dgmodel Posted September 27 Report Share Posted September 27 Two bees met in a field. One said to the other, "How are things going?""Really bad," said the second bee. "The weather has been cold, wet, anddamp, and there aren't any flowers, so I can't make honey.""No problem," said the first bee. "Just fly down five blocks and turnleft. Keep going until you see all the cars. There's a Bar Mitzvah goingon and there are all kinds of fresh flowers and fresh fruit.""Thanks for the tip," said the second bee, and flew away.A few hours later the two bees ran into each other again. The first beeasked, "How'd it go?""Great!" said the second bee. "It was everything you said it would be.There was plenty of fruit and, oh, such huge floral arrangements onevery table.""Uh, what's that thing on your head?" asked the first bee."That's my yarmulke," said the second bee. "I didn't want them to thinkI was a wasp." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
phatman Posted September 28 Report Share Posted September 28 .........lol.........that did indeed make me laugh....... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dgmodel Posted September 28 Author Report Share Posted September 28 heres another then...A Mexican drinks his Tequila and suddenly throws his glass in the air, pulls out a pistol and shoots the glass to pieces. He says "In Mexico, our glasses are so cheap that we don't need to drink from the same one twice An Iraqi obviously impressed by this, drinks his camel beer, throws his glass into the air, pulls out his AK-47 and shoots the glass to pieces. He says, "In Iraq we have so much sand to make the glasses that we don't need to drink out of the same glass twice either! A US Marine, cool as a cucumber, picks up his Miller Lite and drinks it, throws his glass into the air, pulls out his Beretta and shoots the Mexican and the Iraqi. He says "In America we have so many Mexicans and Arabs that we don't need to drink with the same ones twice." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
djprotege Posted September 28 Report Share Posted September 28 phhhhhhhttttyou wanna hear corny? here's on for yawhy does snoop dogg carry an umbrella???for drizzle! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
therunner Posted September 28 Report Share Posted September 28 phhhhhhhttttyou wanna hear corny? here's on for yawhy does snoop dogg carry an umbrella???for drizzle! What does snoop dogg wash his clothes in??BLEOTCH!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dgmodel Posted October 12 Author Report Share Posted October 12 Helga hung out the wash to dry, put a roast in the oven, then went downtown to pick up some dry cleaning. "Gootness, it's hotter dan hell today" she mused to herself as she walked down Main Street.She passed a tavern and thought, "Vy nodt?" So she walked in and took a seat at the bar. The bartender walked up and asked her what she would like to drink. "Ya know," Helga said, "it is zo hot, I tink I'll have myself a cold beer.""Anheuser Busch?" the bartender asked.Helga blushed and replied, "Vell fine, tanks, und how's yer pecker?" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lulamishka Posted October 12 Report Share Posted October 12 Two bees met in a field. One said to the other, "How are things going?""Really bad," said the second bee. "The weather has been cold, wet, anddamp, and there aren't any flowers, so I can't make honey.""No problem," said the first bee. "Just fly down five blocks and turnleft. Keep going until you see all the cars. There's a Bar Mitzvah goingon and there are all kinds of fresh flowers and fresh fruit.""Thanks for the tip," said the second bee, and flew away.A few hours later the two bees ran into each other again. The first beeasked, "How'd it go?""Great!" said the second bee. "It was everything you said it would be.There was plenty of fruit and, oh, such huge floral arrangements onevery table.""Uh, what's that thing on your head?" asked the first bee."That's my yarmulke," said the second bee. "I didn't want them to thinkI was a wasp."Yea, that *was* corny. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dgmodel Posted October 12 Author Report Share Posted October 12 i warned you though... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
magellanmax Posted October 12 Report Share Posted October 12 A guy is clocked doing 80mph in 65mph zone by a state trooper. The cop gives chase for almost 2 miles b4 the guy finally pulls over.dude: "what seems to be the problem officer?"cop: "do you know you were doing 80mph in a 65mph zone?"dude: "thats all?"cop: "why? do you have outstanding warrants? and why didnt you stop?"dude: "nah nah nah..nothing like that... see, my wife ran off with some state trooper a couple of years ago. So when i saw you in pursuit, i thought you were the same trooper... and i thought you had just about had it with her and were trying to return her to me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dgmodel Posted October 12 Author Report Share Posted October 12 lol good corny~! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dgmodel Posted October 13 Author Report Share Posted October 13 A guy walks into the local welfare office, marches straight up to the counter and says, "Hi... You know, I just HATE drawing welfare. I'd really rather have a job."The social worker behind the counter says, "Your timing is excellent. We just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man who wants a chauffeur/bodyguard for his nymphomaniac daughter. You'll have to drivearound in his Mercedes, but he'll supply all of your clothes. Because of the long hours, meals will be provided. You'll be expected to escort her onher overseas holiday trips. You will have to satisfy her sexual urges. You'll have a two-bedroom apartment above the garage. The starting salary is $200,000 a year".The guy says, "You're bullshittin' me!"The social worker says, "Yeah, well, you started it." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dgmodel Posted October 14 Author Report Share Posted October 14 Just a wee story about loyalty in marriage... A woman's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, Yet she had stayed by his bedside every single day. One day, when he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer. As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears, "You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you stayed right here. When my health started failing, you were still by my side... You know what? "What dear" she gently asked, smiling as her heart began to fill with warmth. "I think you're bad luck, get the fuck away from me." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HAZE Posted October 14 Report Share Posted October 14 Hey,m isn't this what the Humor board is for?lol, Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
emjay Posted October 15 Report Share Posted October 15 A little rabbit is happily running through the forest when he stumbles upona giraffe rolling a joint. The rabbit looks at her and says, "Giraffe myfriend, why do you do this? Come with me running through the forest, you'llsee, you'll feel so much better!" The giraffe looks at him, looks at thejoint, tosses it and goes off running with the rabbit.Then they come across an elephant doing coke, so the rabbit again says,"Elephant my friend, why do you do this? Think about your health. Comerunning with us through the pretty forest, you'll see, you'll feel sogood!"The elephant looks at them, looks at his razor, mirror and all, then tossesthem and starts running with the rabbit and giraffe.The three animals then come across a lion about to shoot up... "Lion myfriend, why do you do this? Think about your health! Come running with usthrough the sunny forest, you will feel so good!" The lion looks at him,puts down his needle, and starts to beat the sh*t out of the little rabbit.As the giraffe and elephant watch in horror, they look at him and ask,"Lion, why did you do this? He was merely trying to help us all!" The lionanswers, "That little f*cker makes me run around the forest like an idiotfor hours every time he's on ecstasy!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nomembername Posted October 15 Report Share Posted October 15 Hey emjay...where were you yesterday, we missed you Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
emjay Posted October 15 Report Share Posted October 15 Hey emjay...where were you yesterday, we missed you Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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