Confidence/Talking To A Girl

[zeonstar]

Ok this post probably wont win me any popularity contests, but maybe I can get some input and or advice. Best way I can express myself is online. Least I can't see anyone if they don't like how I am.

First of all the only club I goto is Polly Esther's in Sacramento. I usually go on Thursday and Friday nights, after I get off work. I work till 11:30pm so I have about 2 hours to be there. I go because I like to dance to the music, I go because I have alot of friends (mostly the staff and DJs) that I have met from going so much, and I go hoping to meet someone. Believe it or not I don't go looking for a one night stand or casual sex. I don't want that, I want something more. One night stands don't happen to me anyway, for obvious reasons you will see as you read more.

Weather I want someone just to dance or whatever, here is the problem. I have no confidence to talk to a girl. I don't know why I don't, girls just intimiate the hell out of me. I'm not bad looking, I'm told often enough I look good, and I am definatly what you would call a "nice guy." So I have the severe lack of confidence and I really don't know why. Sometimes I am amazed I goto a club at all and manage to dance. I use to be real shy about that, but obviously I got over it. When I goto the club I see a girl I would love to talk to or dance with, but what do I do? Nothing. I will look at her till she looks at me and then that's it. Yeah I know that is quite sad.

One of my friends has tried time and again to help me. "They are just PEOPLE" he says, "walk up to one and ask them to dance! You wont explode." Sounds easy sure. But he himself has NO trouble with women at all. So easier said than done I say. There was this one night a few months ago where I got this surge of courage. I don't know how I got it or where it went, but that night I asked 4 girls to dance... 3 said yes. Even the one that said no didn't get to me because I saw that someone was with her when I walked away (He was just coming back.) So I have did it, and survived, why can't I do it again?

Bet loser is going through alot of people's minds right about now huh?

When I go now I've gotten in the habit of waiting for exceptions to happen. Like a girl clearly looking at me or just coming up to me and dancing. It does happen, just not alot and I know I can't always wait like that. It happened just last week actually. A very sexy girl was dancing near me and I was thinking "Oh gee yet another one I can never talk to." I kept looking at her and she looked right back with big smiles. After a few minutes she danced right up to me and we danced for a minute. Nothing because of it, I never even got her name but it was nice.

I seem to know what my problem is, I just don't know what to do about it. What keeps me from talking to a girl? I have absolutely no reason to be like this. It's not like I've been rejected 100 times or anything. I would like to hear some opinions and advice, see what some of you girls have to say. Just be nice please. I posted this for help, don't be cruel. Help me come around.

Zeon

[legendary]

Hi there... finally I am back from a very long and busy week, and I will go through all the new posts and say what I have to say, but this is definitely the first posting I'll write an answer to.

First I want to say that I am really glad that finally someone else comes up with long stories, private thoughts, so that I eventually stop thinking I am writing in a diary here. And don't be afraid Zeonstar, I'm not going to bash you or anything for what you wrote. To the opposite, I'd like to help you.

I know other people will say that, too, and I'm sure you already heard this one, but you are in a goddamn fucking vicious circle. I know how hard it is to get out of it, because I once was in it myself (although it's hard to believe now )

You probably thought about this very much yourself, so instead of telling you how it is and how I experienced it myself, I will tell you the cure:

1.) Forget the story about the unattainable girl. There is no girl that you can't get. Period. I am not saying that you could get Cindy Crawford or Heidi Klum by just walking up to them and saying hi, but the wonderful beautiful sexy mind-ripping to-die-for girl that is dancing right in front of you is never unattainable - because she's right in front of you!

2.) Forget the story about lacking self-confidence. Be who you are! That is why so often you see the totally dorks get the best girls, because they really don't care about what they look or talk like, who they can get and who not. That is also one of the reasons why the pretty girls complain that only idiots and drunk men talk to them, because the good guys think they are unattainable.

3.) Forget the story about the nice guy. Believe it or not, but most of the girls don't want the absolutely nice guy. Be a little more progressive, make them feel that they are no better than you and that they should be glad you are paying attention to them. I know it sounds hard, and I am not telling you to be a total asshole, just try not to be the nice guy. Sometimes I ignore girls on purpose when I dance right in front of them, and it really drives them crazy

4.) Forget everything. I mean, relax a little bit. Girls are like dogs, they really smell when you are afraid of them and then they won't ask you to dance with them. Once you stop thinking about that you'll see that they suddenly respond totally different.

