~Official Joke Thread~

[rachel1997]

Men are like.....Laxatives.

>They irritate the shit out of you.

>

>Men are like......Bananas.

>The older they get, the less firm they are.

>

>Men are like.....Vacations.

>They never seem to be long enough.

>

>Men are like.....Bank Machines.

>Once they withdraw they lose interest

>

>Men are like.....Weather.

>Nothing can be done to change either one of them.

>

>Men are like.....Blenders.

>You need one, but you're not quite sure why.

>

>Men are like.....Cement.

>After getting laid, they take a long time to get hard.

>

>Men are like.....Chocolate Bars.

>Sweet, smooth, and they usually head right for your hips.

>

>Men are like.....Coffee

>The best ones are rich, warm, and can keep you up all night long.

>

>Men are like.....Commercials.

>You can't believe a word they say.

>

>Men are like.....Department Stores.

>Their clothes should always be half off.

>

>Men are like.....Government bonds.

>They take so long to mature.

>

>Men are like.....Horoscopes.

>They always tell you what to do and are usually wrong.

>

>Men are like.....Lawn Mowers.

>If you're not pushing one around, then you're riding it.

>

>Men are like.....Mascara.

>They usually run at the first sign of emotion.

>

>Men are like.....Popcorn.

>They satisfy you, but only for a little while.

>

>Men are like.....Snowstorms.

>You never know when he's coming, how many inches you'll get or how

>Long he will last.

>

>

------------------

This genie grants 3 wishes... Hey I'm not sharing! He's all MINE!

[gonzojournilist]

A nun walking down an empty street

an Irish man walks out of the bar in a drunken stooper approaches the nun

then punches her right in the face, kicks her to the floor

jumps on top of her and beats her senseless.

the irsh man gets up and says, "Not so tuff tonight? eh Batman"

------------------

"He who makes a beast of himself gets rid of the pain of being a man"

[theprod98]

What is the first thing that a woman does when she gets out of the battered woman's shelter?

The dishes if she knows what's good for her.

------------------

"There is no guest list tonight"

[rachel1997]

In case you need further proof that the human race is doomed through

stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods.

1. On Sears hairdryer: "Do not use while sleeping."

(Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair)

2. On a bag of Fritos: "You could be winner! No purchase necessary.

Details inside."

(Evidently, the shoplifter special)

3. On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap."

(And that would be how. . . ?)

4. On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestions: Defrost."

(But it's *just* a suggestion)

5. On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom of box): "Do not

turn upside down." (Oops, too late!)

6. On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating."

(As night follows the day...)

7. On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body."

(But wouldn't this save even more time?)

8. On Boot's Children's Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or

operate machinery after taking this medication."

(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we

could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)

9. On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness."

(One would hope)

10. On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only."

(As opposed to what?)

11. On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use."

(I gotta admit, I'm curious.)

12. On Sainsbury's peanuts: "Warning: Contains nuts." (NEWS FLASH)

13. On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open

packet, eat nuts." (Step 3: Fly Delta.)

14. On a child's Superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does

not enable you to fly."

(I don't blame the company, I blame parents for this one.)

15. On a Swedish chain saw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with

your hands or genitals."

(Was there a chance of this happening somewhere?...Good grief)

16. On a bottle of Palmolive Dishwashing liquid: "Do not use on food."

(Hey Mom we're out of syrup! It's OK honey just grab the Palmolive!)

17. On a tube of Crest Toothpaste: "If swallowed contact poison control."

(Oh please have you ever heard about someone dying from swallowing

a little toothpaste?)

18. On a bottle of ALL laundry detergent: "Remove clothing before

distributing in washing machine."

(Hey you kids! No more swimming in the washing machine!.... Awe you

mean we have to use the swimming pool?)

------------------

This genie grants 3 wishes... Hey I'm not sharing! He's all MINE!

