nympho69 Posted November 6 Report Share Posted November 6 I have a big problem with it. I sabotage and constantly break up relationships. Only twice was it difficult to walk away. It's still a problem though. how do I get over it? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bobbalou Posted November 6 Report Share Posted November 6 same here. I just pushed the best person out of my life do to this bug......damm sux Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nympho69 Posted November 6 Author Report Share Posted November 6 Originally posted by bobbalou same here. I just pushed the best person out of my life do to this bug......damm sux I just did the same, but how do you stop the cycle? Does anyone know? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BRIAN1500 Posted November 6 Report Share Posted November 6 Originally posted by nympho69 I just did the same, but how do you stop the cycle? Does anyone know? Take a break from guys. A long break. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nympho69 Posted November 6 Author Report Share Posted November 6 Originally posted by BRIAN1500 Take a break from guys. A long break. I did that for about a year after the first time I broke up with someone I really cared for. Then I started dating again but didnt find anyone worthwhile. Then I found someone amazing and thought I was finally ready to settle down, but I wasnt. It just feels like even if I want to settle down I cant, its not my nature. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
b-side Posted November 6 Report Share Posted November 6 Either of two things will happen:1) You grow old and say your totally happy with your life the way it is!or2) You wake up one day next to the best lay you've had in a while.. and, after not being able to find something to fight about... & you say, "this is the guy"!Only Time Will Tell! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
georgym Posted November 6 Report Share Posted November 6 Do you have a fear of abandonement?Sometimes, when people have lost someone in their life, they suffer from this.When there's a slight chance that your b/f-g/f is inching away, or not 100% there, you break it off fully.there are other examples of abandonement, but your reaction to relationships could be just that Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tastey Posted November 6 Report Share Posted November 6 maybe you should take a look inside yourself and determine what kind of person you *really* are.if you really deep down inside WANT a serious commitment at all... or if you trick yourself to believe you want it because other people expect you to.stop *trying* to do or achieve ANYTHING when it comes to relationships... do what you want to do, when you want it and you´ll maybe see you real self. decide for yourself that you´re free to do anything you like. then you will see what happens. will you stay with one guy, will you have many serial monogamous relationships, will you only have one-night stands, etc. etc. ... you will then after some time *naturally* slip into your *natural* category. live in that category you currently are in (it can change, and you will notice) and enjoy your life to the fullest. and sometime down the road, you´ll meet someone with similar values as you do and you´ll settle with him. you´re probably sabotaging yourself because your uncouncious knows that what you think you should want right now isn´t what you *really* want at this particular time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
phuturephunk Posted November 6 Report Share Posted November 6 Originally posted by nympho69 I have a big problem with it. I sabotage and constantly break up relationships. Only twice was it difficult to walk away. It's still a problem though. how do I get over it? ... I suggest going to talk to a professional... An easy way to figure out why you may be like this is to examine your relationship with your parents and examine their interactions between each other.....I find, almost without fail, one's sexual and intimacy issues is due to parental history combined with sexual/social interaction during adolescence... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nSyNcBaBy Posted November 6 Report Share Posted November 6 seriously... there may not be anything u can do to change that... ur commitment level is usually based on the type of person u are and ur attachment style in relationships... u are an avoidant type of person, whereas u avoid commitment, u dont feel the need to be in a relationship and u feel much more independent than inTERdependent. often times, thats just the way a person is, either by nature, and sometimes determined by ur childhood. in some cases though, ur attachment style can change based on the kind of person ur with. but sometimes it doesnt. the main thing is that u dont force urself to be with someone that just doesnt make u feel like u are changing in the way u wish to be committed just for the sake of having a committment. maybe itll change with time as u get older, because the older people get, they look for different things in a relationship... its really not certain but u have to keep in mind that thats the way u are. think about how realistic it is to go out and change that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
upjumpdaboogie Posted November 6 Report Share Posted November 6 "As I'm writing this post, I'm LMAO listening to Chris Rock's jokes. LOL He's one funny mo'fo !!!!!! This episode is called NEW PUSSY. Basically, his line is that men don't settle down, they surrender. Bottom line, the man chooses Commitment or new pussy. Commitment can give you a head ache now and then but new pussy always clear your mind. LOL "Every single man has got a choice to make, and you know what the choice is. Commitment, or new pussy! - Chris Rock - Living in the endless cycle of dating is in many ways much easier than committing yourself to loving only one woman. You see fellas, any man can love a woman and make her feel special, one or two days a week. Hell, that's easy. But to sustain that level of romantic energy, passion, and attention everyday, plus give her the emotional support she needs daily, it's too much work for most men. This is one of the main reasons that men have such a tough time committing to one woman. They're not ready to work at a relationship. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tastyt Posted November 6 Report Share Posted November 6 Originally posted by upjumpdaboogie Every single man has got a choice to make, and you know what the choice is. Commitment, or new pussy! - Chris Rock - Living in the endless cycle of dating is in many ways much easier than committing yourself to loving only one woman. You see fellas, any man can love a woman and make her feel special, one or two days a week. Hell, that's easy. But to sustain that level of romantic energy, passion, and attention everyday, plus give her the emotional support she needs daily, it's too much work for most men. This is one of the main reasons that men have such a tough time committing to one woman. They're not ready to work at a relationship. Errr, Nympho is a woman...M, you don't *have* to commit if you don't want to, you know. You just might not be at a stage in your life where you're ready for it. I agree with some of the others, examining *why* you feel this way is a good first step... From about 18 up until a few years ago, I had similar feelings myself... Somehow or other I still wound up in a long-term relationship which was a really, really bad move... Basically I'm saying that you need to do your own thing, get your head straight, and figure out this commitment thing *before* getting someone else involved in it... it has everything to do with you, nothing to do with the person you're dating. Even if you met the "right" person now, if the timing's all wrong and you're not ready for it, it just can't work. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
