Oh No! My friend is doomed!

[risa06]

Originally posted by playboychick:

Sorry just venting...

My closest friend just got engaged this weekend...to the biggest d*ck! (I know cause I was involved with him for 5 years.)

She hated him when we were involved! She felt he mistreated me (which he did) and that I had built him up in my mind as someone else (which I did).

Now she's doing/done the same.

My father, who never speaks badly about anyone said "Thank god you're not with that schmuck. I probably would have killed him by now."

I wiped the slate clean when they started dating. I don't think she should marry him based on what he's done to her. Unfortunately she's blind to his behavior and actions. All she does is make excuses for him. I consider him "my friend's boyfriend". He can't seem to do the same and think of me as his g/f's friend. He has to bring up things from our past in front of her and make comments that make her feel completely uncomfortable.

I just hope that maybe there's a chance she'll wake up and see him for what he really is.

I know, there's nothing I can do about it...I just needed to vent. My sister and boyfriend have heard it already.

same thing happen to me...my friend married my ex-fiance after we broke up...she knew what kind of idiot he was and she stil married him. When I found out about it I felt sorry for her cuz I knew that he can't make a woman happy...and now she is going through hell w/ him...I feel for her...but I'm sooooo happy that I'm not the one

[playboychick]

Originally posted by mysteriousss:

[bshe's just dumb.. I don't mean any offense but that's just being plain stupid.. She'll have to learn the hard way because there is nothing you can say or do to wake her up..

Her self-esteem is on the low side and her childhood history contributes to her being needy. She's actually an intelligent, beautiful girl. Nice as well. My relationship with the guy was different. If he did something stupid or disrespectful, it wasn't uncommon for me to just walk away and not speak for a few months. The problem with me was that I would forget the idiotic things he did and hang out with him again only for me to end up leaving again. She didn't walk away. She moved in with him. She changed her life for him...job, school, and living arrangements. I think she feels she's kinda stuck in the situation. (based on things she's said to me.)

For years she had it in her mind that she wanted to be engaged by 21, married by 24 and with kids by 27. She was always upset at being single. We had plenty of discussions about her "unrealistic" expectations.

When I asked her today if this is what she really wanted, her reply was "Well, it's not like anything is in writing and we don't plan on getting married until 2003." Can we say doubt? Who the hell gets engaged with that in the back of their mind? I think she's wrapped up in the idea of marriage and family.

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[JackMeOff]

Originally posted by playboychick:

Sorry just venting...

My closest friend just got engaged this weekend...to the biggest d*ck! (I know cause I was involved with him for 5 years.)

She hated him when we were involved! She felt he mistreated me (which he did) and that I had built him up in my mind as someone else (which I did).

Now she's doing/done the same.

My father, who never speaks badly about anyone said "Thank god you're not with that schmuck. I probably would have killed him by now."

I wiped the slate clean when they started dating. I don't think she should marry him based on what he's done to her. Unfortunately she's blind to his behavior and actions. All she does is make excuses for him. I consider him "my friend's boyfriend". He can't seem to do the same and think of me as his g/f's friend. He has to bring up things from our past in front of her and make comments that make her feel completely uncomfortable.

I just hope that maybe there's a chance she'll wake up and see him for what he really is.

I know, there's nothing I can do about it...I just needed to vent. My sister and boyfriend have heard it already.

I'm not even gonna ask ...what a mess!

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[playboychick]

Sorry just venting...

My closest friend just got engaged this weekend...to the biggest d*ck! (I know cause I was involved with him for 5 years.)

She hated him when we were involved! She felt he mistreated me (which he did) and that I had built him up in my mind as someone else (which I did).

Now she's doing/done the same.

My father, who never speaks badly about anyone said "Thank god you're not with that schmuck. I probably would have killed him by now."

I wiped the slate clean when they started dating. I don't think she should marry him based on what he's done to her. Unfortunately she's blind to his behavior and actions. All she does is make excuses for him. I consider him "my friend's boyfriend". He can't seem to do the same and think of me as his g/f's friend. He has to bring up things from our past in front of her and make comments that make her feel completely uncomfortable.

