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reggie123

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Posts posted by reggie123

  1. thanks for the suggestions...i got em on my arm and chest from working out..and it sucks cuz you work so hard to get a nice body and then you get these damn stretch marks...SUCKS ASS!! ill have to try the cocoa butter sticks..

    but i dont get it how..there are some guys in the gym that have amazing bodies..but dont get stretch marks...

  2. thanks for the info...as for the $$ i wanna spend..im lookin to spend around 700-800 for air+hotel...i figure if we stay in sobe we wont really need a car...can i get something nice for that amount?? im also lookin to travel last week of august prob 25-29...from what i hear that is usually low season for hotels down there..

  3. Need some help ppl...planning a trip down to FL with the gf...we need a place we can relax and justlounge all day on a nice beach..but at night we are lookin to party hard!! any suggestions..

    i was thinkin of stayin in ft lauderdale and then just driving over to south beach at night...is this a good idea? not really familiar with the area down there...so was lookin for some opinions on whether this would be a worthwhile thing...

  4. > Subject: Holiday Spirit

    > >

    > >

    > > > Dear Santa,

    > > > I wud like a kool toy space ranjur > > > for Xmas. Iv ben a good boy all yeer. > > > YeR FReND,

    > > > BiLLy

    > > >

    > > > Dear Billy,

    > > > Nice spelling. You're on your way to > > > being a career lawncare specialist. > > > How 'bout I send you a f@## book

    > > > so you can learn to read and > > > write? I'm giving your older brother the space ranger, at least HE > > > can spell!

    > > > Santa

    > > > **********************************************

    > > > Dear Santa,

    > > > I have been a good girl all year, > > > and the only thing I ask for is peace > > > and joy in the world for everybody!

    > > > Love, > > > Sarah

    > > >

    > > > Dear Sarah,

    > > > Your parents smoked pot when they > > > had you, didn't they?

    > > > Santa

    > > > **********************************************

    > > > Dear Santa,

    > > > I've written you for three years now > > > asking for a fire truck. Please, I > > > really really want a fire truck this year! Love,

    > > > Joey

    > > >

    > > > Dear Joey,

    > > > Let me make it up to you. While you > > > sleep, I'm gonna torch your house. > > > You'll have more fire trucks than > > > you'll know what to do with.

    > > > Santa

    > > > ********************************************

    > > > Dear Santa,

    > > > I don't know if you can do this, but > > > for Christmas, I'd like for my > > > mommy and daddy to get back > > > together. Please see what you can do.

    > > > Love, > > > Teddy

    > > >

    > > > Dear Teddy,

    > > > What, and ruin that hot affair your > > > dad's still having with the > > > baby-sitter? He's banging her like a > > > screen door in a hurricane, > > > son! Let me get you some nice Legos > > > instead.

    > > > Santa

    > > > ********************************************

    > > > Dear Santa,

    > > > I need more Pokemon cards please! > > > All my friends have more Pokemon > > > cards than me. > > > Please see what you can do.

    > > > Love, > > > Michelle

    > > >

    > > > Dear Michelle,

    > > > It blows my f____ mind. Kids are > > > forcing their parents to buy > > > hundreds of dollars worth > > > of these stupid cards, and none of > > > you snot-nosed brats are even > > > learning to play the game. > > > Let me get you something more your

    > > > speed, like "Chutes and Ladders."

    > > > Santa

    > > > **********************************************

    > > > Dear Santa,

    > > > I want a new bike, playstation, a > > > train, some G.I. Joes, a dog, a > > > drum kit, a pony and a tuba.

    > > > Love, > > > Francis

    > > >

    > > > Dear Francis,

    > > > Anything else you little bastard?? > > > Who names their kid "Francis" > > > nowadays?

    > > > Santa

    > > > **********************************************

    > > > Dear Santa,

    > > > I left milk and cookies for you > > > under the tree, and I left carrots > > > for your reindeer outside the backdoor.

    > > > Love, > > > Susan

    > > >

    > > > Dear Susan,

    > > > Milk gives me the shits and carrots > > > make the deer fart in my face. > > > You want to be a kiss-ass? Leave me

    > > > a glass of Chivas Regal and some > > > Toblerone.

