dreams2 Posted June 30 Report Share Posted June 30 Ok i need to know what some other people think about a situation. so here it goes. i have a friend who has been with a guy for the past year and a half and he is a total dick. he doesnt let her go out any place that plays music (bars, clubs, nothing), he doesnt let her hang out with certain friends, she has a cell phone just so he can get in touch with her when ever the fuck he feels like it, she cant have guy friends and get this.... she is not allowed to have his home phone number or know where he lives.. but they have been together A YEAR AND A HALF!!!!!!!!!!! now everytime they break up she realizes that hes a fuckin psycho but they always get back together and she claims he is so perfect. and i know its because she is not the prettiest girl and she thinks that she will never find anyone else so she stays with him. now last night me, her and our other friend were gonna go to some bar and she was all up for it. then she calls our friend back saying well he (her bf) wont let her go. so my friend calls me all pissy. so i got annoyed and wanted to call her but didnt have the time. so then 2 hrs later my phone rings again and its our friend again saying that she found out why our friends bf wouldnt let her go - because there is music there. so i got so fucking pissed i called her (kinda being snotty asking her if she is still ALLOWED to go to the bon jovi concert in july with me since there will be music there and i was just informed she is not to go to any place where there will be music) and ended up going off on her saying her bf is a fuckin psycho and she needs to live her life and thats shes a fuckin moron for being with him and that if she decides to stay with him then to never call me when he fucks up because ill hang up on her and to never bring him in my presence because i will tell him what i think of him.(mind you in the past 1 1/2 years i have only met him once and from the 10 mins he met me - he thinks im a bad influence - me of all people). so needless to say my friend is now mad at me but its been a year and a half and everyone one of our friends bitches and complains about how she is being treated but no one has the balls to say anything - so i did. my one friend thinks i did the wrong thing but i dont. shes my friend and shes with a fucking control freak that wont let her live her life and she takes it... would you say anything if you saw one of ur friends being treated this way. ------------------*~*In 3 words I can sum up everything I have learned about life - IT GOES ON*~**~*Leave nothing but footprints, take nothing but memories*~* *~*There are moments in life when you miss someone so much that you just want to pick them from your dreams and hug them for real.*~*[This message has been edited by dreams2 (edited 06-30-2001).] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
karch Posted July 1 Report Share Posted July 1 Dude you totally did the right the thing!!! Cause if your not gonna tell her... who the hell is??? Why does the guy do that to her though? Is it like cause he's super religous? I think you gotta really get it through her head. And especially if she doesn't know his address..... after being together for 1 and a half years. That is just crazy. Anyways you did the right thing.------------------Use BROWN EYES guest list at Exit Fridays!!!*Did you find your ecstacy?*E-mail: PrimeKMB2@aol.comAIM: PrimeKMB2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dreams2 Posted July 1 Author Report Share Posted July 1 he does it to her because she lets him. hes in no way religious. hes just a control freak. hes a fat fucking slob that would be absouluty nothing without her and would have no one. so he controls every move she makes to make sure shes not cheating or with anyone that is a "bad influence" (like myself.. umkay). its just sick. and it got to the point that i couldnt hear it anymore so i flipped out on her. i dont know.. i mean i think that i would hope my freinds would say something to me if that were me instead of talking shit behind my back. but my one friend thinks that i was way out of line. and with her saying that to me it just makes me wonder... by the way-- im a bad influence because i like to go to bars and clubs and because before she met him she had smoked weed with me a few times and did x together once. and trust me i am one of those people that i will do drugs maybe 5x a year - at the VERY most!!!!------------------*~*In 3 words I can sum up everything I have learned about life - IT GOES ON*~**~*Leave nothing but footprints, take nothing but memories*~* *~*There are moments in life when you miss someone so much that you just want to pick them from your dreams and hug them for real.*~*[This message has been edited by dreams2 (edited 06-30-2001).] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bootycallguy Posted July 1 Report Share Posted July 1 DAMN! I NEED A GIRL LIKE THAT, SO SHE CAN CLEAN THE HOUSE, DO THE LAUNDRY AND BE MY SLAVE. MAN, YOUR GIRL NEEDS TO BUILD HER SELF ESTEEM. I WOULDN'T BE SURPRISE IF HER BF IS ABUSIVE TO HER BUT SHE WON'T TELL NO ONE. SHE'S ALREADY BRANDED. LET HER SUFFER, IT IS HER OWN WILL TO CHANGE NOT ANYONE ELSES. IF SHE'S CONTENT IN BEING A SLAVE THEN LET HER BE.------------------ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dreams2 Posted July 1 Author Report Share Posted July 1 i would just let her be but shes my friend. and i hate to see her being treated like this.everytime they break up she is the first one to see what a psycho he is. but then she always gets back with him and will sit there and try to convince everyone how perfect he is.its crazy. and when i went off on her yest she just kept saying "i know and trust me everything you are saying is things i say to myself every day". ughhhhh im so frustrated!!