Giving a girl her space (lend a smurf some advice)

[gwyllion]

GMC- I hate to say it, but usually when someone asks repeatedly to give them some space (in your case, you mentioned 4X) it more than likely means that they are not sure how they feel about you. This girl seems like she means a lot to you, and that's okay, but maybe you are better off friends than lovers. If she can't handle taking your relationship to the next level after all this time, then you probably aren't meant to be together. Honestly, you are better off with someone who is more mature and who respects you.

I suggest giving the two of you a break. Even though it may be hard, try not to keep in touch with her so often. Give it a few months and get out and meet new people. There are plenty of girls who are looking for good men like you.

[tastey]

Originally posted by wideskies

i know this sounds horrible, but if you're feeling down about it all, focus on the anger rather than the sadness or hurt. it will be a more constructive emotion in this case. she needs to learn that she can't get away with throwing tantrums.

lol anger is CONstructive emotion? in contrast to a DEstructive emotion? lol

well let me tell you all of these emotions are destructive, you do not have to choose the "lesser evil"

instead, you have to look at it through another perspective. for example i would just LAUGH at her. laugh at her because she just lost the best she can ever get, ME.

she doesn´t value my time? haha okay that´s very honorable from her to sacrifice herself so that all the other ladies can get a chance with me.

so basically by doing all that shit she is doing YOU and ALL OTHER WOMEN a favor. she is doing you a favor because she is CLEARLY showing she is obviously NOT worth your time and you deserve better, you deserve the BEST, and all the other women because they now have a chance with you. they now have the CHANCE to get an AUDITION. and if YOU decide they are WORTH your time you might give one (or SEVERAL) the HONOR of spending time with them.

you see the difference between my thinking and yours?

YOU are the fuckin prize, not her!

fuck anger/frustration management, with the right perspective and the right attitude there EXIST no such things as anger and frustration, especially not on the topic of women.

[hoke]

Originally posted by tastey

so basically by doing all that shit she is doing YOU and ALL OTHER WOMEN a favor. she is doing you a favor because she is obviously NOT worth your time and you deserve better, you deserve the BEST, and all the other women because they now have a chance with you. they now have the CHANCE to get an AUDITION. and if YOU decide they are WORTH your time you might give one (or SEVERAL) the HONOR of spending time with them.

I like this kid, lol...

Are you seriously in Germany?

[gothzane]

If you think theyre psychotic...they usualy are...no hidden voodoo there.

If a woman asks for space....move on...theres no time for mind games. Shes with you 100% or shes not. People complicate things too much. theres just no time for that.

[hoke]

Originally posted by gothzane

People complicate things too much. theres just no time for that.

Yeah, life's complicated enough as it is, right?

[tastey]

Originally posted by hoke

Are you seriously in Germany?

yes, you´re girlfriend is safe

[georgym]

Originally posted by tastey

yes, you´re girlfriend is safe

oH, you're too much sometimes, T

But seriously, i like your approach, even though i must admit i haven't always agreed with you. This i like:

so basically by doing all that shit she is doing YOU and ALL OTHER WOMEN a favor. she is doing you a favor because she is CLEARLY showing she is obviously NOT worth your time and you deserve better, you deserve the BEST, and all the other women because they now have a chance with you. they now have the CHANCE to get an AUDITION. and if YOU decide they are WORTH your time you might give one (or SEVERAL) the HONOR of spending time with them.

EXACTLY! That makes me feel Smurfy

Totally twisting it around in a sense, saying that she messed up bigtime by losing me (probably the only guy that would tolerate her insane mind) and moving on for someone better.

Danke schön

[hoke]

Originally posted by tastey

yes, you´re girlfriend is safe

Damn -- I love hanging out with smartasses -- they have their finger on the erratic pulse of daily existence

[notrichard]

Confuscious say "female duck who fRy upside down have nasty cLack-up". That's one upside down duck ya' got there. You said she has a "nasty little pit" that comes up from time to time? Sounds more like a fucking chasm! Don't fall in... Stay away from the liiiiigggghhhht. Space you say? Fuckin' a man. More than space... give her time. Like about the next 60 years.

Everybody always says "life's too short". Some ways it is I guess... but I think it's too long. Too long to live with THAT kinda' shit! Let her find some other poor bastard to play games with. Go find some other babe that actually enhances your life.... makes it a better place to live.

Sorry to be so cynical but hey, you asked.

[gothzane]

read my I am not an option post...

[synderella420]

Originally posted by gmccookny

Ok, here's the deal.

I've been with this girl , nik, on and off for 2 years now. She's not the most stable of people, and sometimes came out and told me she's not ready for a commitment.

But we keep coming back together, and mending things. She has told me how much she likes me, and we do get along great.

But just this past weekend, she acted like a Dr. Jeckyl/Mr. Hyde. She invited me over to take me out for dinner for my birthday. So Great!

