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the ******official****** fuck valentine's thread

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Just had this emailed to me:

Love Is a Many-Fangled Thing By TOM KUNTZ

New York Times

If Cupid ever gets himself a pickup truck, some chest hair, a barstool for an address and his share of woman trouble, he can put down his bow and quiver of love arrows. Supporting evidence is offered below: a selection of country song titles odes to lust, love and love gone bad recorded over the years by artists both well-known and obscure.

They've been authenticated by Mike Harden, a columnist for The Columbus Dispatch in Ohio. For more than a dozen years, Mr. Harden has perused record stores and music industry reference sources for his annual list of the Worst Country Song Titles of All Time Until the Next Time.

Want more bad titles? Then go to http://www.downstream.sk.ca/country.htm (no connection to Mr. Harden). But be forewarned. It's not easy to trace the provenance of songs like "If My Nose Were Full of Nickels, I'd Blow It All on You" or "You Done Tore My Heart Out and Stomped That Sucker Flat."

But who cares? Point is, they've got what it takes to be country song titles.

Which says a lot about country music. Which, in turn, has an awful lot to say about love.

An alphabetical listing follows.

Happy Valentine's Day.

All I Want From You (Is Away)

All My Exes Live in Texas

Beauty's in the Eye of the Beerholder

Bubba Shot the Jukebox

Did I Shave My Legs for This?

Don't Put Me in the Ex-Files

Don't Squeeze My Sharmon

Get Your Biscuits in the Oven, and Your Buns in the Bed

Guess My Eyes Were Bigger Than My Heart

He Can't Talk Without His Hands

Heaven's Just a Sin Away

Here's a Quarter (Call Someone Who Cares)

How Can I Miss You if You Won't Go Away?

How Come Your Dog Don't Bite Nobody but Me?

I Bought the Shoes That Just Walked Out on Me

I Don't Know Whether to Kill Myself or Go Bowling

I Got Tears in My Ears From Lying on My Bed Crying on My Pillow Over You

I Got You on My Conscience but at Least You're Off My Back

I Guess I Had Your Leavin' Coming

I Keep Forgettin' I Forgot About You

I Left Something Turned On at Home

I May Be Used, but Baby I Ain't Used Up

I Wanted You to Leave Until You Left Me

I Would Have Wrote You a Letter, but I Couldn't Spell Yuck!

I'd Rather Be Picked Up Here Than Put Down at Home

I'd Rather Pass Another Kidney Stone Than Another Night With You

If Fingerprints Showed Up on Skin, Wonder Whose I'd Find on You

If I Ain't Got It, You Don't Need It

If the Jukebox Took Teardrops

If the Phone Doesn't Ring, It's Me

If Whiskey Were a Woman, I'd Be Married for Sure

If You Can't Bite, Don't Growl

If You Leave Me, Can I Come Too?

I'll Give You Something to Drink About

I'll Marry You Tomorrow, but Let's Honeymoon Tonight

I'm Gonna Hire a Wino to Decorate Our Home

I'm Here to Get My Baby Out of Jail

I'm the Only Hell Mama Ever Raised It Only Takes One Bar (to Make a Prison)

I've Been Flushed From the Bathroom of Your Heart

I've Been Roped and Throwed by Jesus in the Holy Ghost Corral

Lay Something on My Bed Besides a Blanket

Let's Do Something Cheap and Superficial

Make Me Late for Work Today

My Head Hurts, My Feet Stink, and I Don't Love Jesus

My Wife Ran Off With My Best Friend, and I Sure Do Miss Him

Pardon Me, I've Got Someone to Kill

Queen of My Double-Wide Trailer

Redneck Martians Stole My Baby

Remember to Remind Me I'm Leavin'

Savin' the Honey for the Honeymoon

She Feels Like a New Man Tonight

She Thinks My Tractor's Sexy

She's Actin' Single . . . I'm Drinkin' Doubles

Shut Up and Talk to Me

Thank God and Greyhound She's Gone

The Chick's Too Young to Fry

The Man That Came Between Us (Was Me)

The Pint of No Return

There's a Tear in My Beer

Velcro Arms, Teflon Heart

Venom Wearin' Denim

Walk Out Backwards Slowly So I'll Think You're Walking in

We Never Killed Each Other (but Didn't We Try)?