[kozzy]

A man walks into a bar and orders a drink. Upon ordering, the bartender notices the young man tapping onto his right hand as if making a phone call. A few moments later,the young man proceeds to speak to his hand. Being confused as to what he's doing, the bartender asks, "Are you ok?...what are you doing?"..."I'm making a phone call, you see, inside my hand is a built in cell phone." A few moments pass by and the man orders another drink. A few minutes pass by and the young man asks the bartender for the keys to the restroom. A few minutes pass by, and the man is still in the restroom. 10......15....20 minutes go by and nothing. Concerned about the man's safety, he barges into the restroom only to find the man in a bathroom stall, standing up with his pants down, his right hand on his cock and a roll of toilet paper shoved up his ass, the bartender terrified asks the man, "are you ok? did anyone hurt you?"....the man replies, "no I'm good, I'm just waiting for a fax"

------------------

candy makes you dandy

[rachel1997]

There is this young Irish girl who emigrated to Liverpool, and,

> like

> > > many

> > > > > other young Irish girls, had trouble finding gainful employment.

> So

> > > she

> > > > > goes on the streets and becomes a whore and is extremely

> successful

> > at

> > > > it.

> > > > >

> > > > > She makes lots of money, and regularly sends some back home to

> her

> > dear

> > > > > old mother back in County Tyrone.

> > > > >

> > > > > Well, after a few years she decides it's time to go home and pay

> her

> > > dear

> > > > > old mother a visit. But, on the

> > > > > boat on the way over she get very concerned about what she'll

> tell

> > her

> > > > > mother about her new career.

> > > > > Eventually she decides there's no point in lying about it and

> that

> > > she'll

> > > > > tell her mother the truth, and throw herself on her mercy.

> > > > >

> > > > > So . . . . she arrives back home in the little village in County

> > > Tyrone,

> > > > > and her dear old mother is just

> > > > > overcome to see her again. Ah darlin it's just wonderful to see

> you

> > > > again,

> > > > > and lookin so nice an all.

> > > > > And sendin me all this money all this time. Tell me, darlin what

> have

> > > you

> > > > > been doin to earn all this money?

> > > > >

> > > > > So our heroine stands up straight and faces her mother; "Well

> mother,

> > I

> > > > > don't know how to tell you this, but I became a prostitute!"

> > > > > Mother goes white, clutches at her breast, and collapses in a

> heap on

> > > > > the floor. Everyone fusses over her, gives her smelling salts

> (which

> > > have

> > > > > very little effect and a couple of shots of John

> > > Jamieson's,

> > > > > (which have a wonderfully reviving effect almost

> instantaneously) .

> > > She

> > > > > staggers back on her feet, and faces her daughter again. "Tell me

> > again

> > > > > darlin I want to hear you say it again, so I can't be sure I

> heard

> > you

> > > > > right." The girl says: "Yes mother, I said that I became a

> > > prostitute!."

> > > > >

> > > > > The old girl heaves a huge sigh of relief, wipes the sweat from

> her

> > brow

> > > > and

> > > > > says: "Ah Jasus - tank the Lord for that.

> > > > > I tought for a minute there I heard you say you'd become a

> > Protestant!""

> > > > >

=========================

Naughty Joke Of The Day

=========================

A guy gets onto a crowded elevator and notices a very voluptuous

young woman standing next to him. In his excitement, he drops

his briefcase and papers scatter all over the floor of the

elevator. While bending down to retrieve his belongings, the woman

also leans over to offer her assistance. In and amongst the others

also riding the elevator, the man looses his balance and bumps into

the woman, gently brushing her breast with his elbow.

"I'm terribly sorry. Please excuse me," says the man,

slightly blushing. "If you don't mind me saying, though, if

your heart is as soft as your breast, you must be a very warm,

loving woman."

Surprised, but witty nonetheless, the woman replies, "Well, thank's

for the compliment."

There is a moment of awkward silence. Finally, the woman leans over

to the man and whispers in his ear, "By the way, if your dick is

as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 306."

BLONDE KIDNAPPING

A Blonde was down on her luck. In order to raise some money,

she decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom.

She went to the playground, grabbed a kid, took him behind a

tree, and told him, "I've kidnapped you."

She then wrote a note that read:

"I've kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put $10,000 in a

paper bag and put it under the pecan tree next to the slide

on the north side of the playground.

Signed,

A Blonde."

The Blonde then pinned the note to the kid's shirt and sent

him home to show it to his parents. The next morning the

blonde checked, and sure enough, a paper bag was sitting

beneath the pecan tree. The Blonde opened the bag and found

the $10,000 with a note that said, "How could you do this

to a fellow Blonde?"

------------------

This genie grants 3 wishes... Hey I'm not sharing! He's all MINE!