5.) Start watching the great HBO show 'Sex and the City'. I really love this show. If they don't have it where you live, download it through the internet . I could repeat many things here they say in the show, actually I already did...

I know this all sounds so easy and the only thing you have to do is find out that it really is that easy. Girls talk to me all the time when I go out dancing, and my friends hate me for it. Even when I try to 'let them have the girls' by just standing around or dancing like a total complete fool by just throwing my arms and legs over the dancefloor, they come up to me and ask me if I dance with them. Because they can feel it. The power of subconscious perception is immense. Before they even see you they already perceive you.

Did that help? I hope so.

Tell me if you tried some of the things I said.

Your shrink,

Dr. Legend

[zeonstar]

Me again. :-) Legendary thanks so much for the reply. Let's see how I can do with the follow-up.

First up where you been? Been hoping to PM you or something but haven't seen you online since you wrote in this thread. Guess you got busy again.

I'm glad we both like the long posts. Believe me I can talk alot... and therefor type alot too. Yeah I sure am in a vicious circle. How do I get out of it?

1. I know what you mean about the unattainable girl. I should not think that any girl is like that. Sometimes though, that isn't the girl I want. They may have that bad attitude look. Believe it or not, I am not always interested in the hottest girl. If she looks kind of bitchy... no thank you.

2. I don't want to be who I am, I want to be someone with confidence. LOL. Ok I know what you mean... but still. Maybe be myself + a little braver? That would be nice. Man it's funny you mention the dorky guy getting the girl. Just last night there was this really... we'll say odd looking guy dancing with this really cute girl. Of course there were only 5 people in the club, so maybe it was a lack of options but still... it makes your point.

3. Don't be so nice? You mean be more aggresive, as in just walking up to a girl and asking them to dance? Or even kind of easing up to a girl who is already dancing and see how she reacts? I watch other guys do that and it seems the success rate is low. Some girls respond to it, others totally turn away when a guy tries that. That really ins't my style though. If I am going to do anything, I am going to ASK them. Unless something happens that I am getting clear signals where I know I don't need to ask.

4. I don't think I should use that "Girls are like dogs" analogy when I am out. Probably wont go over too well.

I know this is all sounds easy, it really does. I just got to swallow my fear and try it. Start out simple, try asking ONE girl to dance and go from there. Hell like I said before I have did it, and I had good results. So hell if I know what my problem is. I'm in that circle of going and not doing anything, not taking any chances. For all I know the girl of my dreams may of been there waiting for me to talk to her.

I'm by no means a cocky or confident person (Obviously) But there are some signs that basically are hitting me in the head saying HELLO! You obviously have something going for you, at least to some girls. I mentioned before that "exceptions" happen to me, well here is the story of one of those, which is probably the most unique club experience I've ever had. I file this high on my list of "Shit that never happens to me."

*This happened over a month ago and it's kind of a blur.*

It was a Friday night, I was there alone doing my thing as usual, mostly visting with my DJ friend Rick. He starts to play one of my favorite songs to dance to, Billie Jean so I get out there. Not even 30 seconds go by and this VERY sexy girl grabs me out of nowhere and pulls me into a sandwich with her friend. There seem to be about 4 people dancing together in this. I feel akward at first but go with it. Soon the girl pulls me out and it's just me and her dancing. She is looking RIGHT into my eyes, moreso than I can ever remember a girl doing and I just look right back. I wasn't shy about it or anything. Then she starts nibbling my neck! This has all happened within a minute of first dancing with her. I go along and do the same to her. Soon she is straight up kissing me and I'm pretty much in a daze by now.

I can tell she is kind of drunk by how she is moving and she keeps saying sorry. I tell her it's ok and we keep doing our thing for a bit. Now it gets weird.

Out of nowhere this very aggresive guy just cuts in and pulls her away and dances with her. No way in hell am I going to start anything for a girl I don't even know, I dance on alone, trying to show that I am cool with what's going on. He almost immediately kisses her and basically they do what me and her were doing. I'm kind of watching but trying to stay cool, I'm about to ease myself away But the girl keeps grabbing me and keeping me with her and him! Then she dances with me, and back to him. Over and over. He kept dancing with her from behind and the whole time she is staring and smiling at me. At one point we are both dancing with her.