Who's Gonna Mow Your Grass?

Who's Gonna Take the Garbage Out When I'm Dead and Gone?

Why Did You Leave the One You Left Me For?

You Can't Have Your Kate and Edith Too

Your Alibi Called Today

Your Coffee's on the Table but Your Sugar's Out the Door

Your Negligee Has Turned to Flannel Nightgowns

You're a Hard Dog to Keep Under the Porch

You're Going to Ruin My Bad Reputation

You're the Reason Our Kids Are So Ugly

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Originally posted by crank47

Just had this emailed to me:

Love Is a Many-Fangled Thing By TOM KUNTZ

New York Times

If Cupid ever gets himself a pickup truck, some chest hair, a barstool for an address and his share of woman trouble, he can put down his bow and quiver of love arrows. Supporting evidence is offered below: a selection of country song titles odes to lust, love and love gone bad recorded over the years by artists both well-known and obscure.

They've been authenticated by Mike Harden, a columnist for The Columbus Dispatch in Ohio. For more than a dozen years, Mr. Harden has perused record stores and music industry reference sources for his annual list of the Worst Country Song Titles of All Time Until the Next Time.

Want more bad titles? Then go to http://www.downstream.sk.ca/country.htm (no connection to Mr. Harden). But be forewarned. It's not easy to trace the provenance of songs like "If My Nose Were Full of Nickels, I'd Blow It All on You" or "You Done Tore My Heart Out and Stomped That Sucker Flat."

But who cares? Point is, they've got what it takes to be country song titles.

Which says a lot about country music. Which, in turn, has an awful lot to say about love.

An alphabetical listing follows.

Happy Valentine's Day.

All I Want From You (Is Away)

All My Exes Live in Texas

Beauty's in the Eye of the Beerholder

Bubba Shot the Jukebox

Did I Shave My Legs for This?

Don't Put Me in the Ex-Files

Don't Squeeze My Sharmon

Get Your Biscuits in the Oven, and Your Buns in the Bed

Guess My Eyes Were Bigger Than My Heart

He Can't Talk Without His Hands

Heaven's Just a Sin Away

Here's a Quarter (Call Someone Who Cares)

How Can I Miss You if You Won't Go Away?

How Come Your Dog Don't Bite Nobody but Me?

I Bought the Shoes That Just Walked Out on Me

I Don't Know Whether to Kill Myself or Go Bowling

I Got Tears in My Ears From Lying on My Bed Crying on My Pillow Over You

I Got You on My Conscience but at Least You're Off My Back

I Guess I Had Your Leavin' Coming

I Keep Forgettin' I Forgot About You

I Left Something Turned On at Home

I May Be Used, but Baby I Ain't Used Up

I Wanted You to Leave Until You Left Me

I Would Have Wrote You a Letter, but I Couldn't Spell Yuck!

I'd Rather Be Picked Up Here Than Put Down at Home

I'd Rather Pass Another Kidney Stone Than Another Night With You

If Fingerprints Showed Up on Skin, Wonder Whose I'd Find on You

If I Ain't Got It, You Don't Need It

If the Jukebox Took Teardrops

If the Phone Doesn't Ring, It's Me

If Whiskey Were a Woman, I'd Be Married for Sure

If You Can't Bite, Don't Growl

If You Leave Me, Can I Come Too?