[happykittn]

So a priest, a bishop and a rabbi are out on a boat fishing, and the bishop realizes he left his pole on the shore. The rabbi asks him if he wants to go back and get it, and the bishop says not to bother, he can handle it, and proceeds to get up and walk across the water to the shore to get it, and back. The rabbi's mouth drops open, astounded by the miracle of faithhe's just seen performed. Then the priest remembers he left his lunch on shore, so he gets up and does the same. The rabbi is in shock, says "I believe in your god, your god is the one true god." The rabbi then decides that he needs to use the bathroom and will walk to the shore to do it. He steps in the water and drops like a stone. While the priest and bishop are pulling him back out, the bishop says "Do you think we should have told him where the rocks are?"

===========================================

Mr. and Mrs. Jones are a bit concerned because little Johnny isn't doing at all well in math. Their neighbor tells them, "Oh, put him in a Catholic school. They have really good academics there."

So they send him off to St. Kumquat's Academy, and the first day, he comes home from school, heads right up to his room and does his homework. Same thing next day and every day after that.

When the report card comes, he has an A in math.

"Great job, Johnny!" they say. "So you're really getting into math now, huh?"

"Well," says Johnny, "when I went into the room and saw that guy nailed to a plus sign, I knew they were really serious about math."

===========================================

Newt Gingrich was going to NYC for a meeting when a friend told him about this hooker. He told Gingrich that the hooker was the best in the world and that nothing compared. When Gingrich arrived in NYC, he found himself with a little extra time, so he called upon the hooker. When he asked how much for a hand job, the hooker replied "5,000." Gingrich was shocked at the amount. "See that building there?" pointing to a beautiful, large old mansion. "I bought that with the money I earned from hand jobs." Gingrich figured she must be worth it. He agreed and received the best hand job of his life. The next time he was in NYC, he called the hooker again. This time he asked her how much she charged for a blow job. "15,000" was her reply. Gingrich was astonished, but recalled how good the hand job was and became excited at the very thought of what she could do for him. "See that block over there?" she asked, pointing to a large, well-kept block. "I bought that with the money I made from blow jobs." He got the blow job and was knocked off his feet. The next time he was in NYC, he called her yet again, anxious for more. He asked her how much she charged for sex. The hooker said, "Honey, if I had a pussy, I'd own this town."

===========================================

------------------

The purpose of life? To die young as late as possible.

[bolts]

Q: WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A DRUNK AND A STONER?

A: A DRUNK DRIVES THROUGH A STOP SIGN, A STONER WAITS UNTIL IT TURNS GREEN

POT SHOULD BE LEGALIZED!

BOLTS

------------------

RE DEL MONDO, CAPO DI TUTTI I CAPI

[gonzojournilist]

maybe a lot of you might find this offensive (do I care?)

101 Q: What does Superman eat for breakfast?

A: Kryptonite, by the looks of him.

100 Q: What is this (picture: bite at your shoulder with your teeth and bring

forward, do both shoulders)?

A: Superman putting on his cape.

99 Q: What's the worst thing about a lung transplant?

A: Coughing up someone else's phlegm.

98 Q: How do you starve a Mexican?

A: hide his foodstamps under his workboots.

97 Q: What's black and has 23 tits?

A: The garbage bag outside of a cancer clinic.

96 Q: What sits in the corner all day, taking a piss?

A: A dialysis machine.

95 Q: Why don't blind people go skydiving?

A: Because it scares the shit out of the dog.

93 Q: What's the first thing a redneck says after losing her virginity?

A: Get off of me Dad, you're crushing my cigarettes.

93 Q: What's black and sits at the top of the stairs?

A: Christopher Reeve after a fire.

92 Q: What's blue and orange and lies at the bottom of a swimming pool?

A: A baby with burst armbands.

91 Q: Why did the Avon lady walk funny?

A: Because her lipstick.

90 Q: What do rednecks and KFC have in common?

A: They do chicken right.

89 Q: What has 4 legs and one arm?

A: A Doberman in a children's playground!

88 Q: What was Helen Keller's Dog's name?

A: "MUUGGGWHRRRGHHWWMMMMFFPPHH"

87 Q: Why can't Helen Keller drive a car?

A: Because she's dead, you idiot.

86 Q: Have you ever seen Helen Keller's house?

A: Neither has she.