------------------*~*In 3 words I can sum up everything I have learned about life - IT GOES ON*~**~*Leave nothing but footprints, take nothing but memories*~* *~*There are moments in life when you miss someone so much that you just want to pick them from your dreams and hug them for real.*~* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dialectics Posted July 1 Report Share Posted July 1 my xgf refused to let me go clubbin for 1.5 years - not because she was jealous or scared that i would meet someone else - but because she thought it was "trite" and i couldn't explain why i liked it to her satisfaction. she said i was "above it". i was sooooo in love with her - and it got to the point where i didn't even WANT to go out. it wasn't just with clubs n stuff, she wouldn't let me to ANYTHING she considered trite. she was the love of my life but now that we're broken up i see how f**ked up that was. truth be told, she couldn't appreciate that stuff and didn't want me to have an outlet for happiness that wasn't her or art. all of my friends warned me about it and I totally didn't listen - it took me a long time to get over her, but i did and that's that. you totally did the right thing - her situation isn't going to get any better if if left to its own devices. the guy is a prick and she should stay 1000 miles away from him. abusive relationships are soooo hard to leave because you start to depend on the other person for your happiness. IMHO, you should pull her out by her ears and show her that she can be happy on her own. just my $.02 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
musicbeat Posted July 1 Report Share Posted July 1 nothing much you can do about it, I know 'cause my sister got herself in a similar situation and after years nothing has worked and they're still togetherthe only way you can be her friend is by accepting the fact that 'psycho' will be around no matter what you saylost cause, accept it and be her good friend---that's all you can do. other than calling the cops if things get out of hand but u don't want to get too involved, it's her life and she's gotta deal with the circumstances Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
live1 Posted July 1 Report Share Posted July 1 That's a pretty fucked up situation. I think they've both got a few issues with themselves and you can only do so much and the rest has to be up to her. You cant change anyone - they have to want to change themselves. She'll (hopefully) come to a point where she needs more for herself and will tell this ass hole to go fuck himself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
xtotaleclipsex Posted July 1 Report Share Posted July 1 I completely know where you are coming from. A good friend of mine started dating this guy we used to work with. At the time she way 17 and he was 23! He is not a loser, they did just really start liking each other, and I also think they settled for each other because they had each been single for a while. Anyways I had objected to their relationship from the begininng and made it soooo clear to them. She had hidden it from me for about a month and the day she told me...I called him and talked to him about how he better be so fucking sure he really wants this and he better be good to her and that they should wait. My friend regardless of her age is very immature and naive. She doesn't doubt a thing anyone tells her so I wanted to protect her from her stupid self. They have now been together for a year and a half. He treats her good, but not with the respect he should. She has made no effort to hang out with her friends. Our friendship now is not even there. I got sick of trying to get her to go out with us or realize she is worth more than him. Yet she makes herself look like the victim, that we do not ask her to do anything. I am just so sick of her shit.He did not even want to go to her prom, which she had asked him to go like 6 months in advance because he was embarrassed. Ya know what though, he was dating a fucking girl in high school, he was embarrassed of her. Her father ended up talking to him, so he did go. He made her night miserable. And he didn't even show up to her graduation. I don't care what you are doing or where you are, if you truely care for someone, you will want to be there for them. There were so many instances where he treated her like shit. She is so whipped by him it is disgusting, but because I wanted to protect and make her realize how he treats her, our friendship was ruined in the process. ------------------ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
imaqtxoxo Posted July 1 Report Share Posted July 1 dreams hun, u did the right thing but, now its time to step away! all u can do now is listen if your friend wants to talk. don't give any advice or at least try not too!!! i have a friend who has been with an asshole for 7 years...he was the same exact way too in the beginning. well, 7 years later, they have two kids, he cheats on her, does not let her have a life @ all and so she gets the short end of the stick! but, she loves him.for the past 5 years i have always been there for her, no matter what! her predicament is tough, she always has an excuse for not leaving, so i offered to help her get away from him and it didn't matter...there was another excuse!sometimes, people are so insecure and afraid of being by themselves that they actually allow themselves to be walked all over! its really sad but some people like being treated as someone elses property.my friend would only complain about how much she couldn't stand him, she wanted to leave, yada yada yada....i would give her advice, tell her how it looks from the outside looking in, but he has literally brainwashed her! i don't even speak to her anymore because everything out of her mouth is well "frank thinks..." and "frank says..." and honestly i'm good on it! i wish i never gave her advice though because i do miss our friendship, but i can't stand frank, one word = DICK! and that is who she has become...so if u want to keep your friendship, try not to give too much advice...she is going to do what she wants regardless and i've learned that no matter how wrong their decision is its still "THEIR" decision! J------------------ www.djcentral.com Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