We decided to kill some time at a park beforehand. When we got there, we noticed park rangers at the entrance. Not knowing how to respond, i told them i lived in Mamaroneck, the next town over. She showed them her id, and they let us through.

But as soon as we pulled away, she get so upset with me that i told that little lie to the park ranger. She said "i don't want to be here right now, let's just go to dinner"

Then, 3 seconds later, she said, "No, just take me home!'' After I drove all the way from long island up to Westchester.

I was speechless. Just for this little white lie, she got so upset.

So then, when i took her home, i said i wanted to talk, but she didn't want to, and threatened to call the police on me!

I am still in a state of shock. That very day we spoke for 2 hours on the phone and she said things seemed good btw. us.

But now, i am just so upset

Any explanation would help here.

Aww George I am sorry to hear she ruined your B-day like that!!!

Definitely a selfish thing to do to you!!!!!

I dont know it just doesnt make sense to me what she did...

I think she really needs to find herself..because she is lost...

You are such a nice guy you dont deserve that as I told you before!!

I would suggest give her space... and this time I mean really give her some space because it just seems like she keeps hurting you more and more with her undecided feelings!!

BTW: Happy B-day if u didnt see the Birthday thread I did for ya!!

If you need to talk you know you can always give me a call!!!

Or even if you want to come out and grab a couple of drinks with me and Wicked Vinyl lol......

[dafunkadelic]

heya George,

first of all, congrats on your birthday man.. to bad I don't pay attention to those things at CP. Hope you had a great day, besides that awfull experience.

It seems you and your girl are in a spiral going down. Yes, I know that sounds like something pretty harsh, but I just reflect your situation to mine..not knowing if I'm right but that's your job isn't it ?

It seems your girl has a major problem trusting you, weither that comes from past experiences or not, I don't know.

That's the reason she reacted so furious about your lie, no matter how small it was. On the other hand that tells you a lot about your situation. To you it was just a white lie, to her it seems to be just another point of prove that you ain't feeling her.

Don't get me wrong, I ain't saying that you don't feel her, it just seems that she might feel that way.

She realy overreacted by telling you she wanted to call the police on you. That shows her feelings and maybe even mental state.

Giving you no op. to talk this thru is another sign in my humble opinion. That tells me she's had it with the worries and ugly feelings. Anyway, I think it's realy up to the both of you, read carefully I realy said "both of you". Meaning that you should have an openminded "relationship". But on the other hand, females react different then us males. We simply want to solve things and leave them to the past...but they might forgive but will never forget. They might tell you that they forgotten all about it, but wait untill something similair happends. Sounds pretty normal on the other hand, given it a thought.

But your girl (an maybe you throught that) has a serious problem, mate.

I won't go so far to lable her, but it seems the only way to solve this is to talk this thru.

But I want to warn you George, knowing my current situation.

I'm trying to rebuild my life, but that seems to be so hard because my feelings for Mathie seem to block it. We try to overcome our sorrows and pain, but she just took her moment of silence, telling me she just needed a time out to get her thoughts straight. Man, I think we will never solve it, it's just a matter of the heart you know. My heart is like a little battery, getting charged by love and drained by fighting for my relationship.

I'm in the situation that my energy level get's critical and there doesn't seem to be any hope of a charge by Mathie.

So what to do, should we both keep running blindfolded or stop all of this and consentrate on our own life.

I've had so much conversations in the past, but none could tell me what to do.. seems my heart is the only one that shows me the right way... situation critical after many months of fighting.

I guess we both have to stop our relationships, when you see that all the used energy only has some temporarly effects.

So sad, but for me it's time to wake up and smell my selfmade coffee. Selfmade G, that tells a lot.

[georgym]

You sure dole out the smurfy advice, Mischa.

To tell you the truth, she has in the past gotten upset over things, but in my opinion, they weren't big deals.

First, i took her out to dinner once, and i didn't have enough $$ to pay (it was an expen$ive place, and i only asked her for $10, but she hated that). She ended up paying, and i gave her my share.

Second, it seems like sometimes she doesnt have a sense of humor. Like when i'll say something funny, she'll take it seriously or personally and not find the humor in it.

Could it be that these little tidbits of what i've done led her to not trust me? I can't believe she'd let these little mistakes decide for her if she wants to be with me or not

It's not like i lied or cheated on her

[hoke]

Dude... stop trying to understand her. You won't... you need a certain mindset to understand that kind of woman, which neither you nor I has. Just add her to the psycho thread and move on. Seriously...

[georgym]

Originally posted by hoke

Dude... stop trying to understand her. You won't... you need a certain mindset to understand that kind of woman, which neither you nor I has. Just add her to the psycho thread and move on. Seriously...

Yeah, you are right, darnit, Sheesh.

But now im starting to wonder if it was me that did something wrong. I know you're gonna say it's her, and it probably is her over-reacting and making a mountain out of a molehill.

But i can also look at it and see i raised my voice, i told a lie and she might think im untrustworthy for that.

