Great night of forgettable moments

[rabidpanda]

Last saturday was quite possibly the greatest night of my entire life (mostly due to my altered state of conciousness and emotions). Unfortunately, even as I sit here, I feel it fading rapidly into the far recesses in the back of my mind.

I left the club with a chick who I had known for a few months and had become good friends with. We had a lot in common, and we went to her place. Once there, we both popped our second bean of the night. We spent the next hour blowing each up in every method imaginable (back rubs never felt so amazing). Then we lit up and smoked a few leaves which spun me straight out my perceptions and into a realm of simply emotions, empathy, and wholeness. Nothing had ever felt so clear before. Unfortunately, thats when my memory and my mind also failed me tremendously. My experiences with marijuana as a whole had been relatively limited until then (maybe 5 or 6 times before), because I simply didn't enjoy the feelings of slow drunkedness as much as the feelings of extreme energy and euphoria that x has on me. I smoked up a few more that night, and by the time my second bean was hitting me real hard, I couldn't speak whole sentences without losing track of my thought a few words into them. My companion smiled at me and asked if I was having what she called, "wtf moments". WTF moments?... These were more like... wtf is wrong with me moments? Hallucinations began to follow, as I began to associate strange pictures, objects, and ideas to our conversation and surroundings. I remember responding to her and having her look at me like I was the biggest idiot in the whole world. Or moments where I would speak profound earth shattering commentaries on life, and she would just stare at me like I was the stupidest man alive. I could feel it coming like a storm brewing on the horizon, a slow downward spiral of my emotions, concious thinking, and understanding of life. The more I talked, the more I wish I would just shut up. It was so reminiscent of my first bad LSD trip, and I was constantly asking when it would end. I hated every moment that I wasn't in control, that I couldn't express myself in the ways I knew I could and wanted to. Ecstasy enabled me to destroy those barriers that prevented my mind and body from becoming one, but now it seemed the marijuana was rebuilding and reinforcing these huge barriers. Coming down had never seemed so sad and lonely before. I laid in bed, becoming more and more confused and empty. I fell asleep, very depressed and upset at myself for allowing myself to get this fucked up.

Overall, the first part of the night was so amazing it can more than make up for the bad part. Never before have I ever had such a deep understanding and compassion for another human being. We spoke and stared at each other for what seemed like eternities at a time. But the next morning, that all disappated again, and that was that.

[exstaci]

I know exactly what you mean...hence, my theme song during the month of December was "The chemicals between us" by BUSH. Not exactly club music, but when I heard the words...the chemicals between us, lieing in this bed....the chemicals displaced, there is no lonelier state, than lieing in this bed...

The best way to get out of that slump is do normal things with your close friends...my special x-buddy and I have spent the past few weeks partying really hard, but also spending good quality time completely sober to remind ourselves that we don't have to be rolling out of our mind to feel connected.

It's the great irony of E!