phuturephunk Posted November 4 Report Share Posted November 4 . . . From the Mind of Phunk, A Random Convo workday Story . . :(. . . Talking about who’s at Tronic tonight: . . .)LavenderMenace13: and leikebush at baktunLavenderMenace13: (very good too)PhuturePhunk: leikebush . . PhuturePhunk: I like that name . . PhuturePhunk: does it mean "happy little trees" in German?PhuturePhunk: Erklären Sie!! Schneller!!PhuturePhunk: Erklären Sie!! Schneller!!PhuturePhunk: Ich bin ein weniger teacupkurzschluß und Stout, ist hier mein Handgriff, ist hier meine Tülle!LavenderMenace13: heheLavenderMenace13: its etchnoLavenderMenace13: technoPhuturePhunk: I know silly . . LavenderMenace13: Duh'LavenderMenace13: its actually spelled lekebuschLavenderMenace13: I was offLavenderMenace13: http://www.tronicmusic.com/Artists/CLekebusch/PhuturePhunk: cool!PhuturePhunk: **NEWS FLASH**AP Wire Services - Michaels Penis has just completed the utter destruction of Boston. Reports aren't in yet, but with the downtown financial district in almost complete ruin officials are speculating a casualty rate near 95 percent. Business professionals throughout the entire district were scattered and helpless as Michael's Penis became angered and began to impale itself on various buildings in the Boston Financial district. This came ( no pun intended, the Associated Press does not believe in them) after a failed attempt to appease Michael's Penis, now being termed the 'Colossus Pickle' by various Pentagon officials, with several metric tons of Hostess™ DevilDogs. LavenderMenace13: what was that?"I was in utter shock" Ray Starkey, a south-side beat cop of 17 years begins, "I was drinking coffee with Lou and all of a sudden this gigantic Penis just swoops down and hovers over the city" Officer Starkey looks shaken and continues "Then it just started poking through the buildings, seemed to take a particular liking to the Financial Center" "It just kept hammering at it until the top half fell off, the people we're flying everywhere!! I'll never look at hotdogs the same way again!" . . Officer Starkey is not alone, Pentagon officials are currently working on a project called The Holiest Holey , no concrete information can be found yet about the details of the project, but inside sources say that it will be 'quite appealing' to the Colossus Pickle. More as news develops . . . LavenderMenace13: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHALavenderMenace13: LOLPhuturePhunk: ;-) ;-)PhuturePhunk: lunch time . . more later . . PhuturePhunk: :-P PhuturePhunk: **News Flash**AP Wire , WASHINGTON - General Robert Thorson just completed a Pentagon security Press Briefing detailing Project Holiest Holey. The general detailed the countermeasures that would be taken to contain the rampaging gigantic mutant Penis that separated from its owner, Michael Gossett last week, first destroying a Macy's department Store in Yonkers and then all of the Financial District of Boston earlier this week. In his briefing to the press corps Thorson unveiled a prototype Mutant Phallus Ensnarement System (MPES, or The Flying Snatchel as its known around various Pentagon water coolers). The MPES is a gigantic tube shaped orifice that is fully airborne and designed to irresistibly attract the Colossus Pickle and ensnare it when penetration is made. General Thorson looked stern as he described the functioning and design of the device, "Ladies and Gentlemen of the press, World Leaders and People of the United States a great tragedy has befallen us. This week, we have seen diplomatic relations with the Colossus Pickle deteriorate into violence resulting in the utter destruction of all prominent buildings along the Boston Skyline.", "The pickle," He continues, "has demanded that all tragically hip/peasant looking boheme's in New York City’s Greenwich Village be strung along South Street Seaport and sacrificed to him in homage of his might. Although I would not be against sacrificing a group of educated, yet hapless wannabe hippies to an enormous world destroying penis, it is my duty as an officer of the United States Army to uphold and defend the rights and freedoms of all Americans. For this task we have designed the Mutant Penis Ensnarement System, or the Snatchel as we call it, to contain and lead the Colossus Pickle out to the Atlantic Ocean where we can utilize Navy Weaponry to finally destroy it . . " . . .LavenderMenace13: HAHAHAHA... pricelessPhuturePhunk: "The Snatchel," Thorson