synderella420 Posted January 19 Report Share Posted January 19 I have a problem I need help with. Every time I have a bowel movement, I am always wiping myself for hours afterwords. It seems I can never either empty my bowels all the way or my sphincter is not helping my rectum stay closed. My stools are sorta loose. When I get a good hard stool, things are fine. HELP ME SOMEONE PLEASE!!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
phuturephunk Posted January 19 Report Share Posted January 19 Originally posted by synderella420 I have a problem I need help with. Every time I have a bowel movement, I am always wiping myself for hours afterwords. It seems I can never either empty my bowels all the way or my sphincter is not helping my rectum stay closed. My stools are sorta loose. When I get a good hard stool, things are fine. HELP ME SOMEONE PLEASE!!!!! . . . . . . . . . . . . . tweety . . . . . . . laughing overload . . . . . . . Dr. Phunk to the Rescue!!! . .. . . . Here's what you do for a harder stool : I like to call it the "Phuturephunk Terds o' Steel Meal Plan™" First off, stay way from the starches (for now) and concentrate on eating high protien foods . . . like say . . Chicken . . . Here's a typical day's meal, follow this to a tee an you'll never have to wipe again . . I guarantee it, or I'll go to costo and buy you a pallette of Toilet paper . . . Breakfast : Chicken (unbreaded) and eggsLunch : Chicken (any preperation)Dinner : Chicken ( . . see above . . . ). . Now, that's ALOT of chicken, but that isn't the point . . . Be sure you get a healthy fill of walnuts and chex mix, snacking as needed through the day . . . Before each meal eat one properly ripened Banana . . This is a CRITICAL part of the process . . . It (the banana) will act as a binding agent for all the hellacious chicken and nuts your putting in your stomach . . . After dinner drink 2 tall glassess of water, take an immodium and go to sleep . . . . . . The next morning you'll pinch a magic terd . . . when I say "magic" terd I mean the kind that come out clean. . . where wiping becomes almost a formality rather than a neccessity . . . . . I must warn you though . . There is quite the possibility that it could become the "heinus" terd if it doesn't set up right in your large intestine or is not aligned properly with your Colon during the ejection phase . . . This will lead to great pain as you try to squeeze a terd that has the consistency of case hardened steel through that oh so tender 3rd input . . . Not fun . . If you find this happening to you, cut the Immodium dosage in half so that you don't dry up as much . . .Benefits and precautions : This can be a very healthy meal plan to follow, however we here at Phuturephunk Industries™ Don't recommend following it for more than 3 consecutive days in a row . . As your stools start to harden they will also act as a sort of plumbers pipe snake for your insides, which in turn will clean out all of the nastiness that has built up in your GI track. . . This can have some surpising and exciting effects during the ejection phase . . . . Let's just say, if you swallowed any marbles as a kid, you're in for a treat . . . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
synderella420 Posted January 19 Author Report Share Posted January 19 :laugh: I knew you would come to the rescue!!!!!!!!!!!! I knew you would laugh hysterically at this thread!!The doctor is in Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
phuturephunk Posted January 19 Report Share Posted January 19 Originally posted by synderella420 I knew you would come to the rescue!!!!!!!!!!!! I knew you would laugh hysterically at this thread!!The doctor is in . . . . . . always! . . I expect the Saturday Morning laugh a thon Syn . . keep posting . . . . . . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
djmikedr Posted January 19 Report Share Posted January 19 Ever Ponder:How do blind people know when to stop wiping? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
synderella420 Posted January 19 Author Report Share Posted January 19 Originally posted by phuturephunk . . . . . . always! . . I expect the Saturday Morning laugh a thon Syn . . keep posting . . . . . . Thank you my fan of silly posts!!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
synderella420 Posted January 19 Author Report Share Posted January 19 Originally posted by apotheosis Ever Ponder:How do blind people know when to stop wiping? Hmmm... good thought I wonder Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thehacker Posted January 19 Report Share Posted January 19 Originally posted by apotheosis Ever Ponder:How do blind people know when to stop wiping? truly, the mind boggles. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maxx330 Posted January 19 Report Share Posted January 19 interesting thread-----> :rolleyes: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
entrepreneur Posted January 19 Report Share Posted January 19 by reading posts i can just imagine what kinda person you are and what kinda life you have... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
synderella420 Posted January 19 Author Report Share Posted January 19 Originally posted by entrepreneur by reading posts i can just imagine what kinda person you are and what kinda life you have... Do u know me???? no??? So why would you think you know anything about me or about my life??? All I did was try to add some stupid silly threads to the board after all the drama that has happened and if you dont like it: DO NOT FUCKING READ IT NUFF SAID !!!!!!!!!!!! :D Hope you have a very nice day Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
djmikedr Posted January 19 Report Share Posted January 19 OK serious question about SHIT here:my friends were arguing this point, and honestly, if there ever a time and place to bring it up, now is it.1 says its healthy to shit every day (the gym going health nut)the other sayd no way, Shit is waste, and if you shit every day it means you are eating alot of stuff that makes "waste", thus if you eat a mix of food and not too much of excess of one thing, you simply just dont shit as much.What do you think? I'm torn. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
phuturephunk Posted January 19 Report Share Posted January 19 Originally posted by maxx330 interesting thread-----> :rolleyes: . . . Hold on . . . the crew called and you AINT on the list . . . so I got a consolation prize for ya : a nice tall glass of STFU!!! . . . . . . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pookie23 Posted January 19 Report Share Posted January 19 Originally posted by synderella420 Do u know me???? no??? So why would you think you know anything about me or about my life??? All I did was try to add some stupid silly threads to the board after all the drama that has happened and if you dont like it: DO NOT FUCKING READ IT NUFF SAID !!!!!!!!!!!! :D Hope you have a very nice day wanna play the nipple game?? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
