getting dumped or dumping yourself?

[tastey]

following hypothetical situation: you want to break up with a girl.

now, of course you want that to do that without hurting her too much, however it is obviously not possible to do that WITHOUT hurting her. i think it is better to get caught cheating deliberitly by the girl YOU want to break up with. see why and tell me what you think about it.

following situation:

a) he sees him kissing with another girl. she will dump him and say "all men are assholes" (till she mets the next she falls in love with). so she will basically blame "all the horny unfaithful assholes that can´t keep their hands to themselves". IOW she will blame THE GUY.

he dumps her. tells her he doesn´t love her any more or some shit. now she will definately MORE LIKELY go "what have *i* done wrong blah blah". IOW she will blame HERSELF.

now in a) she will be over the guy, in a split second, she will probably never consider to be with him again. she will be hurt and blame him, but she will very likely find someone else that she loves again.

in however it definately hurts HERSELF more, cause she searches the faults ONLY in herself, and probably try to pursue the guy anyway, cause she still loves him, which will all leave much bigger scars than case a).

opinions?

[clubkat]

Originally posted by tastey

now in a) she will be over the guy, in a split second, she will probably never consider to be with him again. she will be hurt and blame him, but she will very likely find someone else that she loves again.

in however it definately hurts HERSELF more, cause she searches the faults ONLY in herself, and probably try to pursue the guy anyway, cause she still loves him, which will all leave much bigger scars than case a).

opinions?

speaking from a WOMANS POINT OF VIEW. . .(because only a man would think that the average woman will get over a cheater in a split second (oh my stomach hurts, that made me laugh to much )

Did the thought never cross your mind that if the "avarage" love struck woman catches her man cheating, she wouldnt think "omfg whats wrong with me. . .what did i do wrong? am i not good enough for him anymore? did i not please him?"- still love him anyway and then fall into a slump of depression?

Both examples will pretty much have the same outcome. . .yes the woman will always be hurt. . .but she will also have a torn ego.

[tommyarmani]

.

[tommyarmani]

.

[tastey]

Originally posted by clubkat

speaking from a WOMANS POINT OF VIEW. . .(because only a man would think that the average woman will get over a cheater in a split second (oh my stomach hurts, that made me laugh to much )

what i meant was that a woman would be less likely to crawl after a cheater than after a guy that told her he wouldn´t love her any more. so in a way, she gets over the cheater faster than over the "i just don´t love you any more" type

Did the thought never cross your mind that if the "avarage" love struck woman catches her man cheating, she wouldnt think "omfg whats wrong with me. . .what did i do wrong? am i not good enough for him anymore? did i not please him?"- still love him anyway and then fall into a slump of depression?

yeah, but in this case if she falls into depression she has an escape route, if she doesn´t take that in the first place. and that is "BLAME THE GUY". case is totally lacking that "escape route".

Both examples will pretty much have the same outcome. . .yes the woman will always be hurt. . .but she will also have a torn ego.

there has to a solution, there is always a solution. it may not be perfect but it must exist a better solutions. i´ll think about it, food for thought always good

[tastyt]

Damn, of all things you've so far proven yourself to be, I would never have guessed you were a coward as well.

[rdancer]

here man this is all you need :

GET DUMPED IN 30 DAYS

Maxim, November 2001

Breaking up is hard to do. Or is it? Maxim’s foolproof plan will make her do the dirty deed—and leave you smelling like a rose. A single, slurping-from-the-milk-carton rose.

It’s over. In fact, it was over around three major gift-giving holidays ago. The only problem? Your girlfriend hasn’t gotten the hint yet. And most men, even when we desperately need to end a relationship, just can’t pull that “thanks for the last five years of your life but you just ain’t the one†plug. (C’mon, she might cry or something!) But hold on—what if we could convince her to do the dumping? The Holy Grail is to get her to do the deed and blame herself—but even getting pink-slipped for being mentally unstable assholes beats facing a conversation about “what my heart is telling me to do.†Maxim to the rescue! Follow our day-by-day strategy of better-half-repelling gambits and we guarantee even the most steadfast female will buy you a one-way bus ticket to Splitsville. Ex-girlfriend-tested!