began, "Is a 150 foot tall and 85 foot wide model of Lauren Anderson's Vagina. Ms. Anderson was a girl that Mr. Gossett wanted to engage in Sexual Relations with during their time in Lake Mary High School because of her mammoth Boobies."The general then laid out details of construction and operation of the device as diagrams were drawn on a Wall Mounted LCD screen behind him: "The construction is of billeted Titanium with a soft hollow core. We simulated the look and feel of real vaginal tissue utilizing the newest advances in Silicone fabrication and molding. The entire structure can stretch both along the wide axis and the deep axis in order to accommodate the mass of the Colossus Pickle. Originally the outer shell had called for a simulation skin covering to act as a 'camouflage' against the Pickle picking up the device's true intent but the idea was scrapped after our analysts determined that the Pickle in fact would not descriminate considering the recent dearth of 150 tall, 85 foot wide, 200 ton flying vagina's . . " . . Additionally, the Snatchel contains a control center located in the clitoris section of the superstructure where a 4 person crew will maneuver her into position to battle the pickle. We are confident that this will be more than enough countermeasure to contain, and ultimately destroy, the rampaging Pickle . . " General Thorson Then Fielded Questions from the corps in relation to the device. Launch is planned for later today, more news as things develop . . . LavenderMenace13: HAHAHA---. . Gotta love work boredom . . . . . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LavenderMenace Posted November 4 Report Share Posted November 4 you forgot to post the first half! I have it saved... let me know if you want me to post it you crazy crackhead! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Xpander Posted November 4 Report Share Posted November 4 Your penis did NOT just attack Boston!!!!!!!!!!! :laugh: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
danamdkny Posted November 4 Report Share Posted November 4 Hey i t could Happen Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
phuturephunk Posted November 4 Author Report Share Posted November 4 **News Flash**AP Wire, NEW YORK - An internet conversation between Michael Gossett, the former owner of the 500 foot long rampaging Penis that has been terrorising the eastern seaboard, was just released by Pentagon officials. The conversation Details the the moments leading up to and shortly after the destruction of Macy's in Yonkers and the first message witnessed about its intent:PhuturePhunk: so I was sitting here just staring at the paint chips . . . and all of a sudden I got this undeniable urge to whip out my pickle and start flogging people with it!! . . Oh the horror!LavenderMenace13: hahahaLavenderMenace13: you could get fired for that you know.LavenderMenace13: little known factLavenderMenace13: PhuturePhunk: so I stand up right . . and all of a sudden my pickle just popps off the ouside of my body!!PhuturePhunk: I shit you not!!!PhuturePhunk: and it begins bouncing up and down the halls impaling all the retiree students in the Open lab . . PhuturePhunk: I screamed : "Pickle come back now . . BAD PICKLE!" . . but to no avail . . it went out the window and promptly tried to impale the cute chick that works at Wild Pair . . aka . . "The fuck me shoe store" . . . PhuturePhunk: I decided to call my contacts in Yonkus and have them scramble the swat team . . . LavenderMenace13: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAALavenderMenace13: LOLPhuturePhunk: they showed up in the DeathVanâ„¢ and promptly formed a pincer formation around my, by then rampaging, cock . . PhuturePhunk: It did the Super-Mighty-accelerator Move on one of them and went clear though the guys eye socket, killing him instantly . . PhuturePhunk: (I must say I was proud of it at that point . .detatched or not . . ) . . . LavenderMenace13: LOLLavenderMenace13: PhuturePhunk: Then reformed and began peppering the side of victorias secret with stinger rounds from their HK MP5's . . it was quite a sight . . luckily Mr. Pickle was able to crack through the glass and make his way to the front of the store before they could pursue . . PhuturePhunk: the swat team then proceeded to chase him all the way down to Macy's where the final battle would then ensue . . PhuturePhunk: All was going badly for my rampaging pickle . . and then something amazing