85 Q: In Kentucky, what do divorces and tornados have in common.

A: Either way, someone is going to lose a trailer.

84 Q: What do you call a dog with no legs?

A: It doesnt' matter. It's not going to come to you anyway.

83 Q: How do you really piss off your girlfriend while having sex?

A: Call her.

82 Q: What do vegetarian worms eat?

A: Linda McCartney.

81 Q: What did Kermit the Frog say when Jim Henson died?

A: Nothing.

80 Q: What is the difference between Michael Jackson and a grocery bag?

A: One is made of plastic and is dangerous for children to play with.

The other is used to carry groceries.

79 Q: What has 69 balls and screws old women?

A: Keno.

78 Q: What do you get whan you cross an elephant with a poodle?

A: A dead poodle with an 18 inch asshole.

77 Q: What did the cannibal do after dumping his girlfriend?

A: He wiped.

76 Q: How do you make a dead baby float?

A: Two scoops of ice cream, one scoop of dead baby.

75 Q: What is the definition of "making love"?

A: Something a woman does while a guy is fucking her.

74 Q: Why is it such a drag to screw a cow?

A: You have to climb down from the stool and walk around to the front, every time you want to kiss it.

73 Q: Why do women have breasts?

A: So men will know to whom to pay the lower salaries.

72 Q: What does an elephant use for a tampon?

A: A sheep.

71 Q: Why do elephants have trunks?

A: Because sheep don't have strings.

70 Jesus walks into a hotel. He slams down a hammer and some nails on the reception desk and asks, "Hey, can you put me up for the night?"

69 Q: Why do you wrap a hamster in electrical tape?

A: So it doesn't explode when you fuck it.

68 Q: What do 54,000 abused woman every year have in common?

A: They don't fucking listen.

67 Q: What's yellow and green and eats nuts?

A: Gonorrhea.

66 Did you hear that Princess Diana was on the radio the other day? And the windshield, and the steering-wheel, and the ashtray....

65 Two peodophiles on a beach. One turns to the other and says: "Get out of my sun" (works better spoken)

64 A man was digging in his garden when his next door neighbor approached him and asked, "What are you doing?". "Burying my goldfish"; the man replied. "That's a big hole for a goldfish.", said the neighbor. "Yeah, well, it's inside your cat."

63 Q: Why do the Scottish wear kilts?

A: Because a sheep can hear a zipper from like a mile away.

62 Q: What does a 300lb gerbil do?

A: Puts Gay people up it's ass.

61 Q: What does a Cuban do when he gets a flat tire?

A: Drowns

60 One night, Bob receives a call from the Emergency Room doctor. The doctor says, "Your wife was in a serious car accident, and I'm afraid I have some bad news and good news. The bad news is she has lost all use of both arms and both legs, and will need help eating and going to the bathroom for the rest of her life." Bob says, "My God. What's the good news?" "I'm kidding." The doctor says, "She's dead."

59 Q: What would Princess Diana be doing if she were alive today?

A: Clawing at the lid of her coffin.

58 A girl and a boy were at the back of a movie theater, kissing passionately. When they came up for air, the boy says, "I really love kissing you, but do you mind not passing me your chewing gum?" To this, the girl replies, "It's not chewing gum, I've got bronchitis".

57 Two necrophiliacs are at work in the morgue. One of them turns to the other and says, "You should have seen this woman they brought in last week. They pulled her out of the water after she'd been there for three weeks. Man, I'm tellin' you, her tongue was just like a pickle." "What," the other asks, "green?". "No," says the first, " a bit sour."

56 Q: Two (insert favorite ethnic group here) jump off the top of a very tall building. Which one his the ground first?

A. Who gives a fuck?

55 Q: Why couldn't they sell the mercedes that the princess died in??

A: Cos it's got Di all over it!!

54 Q: What's the difference between oral sex and anal sex?

A: One makes your day, the other makes your hole weak.

53 Q: What's so good about an Ethiopian blow-job?

A: You know she'll swallow.

52 Q: Why did the redneck cross the road?

A: Because he coundn't get his dick out of the chicken.

51 In a hospital serving victims of land mines, a little girl wakes up from surgery...Little Girl: Doctor, something is wrong... I can't feel my legs! Doctor: Yes, we've had to amputate both your arms.

