shlonger Posted November 19 Report Share Posted November 19 I thought of a way to make a little extra money the other day since I blew all my money on birth control for KostaP(who I've been zapping in the crotch with a microwave gun for the last three months to make sure that he doesn't raise more morons like himself). So being the ass kicking superhero that I am, I've decided to start a new service on this site: I will kick your ass for $25. That's right, for a limited time only I'm offering to beat the shit out of you for the super low introductory rate of $25. I accept PayPal or cash only (you are responsible for all meals and transportation). For an extra $25, I'll kick your neighbor's ass and beat their pets. Women and children will also cost an additional $5 because I have to put up with constant bitching. If you live in a highrise with kids, I'll give you a $5 discount because I can toss your kids through the window. Here's a typical scenario I created:Donkeyboy: Riding, Kosta shit himself again.Kosta: Sorry, I couldn't hold it any longer. The donkeys instill fear in me.Riding: Its time to call Shonger, the ass beating practitioner.Shlonger comes over and proceeds to beat the shit out of KostaP by breaking a 2x4 over each toe and finger, then strapping him face down on the bottom of my car as I take speed bumps at 90mph through the pathmark parking lot.Donkeyboy: Thanks for beating the shit out of Kosta, Shlonger.Shlonger: DB, this one's on me buddy... Hey Kosta, Go fuck yourself (simultaneously raising my middle finger). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
trewguy Posted November 19 Report Share Posted November 19 yo whats the cost for 2 aunts an uncle 7 kids 3 dogs and a flying squirreland do accept visa Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shlonger Posted November 19 Author Report Share Posted November 19 Originally posted by trewguy yo whats the cost for 2 aunts an uncle 7 kids 3 dogs and a flying squirreland do accept visa With that, you get the extended family discount. That'll be 250 even, excluding the squirrel. Now, the squirrel is quite tricky. You have many options. Do I have to catch him? If yes, that's another 5 bucks. Do you want me to skin him? Another 10, and if you want me to cook him, that's free as long as I get a drumstick. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hunnie818 Posted November 19 Report Share Posted November 19 hey rather than a beating....how much will it cost for you to assist me....I'm gonna melt off my victims face w/ acid...I need you to restrain and hold the parents while i force them to eat their childrens skinthen i need you to help me carry the body down to lake for disposal after i remove all the vital organs.....once i sell the organs on the black market...i'll have the cash to pay you for your services....Deal??? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shlonger Posted November 19 Author Report Share Posted November 19 Originally posted by trewguy yo whats the cost for 2 aunts an uncle 7 kids 3 dogs and a flying squirreland do accept visa What's Visa's slogan? Accepted everywhere... Wrong Bitch, not accepted by the shlong. Paypal or cash only. Trewguy, that bitch is not directed at you. Its there for dramatic affect Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rdntheshortbus Posted November 19 Report Share Posted November 19 Schlonger, you are the older brother I never had!!!!!!!Its nice to know there are people out there crazier than me.... I can back off on the medz a little... Good thing.... my extremities were starting to go numb!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
trewguy Posted November 19 Report Share Posted November 19 Originally posted by shlonger With that, you get the extended family discount. That'll be 250 even, excluding the squirrel. Now, the squirrel is quite tricky. You have many options. Do I have to catch him? If yes, that's another 5 bucks. Do you want me to skin him? Another 10, and if you want me to cook him, that's free as long as I get a drumstick. see now we can work something out becouse i own a wood chipper so ill get rid of your bodies for you for cheap 2 dollars a body but i expect to do atleast 50 to 100 a week since im going u a good deal and ill get rid of my aunt uncles and the squirrell for freethe squirrel is in a cage but he has rabbies Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
