Do you think it's wrong if your "EX" starts to hang with your group of friends?

[mugwump]

Like you have a horrible break up

that takes you MONTHS to get over...

You bitch you whine you cry to your best

friends and use them as support..

You don't talk to her for months and

try to forget she ever was a part of your

life..

They curse her name when you

tell your story..they agree with you that she is

an idiot and that "you could do alot better".

So you do!

You move on...

You find someone else less pretentiouse..

less SELFISH, more understanding that

actually knows what she wants and is a

joy to be around. Someone who would never

"Use you" or take your generosity for granted.

Then you find out that you EX has been chillin

with your friends from way back when. The

circle that YOU INTRODUCED HER TO. Your

so called "Support group" that helped you

through an intense break up/divorce.

That she has entwined herself into their lives

and is chillin in clubs that have a 95% chance

that you show up that night to.

My question to you all is this:

Should I feel bitter towards my so called "friends"

that still are in contact with her (Friends

which I've known waaay before her) or should

I just let things go?

Does she have the right to still try and

be a part of my circle or should "Breaking up"

and moving on mean that she respect my space and

simply try and get her OWN group of clubbing buddies?

(Granted I never go hang with HER pretentiouse idiotic

GUCHI "Lotus" Clan.)

What do you think?

:(

[dolcemimi]

this is EXACTLY the reason why I will never ever date anyone in the group of people

I know or date any of friends of a friend.

You should just act like you don't give a fuck. Say "hi" and "bye"

I think it's kinda dumb to date people in your own social scene.

There was this thing on Channel 13 on mating habits of Isreali guys + girls and

they said Isreali guys find wives outside of their social circle - becuz they treat everyone like their brothers and sisters ...( great useless info I got from the PBS)

[mugwump]

Originally posted by dolcemimi

this is EXACTLY the reason why I will never ever date anyone in the group of people

I know or date any of friends of a friend.

I think it's kinda dumb to date people in your own social scene.

Yea! But what if you BROUGHT her into this social scene?

That is: I INTRODUCED HER TO OLD HIGHSCHOOL FRIENDS!

I INTRODUCED HER TO CP PEOPLE (Which by the way she

use to make fun of and call idiots)

This "social circle" is the only thing that helped you get

over a five year "marriage" gone to shit and got you back on your feet when you hit rock bottom and started to become a drug/booze addict after she left, you lost your job and your dog etc...

(And almost left the country)

This "Social circle" in dark loud clubs was your "ESCAPE"

your haven from the memory of that stupid cunt that'used you for trips to Europe, MONEY and later fucked one of your best friends friends WITHIN YOUR CIRCLE..

NOW I HAVE TO HEAR ABOUT THIS STUPID TWAT GOING TO SEE SVEN VATH AND CHILLIN WITH THIS "GROUP OF FRIENDS"?

(Knowing very WELL that there might be a 99.9% chance you pop up?!)

WTF??!!

It's things like this that drove OJ crazy!

(Anyone know Kato's #?) Can any one put her in a box

and ship her to a hooch club in Japan or somewhere

faaar far away from my life?

ANY ONE GOT A SPARE CIRCLE OF FRIENDS

I CAN BE ADOPTED INTO THAT DOSEN'T BACK STAB YOU?

[acura]

ahhh...X's.

Good for nothin IMO, nothin but trouble.

Mugz i like the new sig

[crobra]

"Lane, could I see you after class"

[brickhouse]

I know you're bitter about the breakup with JoeG, but there are better ways to vent your frustrations than to go posting publicly....

Seriously, I've been in the same situation before, and there's not really much you can do about it. Your friends might piss you off a bit by chilling with her at certain times, but it's probably just better to let shit slide. Sounds like she's been hanging out with them for a long time too, and while you may be an older friend, unless she was just an appendage before she probably has a decent friendship with some of those people too.

[joeg]

Originally posted by brickhouse

I know you're bitter about the breakup with JoeG, but there are better ways to vent your frustrations than to go posting publicly....

Maudy, I miss you... I want you back!!!!