I probably should leave this part out, don't want anyone to get the wrong idea. But at another point he was kissing her neck and she kissed mine, at the same time!

Suddenly she practically runs off the dancefloor taking ME with her. She says she needs to goto the bathroom so I wait for her. But then she comes out with her friend. She says "I found my friend, she lost her ID have you seen it?" I say no and she goes off and that is the last I am with her.

I go back to the DJ booth, reeling from the whole thing and I soon see her dancing with ANOTHER guy. She was obviously kind of drunk and a little slutty but she had still chosen me to dance with. That is my point of this whole story. Some girls must see something in me. She didn't have to pick me to dance with, but she did. What do you make of that whole ordeal Legendary? (Or anyone else who reads this?)

Anyway I gotta get ready for work. Im going out tonight and there will actually be people there, so I will try something tonight... ask one girl at least!

Thanks again for the input.

Zeon

[legendary]

Now here's the problem with long postings: The good (that is willing to answer) reader has his own thoughts while reading the posting, he thinks about what he would answer to this and that, and then it gets more and more and at the end of the posting you feel like having so many thoughts to write as an answer that the thought of writing all this stuff is kind of frightening. But anyways, I am willing to answer and I am willing to take that risk, althought it might take some time

To answer your question, where have I been, the answer is, I've been here around, but I was busy last week with a visitor from Germany. She (who else but a woman would keep you that busy...) and I had a really good time and the time passed by much too fast. If I go more into detail, the message board will probably die under the heavy weight of this message. But some day I will tell a little bit more...

In your answer you are talking about signals. Girls signal a lot. You can see heavy signaling when they are trying to get rid of a guy they don't want to dance with (although the guy of course never gets it), sometimes they even form the word 'help' with their lips and then I help them by dancing the guy off the dancefloor or just away from them. But anways, what I wanted to say is that watching for signals is a good starting point. But reacting to these signals is what you should do then.

I am very good at knowing what woman want, I always were, I think it's a gift or something, but I just know. And I think I am gaining most of the knowledge from observing their behavior. Little signs that tell me when they want to be talked to, if they just want to dance on their own, if they want you to be soft or progressive. For example not dancing with a girl who wanted to dance on her own, but dancing close to her, made me dance with her at the end sometimes. Not doing something can be more attracting than doing sometimes, but it always has to be the right point, because not doing sometimes can also be the way to lose a girls interest. That's what I meant by saying don't be too nice. If you wait too long, your chance will pass by without being taken.

To be honest, I never really asked a girl to dance with me, I just do. Sometimes I dance my way to them, sometimes I walk just straight up to them, I always watch for these signals. And of course, as you can imagine, I am also just human, that is sometimes I really over-interpret the signals and put more into a girls look than there actually was.

Always keep in mind, women (with one exception which I will talk later about) NEVER do anything incidentally. The slightest touch, a look for a fraction of a second, they know exactly what they are doing. You can do the same thing. Look at them on purpose, make them know that you look at them not only because they are in front of you but because you mean it. Go slightly backwards when dancing with a girl and see if she follows you, that is if she wants to be close to you. Touch her incidentally to see if she likes it or not, because even if you didn't do it on purpose, she will notice it and she will react on it.

So dancing with a woman is like driving on a freeway. If you let the faster guys pass you, you won't get there first. If you drive too slow it'll take too much time. If you drive too fast you'll crash (and your soul'll burn to death). And WATCH OUT for the traffic lights (that is signals!). What a funny story

Now to the story with the girl. I have to admit, there are few principles which I try never to break, and one of them is: Never do anything with a drunken girl/woman. Last weekend there were these twins which apparently wanted to get more than just a close dance, but I could smell they visited Long Island once too often (for teatime, of course) so I just went off and let some other guy take advantage of the situation. If I kiss a girl, I want her to remember it the next day

That is the exception I meant before, the drunk woman. They give you the look, they show you the movements, they turn you on, and they forget about you faster than you can spell Spritzgebaeck (German cookies). So don't bother taking them serious or anything they do. Along with the drunk girls come the high girls, so watch out for their eyes. If they look as if they smoked too much pot this night, leave them, they mean nothing but trouble.