liqidxtc Posted January 19 Report Share Posted January 19 sometimes loose stool can be associated with muchos anal penetration so if thats the case... stop now about the blind people, how else can they know to stop whiping except sniffing the toilet paper. u gotta remember, their senses are much more developed than ours yum yum Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PinkFloyd40 Posted January 19 Report Share Posted January 19 Originally posted by phuturephunk . . . . . . . tweety . . . . . . . laughing overload . . . . . . . Dr. Phunk to the Rescue!!! . .. . . . Here's what you do for a harder stool : I like to call it the "Phuturephunk Terds o' Steel Meal Plan™" First off, stay way from the starches (for now) and concentrate on eating high protien foods . . . like say . . Chicken . . . Here's a typical day's meal, follow this to a tee an you'll never have to wipe again . . I guarantee it, or I'll go to costo and buy you a pallette of Toilet paper . . . Breakfast : Chicken (unbreaded) and eggsLunch : Chicken (any preperation)Dinner : Chicken ( . . see above . . . ). . Now, that's ALOT of chicken, but that isn't the point . . . Be sure you get a healthy fill of walnuts and chex mix, snacking as needed through the day . . . Before each meal eat one properly ripened Banana . . This is a CRITICAL part of the process . . . It (the banana) will act as a binding agent for all the hellacious chicken and nuts your putting in your stomach . . . After dinner drink 2 tall glassess of water, take an immodium and go to sleep . . . . . . The next morning you'll pinch a magic terd . . . when I say "magic" terd I mean the kind that come out clean. . . where wiping becomes almost a formality rather than a neccessity . . . . . I must warn you though . . There is quite the possibility that it could become the "heinus" terd if it doesn't set up right in your large intestine or is not aligned properly with your Colon during the ejection phase . . . This will lead to great pain as you try to squeeze a terd that has the consistency of case hardened steel through that oh so tender 3rd input . . . Not fun . . If you find this happening to you, cut the Immodium dosage in half so that you don't dry up as much . . .Benefits and precautions : This can be a very healthy meal plan to follow, however we here at Phuturephunk Industries™ Don't recommend following it for more than 3 consecutive days in a row . . As your stools start to harden they will also act as a sort of plumbers pipe snake for your insides, which in turn will clean out all of the nastiness that has built up in your GI track. . . This can have some surpising and exciting effects during the ejection phase . . . . Let's just say, if you swallowed any marbles as a kid, you're in for a treat . . . bwahahahahaahahahahahahaahhahahaahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahhahaLMFAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO :laugh: this is what we need more of.. bring the situation comedy posts back like the old days!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rubik² Posted January 19 Report Share Posted January 19 Originally posted by apotheosis Ever Ponder:How do blind people know when to stop wiping? I thought they just sniff the toilet paper to know. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vixenfoxxy Posted January 19 Report Share Posted January 19 LAUGHING my FAWKING ASS OFF!!! Synderella and PhuturePhunk are the best!! :laugh2: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Xpander Posted January 19 Report Share Posted January 19 Originally posted by spragga25 wanna play the nipple game?? DAMMIT RAGGA, STOP THAT! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
barvybe Posted January 19 Report Share Posted January 19 Originally posted by apotheosis Ever Ponder:How do blind people know when to stop wiping? They use the 6th sense...As for shitting every day or not: its waste - quicker out the less waste left in. Besides, i'm not really interesting in building up multiday carrying capacity back there. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Xpander Posted January 19 Report Share Posted January 19 Originally posted by liqidxtc sometimes loose stool can be associated with muchos anal penetration so if thats the case... stop now about the blind people, how else can they know to stop whiping except sniffing the toilet paper. u gotta remember, their senses are much more developed than ours yum yum I never though smelling your own shit could be such a crucial part of one's existence........... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
barvybe Posted January 19 Report Share Posted January 19 how could u take anyone seriously when they say "that's smells like / tastes like shit"? i mean, when u criticize my cooking i'm assuming u know what u'r talking about. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nSyNcBaBy Posted January 19 Report Share Posted January 19 Originally posted by apotheosis OK serious question about SHIT here:my friends were arguing this point, and honestly, if there ever a time and place to bring it up, now is it.1 says its healthy to shit every day (the gym going health nut)the other sayd no way, Shit is waste, and if you shit every day it means you are eating alot of stuff that makes "waste", thus if you eat a mix of food and not too much of excess of one thing, you simply just dont shit as much.What do you think? I'm torn. not true... think about it... shit is not 'waste' as in.. waste from shitty food only... ever eat a "shitload" of broccoli??? lol... if shitting is only way to get rid of the crappy food u ate, then health freaks would never shit huh... whoever said that shitting isnt healthy, is obviously not very bright.... seriously... shit is waste... its broken down and digested food... all food creates waste.. thus is it healthy to relieve urself of this waste on a daily basis ::spokenlikeatrueexpert:: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Xpander Posted January 19 Report Share Posted January 19 Originally posted by barvybe how could u take anyone seriously when they say "that's smells like / tastes like shit"? i mean, when u criticize my cooking i'm assuming u know what u'r talking about. Come on Pete, you know everybody likes your cooking.....Unless I'm being brainless again and not know what I'm talking about........... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
synderella420 Posted January 19 Author Report Share Posted January 19 Originally posted by phuturephunk . . . Hold on . . . the crew called and you AINT on the list . . . so I got a consolation prize for ya : a nice tall glass of STFU!!! . . . . . . OMG reading the responses to this shit has me lmfaoooo !!It is nice to see some laughter on the board!Let me remind you guys this was just a joke and I do not have excessive wiping issues Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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