DO's & DON'Ts...

[mp3some]

a little excerpt from Vice's Guide to Everything... see if u agree or not!

DOs & DON'Ts—Fooling around with your friends

There are some very simple guidelines for this:

1. Don't do it. You can't go below the belt and not have things get weird.

2. If you absolutely must horse around, never go home with them. Fool around at parties or bars, so when you go home it's like nothing happened.

3. The next day, call your friend and make light of what happened, so when you see them it's not weird.

DOs & DON'Ts—Fuck-frequency

In the first year of a relationship, you have to do it at least four times a week. Second year it goes down to three. From the third year to the fifth year, you have to do it at least twice a week. After that, it's once a week until you get married, then it's never (seriously).

DOs & DON'Ts—Swallowing cum on the first date

Only fags and desperate sluts swallow on the first date. To most men, it reeks of desperation and a desire to "own" a part of that person forever. Plus, swallowing is overrated. It's much raunchier, healthier, and emotionally attractive to finish him off on your tits, letting a tiny silver dewdrop of cum go on your chin or something.

Also, if any cum goes on the guy, it's better to offer him an old shirt off the floor than to leave him to shuffle awkwardly to the bathroom on his own.

DOs & DON'Ts—Shaving

Women have to shave their pits and their legs and the bush has to be kept in a triangular shape no larger than half the size of a potato. No pussy hairs are permitted around or below the bottom third of the lips. All men have to do is keep their face from becoming a huge beard. Sounds shitty if you're female, but women get to give life. Men don't get to do that. Plus, men have to pay for everything forever.

DOs & DON'Ts—Reaming your girlfriend

It's fun to hate-fuck your girlfriend (that doesn't mean forcible entry, it means you fuck her like a dirty animal and pretend in your head she hates you) but she's not really into getting reamed from behind every single time. The deal is you have to make love to her three out of four times. That leaves about one time a week you get to bang the living shit out of her like she's a disgusting whore (is it normal to have a boner right now?).

DOs & DON'Ts—Orgasms

Women don't cum from fucking as easily as men, so she doesn't have to have an orgasm every time he does. "Sowwy." It's just not practical. A man only has to provide a woman with one orgasm for every three he has. It's not like she's going to get blue balls. She doesn't even have balls. This does not include masturbating, by the way—that's private.

.-

[deepfunk]

yeah the sex with friends thing can get to be a bit of trouble, but most of the time it's worth it IF you choose the right friends to mess around with. don't be stupid about your choices here, it will come back to bite you in the ass.

[weyes]

that "orgasms" part is a load of horseshit. if he's having trouble getting me there one way or another, i'm willing to work until our sex life improves. if he doesn't give a fuck, he's out the door.

[weyes]

dp

[nSyNcBaBy]

DOs & DON'Ts?Orgasms

Women don't cum from fucking as easily as men, so she doesn't have to have an orgasm every time he does. "Sowwy." It's just not practical. A man only has to provide a woman with one orgasm for every three he has. It's not like she's going to get blue balls. She doesn't even have balls. This does not include masturbating, by the way?that's private.

WHAT???????????

that is complete bullshit.... we may not have balls but goddamn it we get blue balls too!!

[Timmmaaayyyy]

Timmmaaayyyy!

[mindfaqd]

mp3some I absolutely love ur sig. hahahahahahahahahaha

[missroxy]

im pretty fucking lucky when it comes to orgasms...my boyfriend makes sure i come at least once but always tries for more