I go to clubs, but I (almost) never drink. I don't smoke, I live very healthy and do much workout. Not that I don't like alcohol, but I feel fine with not drinking and I don't mind being the driver for my friends. I don't do drugs as well. So you might also think that a guy like me shouldn't go to a club. Maybe some people will say I should go to a milk-bar or something, but then they totally miss the point. The point is, the girl I want to dance with should at least be similar to that. Maybe that's why I ignore the drunk/high type.

Oh yeah, before I close, there was another question, you asked why she picked you. That's definitely a lack of self-esteem question. Believe me, some girls (which look awesome) ask me sometimes why I picked them. They are human, too, never forget that They pick you because they want to dance with you, and it is really as easy as this.

Give your head a break and stop thinking about things too much. And always take some friends with you. First, if you don't succeed in getting someone special to know, there will always be your friends to dance with. Second, girls don't like the single-but-looking guy, they feel more safe when there are friends with him who will take him home later etc. When I go to the club, I always walk around alone for a while, but then I return to my friends and go on the dancefloor with them.

Loooooooooooooong posting, isn't it? I'm the master

Cya,

Legend

[kiiiiiiiiiiiid]

The only club I went to was Polly Esther's Chicago, before they closed it down without giving anyone an advance warning, cruelly maintaining it was only "temporarily" closed for months (giving us false hope that maybe it would reopen...heck, when I was in Houston in April, I got a new matchbook from the Polly's out there that still had Chicago listed), and not even telling anybody who worked there that it was gonna close (real nice, huh?), although I'm a regular at a Simon's, a local bar.

First off, I'd say you just forget about hooking up with a girl at a club, unless it's just for a one-night stand. Clubs just aren't the place to start anything meaningful. I got at least one pretty fine looking chick to dance with me every night I was in Polly's ('cept the 23rd of December because virtually nobody was in there owing to it being the holidays- I just ended up talking to most everyone who worked there, and the last time I was there in late January 2001, because by that point I'd started a fairly serious relationship that's still going today), but apart from the first time, I never asked them out or anything because I knew they weren't looking for a boyfriend or heavy relationship. They were just looking for a bit of fun. If you really want to get to know a girl, do it in a quieter setting...my current girlfriend came into my work, we started chatting, hung out a few times, and after about a month started "officially" going out.

That being said...get "lightly toasted". By that I mean drink enough so that you're extroverted, but not so much that you get tossed out by the bouncers and feel like you're gonna puke. You'll feel like you can do or say things you normally wouldn't, but the "don't get crass or stupid" filter usually still works quite nicely. It takes some practice to learn your limits- mine was a Brady Punch and two gin and tonics. Do it early in the night so that you're fine by the time you need to get home (I usually stayed in Polly's three hours...two, two and a half dancing, one or a half hour sitting on the couch drinking bottled water. The dancing and drinking water, followed by a trip or two to the bathroom, got rid of the alcohol pretty nicely). Just go out there and have fun and dance however the hell you want to. I used wrestling gestures (the Rob Van Dam thumb thing and DX crotch chop), punk dancing like I used to do at shows (pogoing), and the good old John Travolta SNF point (you know what I'm talking about). If you're just having fun and being yourself (or, more accurately, a happier and more extroverted yourself), somebody's gonna come up to you.

Hope that helped...

[zeonstar]

Finally able to write back! You may of heard about that excite@home thing... well it affected us. No broadband internet for a few days for me. I so hate dial-up. I haven't had to use it in like 2 years! Anyway...

Are we trying to see who can make longer posts now Legend? In that case... blah blah blah... J/k Ok seriously let's get to this.

I know what you mean, long postings can get quite long but hey nothing wrong with people being able to express themselves and say thier thoughts. I wish more people would do it. I hope you had a good time with your visiting friend. Always nice to have company.