50 Q: What's the difference between a prostitute and a drug dealer?

A: The prostitute can wash her crack and sell it again.

49 Q: What do you call 5 lepers in a hot-tub?

A: Stew.

48 Q: What has a million legs but can't walk?

A: Jerry's kids.

47 Bruce comes home one day and says to his lover,Gary, "Please do me a favor. It feels like something's stuck up my ass. Could you check it out for me?" Reluctantly, his roommate lubes up his finger and inserts it in Bruce's ass, feeling around, he says, "I don't feel anything." Bruce replies, "Trust me, there's something up there. Try lubing up your whole hand and checking it out." So his roommate lubes his whole hand and forces it into Bruce's ass. He feels around, and to his suprise, pulls out a Rolex watch. "I found your problem." Gary says. "There was a watch stuck up your ass." Immediately, Bruce starts singing, "Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you..."

46 A black man walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder. As he approaches the bar, the bartender exclaims; "Fuck me! Where did you get that from!?" To this the parrot replies "Africa. There's fucking thousands of them there."

45 Q: Where does Princess Diana do her shopping?

A: Nowhere, she's dead.

44 Q: Why did God create yeat infections?

A: So women would know what it's like to live with an irritating cunt once in a while too.

43 Q: What do you call all the useless skin around the vagina?

A: The woman.

42 Q: What does a redneck say after sex?

A: Thanks Mom.

41 Q: What do you call an Ethiopian with a yeast infection?

A: Quarter pounder with cheese.

40 Q: How do you know if a woman has an orgasm?

A: Who cares!

39 Q: What's the difference between a truck load of dead babies and a truck load of bowling balls?

A: You can't use a pitchfork to unload the bowling balls.

38 Q: What's the worst part about fucking a 5 year old?

A: Getting the blood off of your clown costume....

37 Q: What's black and blue and hates sex?

A: A rape victim.

36 Q: How do you get a dog to stop humping your leg?

A: Pick it up and suck it's dick.

35 Q: Whats the difference between George Michael and a microwave?

A: A microwave stops when you open the door.

34 Q: Why is my penis bigger than yours?

A: Because I'm jerking off right now.

33 Q: Why didn't Superman rescue Princess Diana from the clutches of death?

A: Because he's in a wheelchair.

32 Q: Why is anal sex better then normal sex?

A: It's warm, it's tight and more degrading to women.

31 Q: What's the worst thing about eating vegetables?

A: Putting them back in the wheelchair when you're done.

30 A guy is walking past a bus stop and says to a woman "Can I smell your vagina?" "Fuck off, no your can't smell my vagina!!! "Oh" he replies, looking slightly confused, "it must be your feet then".

29 Q : What's got 2 legs and bleeds?

A : Half a dog

28 Q : What do you do after raping a deaf, dumb and blind girl?

A : Break her fingers so she can't tell anyone.

27 A little girl is playing by the side of the road when a man pulls up in a car. The man leans out and says "Hey little girl, would you like some candy?" The girls looks over and says "My mom told me not to take gifts from strangers....but if you give me $20 I'll suck your dick."

26 Q: How does Michael Jackson know when it's time for bed?

A: When the big hand is on the little hand.

25 A man walks into a pub and sits down at a table. He notices a leper at the bar. He orders a shot, drinks the shot and then throws up. Next he orders a beer, drinks the beer and then throws up. He does this for several more drinks when finally the leper comes over to his table and asks him, "I'm sorry if my appearance is making you ill." And the man replies, "No, it's not you. It's the man next to you dipping his chips into your neck."

24 Man goes to the doctor and says "I've got a huge hole in my ass" The doctors says "drop your pants, bend over and let have a look". "Fuck me!!" says the doctor " what could have made a hole as big as that?" Patient replies I've been fucked by an elephant". The doctor says "An elephants penis is long and thin, this hole is enormous". Patient replies "He fingered me first".

23 Q: How do you get a nun pregnant?

A: Dress her up as an alter boy

22 Q: What's red and climbs up you leg?

A: A homesick abortion.

21 Q: What's 18 inches long and makes women scream all night ?

A: Crib death.

20 Q: What is the difference between menstrual blood and sand?

A: You cant gargle sand.