Initial phase: Plant the seed

She’s grown used to, even comfortable with, your little quirks and faults. That means it’s time to add a bunch more while still coming off as a nice enough guy to have a shot at her hot friends when it’s over.

DAY 1

Roll your eyes at everything she says, especially the question “What the hell are you rolling your eyes at?â€

Why it works: Because it combines two things that already get under her skin: your lack of communication and making her feel like a dingbat.

DAY 2

Pawn all the gifts she’s ever given you for quick cash, offering the explanation that none were really your style anyway.

Why it works: Women put a lot of thought into even the most silly, useless, stupid gifts. Returning them makes her think you don’t appreciate the effort or something.

DAY 3

Start taking her mother’s side in arguments.

Why it works: She was only dating you to piss off her mom in the first place. Trust us.

DAY 4

Actually listen to her yak about her coworkers, then ask to see photos so that you can put faces to all the names. Pick out an especially hot gal and request more pics…preferably posed in a Catholic-schoolgirl outfit…and down on all fours.

Why it works: Because her office Christmas party is right around the corner.

DAY 5

Declare that it’s high time you two got rid of that ratty old futon…then replace it with bunk beds. Thumb-wrestle her for who gets top bunk.

Why it works: She wants a soul mate, not an extended stay at Camp No-Nooky.

DAY 6

Tell her that since women live longer than men, it just breaks your heart to contemplate how devastated she’s going to be when you pass away and leave her all alone.

Why it works: She doesn’t really want a man who overobsesses about the distant future more than she does.

DAY 7

Make a fuss over her impending birthday, then when it arrives…don’t do a damn thing. Don’t even bring it up. When she starts throwing pots and pans at you at 11:59 that night, calmly reply, “But you said you didn’t want to make a big deal out of it. Is your memory starting to sag, too?â€

Why it works: Much like Third World dictators, women still believe their adult birthdays are special events that others should give a rat’s ass about celebrating.

DAY 8

Whenever she leaves the room for a moment, tip over all framed couple photos so that she finds them facedown. Pretend it’s a mystery to you, too.

Why it works: Even if she believes you, most women are secretly more superstitious than a gypsy fortune-teller during a full eclipse.

DAY 9

Wedgie time! “Does this hurt? OK, how ’bout now?â€

Why it works: The only thing lower than her tolerance for pain is her tolerance for guys who consider thong underwear an irresistible target.

DAY 10

Ask if she considers oral sex to be cheating. When she says yes, ask if that includes strippers. When she says yes, ask if that includes when you’re really, really wasted. When she says of course yes, nod your head and say, “Good to know.â€

Why it works: Because she hasn’t fully embraced the modern service economy.

Intermediate phase: Push her buttons

You’ve got her nervous enough to reconsider your suitability as a long-term mate but not enough to cancel your every-Friday date? Now’s the time to toss a few gallons of gasoline onto that burning bridge.

DAY 11

Present her with a “date bill†for every meal, concert ticket, video rental, and cover charge you’ve ever lavished on her. When she goes pale, act confused: Doesn’t she want to be “equal partners� State that you’ll gladly consider it a loan—repayable over 36 months at 11.5 percent interest.

Why it works: Because she doesn’t want to be reminded of all the times she’s blown off her belief in gender equality—and she sure as hell doesn’t want to pay her share.

DAY 12

Be logical.

Why it works: They hate that.

DAY 13

Spend the entire day wistfully working on a thick scrapbook devoted to past girlfriends. Include her, but label it “Volume 1.â€

Why it works: You didn’t even allow her to take a camera on your romantic trip to wine country.

DAY 14

Leave your dirty Levi’s lying on the floor for her to pick up, as usual—only this time slip a pair of her panties inside.

Why it works: Hey, it may have excited her that one time, but it was only supposed to be that one time…

DAY 15

Insist on discussing politics at a fancy dinner party with her friends, concluding with the statement, “Well, I don’t know if I’m pro-choice or not, but I sure as hell wish Hillary’s mother had gotten herself one of them partial-birth abortions.â€

Why it works: Because the REMEMBER RUBY RIDGE tank top you’re wearing may not be mortifying enough.

DAY 16

Leave some mail-order Japanese pornos lying around the house.

Why it works: Even cool chicks who “allow†their guys to watch porn will pack their bags when they get a gander at Teriyaki Vomit Sluts, Vol. IV.