Believe me, all the time I goto Pollys I do try to watch girls signals. Since I don't talk to anyone that is all I really can do. I try to read them to see what they may think of me, but obviously I'm not very good at it. I seem to only get beat-me-in-the-head obvious signals. (Like a girl just coming up and dancing with me. Legend you don't ever ask a girl to dance? Really? See I don't know if I could do that. Going back to the nice guy thing, it just seems politer to ASK them rather than just doing it. But then again I know what your point is: If you read the signals right, asking should not even be needed. Right?

Girls never do anything they don't want? You sure about that? I mean if a girl just looks at me for her FIRST time, isn't if she looks again (or keeps looking) that I should pay attention to? I mean her first look couldn't of been intentional if she is just noticing I am there. Make sense? You mentioned touching a girl to see how she reacts. What kind of reaction do you look for? I have brushed by a girl walking by touching her back on purpose and all I really notice is them looking back to see who did it, not really looking at me good or bad. But another problem is I don't hold eye contact long enough to really see...

About that story and the girl I talked about. One thing important I forgot to add was after it all ended I did not dwell on it or anything. It was a fun ride and nothing more. I was very proud of myself for that because once upon a time a girl doing that like she did would of got me so sprung on her. But that time that didn't happen. I knew she was drunk but I just had a little fun. Remember she chose me, I just went with it. Saw no reason not to.

I'm about as clean as you I am happy to say Legend. I don't smoke, don't do drugs, and in fact I don't drink either, except maybe wine on a family holiday. That's it. I have no desire to do any of that stuff. Maybe I NEED to drink to get loose enough to talk to a girl... but that is just something I rather not do. I want to be myself... not plastered. (Besides I wouldn't know what to drink anyway! )

When I asked why she picked me, I think I worded it wrong. I meant it more of a statement, trying to be positive about myself saying that she HAD picked me and not another guy so maybe it's something about me. KNow what I mean?

You mentioned another thing that I had totally forgot to mention. Bringing friends. One thing I was going to tell you way earlier about myself is that friends basically give me courage. I am and always have been more free around a friend. So if there was a girl I liked, I could more easily talk to her, and should I get rejected I can shrug it off, because I still have a friend to go back to. Now here is the problem: I really don't have any friends here in Sacramento. I know that sounds bad, so allow me to explain.

I've been in Sacramento about 5 months after getting out of my relationship. I found a job almost immediately but the thing is I have REALLY bad hours. I mean I work 3 to 11:30pm Tuesday Thru Saturday. So not only do I work late, it cuts into my weekend where I don't have much of one. Basically I don't have time to meet people, like guy friends. I mean there are a few guys at work I know, but we aren't really close enough to goto a club. I do have one friend I met at the club named Mark but he doesn't go alot. I tried to call him this past weekend but he never called back. I have several longtime friends I've know 10+ years but they all live 100 miles away in different directions. I've even tried meeting some new friends online saying clearly I am just looking for some new friends and how I have weird work hours but no guy has responded, they all think I am gay or something. Little paranoid if you ask me. But anyway I totally agree about bringing friends, just a matter of getting more. Perhaps I'll try to talk to some of the regulars there more. There are alot of guys I see that I remember and we usually even say hi or whatever.

Well anyway on to my most recent Polly Esther's outings as promised. I'm sorry to say there is nothing to report as far as me having progress, even though I did go with everything I have been reading here in mind. Still Friday was particularly fun.

First night I went was Thursday. The club was only half open (The 80s half was packed and open, they didn't have the 70s half open.) But I went and did my thing, besides talking to Rick the DJ I trolled around to see who I liked. Believe it or not there wasn't much there on this night. I honestly wasn't feeling the courage to talk to someone; I could feel myself staying in my old ways. As you mentioned, it's good to try and read a girl. I've been trying to do that for a long time, seeing how they react. I don't think I could ever go up to any girl that hasn't even noticed me and talk to her. I like to try and make some eye contact, get a clue or a smile from them, like a signal that says "Hey I wouldn't mind if he talked to me." But I didn't see anyone notice me Thursday.

Maybe it just wasn't my night. If a girl has clearly seen me and seems to like me I can usually get myself to talk to her. Not always but sometimes. I don't want to just set myself up for an awkward rejection, walking up to a girl who hasn't even noticed me till then and see some kind of horror on their face as I talk to them. No thank you.

I kind of danced with one girl that night, it wasn't official we were both just kind of there and danced. We weren't together by any means. I never even touched her.