trewguy Posted November 19 Report Share Posted November 19 Originally posted by shlonger What's Visa's slogan? Accepted everywhere... Wrong Bitch, not accepted by the shlong. Paypal or cash only. Trewguy, that bitch is not directed at you. Its there for dramatic affect the bitch showed a great deal of dramatic affect i got cash too Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shlonger Posted November 19 Author Report Share Posted November 19 Originally posted by hunnie818 hey rather than a beating....how much will it cost for you to assist me....I'm gonna melt off my victims face w/ acid...I need you to restrain and hold the parents while i force them to eat their childrens skinthen i need you to help me carry the body down to lake for disposal after i remove all the vital organs.....once i sell the organs on the black market...i'll have the cash to pay you for your services....Deal??? 1. Listen hun, I like the acid-face melting. Shows me ambition and creativity. Now, to force them to eat their kids, I have a mouth vice to keep it opened, and a tongue clamp to keep it down. But your ideas are juvenile and show me that you are a rookie at this. There is no need to use force when you can just brainwash them to think their kids are an ice cream sundae with walnuts. 2. Dumping the bodies in the lake is soooo cliche. This is not hollywood. I have a pool/piranha pit in my backward. We throw them in there, collect the bones, and then throw the bones in the acid you previously mentioned. No evidence to trace or perform DNA testing on. In 5 years, it will just be an unsolved mystery, and you will never be suspected of homicide. We can also have fun with it, like making their bodies hollow, filling them up with kool aid, and then use them as punching bags. The Kool Aid gives the realistic affect of gushing blood. We can wear their faces as masks next year at Hunka Bunka's halloween party. Oh, I have sooo many ideas. We'll discuss them at a later date... but remember, no landline phones. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tempkid Posted November 19 Report Share Posted November 19 Shlong what happen to you ?Have you converted from Guido alliance to Donkey?What happen to your crew...cyphead,flexumus,monsterguido,gropesaurus, and the rest of the alliance ? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shlonger Posted November 19 Author Report Share Posted November 19 Originally posted by tempkid Shlong what happen to you ?Have you converted from Guido alliance to Donkey?What happen to your crew...cyphead,flexumus,monsterguido,gropesaurus, and the rest of the alliance ? No tempkid, I never convert. I have the donkey's back though. Grope is stuck in his corporate cage 120 hours a week working on deals. His job has become very demanding since his promotion (June). Monsterguido is working abroad for about 2 more months. I don't know the reasons for fleximus and cyphead, but then again, I took a hiatus from this board for 3 or 4 months myself. They'll be back. My question is what happened to our enemies: JoeyCarbone, Nabuc1, JohnnyBlackRock, etc... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tempkid Posted November 19 Report Share Posted November 19 Originally posted by shlonger No tempkid, I never convert. I have the donkey's back though. Grope is stuck in his corporate cage 120 hours a week working on deals. His job has become very demanding since his promotion (June). Monsterguido is working abroad for about 2 more months. I don't know the reasons for fleximus and cyphead, but then again, I took a hiatus from this board for 3 or 4 months myself. They'll be back. My question is what happened to our enemies: JoeyCarbone, Nabuc1, JohnnyBlackRock, etc... Alot of of the people that posted on this board in the past left to another board. They think the Jersey board went to shits. I do kind of think the board was better last year with your alliance, bashingbitches, Saleen, and me of course. Last time I saw Joeycarbone he was working at the short hills mall in AX, during the summer. He's a teacher so he probaly isn't working there, probaly just a job in the summer. I don't know about JBR and Nabuc. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shlonger Posted November 19 Author Report Share Posted November 19 Originally posted by tempkid Alot of of the people that posted on this board in the past left to another board. They think the Jersey board went to shits. I do kind of think the board was better last year with your alliance, bashingbitches, Saleen, and me of course. Last time I saw Joeycarbone he was working at the short hills mall in AX, during the summer. He's a teacher so he probaly isn't working there, probaly just a job in the summer. I don't know about JBR and Nabuc. Have to agree with you/them on that. What board are they at now? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ou812 Posted November 19 Report Share Posted November 19 Don't know about anyone else, but I enjoy chit-chatting w/ the juiceheads on Elitefitness.com Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
donkeywhore Posted November 20 Report Share Posted November 20 OU812. ...NJstacked a fellow Donkey Brother is a Mod on Elite.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dogekid Posted November 20 Report Share Posted November 20 shlonger my boy. once again your ingenuity in the black arts has inspired me to send some of my work your way. you'll be hearing from some of my clients soon.elitefitness is pretty good. never registered over there, but i've read some of the posts. i like the guys that post the different stacks they've done. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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