Gosh, my head is spinning

[georgym]

There's a smidgen of me that says i was wrong to do what i had done.

I know it's not right to lie n shit, but she shouldn't have made such a stink out of it.

Sorry, but this won't get out of my system

[georgym]

You know, im just trying to find answers to something that has no easy solution.

The truth of the matter is, she responded to something in a way that was totally uncalled for, and I did not see this coming.

She was acting all nice to me on the phone, when i got there, everything was fine, but then at the park , something snapped, and i don't know what.

Maybe she suffers from some clinical/mental problem. And i know if i suggest that she will bite my head off.

All i can do now is back off, and see what happens i guess ~

[embodiedhate]

Originally posted by gmccookny

Yeah, you are right, darnit, Sheesh.

But i can also look at it and see i raised my voice, i told a lie and she might think im untrustworthy for that.

You see, she's the type of girl that wants to be settled in. She once told me that she could not fully trust someone until she's got the ring on the finger.

Gosh, my head is spinning

Your problem is you idolize women, which in turn causes your actions to be subservent to them. When this happens, you are no longer the challenge, and therefore uninteresting. Wake up and look at the situation objectively. Women are no better than men, and in many ways they're worse mentality wize (I am NOT intoning a difference in intelligence level, but rather perception of the world around us).

Sad fact of the matter is, the worse you treat em, the faster most of them will come back (NO, I am not advocating violence towards females, that would be disgusting). Play the game and you'll see.

[hoke]

Originally posted by gmccookny

Yeah, you are right, darnit, Sheesh.

But i can also look at it and see i raised my voice, i told a lie and she might think im untrustworthy for that.

You see, she's the type of girl that wants to be settled in. She once told me that she could not fully trust someone until she's got the ring on the finger.

Gosh, my head is spinning

Okay, so maybe she's like that... but is this the kind of woman you really want to be with?

- who makes you afraid to raise your voice (i.e. afraid of the consequences of expressing your emotions)

- won't allow you to tell a lie under any circumstances -- even if it's for a good outcome (like getting you and your girl into a park *together*???)

- doesn't trust you unless you're married (believe me, she won't trust you then, either)

You know -- this thread has gone on a long time and I sense you're worrying yourself into a corner. I'm the sort of person who often tries to take care of things right away, instead of letting things settle like they should... I get the feeling you're the same way. Take a break -- turn off your phone, your answering machine (you don't need nasty messages waiting for you when you get back), call a friend, and go somewhere where she won't know to find you.

Go to an arcade.

Shoot some pool.

Play mini-golf.

Go for a drive somewhere you never went with her.

Let your brain sort things out in your absence, lol... just have fun and appreciate the fact that life goes on... give yourself a break from all the stress and It'll still be there when you get back, but your head will be a bit clearer...

'kay?

[georgym]

You're both right.

Embodied made a good point. Her friend once told me that she said im not challenging enough. I didn't quite get that at the time, so maybe that's part of the problem between us. How do i get more challenging? Like if i don't call her for a while or if i say im dating other girls?

And hoke, you're absolutely right. Im stuck at work here, and i have nothing else to think about. I just have to keep remembering it's not my fault.

[hoke]

Originally posted by gmccookny

Embodied made a good point. Her friend once told me that she said im not challenging enough. I didn't quite get that at the time, so maybe that's part of the problem between us. How do i get more challenging? Like if i don't call her for a while or if i say im dating other girls?

Ugh. Now you're talking about "the game". I'm not a fan of the game myself... it discourages us from being ourselves.

[georgym]

Originally posted by hoke

Ugh. Now you're talking about "the game". I'm not a fan of the game myself... it discourages us from being ourselves.

i agree wholeheartedly

Those who insist on playin the game will either remain being single well into their 30's playing the dating scene in NYC (which ain;t no fun) or they will go through a tough commital stage in marriage where they may be tempted to stray since it has to be "a challenge"

I think it's a bunch of malarchy, and i bet this girl in 10 years will be thinking "oh, how could i have let up such a smurfy fellow"

[hoke]

Originally posted by gmccookny

I think it's a bunch of malarchy, and i bet this girl in 10 years will be thinking "oh, how could i have let up such a smurfy fellow"

:aright:

[embodiedhate]

Originally posted by hoke

Ugh. Now you're talking about "the game". I'm not a fan of the game myself... it discourages us from being ourselves.

Unfortunately, the majority of females, whether they admit it or not, play that very game. Sad, but true.

[hoke]

Originally posted by embodiedhate

Unfortunately, the majority of females, whether they admit it or not, play that very game. Sad, but true.

Fuck 'em. I can handle being alone... I can't handle being played.

I just cherish this little fantasy I have that I'm a genuine guy and there are genuine women out there and one day Fate will put 2 and 2 together...

Actually... it's not all that bad... I've met a few genuine women... learned a lot from them... just not "the one". Hell, I'm only 23. This is me-time.