starvingartist Posted May 13 Report Share Posted May 13 Basically I have to choose between career/location and my current bf. I am not happy here in New York as far as the location and the work I currently do. I frequently have to travel to Europe for certain assignments. Now I have the opportunity to move back to Milan, which I would like to do. Now here is the huge BUT (yes even bigger then Jlo) I am in love. This man is extradordinary in ways I never believed possible for any human. How can a person be completely miserabe and have feelings of unimaginable euphoria at the same time? Indeed I find myself living in a paradox. He works in banking and does not speak Italian relocation on his part is not really a possibility. I think he would drop everythng if it meant losing me, and that is why asking him to do so feels wrong. Because right now I do not want to drop everything for him. I feel selfish in a sense because I am even debating the issue, and I know it would not even be a question for him. Again I feel the sweet pain of love. I look into his eyes and hear him constantly tell me how much I mean to him. And I see him day after day demonstrate how much he loves me. I can not have everything I want which is him and to move back. And I can not choose between either. But I must make this decision soon. Sorry for making this my venting outlet. Feel free to comment, especially if you have ever been through something similiar, etc.thanks! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thrillfire Posted May 13 Report Share Posted May 13 I'm sure this isn't going to help you out but i give it my two cents. I am currently in a long distance relationship, i had to leave it right at the hight of al the lovey dovey feelings to persue my phd studies. I left NewJersey and moved down to GA... basically 15hrs away. Of course doesn't compare to an overseas relationship but I had that as well when my ex left to work in Paris. I did make it with him for two years, flew to Paris several times and he flew back to NJ but eventually it didn't work out. Not sure wether it was because of the distance or just feelings changed. But with my current one, my bf is being very understanding and we fly back and forth and after two years of living apart we're still together! Of course it has cost us a lot of money and sometimes making up after a fight is very difficult but I think if he says that he loves you, he'll wait for you, if its an opportunity of a lifetime and you feel that you won't get a second chance, go for it and see how it works out within a year, (maybe he'll learn italian by than =) ) While you're young, not married and have no children I think you should experience different things. And travel different paths in your career. I only wish I would have the same opportunities come my way when I'm done with my phd studies so I can travel and visit different places. Good luck and I hope everything will work out for you not matter what dicision you make. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sassa Posted May 13 Report Share Posted May 13 what do you both want out of life? take away your feelings for a minute, think logically. is he someone you could see yourself with for the rest of your life? do you agree on things like children, money, location, careers, life views/goals? if so, then maybe it is worth fighting for...at the same time, i don't know, but i would think that if you are in love and with your love, you will be happy anywhere...but this isn't necessarily true. if this is also something that will advance your career and everything you want to do in life, then go for it...if he really loved and understood you he would not get in your way and he would wait...BUT don't make him wait too long. long distance relationships get weird after a while,and i'd rather hug someone i love that is here with me rather than tell them i love them over the phone. ultimately, life is short and you will not have this again. is career or love more important at this point in your life for you? think about it. i dunno...i can tell this is a difficult thing for you to decide...i have a similar dilemma...i hope it works out for you...one word of advice, though: use both your head and heart to choose what you want. good luck. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
covetoys Posted May 14 Report Share Posted May 14 make the time you have left good and if it is meant to be, it will be there again after you move. today's work envirnment is too difficult and too stressful. And the worse thing that could happen is that you regret not making the move and blame each other later. The truth is, you can always move back! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rdancer Posted May 14 Report Share Posted May 14 You need to make yourself independent when it comes to money, and a job. when you have that your ready to be with this man. Im sure he will understand, maybe he will actually pick up and move for you. Who knows! Its a very stickey situation that has lots of pros and cons, but you need to do whats best for you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