I just hope that maybe there's a chance she'll wake up and see him for what he really is.

I know, there's nothing I can do about it...I just needed to vent. My sister and boyfriend have heard it already.

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[emiliep]

your "friend" is going out with your ex? isn't there some sort of line there that shouldn't be crossed?

[blondymu]

WOW... emilp, I was thinking the same thing... playboychick, how did you deal with that when they started dating ?

One of my closest friends hooked up with a long term ex of mine, it killed the friendship, cause discomfort around other mutual friends,.. basically i had to leave that circle of friends....how did you do it ?

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AIM: blondymu

WEBSITE : http://www.egofied.com

[playboychick]

Originally posted by emiliep:

your "friend" is going out with your ex? isn't there some sort of line there that shouldn't be crossed?

As weird as it may sound, it was the best thing to ever happen to me and the worst to her (although she doesn't see it that way.)

I don't blame her. I was upset at first, but I know her background and how something like that can happen. Granted, I would never do anything like that to my friend(s), but it happens. I know she never meant to hurt me.

She's been a great friend otherwise and I'm not gonna hold it against her for taking a "jerk" off my hands.

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[emiliep]

Originally posted by playboychick:

As weird as it may sound, it was the best thing to ever happen to me and the worst to her (although she doesn't see it that way.)

I don't blame her. I was upset at first, but I know her background and how something like that can happen. Granted, I would never do anything like that to my friend(s), but it happens. I know she never meant to hurt me.

She's been a great friend otherwise and I'm not gonna hold it against her for taking a "jerk" off my hands.

and even after she realized what a jerk he was to you, she still went after him? and now she's engaged?!?! that's NUTS! God works in mysterious ways girlfriend!

[playboychick]

Originally posted by blondymu:

WOW... emilp, I was thinking the same thing... playboychick, how did you deal with that when they started dating ?

I was involved w/the guy at the time they hooked up. I had invited my friend up to his condo for the weekend since he was having a small get together. We all went out drinking and one thing led to another. In fact, I was more concerned about my friend then hurt or angry. I was afraid he was gonna hurt her physically. He can get a bit rough (unintentionally) when he wants to "fool around". I'm 6'1", she's 5'4". I actually made myself puke so I could sober up and try and help her! Needless to say, I was too late.

The thing that hurt me the most was when she stopped calling me for 3 months. She didn't know that I knew they were seeing each other and was afraid to tell me. I was more upset at the fact that she was willing to let our friendship slip away b/c of fear. I made the first step by emailing her. It was a relief for her and probably the best thing for me.

If he treated her right, I'd be estatic. But he doesn't. I'm happy for her b/c this is what she wants, but I just wish he'd treat her like she deserves.

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[roadrunner]

Originally posted by playboychick:

I was involved w/the guy at the time they hooked up. I had invited my friend up to his condo for the weekend since he was having a small get together. We all went out drinking and one thing led to another. In fact, I was more concerned about my friend then hurt or angry. I was afraid he was gonna hurt her physically. He can get a bit rough (unintentionally) when he wants to "fool around". I'm 6'1", she's 5'4". I actually made myself puke so I could sober up and try and help her! Needless to say, I was too late.

God damn, that's a fucked up situation!!

I would steer clear of both of them! That sounds like BBBBAAAADDD news...

And they're engaged?!

[mysteriousss]

That sucks for her.. But I don't see how she's a good friend to you.. I mean, not like she "stole" your man (although I don't believe that a man can be stolen.. they come and go as they please).. And I can see why you'd be happy to be rid of him and also concerned for your friend.. But honestly, if she saw how he treated you, and how he treats her now, she's just dumb.. I don't mean any offense but that's just being plain stupid.. She'll have to learn the hard way because there is nothing you can say or do to wake her up..

[shugabooga]

kudos to you for handling it so well - you're very tolerant and forgiving!!! but to me it sounds really yucky all-around.