Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey

[nycmuzik]

If aliens from outer space ever come

and we show them our civilization

and they make fun of it,

we should say we were just kidding,

that this isn't really our civilization,

but a gag we hoped they would like.

Then we tell them to come back in twenty years

to see our REAL civilization.

After that, we start a crash program of

coming up with an impressive new civilization.

Either that, or just shoot down the aliens

as they're waving good-bye.

[nycmuzik]

I can't stand cheap people.

It makes me real mad

when someone says something like,

"Hey, when are you going to pay me

that $100 you owe me?" or

"Do you have that $50 you borrowed?"

Man, quit being so cheap!

[nycmuzik]

The wise man can pick up a grain of sand

and envision a whole universe.

But the stupid man will just lay down

on some seaweed and roll around until

he's completely draped in it.

Then he'll stand up and go,

"Hey, I'm Vine Man."

[Reeni]

The Best of John Handy

best planet-earth

best haiiwaindance-hula

bestgod-god

best thing thing that bees make-tie honey/wax

best lips-wax lips

bestmonster-tie dracula/waxhead

bestball-big ball of wax

bestflat italian bread-pizza with wax

best flying thing-a bat carrying wax

this was brought to you by the wax co.

and the count and countess fundation

[suthrnbelle]

thank you, marty--i just had a good long laugh at those--i MISS jack handey, lol...

[nycmuzik]

You're welcome.....