starvingartist Posted May 14 Author Report Share Posted May 14 Originally posted by thrillfire I'm sure this isn't going to help you out but i give it my two cents. I am currently in a long distance relationship, i had to leave it right at the hight of al the lovey dovey feelings to persue my phd studies. I left NewJersey and moved down to GA... basically 15hrs away. Of course doesn't compare to an overseas relationship but I had that as well when my ex left to work in Paris. I did make it with him for two years, flew to Paris several times and he flew back to NJ but eventually it didn't work out. Not sure wether it was because of the distance or just feelings changed. But with my current one, my bf is being very understanding and we fly back and forth and after two years of living apart we're still together! Of course it has cost us a lot of money and sometimes making up after a fight is very difficult but I think if he says that he loves you, he'll wait for you, if its an opportunity of a lifetime and you feel that you won't get a second chance, go for it and see how it works out within a year, (maybe he'll learn italian by than =) ) While you're young, not married and have no children I think you should experience different things. And travel different paths in your career. I only wish I would have the same opportunities come my way when I'm done with my phd studies so I can travel and visit different places. Good luck and I hope everything will work out for you not matter what dicision you make. Well I am not that young, I am 28 . I have already traveled many different paths and lived in various places, etc. My goal is to have my own clothing line and basically I have more contacts in Italy. Here I feel I am off track of my goal. I still work in the fashion industry but I am not doing much designing which I would be doing if I were to move back to Milan. I really do not know what to do, but I do appreciate your input, thanks. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rdancer Posted May 14 Report Share Posted May 14 Originally posted by starvingartist Well I am not that young, I am 28 . I have already traveled many different paths and lived in various places, etc. My goal is to have my own clothing line and basically I have more contacts in Italy. Here I feel I am off track of my goal. I still work in the fashion industry but I am not doing much designing which I would be doing if I were to move back to Milan. I really do not know what to do, but I do appreciate your input, thanks. if u can make it in n.y.c you can make it anywhere , its up to you.... I know Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
starvingartist Posted May 14 Author Report Share Posted May 14 Originally posted by sassa what do you both want out of life? take away your feelings for a minute, think logically. is he someone you could see yourself with for the rest of your life? do you agree on things like children, money, location, careers, life views/goals? if so, then maybe it is worth fighting for...at the same time, i don't know, but i would think that if you are in love and with your love, you will be happy anywhere...but this isn't necessarily true. if this is also something that will advance your career and everything you want to do in life, then go for it...if he really loved and understood you he would not get in your way and he would wait...BUT don't make him wait too long. long distance relationships get weird after a while,and i'd rather hug someone i love that is here with me rather than tell them i love them over the phone. ultimately, life is short and you will not have this again. is career or love more important at this point in your life for you? think about it. i dunno...i can tell this is a difficult thing for you to decide...i have a similar dilemma...i hope it works out for you...one word of advice, though: use both your head and heart to choose what you want. good luck. As I stated before I want my own clothing line. Yes he is someone I could see myself spending my whole life with. However I can not see myself settling down here. Yes agreed he would wait, but wait for what? That is the problem I do not know which is more important career or love. I desire both and right now they are both in front of me but I must choose one or the other. Which I can not. THanks, what is your situation by the way? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
starvingartist Posted May 14 Author Report Share Posted May 14 Originally posted by rdancer if u can make it in n.y.c you can make it anywhere , its up to you.... I know Actually out of all the places I have lived NY is by far the easiest to make it in, hehe. I just dislike the atmosphere, etc. My lease is also up this August, and quite frankly I honestly can not say whether or not I will renew it. Oh well, next week I am actually flying to Italy on assignment for two weeks and I guess during that time I will try and reach a decision. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
covetoys Posted May 14 Report Share Posted May 14 Originally posted by starvingartist Actually out of all the places I have lived NY is by far the easiest to make it in, hehe. I just dislike the atmosphere, etc. My lease is also up this August, and quite frankly I honestly can not say whether or not I will renew it. Oh well, next week I am actually flying to Italy on assignment for two weeks and I guess during that time I will try and reach a decision. NYC is not the point, your career is! I had a long distance relationship with the first love of my life. It lasted quite a while (7 years) over three countries, Poland, US and Hong Kong. We actaully didn't get along very well after we were living together for the last two years of our relationship. Because I gave up a part of my career, to be with her back home in NYC. The resentment turned to bitterness and the bitternes turned to disolvement.Follow your dreams. If your dream is to be with this guy only, than follow that, if your dream is to excell in your career, than follow that. Just don't give up on what you want, what ever it may be. I would crawl on the street to have back the career I had before my x and I spllit up. It all depends what you want, and everything else will fall into place.If you decide once you are there to go back for him, than it will be an expensive lesson, but at least you gave it your best shot. These days most people don't even get a shot. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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