19 Pedro goes into jail for the first time and gets thrown in a mean lookin dude named Bubba . Bubba says to Pedro "what do you want to be the mommy or the daddy" Pedro figuring he doesnt have much choice naturally says " The daddy" To which Bubba replies "well come over here and suck mommy's dick".

18 Q: What is the difference between a paedophile and acne ?

A: Acne waits until your 12 before it comes on your face.

17 Q: What is better than winning a medal at the Special Olympics?

A: Not being retarded.

16 Q: What do homosexauls and the Battle of Pearl Harbor have in common?

A: Cockpits full of bloody seamen

15 The judge asks the man why he shot his wife. The man says she was sleeping with my best friend. The judge says what did you do to your best friend. The man says I swatted him with a newspaper and said 'bad dog'.

14 A man calls into work sick. This is the conversation. Man: "Boss, I can't come into today. I'm really sick. I've been in bed all day." Boss: "WHAT! Are you crazy? This is the day we are meeting with our most important account!!" Man: "Sorry boss, I'm REALLY sick." Boss: "Just HOW sick can one man be?" Man: "Well for starters, right now I'm fucking my 5 year old daughter."

13 A man starts coming on strongly to his new date. "Excuse me, but isn't it a presumptuous to assume you can screw me on our first date? "Well, yeah" the man replies, "But isn't PRESUMPTUOUS a big word for a first-grader to be using?"

12 Q: What does a def, dumb, and blind kid get for Christmas.

A: Cancer.

11 Q: Where does Princess Diana stay while in Paris

A: Anywhere she can crash.

10 Q: What's blue and fucks old people?

A: Hypothermia

9 Q:Why is there always hot water at childbirth

A: In case of a stillbirth, soup.

8 Q: What's black and white and red all over?

A: A nun on her period.

7 Q: How do you get a baby to run faster?

A: Chase it with the lawn mower.

6 Q: What's the difference between george Michael and a microwave?

A: You can't brown your meat in a microwave.

5 Q: What do you do when your wife comes to you with two balck eyes?

A: Nothing. You've already warned her twice.

4 Q: What's the first thing a woman does when she gets out of the battered wives' shelter?

A: The dishes if she knows what's good for her.

3 Q: How do you circumcise a redneck?

A: Kick his sister in th chin.

2 Q: What is a redneck virgin?

A: A seven year old that can run faster than her brothers.

1 Q: How do you swat 200 flies at one time

A: Hit an Ethiopian in the face with a frying pan

------------------

"He who makes a beast of himself gets rid of the pain of being a man"

[rachel1997]

=========================

Naughty Joke Of The Day

=========================

A blind man walks into a restaurant and sits down. The waiter, who

is also the owner, walks up to the blind man and hands him a menu.

"I'm sorry sir, but I am blind and can't read the menu. Just bring me

a dirty fork from the previous customer, I'll smell it and order

from there."

A little confused, the owner walks over to the dirty dish pile

and picks up a greasy fork. He returns to the blind man's table

and hands it to him. The blind man puts the fork to his nose and

takes in a deep breath.

"Ah, yes that's what I'll have, meatloaf and mashed

potatoes." Unbelievable, the owner says to himself as he walks

towards the kitchen. The cook happens to be the owner's wife and

he tells her what had just happened. The blind man eats his meal

and leaves. Several days later the blind man returns and the

owner mistakenly brings him a menu again.

"Sir, remember me? I'm the blind man."

"I'm sorry, I didn't recognize you. I'll go get you a dirty fork."

The owner again retrieves a dirty fork and brings it to the blind

man.

After another deep breath, the blind man says, "That smells great,

I take the Macaroni and cheese with broccoli.

Once again walking away in disbelief, the owner things the blind man

is screwing around with him and tells his wife that the next time

the blind man comes in he's going to test him.

The blind man eats and leaves. He returns the following week, but

this time the owner see's him coming and runs to the kitchen. He

tells his wife, "Mary rub this fork around your vagina before I take

it to the blind man." Mary complies and hands her husband the

fork back.

As the blind man walks in and sits down, the owner is ready

and waiting. "Good afternoon sir, this time I remembered you and

I already have the fork ready for you."

The blind man puts the fork to his nose, takes a deep whiff and

says, "Hey I didn't know that Mary worked here?"

------------------

This genie grants 3 wishes... Hey I'm not sharing! He's all MINE!