weyes' wisdom of the day - 10/9/08

[weyes]

there's a friend of mine who's been close to my heart many times when writing the column the past year and a half or so. at some point i had to distance myself from her because watching her insist on setting herself up for heartache with the same guy over and over became too painful. i found a way to still be a friend to her while knowing i could not want more for her than she did for herself.

this week she told me that she's calling it quits with the guy for real this time, which i - and he - have both heard about 5 times before. but she was mad that the guy isn't taking her seriously and she said she didn't understand why.

"it would be different," she said, "if he had done [x] or [y], or if he would do [this] or [that] or not [the other thing]."

"he's interpreting this as just another 'shape up or ship out,'" i tried to explain. and why not? if issues are still on the table, it will never be over.

she couldn't see her language as part of the problem; she didn't realize what she was saying because she's been living by those words for so long. she stated that she knew she "can't change him" but she doesn't realize that the words "if" and "would" are leaving the door just as open.

i truly hope, for her sake, that this is the last breakup: that this is it. some part of me still thinks she's capable of being strong enough to leave him. but it doesn't matter what i think or even what she thinks; she has to change how she thinks.

tune in tomorrow.

tune in tomorrow.