blessings and sorrow.

But seriously, when the person on the train asks for money, and everyone pretends they are invisible....its what we've been taught to do to deal with the city life, but how fucked up is that...to pretend people with problems are invisible and don't exist to us??? I don't have an answer but it makes me dissappointed in myself everytime I do it, but I still go with the crowd and stare off into space.

I hear exactly where you are coming from on this one.....but there are those people like gothzane said that are full of shit. You got to pick and choose who you help out.......

I was working one day and I'm waiting in the subway for the train to come. I see this guy with a violin and one of those cane things that blind people need to feel around coming down the stairs. His eyes were just about shut, kinda odd for blind people who usually wear sunglasses because their eyes are always open, just deteriorated. Anyway, I saw this and decided to check this out. He started walking towards me (I wasn't too far from the stairs) and I immediately gave the guy the finger. I saw the guy's head tilt back like you do when amazed and his head shifted away from my presence. Now that muthafucka saw me....I am positive. Then I am on the train and he passes through playing his fucking violin acting like he's blind and collects money from everybody........it made me so fucking pissed that I felt like calling him out.....but I knew that would do no good and just make me look like a complete asshole.

These types are out there, and they are scam artists.....I'm not even saying the majority of them......but I refuse to let that bastard ever get any help from me.

[gothzane]

Originally posted by xpander

True...

This particular aspect makes me laugh sometimes...the fact that there are "professional beggars". However, when you think about it, it's almost a slap in the face of those who are genuinely in a bad situation.

There are 2 in particular in the wall street area that bug me.

The big black guy with the mushroom haircut and the gucci watch

"Hey buddy ya gots me a quarter?"

The screaming fat lady with the cigarette

"PLEASE HELP ME IM HOMELESS AND IM HUNGRY!"

Please help yourself first.....

[Unbound]

all i can say is you're a beutiful person for going thrue the guilt pain...hey you realised that you're scum...most people think their shit dont smell

god luck on changing your attitude...the ods are if you see it...you dont have it...

cant blame you to much either..cause of our society that praices ignorance..and the famous get the praise for being selfish..."capitalism...blah blah..."

our society is getting more and more inhumane...for better and for worse...

obiously for worse for this dude.....

i just wish you would do something for him...like show him you respected him somehow.....

[saigray]

Yeah, but then again, what kind of shit has life put you through if you find yourself having to pretend to be blind and play violin on the subway for change as your only option....

Doesn't make you Mother Teresa, but it's probably not what he wanted to be when he grew up either.

Nobody wants to be in these positions....If you are screaming "I'm hungry and I'm homeless", and you are not, then you've got other serious problems too.

To be honest, I don't usually respond, but I usually wish I did a second afterwards.

[Unbound]

i'm talking about a different kind of help...look at the person tell him there is no handout,,,but do give him time///respect..make him face himself somehow......thats what he really neads..rather than the usual hatred he probably has for the world........

send him to a church - the really help!

[t0nythelover]

i think your all evil. seriously i cant imagine how throwing change in someones cup makes people feel better. no one seems to understand that people everywhere have feelings. people used to look at me funny cuz i used to sit on the sidewalk smoking cigarrettes with this homeless guy after getting out of work. guess it looked weird cuz i was dressed up with a tie but yo people always got angry or disgusted that i would even talk to him. everyone should be ashamed of themselves.

[Xpander]

Originally posted by t0nythelover

i think your all evil. seriously i cant imagine how throwing change in someones cup makes people feel better. no one seems to understand that people everywhere have feelings. people used to look at me funny cuz i used to sit on the sidewalk smoking cigarrettes with this homeless guy after getting out of work. guess it looked weird cuz i was dressed up with a tie but yo people always got angry or disgusted that i would even talk to him. everyone should be ashamed of themselves.

You know...to cut it short, I think you completely missed the point of what practically EVERYBODY is saying...

[scottyskribz57]

I dont really feel that simpathetic towards people that have, "fallen through the system," i'm not talking about all broke and homeless people, I'm talking about the people that have chosen that life for themselves, everyone at some point in their life has made a decision to follow a certain path, and I'm not trying to be stereotypical here, but I have seen many of the people on the streets of NYC that are begging for money, seem to come off having the ability to work, I mean, I 've heard stories of people falling through the cracks, and I don't know if i really believe that, I mean I guess I havent really seen it with my own eyes, so I can't sya first hand that would be dick of me, but I can say that I feel like there are people that beg for money when they are very able to work, but choose not to for whatever reason, I feel like those people know what it is that they have to do in order to put some dough in their pockets.....

2 cents...

[snoozi8]

when you're a little kid, or an adult, you sometimes pity the homeless, get grossed out by them, etc etc my view of such a large group of society was flipped when:

growing up my uncle (dad's brother) was so cool..... he worked for Keebler (yes the cookie/snack company with the little elves on the packages hehe) and used to come visit with my aunt and cousins, bringing us treats by the boxes and attempting to take us fishing (before all the fish died in these parts from pollution in the rivers)....well it seemed really sudden when he changed but I don't know why...... it became known to me that my uncle was diagnosed with Paranoia Schitzophrenia after Vietnam,...he now refused to take medication--in complete denial that anything was wrong. He would hear voices---obviously, being "paranoid" and all..... would snap at anytime (attacked my mother in a fast food restaurant when she was picking up dinner) and yet, perfectly normal at other times........ well my aunt divorced him, his job fired him, and my grandmother refused to sign papers with my father to commit him since he was in denial and couldn't help himself.......... my Uncle became a homeless guy on the street. I felt bad, along with my family because he was too dangerous to take in and help....... but after a while, when people were talking about him when they would see him walking home from school, I just felt embarrassed.... he would come by when my mother wasn't home and ask my dad for food..... a man that I always greeted with hugs, now mentally different, I hid in my room from....... he never tried to earn money, I don't think he ever begged from people on the street...just went to shelters for meals and to sleep when they were offered My mother had the cops she knew pick him up for something silly just so he would have a warm bed and meal in jail......... but it's weird so everytime I see a homeless person I always wonder where their families are, and what brought them to their state I will always try to give them something to eat or drink I only give them money if they look like they wouldn't use it for alcohol or drugs (I know I shouldn't judge but oh well) I always give them money when they are attempting to EARN it (for example, if they sing on the subway and sound like they've practiced, in harmony or the guy that made up a long rap about why my guy should buy me a rose)

Okay, I know that was a novel but I don't know my 2 cents

[aphelion]

d i think i'm in love :heart: