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SPYGIRL3

Relationships and Your Parents....

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How many people on the board still spend time with their parents, whether you live with themor not??? I mean like go to dinner, go to games, what have you, but real quality time. I go with my parents almost once a week, sometime I go out with just one one day, the other the next.....

Do you think your parents relationship affects the way you relate to other in friendship, as well as an intimate relationship?

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I usually have dinner with my parents every night, and spend time with them all the time... I think it has something to do with your relationships and friendships with other people. I know people who have had bad relationships with their parents always treat other people bad, whether it be friends or their girlfriend/boyfriends, I guess it's cause they weren't nurtured enough.:idea:

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I don't see them often. I don't go out to Long Island very much, and my Mom just moved upstate with her fiance. I dont' really do anything with my Dad, I wouldn't really call it quality time. My Mom and I do whatever- dinner, shopping, plays.

I'd say my Mom more than anything has helped form my views on relationships- when my parents were together I was extremely pessimistic about them, but when she met her fiance last year I developed a much more positive outlook on the possibility of having a fulfilling partnership.

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I usually have dinner with my parents about once a week. We have a good relationship, but are not as close as my sister is with them. They don't understand everything I do or am interested in, but see that I am happy, and that makes them happy. I tell them generally what's going on with me, but don't go into too much detail.

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. . I prolly see them maybe 2 or 3 times a week . . . They live up in Silver Lake and I'm down in Harrison, so it's an easy drive . .and plus . . free food and laundry . . . can't beat that . . :aright: . . .

. . As far as my relationship with them . . well, it's dysfunctional . . but endearing at the same time . . .

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Originally posted by phuturephunk

. . As far as my relationship with them . . well, it's dysfunctional . . but endearing at the same time . . .

I think all parent/child relatiopnships are dysfunctional in their own right. My parents are still married(40 years or so), I have a large family(5 kids), and then to add to that I have a brother -in-law and a sister -in-law, as well as my mom's sister, who is kinda like our 6th child. Even though there is a large age gap between the kids, we all get along very well. Some people find it odd that I like to spend time with my parents..... Most of my frineds parents are divorced, separted, or remarried. That makes me the odd ball....lol

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Originally posted by SPYGIRL2

I think all parent/child relatiopnships are dysfunctional in their own right. My parents are still married(40 years or so), I have a large family(5 kids), and then to add to that I have a brother -in-law and a sister -in-law, as well as my mom's sister, who is kinda like our 6th child. Even though there is a large age gap between the kids, we all get along very well. Some people find it odd that I like to spend time with my parents..... Most of my frineds parents are divorced, separted, or remarried. That makes me the odd ball....lol

. . . Yeah, I watched the same thing happen with alot of my friends' 'rents too . . Interesting thing tho . . It seems like my parents, and my friends who had parents from that era in the 40's and 50's, seemed to stay together even through all the bullshit . . . Like, it was family above anything else, and as thick as the bullshit got, we all stayed with each other . . . And in the end, I didn't turn out so bad work ethic/being a good person wize . . .

. . . The friends of mine who had the 'new agey' type parents always seemed to be the most fucked up and undisciplined of the group . . I guess there's something to be said for old-skool dysfunction . . . I am firmly of the belief that the more you hated your parents discipline-wize, the better chance you'll turn out to be a sucessful human being . . .

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Originally posted by SPYGIRL2

Most of my frineds parents are divorced, separted, or remarried. That makes me the odd ball....lol

Same here. My parents are still together, although sometimes I wonder why. They seem to be just going through the motions, and have been for a while. There's no passion left in their relationship, which is one hole I don't want to fall into. I believe they still love each other, and they do things, interact with each other, and look out for one another, but I don't see that passion. Example: This past weekend at my cousin's wedding, the band leader called for a dnace for all couples in love. I saw the dance floor quickly fill up, but I don't see my parents. I turn around and see my dad sitting at the table, looking around. This was indeed saddening, but after a few minutes, I saw him walk onto the dance floor with my mom. Just going through the motions...

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My parents are in California, but I speak with them on the phone on a regular basis. We have a really strong relationship -- I feel I can talk with them about things that most people would hide from their parents, and they place a lot of trust in my judgement. My conversations with them have been invaluable. They're both very intelligent, insightful people.

I definitely think I've learned a lot about relationships from them. They've been married nearly 20 years, so I've had a chance to learn a lot about making relationships last in the long term. That's definitely something I've carried over into my own relationships.

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Originally posted by phuturephunk

. . . Yeah, I watched the same thing happen with alot of my friends' 'rents too . . Interesting thing tho . . It seems like my parents, and my friends who had parents from that era in the 40's and 50's, seemed to stay together even through all the bullshit . . . Like, it was family above anything else, and as thick as the bullshit got, we all stayed with each other . . . And in the end, I didn't turn out so bad work ethic/being a good person wize . . .

. . . The friends of mine who had the 'new agey' type parents always seemed to be the most fucked up and undisciplined of the group . . I guess there's something to be said for old-skool dysfunction . . . I am firmly of the belief that the more you hated your parents discipline-wize, the better chance you'll turn out to be a sucessful human being . . .

I agree with family being important and having a value system, but no two families will have the same points of view. I also do believe in too much togehter time. I think kids who are smothered by their parents act out more. The kids who left to make decisions for themselves and know that they have help whenever they need are lil more well rounded... Of course this is not always true.....

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Originally posted by velvetgoldmire

Same here. My parents are still together, although sometimes I wonder why. They seem to be just going through the motions, and have been for a while. There's no passion left in their relationship, which is one hole I don't want to fall into. I believe they still love each other, and they do things, interact with each other, and look out for one another, but I don't see that passion. Example: This past weekend at my cousin's wedding, the band leader called for a dnace for all couples in love. I saw the dance floor quickly fill up, but I don't see my parents. I turn around and see my dad sitting at the table, looking around. This was indeed saddening, but after a few minutes, I saw him walk onto the dance floor with my mom. Just going through the motions...

But do you think if they split up that they would be worse off then they are now? Maybe they are just in a rut, and need a vacation, be it togehther or separt.....

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Originally posted by SPYGIRL2

But do you think if they split up that they would be worse off then they are now? Maybe they are just in a rut, and need a vacation, be it togehther or separt.....

I honestly don't know if they would be better split up. At this point, I would say no. They've been together for so long (almost 32 years) that they've learned to rely on each other for the day-to-day activities. They do go on vacations. Right now, they are on a cruise to Alaska. But, if they're in a rut, then they've been in a rut for as long as I can remember. Either that or they are really good at hiding it. My mom does her thing, my dad does his thing, and they do things together, but with more of a going-through-the-motions feel to it.

Basically, my parents are good people who taught me some very valuable lessons and instilled some important morals, but as I've gotten older, I've learned a great deal more about what I want through what they don't do as oppossed to what they do.

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my parents relationship is very close.... as is my relationship with my parents..... my entire family is very closely knit.... and i feel that thats what makes me the person that i am... i would like to think that in most cases im a very caring person... i was brought up to treat people the way i want to be treated and i try my best to do so... no one is perfect so of course i have my flaws just as anyone else would... but my parents raised me to understand the value of maintaining relationships with people i care about... and i do my best to show my friends and my boyfriend... my family members and whoever i "love"... just how much i really do care for them.

i try to spend as much time as possible with my family. i work with my brothers so thats really not an issue... although id like to see them a lil more often outside of work... and i still live at home so i see my parents every day... unless we miss each other completely all day or something.

but anyway... as far as relationships, im very open about them with my parents... they are understanding and they desire to get to know the person it is that i am seeing. and i guess b/c of the way i was raised to always be respectful and to value the closeness of a family, i do my best to get to know my bf's family... and learn to be comfortable around them... and treat them the way i would my own family.

it makes for such a loving environment :) hehehe :aright:

i agree with rdancer by saying that the way u were raised definitely reflects in how u treat others.... and the way u grow into an adult and the choices u make definitely reflects the way u were raised as well... being brought up with strong morals and values will stick with u for the rest of ur life... it has for me so far...

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Originally posted by velvetgoldmire

I honestly don't know if they would be better split up. At this point, I would say no. They've been together for so long (almost 32 years) that they've learned to rely on each other for the day-to-day activities. They do go on vacations. Right now, they are on a cruise to Alaska. But, if they're in a rut, then they've been in a rut for as long as I can remember. Either that or they are really good at hiding it. My mom does her thing, my dad does his thing, and they do things together, but with more of a going-through-the-motions feel to it.

I hear ya, I sometimes think the same about mine, but, then I see it's just the day, or an issue or whatever. 9 times outta 10 My parents are doing their own things, but they do spend a lot of time doing things together. I can't really imagine my parents not ever being together.

Basically, my parents are good people who taught me some very valuable lessons and instilled some important morals, but as I've gotten older, I've learned a great deal more about what I want through what they don't do as oppossed to what they do.