I'll Give You Something to Drink About

I'll Marry You Tomorrow, but Let's Honeymoon Tonight

I'm Gonna Hire a Wino to Decorate Our Home

I'm Here to Get My Baby Out of Jail

I'm the Only Hell Mama Ever Raised It Only Takes One Bar (to Make a Prison)

I've Been Flushed From the Bathroom of Your Heart

I've Been Roped and Throwed by Jesus in the Holy Ghost Corral

Lay Something on My Bed Besides a Blanket

Let's Do Something Cheap and Superficial

Make Me Late for Work Today

My Head Hurts, My Feet Stink, and I Don't Love Jesus

My Wife Ran Off With My Best Friend, and I Sure Do Miss Him

Pardon Me, I've Got Someone to Kill

Queen of My Double-Wide Trailer

Redneck Martians Stole My Baby

Remember to Remind Me I'm Leavin'

Savin' the Honey for the Honeymoon

She Feels Like a New Man Tonight

She Thinks My Tractor's Sexy

She's Actin' Single . . . I'm Drinkin' Doubles

Shut Up and Talk to Me

Thank God and Greyhound She's Gone

The Chick's Too Young to Fry

The Man That Came Between Us (Was Me)

The Pint of No Return

There's a Tear in My Beer

Velcro Arms, Teflon Heart

Venom Wearin' Denim

Walk Out Backwards Slowly So I'll Think You're Walking in

We Never Killed Each Other (but Didn't We Try)?

Who's Gonna Mow Your Grass?

Who's Gonna Take the Garbage Out When I'm Dead and Gone?

Why Did You Leave the One You Left Me For?

You Can't Have Your Kate and Edith Too

Your Alibi Called Today

Your Coffee's on the Table but Your Sugar's Out the Door

Your Negligee Has Turned to Flannel Nightgowns

You're a Hard Dog to Keep Under the Porch

You're Going to Ruin My Bad Reputation

You're the Reason Our Kids Are So Ugly

ur a hard dowag to keep under the porch...

:laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

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Is there anybody else in here other than me that believes in love and in valentine's day???... Do you we have enough to start a "HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY" thread?? Girls??? Where are all the girls today?? Is it just me in here?? helloooo?? :confused:

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Originally posted by ellywelly

Is there anybody else in here other than me that believes in love and in valentine's day???... Do you we have enough to start a "HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY" thread?? Girls??? Where are all the girls today?? Is it just me in here?? helloooo?? :confused:

See Malanee's post. If that's not romantic, then I don't know what is!

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Originally posted by ellywelly

Is there anybody else in here other than me that believes in love and in valentine's day???... Do you we have enough to start a "HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY" thread?? Girls??? Where are all the girls today?? Is it just me in here?? helloooo?? :confused:

scratch wuz around here earlier and she wuz also upset, vixen also...so its not only the guys

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Originally posted by crank47

See Malanee's post. If that's not romantic, then I don't know what is!

Okay.. three things..

1. All I saw from Melanee is that she was going to fuck her valentines.:laugh:

2. Umm.. Crank I think we might be living on the same block ;)

3. WHy have I been mispelling stuff and not making sense today?

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Originally posted by ellywelly

Is there anybody else in here other than me that believes in love and in valentine's day???... Do you we have enough to start a "HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY" thread?? Girls??? Where are all the girls today?? Is it just me in here?? helloooo?? :confused:

I'm with ya, babe. ;) I'll be wearing my silk heart boxers on Thursday. And I've got a whole bag of Sweet Tart Hearts that say "Be Mine" on them. BTW, have you seen the new geeky Valentine hearts they've got out these days? They say like "E-mail Me" and shit like that.

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Originally posted by ellywelly

Okay.. three things..

1. All I saw from Melanee is that she was going to fuck her valentines.:laugh:

2. Umm.. Crank I think we might be living on the same block ;)

3. WHy have I been mispelling stuff and not making sense today?

1. Still sounds romantic to me. ;)

2. I hope you're not the person that keeps closing the elevator doors at Courthouse Metro right before I get there. :mad:

Actually I'm up the street at Barton and Clarendon.

3. It's Monday...

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