Oh that's another thing. When I do dance with a girl, I hate the ones you feel uncomfortable to touch; the ones you can't even hold and dance close with. You just dance in front of each other with your arms up, not even looking at each other much. That's only happened once or twice with me thankfully. But if a girl is going to dance like that, why even say yes. Sheesh.

Now onto Friday, which was a lot better and more interesting, even though I broke Legend's rule and I again really didn't make much progress. Same story as Thursday I went around trying to make contact with a girl and it wasn't happening, I circled the place over and over, both sides, stopping to dance once in awhile.

At one point a girl started dancing with me. I could tell right away she had been drinking but as I said before, why not go with it sometimes? She got real close to me and looked right at me, like a dead stare into my eyes. I felt weird at first but I fought it away and just kept looking back at her. She was with a friend who had found her own guy to dance with but the girls kept fooling around and dancing with each other and me and the guy just kept smiling at the whole thing.

The girl I danced with was named Michelle, her friend was Julie and her guy friend was Dave. (Wow I remember all that.) Me and Michelle probably danced for an hour straight. She had a bottle of water she kept pouring on herself, Julie, and she poured it on me once! That was a little shocking.

What happened last night could actually be added to my list of "Shit that doesn't happen to me¨ because it fits there very well. I had a good time I have to admit. So what if she was a little drunk, I still had a good time. I could not believe what she did to me though. She danced close to me the whole time, often grinding her behind into me. I was in a state of arousal the whole time which Michelle noticed and told Julie at one time and Dave later told me he knew (Julie told him) when me and him were alone at one point and they went to the bathroom. No shit I was aroused, Michelle was actually grabbing and rubbing me several times while we're dancing. Who wouldn't be aroused?

The night with them ended very abruptly and honestly not how I had expected but might as well be honest and tell the whole story. Basically the place closed. Michelle has said something about not having a ride. She MAY of said something about Dave offering, I really don't know. All I know is I went to the DJ booth to get my Jacket, I was away maybe 30 seconds and I went outside to meet back up with her and they were gone. The 2 girls had a 3rd friend with them who went to get something to eat, I don't know if she came back, or maybe Dave took care of them.

Like I said I was a little upset at how it ended, to be totally honest I thought I might be going home with this girl who was all over me¡K but I didn't and oh well, it was still fun. I still need to put all this advice to actual use! maybe tonight I'm going out again. I'm getting too addicted all over again. I usually don't go on Saturdays.

Thanks for reading my novel. Paperback will be out in January.

Thanks Legend and everyone as always for the input.

Zeon Star

[gimmletgirl]

Okay, I'm new here on this forum but I love Polly Esther's. I used to frequent and will again (when I move back) the Polly's in Houston. I have also been to the Polly's in San Antone and they are both awesome. Now I have a few things to say about this topic that might be helpful.

I can only speak for myself but would like to believe that my views on guys dancing with me are not unique for a girl. When I go out to dance I am just out to have fun. NOT to hook up or find a guy who wants to have a relationship. Neither am I looking for sex. I love to dance and I think it is fantastic when a guy feels the same way about dancing...so I have to applaud all of you guys who get down on the floor and boogie.

I have had guys ask me to dance and I have had guys just start dancing with me, when I am out on the floor. I don't see it as being rude that he didn't formally ask me to dance...sometimes words aren't needed. The things that WILL make me turn a guy down or move away from him, when dancing, is if he is really drunk, trying to dance "up on me" (you know groping me) or if I sense that they are trying to get me to have sex with them (I don't mean up on the floor, but a girl can tell a guy's signals, too and what they utlimately want to do). I don't like to lead a guy on so if I sense that's what they want I don't let them think I am game, I just refuse off the bat. No game playing for me.

You mentioned something about eye contact and I would have to agree with zeonstar, I scan the crowd and meet people's eyes, just to see who's there, but if I am interested I will hold a gaze or make eye contact a second time. That is a very good indication that a girl is interested.