I definitely have learned a few things seeing the dynamics in my own family and my friends. I only hope that I can find what works for me, whenI reach that point in my life:)

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Originally posted by linabina

but anyway... as far as relationships, im very open about them with my parents... they are understanding and they desire to get to know the person it is that i am seeing. and i guess b/c of the way i was raised to always be respectful and to value the closeness of a family, i do my best to get to know my bf's family... and learn to be comfortable around them... and treat them the way i would my own family.

it makes for such a loving environment :) hehehe :aright:

i agree with rdancer by saying that the way u were raised definitely reflects in how u treat others.... and the way u grow into an adult and the choices u make definitely reflects the way u were raised as well... being brought up with strong morals and values will stick with u for the rest of ur life... it has for me so far...

I absolutely agree:)

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My parents have been married for 22 years and they are both very OPPOSITE types of people...my mother is very fiesty & whatever she wants she will work for to make certain she gets it where as my dad is very laid back....in a way Im happy they are so different because I have their mixed qualities combined......the closeness I have with them I think definetally reflects my relationships now

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Well...I live with my mom and grandma, but our schedules are crazy so I sometimes come home after a day of being out, and their asleep. So I make sure I have at least one day a week where we sit down, have dinner and watch a few movies and spend some quality time. Theyre absolutely amazing, they was the ones who helped me realize that relationships are worthwhile. My mom is extremely understanding too, no matter what I tell her, she keeps her cool.:)

The rest of my family and I are close too, although I would love to see them more then I do now, theyre kind of over protective of me when it comes to my choice in guys, but thats because I'm the youngest in the family. My uncles like scaring guys that come to the house whenever theyre over, just for the fun of it to see how much the guy can take lol :tongue:

My father, on the other hand, I havent seen in 9 years.

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Originally posted by destiny779

Well...I live with my mom and grandma, but our schedules are crazy so I sometimes come home after a day of being out, and their asleep. So I make sure I have at least one day a week where we sit down, have dinner and watch a few movies and spend some quality time. Theyre absolutely amazing, they was the ones who helped me realize that relationships are worthwhile. My mom is extremely understanding too, no matter what I tell her, she keeps her cool.:)

The rest of my family and I are close too, although I would love to see them more then I do now, theyre kind of over protective of me when it comes to my choice in guys, but thats because I'm the youngest in the family. My uncles like scaring guys that come to the house whenever theyre over, just for the fun of it to see how much the guy can take lol :tongue:

My father, on the other hand, I havent seen in 9 years.

At least you make an effort to see them, be it for a hot second or 45 minutes... I know plenty of people who just blow their family off.....I don't care how mad, upset, enraged, I could never do that... Yeah, I might yell and scream, and cause a scene, but I'll still love you...

We all have our own inner issues...:blank:;):) They don't make us bad people, or terrible siblings, or even awful co-workers, they make us who we are... I have my own faults and praises just as the next person, but the more or less you have doesn't make or break you.....with the exception pf being a real fucking nut case

:D

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parents have been together since they were 15. They're in their 60's, and I eat breakfast/dinner with them almost everyday. Yes I live with them still :( . What I found is this...

Im the youngest, my brother is 9 years older than I am, and my sister 7 years, so Im the only one left, and I think that when you;re the youngest your parents don't want to let go of you. Has anyone experienced this, I told my Mom I wanted to move out and she cried. So Im giving her 2 more years with me and then Im out..... :D

Since my parents are from the old school per say, they have shaped my relationships with friends. My parents are great, but not too emotional, so if you were ever having problems they would be like suck it up... So sometimes I feel that that attitude has effected the way I comfort people. Sometimes when people get upset I try to comfort them the best I can, but Im not the person for that , Ill tell em shut up and suck it up. Sometimes I wish I could be more comforting. SO thats one major influence I can say from may parents that has shaped the way I react with others.

BUt actually Im glad I spend time with them, because they're getting older, and I want to spend as much time as I can with them.:)

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Originally posted by rocketfuel76

parents have been together since they were 15. They're in their 60's, and I eat breakfast/dinner with them almost everyday. Yes I live with them still :( . What I found is this...

Im the youngest, my brother is 9 years older than I am, and my sister 7 years, so Im the only one left, and I think that when you;re the youngest your parents don't want to let go of you. Has anyone experienced this, I told my Mom I wanted to move out and she cried. So Im giving her 2 more years with me and then Im out..... :D

Since my parents are from the old school per say, they have shaped my relationships with friends. My parents are great, but not too emotional, so if you were ever having problems they would be like suck it up... So sometimes I feel that that attitude has effected the way I comfort people. Sometimes when people get upset I try to comfort them the best I can, but Im not the person for that , Ill tell em shut up and suck it up. Sometimes I wish I could be more comforting. SO thats one major influence I can say from may parents that has shaped the way I react with others.

BUt actually Im glad I spend time with them, because they're getting older, and I want to spend as much time as I can with them.:)

That's amazing that they are still together and happy...... Being the youngest has it's pros and cons, just like everything else...

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