    > > > Santa

    > > > **********************************************

    > > > Dear Santa,

    > > > What do you do the other 364 days of > > > the year? Are you making toys? > > > Your friend,

    > > > Thomas

    > > >

    > > > Dear Thomas,

    > > > All toys get made in China. I have a > > > condo in Vegas, where I spend > > > most my time squeezing cocktail

    > > > waitresses asses, and losing all my cash at the craps table. Hey, > > > YOU wanted to know!

    > > > Santa

    > > > ********************************************

    > > > Dear Santa,

    > > > Do you see us when we're sleeping, > > > do you really know when we're > > > awake, like in the song?

    > > > Love, > > > Jessica

    > > >

    > > > Dear Jessica,

    > > > You are that gullible? Good luck in > > > whatever you do, I'm skipping > > > your house...

    > > > Santa

    > > > **********************************************

    > > > Dear Santa,

    > > > I really really want a puppy this > > > year. Please please please PLEASE,

    > > > Timmy

    > > >

    > > > Timmy,

    > > > That whinny begging shit may work > > > with your folks, but that crap > > > don't work up here. You're getting a

    > > > sweater again.

    > > > Santa

    > > > **********************************************

    > > > Dearest Santa,

    > > > We don't have a chimney in our > > > house, how do you get into our home?

    > > > Love, > > > Marky

    > > >

    > > > Mark,

    > > > Firstly, stop calling yourself > > > "Marky," that's why you're getting > > > your ass whipped at school. Secondly, you don't live in a house, > > > that's a low-rent apartment complex you're > > > living in. Thirdly, I get inside your pad just like all the burglars > do, > > > through your bedroom window.

    > > > Sweet Dreams!

  5. Know any of these idiots?

    > > > >

    > > > > IDIOTS IN SERVICE:

    > > > > > >>

    > > > > > >> This week, all our office phones went dead and I

    > > > > > >> had to contact the telephone repair people. They

    > > > > > >> promised to be out between 8:00 a.m. and 7:00

    > > > > > >> p.m. When I asked if they could give me a smaller

    > > > > > >> time window, the pleasant gentleman asked, "Would

    > > > > > >> you like us to call you before we come?" I replied

    > > > > > >> that I didn't see how he would be able to do that,

    > > > > > >> since our phones weren't working. He also re-

    > > > > > >> quested that we report future outages by email

    > > > > > >> (Does YOUR email work without a telephone line?).

    > > > > > >>

    > > > > > >> IDIOTS AT WORK:

    > > > > > >>

    > > > > > >> I was signing the receipt for my credit card

    > > > > > >> purchase when the clerk noticed I had never

    > > > > > >> signed my name on the back of the credit card.

    > > > > > >> She informed me that she could not complete the

    > > > > > >> transaction unless the card was signed.

    > > > > > >>

    > > > > > >> When I asked why, she explained that it was

    > > > > > >> necessary to compare the signature I had just

    > > > > > >> signed on the receipt. So I signed the credit

    > > > > > >> card in front of her. She carefully compared the

    > > > > > >> signature to the one I had just signed on the

    > > > > > >> receipt. As luck would have it, they matched.

    > > > > > >>

    > > > > > >> IDIOTS IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD:

    > > > > > >>

    > > > > > >> I live in a semi-rural area. We recently had a

    > > > > > >> new neighbor call the local township administrative

    > > > > > >> office to request the removal of the Deer Crossing

    > > > > > >> sign on our road. The reason: too many deer were

    > > > > > >> being hit by cars and he didn't want them to cross

    > > > > > >> there anymore.

    > > > > > >>

    > > > > > >> IDIOTS IN FOOD SERVICE:

    > > > > > >>

    > > > > > >> My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered

    > > > > > >> a taco. She asked the person behind the counter

    > > > > > >> for "minimal lettuce."

    > > > > > >> He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg.

    > > > > > >>

    > > > > > >> IDIOT SIGHTING #1:

    > > > > > >>

    > > > > > >> I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when

    > > > > > >> an airport employee asked, "Has anyone put any-

    > > > > > >> thing in your baggage without your knowledge?"

    > > > > > >>

    > > > > > >> To which I replied, "If it was without my knowledge,

    > > > > > >> how would I know?"

    > > > > > >>

    > > > > > >> He smiled knowingly and nodded, "That's why we

    > > > > > >> ask."

