Help papa feel better

[georgym]

Yeah, so im in an utter state of right about now.

Some of you sexboarders know about my on again/off again relat. w/ smurfette. But now it's just about hit rock bottom.

Let me just say, I should have seen it coming. She's a rather unstable gal. She's always complaining about work and school, has a lot of anxiety about the future, and overanalyzes EVERYTHING.

But i thought i could overlook that, just realize that everyone's got their problems, and move on. But yesterday, over a beer, she just came out and told me that she doesn't feel the same way for me:(

We've been on again/off again, and even dated outside the relationship. But she came back to me this time, and i thought things would last.

Maybe its the fact that she's not ready, or maybe she really doesn't feel that way about me. Im just real confused, and need to know how i should respond. I mean, leaving her alone sounds right at this juncture, but IT"S SO HARD :(

[jy]

just follow your heart and do what feels right

i hope everything works out for the best

[georgym]

Originally posted by jy

just follow your heart and do what feels right

i hope everything works out for the best

i hear ya, jy...

the only prob. is right now my heart is feelin' for her, but i don't know what she's feelin'. I think time is important here, so i'll just let it be, but i still hope in the back of my mind that things

work out.

but if a girl tells me that she doesn't feel that way about me, the i guess it's done

[jy]

the same exact thing happened to me, except he didn't have the courage to tell me. Instead I found out myself. I had no idea that he felt that way and from the way he treated me there was absolutely no doubt in my mind that when he said "I love you" he meant it. It came as a slap in the face and he tries to tell that he still does love me. But that trust is gone, everytime he says something nice to me I wonder if it's true. My mind is constantly doubting him and it's nearly impossible to even look at him straight in the face.

I'm not walking away because my heart still belongs to him. It isn't easy to walk away from someone who you've given so much of yourself too even if you know that it's not what's best for you.

I guess we're in the same situation. We've been hurt but can't let go because our hearts are still in the same place.

[georgym]

Originally posted by jy

I'm not walking away because my heart still belongs to him. It isn't easy to walk away from someone who you've given so much of yourself too even if you know that it's not what's best for you.

I guess we're in the same situation. We've been hurt but can't let go because our hearts are still in the same place.

That's so true, and im sorry to hear how he treated you, jy.

It's like, today is such a beautiful day, and all i can do is think about her. I even thought about driving out to Westchester where she lives and seeing her, but i guess that's a bad idea.

[jy]

yeah its a bad idea.

if you're able to tell yourself that its not whats in your best interest then you've made progress. If a two months ago someone even suggested that what I was doing wasn't in my best interest i'd get really upset and defensive.

Being out of the denial stage is the first step now although its terribly hard you've got to try and detach yourself and start living your life again..

[georgym]

you really made it clear cut for me.

And no, i didn't drive out there, but boy was i tempted...

And yeah, im still at that denial stage, but im really gonna lay off any type of communication with her, cause if she really wanted to talk, she'd call me.

It's really hard, but i have to think do i want to be with someone who is not that happy in a relat. or continue trying only to get hurt.

::trying to see the right side of things, steer me clear of the left::

[georgym]

just one little thing:

I remembered one of the last times we kissed, we were in this park, and everytime we kissed, the birds and animals would all start making some noise ! it was weird, but felt redeeming of our magnetic vibe, just the timing and all...

I told her this later on, but she said she didn't notice it. Maybe if she did, she would appreciate what we had, or maybe im just a bird-brain:confused:

[jy]

maybe you're a good guy, maybe you're a sensative one with a girl you care about and maybe just maybe she's just not right for you.

[georgym]

I do consider myself sensitive, and she always wondered if she was sensitive enough... like she compared herself to me, and said things like this:

-sometimes when i go out with you, i don't feel so pretty (but she is)

-i don't want to solve your problems, be your mom, etc (i don't mean to ask her for that)

Im actually going out to meet her real soon. She called to tell me she has a gift from Barcelona she wants to give me. I'm going to be stern, strong and forthright. This has gone far enough.

wish me luck

[jy]

Originally posted by gmccookny

I do consider myself sensitive, and she always wondered if she was sensitive enough... like she compared herself to me, and said things like this:

-sometimes when i go out with you, i don't feel so pretty (but she is)

-i don't want to solve your problems, be your mom, etc (i don't mean to ask her for that)

Im actually going out to meet her real soon. She called to tell me she has a gift from Barcelona she wants to give me. I'm going to be stern, strong and forthright. This has gone far enough.

wish me luck

good luck babe stand firm, make WHAT YOU WANT clear, don't settle for anything less.. you deserve the best!!!!

[SPYGIRL3]

I hope you are feeling better. I really hate matters of the heart, they make us go crazy and feel all sorts of weird ways... I say, take some time and think about what you need and want as well as what she needs.... Maybe at this moment in time you really do love her, but can't be with her, for what ever the reason is. Listen to what your heart tells you and hopefully you'll find the answer that makes you happy:)

[georgym]

Ok, here''s the verdict.

Evidently, when we argue, she makes it sound like she's breaking up with me (she has funny ways of dealing with things)

But we met at long beach boardwalk, she gave me some very nice gifts, and i told her how hurt i was. I said i can't deal with these ups and downs, and she agreed.

However, she confided in me, and said how i make her life so much better, and that she does in fact want to be with me. She just felt pressure, and wants to take things slowly:)

So things seem good for now. We sealed it with a chai at starbucks, and im going to try and take it easy. No more rushing into things, b/c thats what got us into trouble.

jy and spy, thankx alot Im a happier smurf tonight!

[jy]

I'm glad everything worked out for you

and you're very welcome