upjumpdaboogie Posted November 6 Report Share Posted November 6 Originally posted by tastyt Errr, Nympho is a woman...errr.. i was aware of that Originally posted by tastyt M, you don't *have* to commit if you don't want to, you know. You just might not be at a stage in your life where you're ready for it. I agree with some of the others, examining *why* you feel this way is a good first step... From about 18 up until a few years ago, I had similar feelings myself... Somehow or other I still wound up in a long-term relationship which was a really, really bad move... I agree (both above & below) - just didn't feel like typing all that.Originally posted by tastyt Basically I'm saying that you need to do your own thing, get your head straight, and figure out this commitment thing *before* getting someone else involved in it... it has everything to do with you, nothing to do with the person you're dating. Even if you met the "right" person now, if the timing's all wrong and you're not ready for it, it just can't work. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nympho69 Posted November 7 Author Report Share Posted November 7 Originally posted by gmccookny Do you have a fear of abandonement?Sometimes, when people have lost someone in their life, they suffer from this.When there's a slight chance that your b/f-g/f is inching away, or not 100% there, you break it off fully.there are other examples of abandonement, but your reaction to relationships could be just that This could be the case, i never saw the connection though. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nympho69 Posted November 7 Author Report Share Posted November 7 Originally posted by linabina seriously... there may not be anything u can do to change that... ur commitment level is usually based on the type of person u are and ur attachment style in relationships... u are an avoidant type of person, whereas u avoid commitment, u dont feel the need to be in a relationship and u feel much more independent than inTERdependent. often times, thats just the way a person is, either by nature, and sometimes determined by ur childhood. in some cases though, ur attachment style can change based on the kind of person ur with. but sometimes it doesnt. the main thing is that u dont force urself to be with someone that just doesnt make u feel like u are changing in the way u wish to be committed just for the sake of having a committment. maybe itll change with time as u get older, because the older people get, they look for different things in a relationship... its really not certain but u have to keep in mind that thats the way u are. think about how realistic it is to go out and change that. damn girl how do you know me so well!i do want to change in the sense i want to be in a relationship but i dont want to lose my independence, motivation, etc in the process. Thats what i feel i slowly start to lose, my energy and passion for life become redirected towards whoever im with, and i feel i lose focus in a sense. I guess i really dont know what i want Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nympho69 Posted November 7 Author Report Share Posted November 7 Originally posted by tastyt Errr, Nympho is a woman...M, you don't *have* to commit if you don't want to, you know. You just might not be at a stage in your life where you're ready for it. I agree with some of the others, examining *why* you feel this way is a good first step... From about 18 up until a few years ago, I had similar feelings myself... Somehow or other I still wound up in a long-term relationship which was a really, really bad move... Basically I'm saying that you need to do your own thing, get your head straight, and figure out this commitment thing *before* getting someone else involved in it... it has everything to do with you, nothing to do with the person you're dating. Even if you met the "right" person now, if the timing's all wrong and you're not ready for it, it just can't work. I hear what ur saying. ive just come to the point where nothing seems to satisfy me. before being single was enough, but that gets old. i guess it has to do with the fact i need constant change from everything that becomes routine, work, relationships, etc. blah, i make no sense Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nSyNcBaBy Posted November 7 Report Share Posted November 7 Originally posted by nympho69 damn girl how do you know me so well!i do want to change in the sense i want to be in a relationship but i dont want to lose my independence, motivation, etc in the process. Thats what i feel i slowly start to lose, my energy and passion for life become redirected towards whoever im with, and i feel i lose focus in a sense. I guess i really dont know what i want well listen, it is possible to change your attachment style. i guess its not so much a matter of just changing who u r, its a matter of knowing WHAT to change. u know that u have issues with committment and independence and all that... so once u realize what it is exactly that is keeping u from committing, u can just work on specifics... otherwise, like i said before, the person you're with also influences ur attachment style the most. u will have the most success with someone who is secure with relationships.. someone who is comfortable with having a partner yet doesnt NEED to be in a relationship... someone who also values independence yet still likes to have a gf and be committed. ud have the most luck with a person like that because u wont feel smothered... ur more of the type to not even bother with relationships at all (beyond a certain level) because u dont like committment to begin with... the person u most want to avoid, is a person who is needy and depedent because that will just inflame your reasons for not wanting a committment and wanting ur independence. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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