Now if you want to go up to girl and dance and maybe get her number...the best advice I can give is to talk to her on and off the dance floor but don't hover...I don't know if that makes sense...if you're dancing try to start (if possible) a conversation. If off the dance floor do the same but don't hang around too long. Move on come back...that sort of thing...dance with her for a few songs...ask her if you could dance with her later and then leave. Find her again dance and talk some more...a girl does not like to be hovered over or to feel like a guy is coming on too strong, just like with guys it scares us away. Unless you are talking to a girl who is looking for sex.

When you get a girls number the worst thing you could do is never call. This ticks a girl off and then she's inclined not to give out her number at all. I know I have been in a situation like that. Talked with a guy, danced with him, he asked for my number, gave it to him, he never called, makes me not want to give out my number to the next guy...you see what I mean it starts a vicious cycle...so if you don't want to make it bad for the next guy call the number or don't ask in the first place.

Now for what started the whole thread in the first place...lack of confidence to ask a girl to dance. Just go up and do it. We are human just like you. There are girls who feel just like you do about going up to guys and asking them to dance. I am one of them. If you go up to a girl and she flat out turns her back and ignores you...she's a bitch and not worth your time. Move on to someone who is. I don't know what else to tell you and I hope this helps:D

[legendary]

This thread will definitely enter history as the thread with the longest postings ever! Great work, I really love that finally other people also don't hesitate to write on the board...

Thanks Dr. G. G. for your opinion from 'the other side'. Fortunately it reflects the way I see what most girls are looking for in a club and it confirms why it is so hard for some guys out there to accept that girls are not just waiting for them to come up and change their lives. It's all about fun in the end, so Zeonstar, don't take it too serious and try to have some fun on your own. If you some day find a girl with whom you'll be able to meet outside the club or maybe even have a relationship, it's a pleasant plus and sideeffect of going out and having fun. But it shouldn't be your goal in the first place.

Last week at my Irish pub a guy entered the room at 2am and yelled 'Who wants to fuck me? Woman just raise your hand and I will select the one I will take with me'. It was the most ridiculous and pathetic thing I ever saw. Of course no woman held up her hand, and of course he didn't even notice, he walked up to some girls who tried to run away, offended and scared. But this is how some guys are. This one even said it, most guys only think it, but in the end they want the same - and they never (or rarely) get it.

I said I am also looking for special people, but I am looking in a passive manner. I go out and have fun, but I keep myself open minded to the possibility that you just never know what will happen and let the unexpected happen.

I wish the most unexpected day to you all,

good luck,

Legend

[chrissymarie7]

Zeon,

Don't be afraid. Just be yourself. I will write more later.

Chrissy:rolleyes:

[zeonstar]

That is easier said than done my dear....

[zeonstar]

Hey Legend.

Just writing to see how you are doing. Sorry I don't have any horror stories to tell this time. I'm actually doing quite well for a change and I am actually confident it isn't going to fizzle out this time by the time you read this.

The source of my happiness goes by the name of Stacie. A friend of ours introduced us and that was that.

I hope you (and anyone else reading this) had a good new years. Mine was quite nice for a change. If you want to hear more about Stacie, PM me or something. Be glad to tell you.

-Zeon (Adam)

[legendary]

Yo Zeonstar,

happy New Year to you and to everybody else! I had a good time here in San Francisco, I hope you are all doing fine... not it's back to work and I didn't have as much problems getting up at 7am as I thought

So tell me, who is Stacie? What does she doe, how old is she, where does she live, what does she do for a living, please post a complete detailed description and resume in here

No honestly, I want to know more... what happened to the other girl who's name I already happened to forget? Shauna or something... and what about this other older woman who seduced you? Don't think you can hide anything from me, I will dig it out, no matter how deep you burried it

So, let's get back to endless posting length and post some of the stuff I want to hear!

Greetings,

Legend

[zeonstar]

Hey Legendary.

I knew writing here would get your attention. I'm glad you had a good New Years. For most of my life I've never did anything for New years, certainly never went OUT really. Once a few years ago when I was with my ex wife our friends took us out to a really nice Dinner on New Years eve which is her birthday. This new years was great, mostly because of Stacie.

Ok let me catch you up on a few people Legend. Shauna, the girl who was drunk that I helped get home. She is a very sweet girl but also very... I don't know she is very much a loner I guess, it's hard to explain. She was not looking for anything serious, even though I enjoyed being a friend with her. But I have called her several times and haven't got any calls back, so what can you do.