DAY 17

Start calling her by any other name than her own, especially “Bubbles†and “Connie.†When she demands to know who these women are, reply, “Oh, just some girls I used to do a circus act with—I mean, nobody.†When she asks again, tell her she’s imagining things.

Why it works: Being paranoid and suspicious is part of a woman’s genetic makeup—any extra help from you is pure gravy.

DAY 18

Cultivate a fondness for extreme quickies; at the moment you climax, yell, “Hoo-ah! I took another 20 seconds off my best time!â€

Why it works: Her definition of foreplay involves you at least bothering to remove her pants.

DAY 19

When she asks if a new skirt makes her butt look big, reply, “Nope—I think it’s your fat ass.â€

Why it works: Because, admit it—you’ve been wanting to say that for years.

DAY 20

Install a Webcam in her bathroom. When she discovers it, explain that with all the moola you’ve been raking in with www.sudsygirlfriend.com, you’ll finally be able to take her on that bass-fishing holiday to the Ozarks.

Why it works: She never allows her picture to be taken without makeup.

Advanced phase: Go wild

God, she’s dragging this out. At this point you can’t worry about getting away clean, pal. You’re a wild animal with your leg caught in a trap, and it’s time to start gnawing through bone.

DAY 21

Get religion: the Druid religion. While wearing a dark, flowing robe, explain that your sudden conversion to polytheistic, nature-worshiping paganism is due to an abiding love for nature, trees…and chicken sacrifice.

Why it works: Because she already knows how you feel about her teeny dog.

DAY 22

Bring your secretary home with the explanation that you’re helping her pay for beauty school and you think it would save money if she sleeps in the living room for a while.

Why it works: Your gal naturally feels threatened by the presence of another woman, especially one who can give a killer neck massage and doesn’t complain about picking up your dry cleaning. (Bonus: If she doesn’t dump you, your odds of experiencing a threesome have risen by 80 percent.)

DAY 23

Wake her up in the middle of the night and ask her if she thinks that if a guy made out with another guy just one time it makes him gay.

Why it works: Because, yes, it does.

DAY 24

Develop a strange but severe allergic reaction to her presence, requiring her to get rid of (in order) her favorite perfume, cosmetics, shampoo, linens, carpet, and cat. Then decide it was just a little poison oak.

Why it works: Because she’s already halfway to a clean start—and now she thinks you’re a moron, to boot.

DAY 25

Next time she gets her period, instead of sympathizing about her cramps and mood swings, just grin and crow, “Yes-s-s-s! Blow job week has arrived!â€

Why it works: ’Cause, let’s face it—it shouldn’t take much to make her go ballistic right now.

DAY 26

Buy her a revealing red dress. When she models it for you, act impressed and say, “Wow, that’s really sexy. No man could resist you in that. In fact, if you walked down to the corner and waved at a few passing cars, I bet you could get three, no, four dates tonight. By the way, have I mentioned the loan shark who’s threatening to bust my—our—kneecaps?â€

Why it works: Because playing pimps and hos in the bedroom is one thing; doing it in night court is another.

DAY 27

Loudly and repeatedly shout the words “Heil!†during intercourse.

Why it works: We’re not sure. It just does.

DAY 28

While she’s in the shower, fill her underwear drawer with 500 live crawfish. When she screams in horror, rush back into the room and say, “Oh, that. I was going to make you a Cajun feast last night, but, darn it, I just got attached to the little buggers.â€

Why it works: Because she’ll never be able to slip into fresh undies again without thinking of Paul Prudhomme.

DAY 29

Call in a tip identifying her as a suspect from America’s Most Wanted. When she’s released from custody, offer the excuse that you, like your hero McGruff the Crime Dog, were just trying to take a bite out of crime.

Why it works: Because you didn’t even mistake her for a pretty felon.

DAY 30

Videotape yourself having sex with her sister, post a clip to the Internet, and e-mail the URL to her mom and all her gal pals.

Why it works: Because, dammit, nothing else did.

FREEDOM!

IS IT TIME TO BAIL YET?

Not sure if your relationship’s over? The answer is 10 questions away.

1. You begin most mornings with:

a. Sex so exhausting you’re both late for work.

b. Half a cup of Sanka and a quick kiss good-bye.

c. A double vodka.