[acura]

Originally posted by crobra

"Lane, could I see you after class"

:laugh:

[jbocc10]

X's.....always a difficult situation...... but if my friends were hanging out with her, i wouldnt be pissed, cause they know the deal. i have no beef with the X but if my friends ever took her side instead of mine in anything..... :bigfinger

[sxyaznchiq]

i know it's hard to get your life back together after a breakup. but really... you need to move on. sure it could make it more difficult that she's now hanging out with your friends. it's time to live for the future now, instead of rehashing the past

[mugwump]

Originally posted by sxyaznchiq

i know it's hard to get your life back together after a breakup. but really... you need to move on. sure it could make it more difficult that she's now hanging out with your friends. it's time to live for the future now, instead of rehashing the past

The past should stay there..

IN THE PAST!

Respect MY SPACE!

Let me move on...

Instead of having to hear about

how "so and so" was dancing with a girl that

they where talking shit about a while back ago.

God forbid I invaded HER world

and started to chill at her spots with

friends she introduced me to..

(Not that I would..

I'm allergic to the wanna be

"HIGH SOCIETY" Uber

glam world and break out in hives.)

I just don't see the point of her

calling up, e-mailing, hanging out with

or SCREWING any of my old friends?

Do you?

JOEGYOUBASTARD!

(lol* Crobra)

[barvybe]

um...given the length of the relationship its totally reasonable that she made independant and lasting friendships with your friends. plus i've seen you out with her a bunch of times since you broke up, so i'm not following why this is all of the sudden a problem 4 u....

[mugwump]

Originally posted by barvybe

um...given the length of the relationship its totally reasonable that she made independant and lasting friendships with your friends. plus i've seen you out with her a bunch of times since you broke up, so i'm not following why this is all of the sudden a problem 4 u....

looong story...

In the end she kept my dog.

(That's all I'll say about

specifics about her as a "TWAT"!)

And when those "friends"

you introduced her to begin to hang out

with HER and hardly ever call you..

When she talks shit about you to them...

THESE "FRIENDS" THAT SIDED WITH YOUR

SADNESS AND AGREED WITH YOU DURING THE BREAK UP.

When they fade into HER world and drop

out of YOURS...........

what then?

I've never attempted to call her friends

that I became close to. WHY?

Because I'll let her have her space..

move on. Not have to hear about ME

through them or visa versa.

(It should be an understood thing

done out of "respect")

I tried being "just friends"

after our breakup but in the end

I just fealt empty..It's hard to try

and pull that off after years and years

of living with someone.

And in the end she kept Jenny.

Who I miss more than anything in the world.

It's like loosing a child!

(I just can't bring myself to go see her

though...It would get ugly if I had to

confront her!)

Besides..

she belongs in SPA or some

hooch dive like that!

(She always hated anything "underground"

so I don't see why she's now gravitating to my haunts)

[joeg]

Originally posted by mugwump

JOEGYOUBASTARD!

(lol* Crobra)

[wideskies]

*frowns and rubs forehead* i am sorry to hear you don't see the dog you love anymore.

there isn't any hard and fast rule about who's allowed to see which friends after a breakup, which means that things get complicated like this. it is certainly polite to give someone their space for a while after the deed is done, but it does sound like it's been a while since this happened... long enough that being angry at her or your friends for hanging out isn't really justifiable, in my opinion. it doesn't mean that it doesn't hurt, but don't expect things to change just because you've expressed your unease with the situation.

the choice is now whether to understand that people feel the need to reach out to others...your ex made friends with your fun, cool friends because of YOU (so not only did you introduce her to a new kind of musical lifestyle, but ya also helped her make connections... that's a GOOD thing!)... and to forgive your friends for doing something that seems unfair right now. they WERE still supportive when you needed them to be in the past, which is something to remember. if you haven't seen them as much recently, call them up!

it sounds like you're in a better place, relationshipwise, right now. if you're over your ex, then this isn't about the pain of seeing her everywhere... it's about your bitterness over your friends choosing to see someone who you were hurt by in the past. but it's the past, and i say forgive the friends and go out and have fun with a smile on.

and in case you want to meet more friendly and nice people, i hang out on Coal on wednesdays. i'll intro myself next time. :]

[barvybe]

well, M:

since most of those friends you are talking about post on this board, why don't you take it up with them directly? find out why they aren't calling you so much anymore if that's the case...maybe you're way involved with your new relationship and not going out so much anymore or something (just one of many possibilities)

but i'm sure you wouldn't want them posting stuff here if they actually have a problem with you right now...the specifics of peeps problems always seem petty to those that don't know us.

[sxyaznchiq]

get on with your life - you owe that much to your current. i'm wondering what she thinks about all of this...

[mugwump]

Thanks wideskies..

