J.O.T.D. part deux!

[badiye]

CP wouldn't let me post a reply to the old J.O.T.D. thread some I'm starting a new one. here's a quicky:

Two Irish men walk out of a bar...

It could happen!

[weyes]

CP wouldn't let me post a reply to the old J.O.T.D. thread some I'm starting a new one...

i don't know why that is . i've been trying to get a hold of the admins for a while and, because my e-mail won't work, i can't seem to get their attention .

thanks for posting the joke in a new thread anyway, though!

[badiye]

An oldie but goodie lawyer joke:

A lawyer is driving down Malibu Canyon Road in his brand new BMW when suddenly he loses control of his car and goes off the road in a major tumble, destroying the car. Traffic stops and people come out of their cars to go down and help the fellow when he emerges bloodied and screaming in agony: "my beamer! my beamer, why? my beamer!!".

Everyone tried to calm him down but he was in near hysteria, continuously screaming: "My beamer, My beamer!!"

Finally, one of the fellows that was helping finally gets his attention and says: "Sir, please calm down. You need to calm down and sit down. You've got a much bigger injury than you think. You have lost your right arm in this accident."

Hearing this, the lawyer immediately stops screaming and looks down at his right arm in disbelief. He sees that he has in fact lost his right arm in this accident.

After a moment of silence, he starts wailing again: "MY ROLEX!! MY ROLEX!!"

[weyes]

nice one!

[bobadrinker]

aye!!! back to the drawing board I guess. Good to know people still have a yearning for humor. Here's one to gear up for election year:

Hillary Clinton and Janet Reno were having one of those girl-to-girl talks, and Hillary said to Janet, "You're lucky that you don't have to put up with men having sex with you. I have to put up with Bill, and there is no telling where he last had his pecker."

Janet responded, "Just because I am aesthetically challenged (that's "politically correct" for ugly) doesn't mean I don't have to fight off unwelcome sexual advances."

Hillary asked, "Well,... how do you deal with the problem?"

"Whenever I feel that a guy is getting ready to make a pass at me, I muster all my might and squeeze out the loudest, nastiest fart that I can."

That night, Bill was already in bed with the lights out when Hillary slipped into bed. She could hear him start to stir, and knew that he would be wanting some action. She had been saving her farts all day, and she was ready for him!

She tensed up her butt cheeks and forced out the most disgusting sounding fart you could imagine.

Bill rolled over and asked, "Janet, is that you?"

[poccnr]

Pierre and Boudreaux was flyin Cajun Airlines. Boudreaux was flying da

plane and Pierre was in da back foolin wit da cargo equipment and

stuff.

Da plane hit some turbulence an started bouncing aroun' an Boudreaux

got knock unconscience. Then the plane start driftin.

Pierre him come run up to da front and Boudreaux was sprawl out over da

steering wheel. Well, Pierre don know notin bout flyin an he start to

get

panaky. He grab da microphone and holla "May Day! May Day! Dis is Cajun

AirLine 90210. Boudreaux, him knock unconscence an I don know nutin bout

flyin dis plane!"

"Dis is da control tower", someone answer. "Don you worry about nutin,we

gonna splain how fo you to land dis plane, step by step, ah gar-on-tee!

Jus leave aryting ta us. Fus, how high are you an

what's you position?"

Pierre thot a minuet, den say, "I'm five foot ten an I'm all da way to

da

front of da plane."

"No! No!", answer da tower. "What's you altitude and where's you

location?"

Pierre say, "Man, ah got a po attitude, an I'm from Thibodeaux, La."

"No! No! No!" came an exasperated voice. "Ah needs to know how many

feet you got off da ground an how you plane's in relation to da

airport!"

Pierre start to panic by dis time. He say, "Countin Boudreaux's an mine

we got fo feet off da groun an I don bleve dis plane's related to you

airport!"

A long pause-------"We needs to know who you next of kin is and where

to send da flowers."

[weyes]

cute !

[weyes]

a buddhist walks up to a hot dog vendor, says, "make me one with everything!"

[poccnr]

a buddhist walks up to a hot dog vendor, says, "make me one with everything!"

doh!

[badiye]

Those are some good ones y'all. How about this one:

An old retired bumpkin from a faraway remote village infamous for the stupidity of its citizens, decides to travel to the US and back. Upon his return, the entire village surrounds him to listen to his travel tales.

"I went to a place called, New York. They have tall buildings there. One of them is called the Empire building. I was told that it is so tall that once, when a man jumped off the roof to commit suicide, it took him 3 days & 3 nights to reach the ground", he said in obvious exxageration.

after the whistles and noise of the stunned crowd died down, a young man asked in all earnest: "And did the man die?"

Everyone looked at him and started shaking their head at how stupid this naive boy was. The village elder approached him and said: "Are you THAT stupid boy?" to which he replied: "Why, what did I say?"

The elder looked in the boy's eyes deeply and with reproach and after a long pause, he said in a very calm and low voice so as not to embarass the boy:

"how do you expect this man to survive without food or water for 3 days & nights?".

Imad

[weyes]

two millionaires, one from texas and one from israel, are on a plane, bragging about their fortunes.

the texan says, "i have so much cattle, i could never count it all."

the israeli counters, "i have so many sheep, the wool i gather every year could keep all of israel warm for many years."

not to be outdone, the texan counters, "i have so much land, i could drive two days and still not reach the end of it."

and the israeli says, "i, too, once had a car like that,"

[badiye]

What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?

Juan on Juan.