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The European Commission has just announced an agreement

whereby English will be the official language of the EU

rather than German which was the other possibility. As part

of the negotiations, Her Majesty's Government conceded that

English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted

a 5 year phase-in plan that would be known as “Euro-Englishâ€.

In the first year, “s†will replace the soft “câ€. Sertainly,

this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard “câ€

will be dropped in favour of theâ€kâ€. This should klear up

konfusion and keyboards kan have 1 less letter.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year,

when the troublesome “ph†will be replaced with “fâ€. This

will make words like “fotograf†20% shorter.

In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be

ekspekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes

are possible. Governments will enkorage the removal of double

letters, which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling.

Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of the silent “eâ€s in

the language is disgraseful, and they should go away.

By the fourth year, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as

replasing “th†with “z†and “w†with “vâ€. During ze fifz year,

ze unesesary “o†kan be dropd from vords kontaining “ou†and

similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of


After zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl. Zer

vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi

to understand ech ozer. Ze drem vil finali kum tru! And zen

ve vil tak over ze world!

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