I too chill with the BIG APPLE BREAKS gang

on wednesdays and you bet I'll be there this

coming week to chill with CER, Cara and

Glen (Who just tied the knot)

Barvybe:

I hearya..

But as you must know all too

well by now; I AM THE TRUMAN SHOW OF THIS HERE

BOARD.(lol*)The reason I post about my PERSONAL LIFE is to get opinions, responses and advise

from people whom are (for the most part)

not really involved in my life beyond clubbing and boards.

(It's like virtual therapy, virtual

angles from others that may have shared an experience like yours..)

It helps to know what others think..

as far as the "friends" I speak of..

SOME are from here..MOST aren't!

And they all know that when I get pissed I vent

in public..I BROADCAST ANGER JUST AS I BROADCAST JOY! (and it makes me feel better)

That's just what I do~

Sue me!

(My "current" is very open minded BTW and knows

why I'm pissed and suports all my venting

thank you very much!)

[lonelyboy]

You know - I should learn not to give a fuck, but how do you do that? How do you pretend not to care anymore?

[mugwump]

Originally posted by sxyaznchiq

get on with your life - you owe that much to your current. i'm wondering what she thinks about all of this...

well, to give you an idea of how she feels....

:mad:

[wideskies]

Originally posted by lonelyboy

You know - I should learn not to give a fuck, but how do you do that? How do you pretend not to care anymore?

feelings are there for a reason, as long as you remind yourself to be sensible as well.

i too am working on this ...

[gogoamy]

Originally posted by sxyaznchiq

get on with your life - you owe that much to your current. i'm wondering what she thinks about all of this...

Well, to give you an idea of how she feels....

:mad:

Since Maudy is all about his life being "The Truman Show" of clubbing message boards....all this ex stuff is getting to be quite an annoyance. Once in a while ok, fine, but everyday? Goddamn, I feel like I know so much I could have been the girls best friend since kindergarten.

If he is really over her like he says he is, I think he should stop letting it interfere with our life and move on. I mean, to the eye, he has moved on because of me, but underneath it all....has he really?

[wideskies]

pay attention, Mugz.

[saigray]

Originally posted by mugwump

Barvybe:

I hearya..

But as you must know all too

well by now; I AM THE TRUMAN SHOW OF THIS HERE

BOARD.(lol*)The reason I post about my PERSONAL LIFE is to get opinions, responses and advise

from people whom are (for the most part)

not really involved in my life beyond clubbing and boards.

(It's like virtual therapy, virtual

angles from others that may have shared an experience like yours..)

It helps to know what others think..

as far as the "friends" I speak of..

SOME are from here..MOST aren't!

And they all know that when I get pissed I vent

in public..I BROADCAST ANGER JUST AS I BROADCAST JOY! (and it makes me feel better)

That's just what I do~

Sue me!

(My "current" is very open minded BTW and knows

why I'm pissed and suports all my venting

thank you very much!)

However, there are a couple problems with this argument. While you are welcome to be the truman show of the board if you like, to then get fair opinions back from your audience you need to broadcast the whole story. By seeking "opinions, responses and advice" or "virtual therapy" from random people who only are reading your one-sided venting, what you are really doing is seeking justification and support for your already formulated take on the situation. Knowing a bit more about the situation, I can see both sides and can honestly say that your representation of the situation is highly subjective.

And then to say this use of the board is good because it's from people who are not involved in your life apart from clubbing and the boards is just silly because so much of your life is intertwined with these two scenes. What it really ends up looking like is a passive agressive way of dealing with your personal relationships, while garnering the support of anonymous 15 y/o's from Jersey to back you up.

I'm sorry if this comes across as harsh, but so is putting the word friends in quotation marks when refering to people who supported you through a lot of shit - on a public forum for them to read.

[crobra]

I'm the first one to poke fun at Maudy, but can we give the guy a little understanding. The whole "take the high road thing" is great and all but that is easier said than done. It think it's understandable given the circumstances that he is a some what upset. He is getting out some his anger on the boards and there is nothing wrong with that!! He's not attacking anyone and it was done pretty diplomaticly and without a lot animosity - all I have to say is whether or not you agree with him - don't be so harsh and judge him badly. The whole "be the better man thing" is shit and easy to do when it's not you.

Maudy - you found a great knew gal, don't let the past fuck up the present. I'm sure your "friends" aren't intentionally trying to hurt you.