    > > > > > >>

    > > > > > >> IDIOT SIGHTING #2:

    > > > > > >>

    > > > > > >> The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it's safe

    > > > > > >> to cross the street. I was crossing with an

    > > > > > >> intellectectually-challenged coworker of mine when she

    > > > > > >> asked if I knew

    > > > > > >> what the buzzer was for. I explained that it signals blind

    > > > > > >> people when the light is red.

    > > > > > >> Appalled, she responded, "What on earth are blind people

    > > > > > >> doing driving?!"

    > > > > > >>

    > > > > > >> IDIOT SIGHTING #3:

    > > > > > >>

    > > > > > >> At a good-bye luncheon for an old and dear co-worker

    > > > > > >> who was leaving the company due to "downsizing," our

    > > > > > >> manager commented cheerfully, "This is fun. We should

    > > > > > >> do this more often."

    > > > > > >>

    > > > > > >> Not a word was spoken. We all just looked at each

    > > > > > >> other with that deer-in-the-headlights stare.

    > > > > > >>

    > > > > > >> IDIOT SIGHTING #4:

    > > > > > >>

    > > > > > >> I work with an individual who plugged her power strip

    > > > > > >> back into itself and for the life of her couldn't understand

    > > > > > >> why her system would not turn on.

    > > > > > >>

    > > > > > >> IDIOT SIGHTING #5:

    > > > > > >>

    > > > > > >> When my husband and I arrived at an automobile

    > > > > > >> dealership to pick up our car, we were told the keys

    > > > > > >> had been locked in it.

    > > > > > >> We went to the service department and found a

    > > > > > >> mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver's

    > > > > > >> side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I

    > > > > > >> instinctively tried the door handle and discovered

    > > > > > >> that it was unlocked.

    > > > > > >>

    > > > > > >> "Hey," I announced to the technician, "It's open!"

    > > > > > >>

    > > > > > >> To which he replied, "I know - I already got that

    > > > > > >> side."

    > > > > > >>

    > > > > > >> NOW DON'T YOU FEEL BETTER?

    > > >

    cwm27.gif

  6. Some of these are new and some are old....really funny!!!!

    Actual label instructions on consumer goods...

    On a blanket from Taiwan:

    NOT TO BE USED AS PROTECTION FROM A TORNADO

    On a helmet mounted mirror used by US cyclists:

    REMEMBER, OBJECTS IN THE MIRROR ARE ACTUALLY BEHIND YOU

    On a Korean kitchen knife:

    KEEP OUT OF CHILDREN

    On an Indonesian packet of nuts:

    OPEN PACKET AND EAT CONTENTS

    On a pack of Sainsbury's (UK) salted peanuts:

    WARNING: CONTAINS NUTS

    On a Taiwanese shampoo:

    USE REPEATEDLY FOR SEVERE DAMAGE

    On a Marks and Spencer's (UK) bread and butter pudding:

    WARNING: PRODUCT WILL BE HOT AFTER HEATING

    On the bottle-top of a flavoured milk drink:

    AFTER OPENING, KEEP UPRIGHT

    On an Aussie iron:

    WARNING: NEVER IRON CLOTHES ON THE BODY.

    On a New Zealand insect spray:

    THIS PRODUCT NOT TESTED ON ANIMALS.

    In an American guide to setting up a new computer:

    TO AVOID CONDENSATION FORMING, ALLOW THE BOXES TO WARM UP TO ROOM TEMPERATURE BEFORE OPENING. (Sensible, but the instruction was on the INSIDE of the box.)

    On a Japanese product used to relieve painful hemorrhoids:

    LIE DOWN ON BED AND INSERT POSCOOL SLOWLY UP TO THE PROJECTED PORTION LIKE A SWORD-GUARD INTO ANAL DUCT. WHILE INSERTING POSCOOL FOR APPROXIMATELY 5 MINUTES, KEEP QUIET.

    On a hotel provided shower cap in a box:

    FITS ONE HEAD.

    On Tesco's tiramisu dessert:

    DO NOT TURN UPSIDE DOWN. (printed on bottom of the box)

    On Boot's children's cough medicine:

    DO NOT DRIVE CAR OR OPERATE MACHINERY. cwm26.gif

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