Sheri, the older woman who seduced me more or less. (I honestly don't take much seducing... I'm a GUY!) With her, she was also not looking for anything serious blah blah blah and I guess I contacted her too much in one day. I called her AND left a text message on her phone. OH the horror. (I say that sarcastically because I think it's so rediculous.)

Do you remember my story about meeting Shauna? Go back and re-read it and you will see I mention a girl named Brandi a fe times. Brandi is kind of regular I see at Pollys alot and we b ecause like unspoken friends. Would always recognize eachother and say hi... stuff like that. After the Shauna ordeal me and Brandi got closer and Brandi seems very good at judging people and what they are like. I fully admit she got me pegged pretty good. Brandi knows what I am looking for and wanted to help me find it.

Brandi lives with 2 girls, twins. Stephanie (who was actually there the Shauna night) and Stacie. Last Thursday I was fortunate to have the night off. Brandi met with me and Polly Esthers and brought Stacie, she wanted us to meet. She had told me this beforehand so I knew.

[zeonstar]

Hey Legendary.

I knew writing here would get your attention. I'm glad you had a good New Years. For most of my life I've never did anything for New years, certainly never went OUT really. Once a few years ago when I was with my ex wife our friends took us out to a really nice Dinner on New Years eve which is her birthday. This new years was great, mostly because of Stacie.

Ok let me catch you up on a few people Legend. Shauna, the girl who was drunk that I helped get home. She is a very sweet girl but also very... I don't know she is very much a loner I guess, it's hard to explain. She was not looking for anything serious, even though I enjoyed being a friend with her. But I have called her several times and haven't got any calls back, so what can you do.

Sheri, the older woman who seduced me more or less. (I honestly don't take much seducing... I'm a GUY!) With her, she was also not looking for anything serious blah blah blah and I guess I contacted her too much in one day. I called her AND left a text message on her phone. OH the horror. (I say that sarcastically because I think it's so rediculous.)

Do you remember my story about meeting Shauna? Go back and re-read it and you will see I mention a girl named Brandi a few times. Brandi is kind of regular I see at Pollys alot and we became like unspoken friends. Would always recognize eachother and say hi... stuff like that. After the Shauna ordeal me and Brandi got closer and Brandi seems very good at judging people and what they are like. I fully admit she got me pegged pretty good. Brandi knows what I am looking for and wanted to help me find it.

Brandi lives with 2 girls, twins. Stephanie (who was actually there the Shauna night) and Stacie. Last Thursday I was fortunate to have the night off. Brandi met with me and Polly Esthers and brought Stacie, she wanted us to meet. She had told me this beforehand so I knew. Needless to say by how I have been talking, we hit it off. I dare not say I think this is going to be it finally because I don't want to jinx myself... but I sure feel it. I have SUCH wonderful times with her.

After we met, we had a date for Sunday. Went to dinner and a movie, had a wonderful time. Ate, saw the movie, and then I took her to her house and we sat in the car for about 3 hours and talked.

Next I saw her on New Years and had another wonderful time. At midnight I kissed her for the first time. I think I melted her. I am a good kisser apparantly. The kissing at midnight thing I admit was Brandi's idea... but man it worked out well.

We had another date last night, saw Beauty and the Beast in IMAX and grabbed something eat. Again I took her home and I intented to drop her off and drive home, instead we talked in the car (and kissed) for over 3 hours. Boy time does get away from you...

Quick details about Stacie. She lives about 20 miles away. She lives with her sister, Brandi, Brandi's 2 kids... and her own son. Yes she has a son and no it does not bother me. If the girl for me has a kid... so be it. Her husband died 7 years ago, she is 29, and will be 30 on the 10th. She loves 80s music, classic rock. Movies. We have a tooon in common and get along wonderfully. She IS looking for something serious... just like me. She does not work currently. She has enough money saved up and is going back to school. I haven't asked her much about what she does. I think she mentioned trying to get an accounting degree.

Well that's about it. Oh funny little note. After New Years we all went to a girl named Jennie's apartment. Turns out she lives in the same complex as.... Sheri! That struck me really funny. Small world.

Bet I'm going to be all bubbly and happy at work today.

-ZS

[zeonstar]

:-)

[zeonstar]