clubber2000 Posted August 14 Report Share Posted August 14 Here's your unofficial "who's who" guide to nightclub patrons.THE 1st AND 15th GUYS :We only see them in the club around these dates...SUZY SPANDEX :You know her . . . 300 lbs. size 48, buys a size 6 red and yellow spandex outfit. To the horror of others, she wears it to the club.TONY ONE DRINK :Takes three hours to finish one drink, then tries to fool everyone for another hour with a glass full of ice water & a straw. Has $3.50 in his pocket and a token.THE O.G.'s Stands for "Old Guys" :These guys just can't get over the fact that they are TOO OLD to be at the club. Their clubbing days are so far behind them their kids can legally buy alcohol. They try to be down with the younger generation by wearing gold fronts and try to speak slang using phrases like "What's up money!" and "That's fresh!"CAPTAIN WORKOUT:This guy spends all week in the gym and needs little or no reason to take off his tight ass shirt revealing an even tighter top, so tight you can see his heart beating and parade's around the club like Mr. Universe.THE OOH GIRL:She's that girl that's basically doing the two step dance, until her song comes on and she screams to her girl friends "OOH GIRL, THAT'S MY SONG!!!" From this point on it's shake what your mamma gave ya and she will dance with what ever is in front of her, guy, girl, bar, wall, speakers, etc.WASTE OF TIME WILLY :This is the one that buys a new outfit for the club; travels miles from home, at night to the club; pays $15.00 to get in the club; and when he's finally in the club . . he just stands against the wall sipping on a cup of Pepsi fronting like it's rum-n-coke.BILLBOARD BILLY :Stepped out of the latest music video, he feels the need to let everyone in the club know what name brand designer clothing he's wearing, down to his socks because he must have that one Armani pant leg up. It may bepitch black in the club, but he's got $300 Versace sunglasses on. He's also the one making a call from the noisy dance floor on his cell phone, with a bottle of PERRIER (with the label facing outward so everyone can see) in his other hand...TAKIANNA & LAQUITA :The female African American equivalent of Siskel & Ebert, but they don't review movies. Their table is right near the door so they can "review" everyone who comes in the door: "That does NOT match, not even in the dark." "Uh, uh, no she didn't, she need to go back to the hair shop and finish gettin her hair did!"; "His baby mamma must dress him."LOCKDOWN LEROY :Has been in and out of jail so many times, he has no clue as to what is in or out of style. He shows up in "Malcolm X" cap, gold front teeth, an "Eight Ball" leather jacket and a silk polka dot shirt....TAKIANNA &LAQUITA have a field day with him.TOUCHY FEELY LUKE :He's the guy that loves to walk all over the club when it's crowded squeezing through girls and getting his free feels.ROBYN LEECH :Not the TV host. She has no money, but somehow gets some sucker to buy her drinks all night---usually billboard Billy (see above for details).THE AHHH DAMN GIRLS :They look good in the club, but outside.....AHHH DAMN!! And I bought you,a drink!( author unknown ) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cathyo Posted August 15 Report Share Posted August 15 That is fuckin' hilarious!!------------------A mind that is stretched by a new experience can never go back to it's old dimensions. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jdogg Posted August 15 Report Share Posted August 15 LMAO!!! How many times do I see that shit! That is too damn funny....JDogg------------------Corporate ToolNorth Jersey Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest cosmicgirl Posted August 15 Report Share Posted August 15 cant stop laughing...true indeed!------------------What goes on?!?! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
johnb Posted August 15 Report Share Posted August 15 LMFAO!!! I saw somthing similar in Mixmag once. It was an ad for clubbing action figures. Some that I remember are:Girls in a varied assortment of cowboy hats and spandex, equipped with extra heavy standing base to keep them from moving too much. Not allowed outside of roped off VIP area.The DJ girlfriend- Equipped with special pouty look and unable to be moved from just behind the DJ in the booth.The suit- Always looks an idiot in any club, but must be a part of any set for authenticity.Smart Casual- Comes with special shirt that doesn't wrinkle, and unremovable sunglasses.The anorak- Only sold in sets of one.There were a lot more, but I can't remember. I really liked the suit and the DJ girlfriend anyway.JohnB Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ynicholas Posted August 15 Report Share Posted August 15 That is some seriously funny stuff!------------------Tutto e possibile! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
foodbark Posted August 15 Report Share Posted August 15 Originally posted by johnb:The DJ girlfriend- Equipped with special pouty look and unable to be moved from just behind the DJ in the booth.that is so true------------------"Don't go crazy, don't get depressed, don't go after stupid, unattractive women, don't fight the feelin', don't let anyone tell you that disco house is terrible." --Trevor Zier Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
djmikedr Posted August 15 Report Share Posted August 15 I got one to add!The Wannabe: thats the guy who will watch you DJ all night, observing what equipment you have, how you mixed in every song, and then make a face as if he approves of it or not. Occasionally "requesting" a song taht should be played as if we don't know what were doing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.