georgym Posted June 3 Report Share Posted June 3 Originally posted by hoke BINGO! And that's why my friend and I were talking about "validation" -- it can be hard to stomach the idea that someone would not treat us as well as we deserve, so we maintain our denial in the hopes that the person will "come around" and acknowledge how wonderful we are.Not gonna happen.EDIT: Also what linabina said -- very hard to walk away with that feeling of rejection.EDIT EDIT: Old Skool Legend!!! Congrats Well, being that im such an optimist and stubborn, i will always believe that validation may come, but at a later time.She was not ready to give me full validation. I was. Therefore if she's not giving up as much for me, i should see there's something wrong here and not pursue this.I believe that time clears the dust. And if it was meant to be, we will somehow be together again. But i can't wait on the sidelines. I have to move on and find validation elsewhere... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hoke Posted June 3 Author Report Share Posted June 3 Originally posted by gmccookny I believe that time clears the dust. And if it was meant to be, we will somehow be together again. But i can't wait on the sidelines. I have to move on and find validation elsewhere... Wise man say, time heal all wounds. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wideskies Posted June 3 Report Share Posted June 3 Originally posted by phuturephunk . . . I think a bit of pride comes into play when pursuing these bad relationships . . It's kinda like: "well, I know she aint right for me, and I know there will be static . . . but I'm gonna try and change that anyway . ." Which lends itself subconsciously to your "path of least resistance" and what is "known" theory as well as the confronting pain to attain happiness point that I made . . . Sometimes, being the stubborn hairless monkeys we are, we need to inflict what we know is wrong, to grow to what we need as right. . . even IF the cycle must repeat several times. . . It's all basic human idiocy . . some people end up in situations like hoke mentioned because they have no concept of self-worth. they cannot conceive of themselves in a better place, so it becomes a self-fulfilling prophesy; they never end up in a happy relationship with someone who will treat them well because they accept the situation as it is. on the other hand, as phuturephunk touched upon, sometimes people end up in relationships that are challenges because, if they end up 'taming the beast', turning the bad boy into a sweetheart, or making a lover out of a hater, it will *validate* their self worth (related to pride), their "specialness", and/or their ability to control their external world.however, it hardly ever ends up working. love does NOT conquer all. i would be (and i have before) fooling myself if i thought that i had the 'right' to ask someone to change a behavior or a personality trait that i didn't approve of. one is better off choosing one's partners wisely and carefully rather than falling into something that can't and shouldn't really be "fixed". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
joeg Posted June 3 Report Share Posted June 3 I'll comment on this one in a few weeks/months/years/never... when I figure it out... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
embodiedhate Posted June 4 Report Share Posted June 4 Originally posted by joeg I'll comment on this one in a few weeks/months/years/never... when I figure it out... I'll put 500 on "few years" to win please. I'd also like a "few years", "few months" , "never" box while you're at it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gothzane Posted June 4 Report Share Posted June 4 Life was invented on an uneven ball of sharp nails.with many twists and turns in between.Our job is to learn what we can, while makingthe pain a little more bearable for each other. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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