trancerxn112 Posted October 13 Report Share Posted October 13 *The First Affair A married man was having an affair with his secretary. One day, their passions overcame them and they took off for her house, wherethey made passionate love all afternoon. Exhausted after passionate love making they fell asleep, awakening around8:00 p.m. As the man put on his clothes, he told the woman to take his shoes outsideand rub them through the grass and gravel. Mystified, she nonetheless complied. He then slipped into his shoes anddrove home. "Where have you been?" demanded his wife when he entered the house. "Darling, I can't lie to you. I've been having an affair with my secretaryand we've been having sex all afternoon.I fell asleep and didn't wake up until eight o'clock." The wife glanced down at his shoes and said,"You lying ******! You've been playing golf!". *The Second Affair There was a middle-aged couple that had two stunningly beautiful teenagedaughters.The couple decided to try one last time for the son they always wanted. After months of trying, the wife finally got pregnant and sure enough,delivered a healthy baby boy nine months later. The joyful father rushed into the nursery to see his new son. He took one look and was horrified to see the ugliest child he had everseen.He went &n bsp;back to his wife and told her there was no way he could bethe father of that child. "Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered!" Then he gave her a stern look and asked,"Have you been fooling around on me?" The wife just smiled sweetly and said, "Not this time darling!" *The Third Affair A mortician was working late one night.It was his job to examine the dead bodies before they were sent off to beburied or cremated.As he examined the body of Mr. Schwartz, who was about to be cremated, henoticed t! he size of his manhood. "I'm sorry, Mr. Schwartz", said the mortician, "but I can't send you off tobe cremated with a tremendously huge private part like this.It has to be saved for posterity." With that, the mortician used his toolsto remove the dead man's private bit.He stuffed his prize into a briefcase and took it home.The first person he showed it to was his wife. Opening his brief case he said:"I have something to show you that you won't believe! ""Oh my God!" the wife screamed, "Schwartz is dead!" *Fourth Affair A woman was in bed with her lover when she h eard her husband opening thefront door."Hurry,!" she said, "stand in the corner." Then she quickly rubbed baby oil all over him and then dusted him withtalcum powder. "Don't move until I tell you to," she whispered. "Just pretend you're astatue." "What's this, honey?" the husband inquired as he entered the room. "Oh, it's a statue," she replied nonchalantly."The Smiths bought one for their bedroom. I liked it so much, I got one forus too." No more was said about the statue, not even later when they went to sleep. Around two in the morning, the husband got out of bed and went to thekitchen He returned a while later with a sandwich and a glass of milk."Here," he said to the statue, "eat something. "I stood like an idiot at the Smiths for three days and nobody offered me as much as a glass of water." *The Fifth Affair A man walks into a nightclub one night. He goes up to the bar and asks for abeer. "Certainly, Sir, that'll be 1 cent." "One Cent?", exclaimed the man. The bartender replied, "Yes." So the man glances over at the menu and asks, "Could I have a nice juicy T-bone steak, with chips, peas and a fried egg?" "Certainly Sir," replies the barman, "but that comes to real money. A whole4 cents." "Four Cents?", exclaimed the man. "Where's the guy who owns this place?" The bartend! er replied, "Upstairs, with my wife." The man says, "What's he doing upstairs with your wife?" The bartender replied,"The same thing as I'm doing to his business.!" *The Sixth Affair Jake was dying. His wife, Becky, was maintaining a candlelight vigil by hisside. She held his fragile hand, tears running down her face. Her praying rousedhim from his slumber. He looked up and his pale lip began to move slightly. "Becky my darling," hewhispered. "Hush my love," she said. "Rest, don't talk." He was insistent. "Becky," hesaid in his tired voice, "I have something! that I must confess." "There's nothing to confess," replied the weeping Becky, everything's allright, go to sleep." "No, no. I must die in peace, Becky. I ..... I slept with your sister, your best friend, her best friendand even your mother!" "I know, my sweet one" whispered Becky, "that's why I poisoned you." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.