xtotaleclipsex Posted July 1 Report Share Posted July 1 You know what you can do....print out everyone's responce on your situation and send it to your friend. Make her read everything. She is already mad, so if this doesn't make her open her eyes, then nothing will. I don't care how not so pretty someone is, there is always someone out there that will treat you better than that.Sometimes you just want to scream at them and make them see what is going on.------------------ [This message has been edited by xtotaleclipsex (edited 07-01-2001).] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dreams2 Posted July 1 Author Report Share Posted July 1 ok well now i know that i really didnt do the wrong thing. its just SOOOOO aggrivating to me. our mutal friend called me last night saying that i made our friend cry when i called her and yelled at her. but i told her the truth and in her case - the truth hurts. sorry i made her cry but someone needed to say it. i dont know - just no matter what i cant see why anyone would stand to be treated like that. i have been single for the past year and a half and sometimes i hate it but i would MUCH rather be single than EVER deal with that shit. and my friends whole thing is she would rather deal with it than be single. Im not trying to say that im the strongest person in the world (emotionally) but i know that i would never let anyone do that to me. im just amazed how fucked up people really are!------------------*~*In 3 words I can sum up everything I have learned about life - IT GOES ON*~**~*Leave nothing but footprints, take nothing but memories*~* *~*There are moments in life when you miss someone so much that you just want to pick them from your dreams and hug them for real.*~* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dialectics Posted July 1 Report Share Posted July 1 dreams, you totally did the right thing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shugabooga Posted July 1 Report Share Posted July 1 he won't let her have his phone number or home address? heellllooooo...is he married? sounds like it to me! that's a huge red flag, something about him is just not right. she needs to get a way from him. this just isn't healthy! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dreams2 Posted July 1 Author Report Share Posted July 1 nope hes def not married. he still lives home with his family. and it cant possibly be that hes embaressed of his family or his house because his family is pretty wealthy from what i hear. but the only phone number she has is his cell phone. oh and another thing... they met on aol so she cant use aol anymore either.------------------*~*In 3 words I can sum up everything I have learned about life - IT GOES ON*~**~*Leave nothing but footprints, take nothing but memories*~* *~*There are moments in life when you miss someone so much that you just want to pick them from your dreams and hug them for real.*~* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aboyfrombklyn Posted July 2 Report Share Posted July 2 I think you're 100% right. I would've done the same thing. It just goes to show that you really care about your friend. This guy seems like a real asshole. There's no doubt in my mind that he's the one who's cheating. She should worry about him. He won't let her know his address or phone #? WTF is that? That's not a relationship, that's slavery.------------------ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
deanna11 Posted July 2 Report Share Posted July 2 the girl is stupid. dreams2, i think the best thing you did is decide that you can't be around such stupidity anymore. wish her luck------------------aka kludgio Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clubbinHOTTIE Posted July 2 Report Share Posted July 2 yeah, you go girl! haha. But serioously, you did the right thing. WHO ELSE would tell it to her straight to her face...no other, than her true friend. Too bad she doesn't see that you really care. She'll learn. Give it time. ::everyone has to learn for themselves...and usually the hard way:: ------------------EXIT fridays!-->"eSCAPE" Guestlist!!!************************Have you experienced the e-SCAPE? ::wink wink:: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sanjay Posted July 2 Report Share Posted July 2 Yo i think you def did the right thing...I also think that whether shes gonna take what you said and follow your advice or not - that you planted the seed and thats what needed to be done...If shes not even willing to seriously sit down and reevaluate her entire scenario, then she is going to have to learn the hard way...thats all it comes down to...i think she'll come around, i just dont know when.good luck.------------------ http://www.rhythm-addiction.com Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sum12nv Posted July 2 Report Share Posted July 2 my best friend of 20 years was in the same situation as your friend....her man kept her secluded from the world plus he was a sloppy alcoholic with no job and no car and took her virginity ...made her pay for everything from meals to hourly rate hotel rooms. i gave her advice like crazy but she never listened.... eventually i just cut her off, as painful as it was. i couldnt take watching this asshole bring her down, so i said "its him or me" ..she stayed with him so i left....as time went on, my friend grew a brain cuz she dumped his ass and apologized for not taking my advice ....it was a painful decision at the time, but it worked out in the end Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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