2. You get a call that your father is seriously ill. You say to yourself:

a. “Thank God my girlfriend is here for me now.â€

b. “I hope the old man pulls through.â€

c. â€Excellent! A week back home, away from her!â€

3. You cook dinner at your place. She brings:

a. A delicious homemade chocolate dessert.

b. An expensive bottle of vintage wine.

c. Those children she never quite got around to telling you about.

4. You meet her old college friends at a class reunion, and they:

a. Are crazy about you!

b. Cautiously accept you.

c. Can’t all be taken, right?

5. “Your song†comes on the radio. You say:

a. “Wanna go upstairs?â€

b. “Hey, this sounds sorta familiar.â€

c. â€Quick, change the station! The second half’s about to start!â€

6. She meets your ex, and:

a. Your girlfriend makes catty remarks about her clothes later.

b. They share a few laughs at your expense.

c. You lie awake in bed the whole night reminiscing about what a good thing you used to have.

7. If you run into your girlfriend while you’re out, she’s most likely:

a. On a “girls’ night out†with her pals.

b. Having a business dinner with some guy you’ve never met.

c. Giving $2 lap dances at an airport strip club.

8. After agreeing to go to couples therapy, you:

a. Learn to understand her passive-aggressive nature.

b. Realize that women really are from Venus.

c. Start fantasizing about being tied up and spanked by the counselor.

9. She surprises you with a threesome, and:

a. It’s better than you could ever have imagined.

b. You never completely trust each other again.

c. Your ass is really sore the next morning.

10. When she prattles on about her family, you:

a. Listen attentively and ask questions.

b. Tune her out and nod your head at appropriate intervals.

c. Add another bullet to your game of Russian roulette.

SCORING: Add ’em up: one point for each A answer, two points for B, three points for C.

10?17: Yeah, she’s a pain, but so are you. Stick with it.

18?25: Keep your options open.

26?30: Hospitals have a code for this sort of thing: DNR.

[tastey]

Originally posted by tastyt

Damn, of all things you've so far proven yourself to be, I would never have guessed you were a coward as well.

tell me again why i am a coward

oh i see, you mean cause i don´t tell her right away? maybe you have overread it, but women i care about, i like to leave them with the as less harm done as possible. sorry i don´t just think in the present but also into the future

[tastyt]

Originally posted by tastey

tell me again why i am a coward

oh i see, you mean cause i don´t tell her right away? maybe you have overread it, but women i care about, i like to leave them with the as less harm done as possible. sorry i don´t just think in the present but also into the future

This is a cowardly route because it is making it easier on YOURSELF, not on the girl you claim you are trying to hurt as little as possible. You are, in fact, doing a lot more damage to her. The assumptions you have based this idea on could not have been any more wrong-

1. Just because a girl catches you cheating does not necessarily mean she will break up with you. And even if she does, no way will she be over it "in a split second."

2. IF she is the type of girl who will think "what is wrong with me" because a guy dumps her the honorable way... she will think the same exact thing if he cheats on her... only it will be a million times worse because she has seen with her own two eyes how he doesn't care about or respect her. Visuals like that are not pretty.

3. Not only will she think something's wrong with her, she'll also now have huge trust issues to deal with.

[tastey]

Originally posted by tastyt

1. Just because a girl catches you cheating does not necessarily mean she will break up with you. And even if she does, no way will she be over it "in a split second."

2. IF she is the type of girl who will think "what is wrong with me" because a guy dumps her the honorable way... she will think the same exact thing if he cheats on her... only it will be a million times worse because she has seen with her own two eyes how he doesn't care about or respect her. Visuals like that are not pretty.

3. Not only will she think something's wrong with her, she'll also now have huge trust issues to deal with.

okay these are probably true points

thanks for giving me another (in this case better) perspective

[tastyt]

Originally posted by tastey

okay these are probably true points

thanks for giving me another (in this case better) perspective

Anytime babe. Sometimes it helps to have a little insight into the female mind (as complicated and twisted as it may be).

[gothzane]

the only way to pull it off is to act out "What Women Want"

..."I know we had a great time togeather....but im really really gay...but if any of that ever changes....youll be the first to know...."

works for me...