happened . . While trying to sidestep slash damage from the grenades that the swat team was hurling at him . . he accidently crashed clear through the Clinique counter causing a hundred different sickly sweet fembot scents to pour all over him in just the right combination to form a reaction similar to Chemical 'X' . . . PhuturePhunk: All was quiet then a rumbling was heard . . deep dark rumbling!! . . Like the Pillars of Heaven shaking at the coming of a great apocalyptic storm!!!PhuturePhunk: The lights went out in Macys and the Swat team feverishly and frantically tried to get out . . but to no avail . . Then a minute later from the outside of the huge old building cracks could be seen developing in the foundation . . PhuturePhunk: big chuncks of concrete siding started falling off of the side of the building . . . CRash!! . . . BOOM!! . . CRASH!! . . The building was coming apart at its very seems!!PhuturePhunk: "What could be happening??!?" I thought as I watched this building shimmy and shake as if it was a paper mache construct in the middle of a Cat 5 hurricane . . PhuturePhunk: All of a sudden the roof exploded and there I was beholden with the most awe inspiring sight ever!!! . . . My pickle, had transformed into a 100 foot high, nicely scented, monstrocity bent on hell and destruction!!! . . . It could never be stopped!! . . . PhuturePhunk: "Get back in my pants damnit!!" . . I screamed, not realizing the repercussions of what would happen if it actually tried to . . "You get back here now!" . . PhuturePhunk: My pickle just chortled in brash contempt at my kvetching . . . PhuturePhunk: It started to rise straight up in the air, the occaisional swat team member falling to their death from lack of grip, as it began levitating to the clouds . . . PhuturePhunk: then the clouds in the sky parted briefly and my pickle was bathed in the holy silhouette of the sun . . . . . . PhuturePhunk: . . . And it spoke . . . PhuturePhunk: "BEHOLD CHILDREN OF THE MALL, I AM THE ALPHA AND THE OMEGA AND I HAVE COME TO BRING THE PATH OF RIGHTEOUSNESS TO ALL THAT MAY CALL THEMSELVES THE LIVING. I . . PICKLE OF MICHAEL, A MERE LACKEY FOR WESTCHESTER COMMUNITY COLLEGE'S IT DEPARTMENT, WILL CLEANSE THIS LAND OF ALL PEOPLE WHO CALL THEMSELVES 'TRAGICALLY HIP' AND/OR SUBSCRIBE TO THE NOTION THAT BEING A SHAGGY HAIRED EUROTRASH WANNABE/PEASANT CHICK IS COOL . . . AFTER I COMPLETE MY QUEST I SHALL COME TO REST IN ASTORIA QUEENS WHERE, AS HOMAGE, YOU WILL CONSTRUCT A ROLLERCOASTER RIDE AROUND ME SO THAT ALL MAY ENJOY THE SIGHT THAT IS MIKE'S PICKLE!!!. . . . . .IT SHALL BE DONE" . . . PhuturePhunk: . . Then it started ominously floating towards the city . . . It should hit midtown in like 20 mins, barring traffic . . ;-) . . .---Various organizations are now analyzing the conversation to get a picture, from the owners account, of what the Pickle's mentality may be. More, as news develops . . . 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danamdkny Posted November 4 Report Share Posted November 4 this is too funny Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
barvybe Posted November 4 Report Share Posted November 4 dag...so it wasn't just a dream... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vixenfoxxy Posted November 4 Report Share Posted November 4 :rofl: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marcid21 Posted November 4 Report Share Posted November 4 i *heart* you 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gothzane Posted November 4 Report Share Posted November 4 ROFLMAO...I once had a simular problem after my first DVD porn...but as least my beast never flew into the sky and announced the ten commandments.I have an idea....we could broadcast martha steward commercials on the side of a blimp...and when the rabid penis sees that...itll without a doubt shrivel up and die...sorry mike....but the shlongs gotta go. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
phuturephunk Posted November 4 Author Report Share Posted November 4 . . . . I love all of you guys and gals . . . . . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
somebitch Posted November 4 Report Share Posted November 4 I . . PICKLE OF MICHAEL, A MERE LACKEY FOR WESTCHESTER COMMUNITY COLLEGE'S IT DEPARTMENT, WILL CLEANSE THIS LAND OF ALL PEOPLE WHO CALL THEMSELVES 'TRAGICALLY HIP' AND/OR SUBSCRIBE TO THE NOTION THAT BEING A SHAGGY HAIRED EUROTRASH WANNABE/PEASANT CHICK IS COOL . . . hahaha. omg you are nutz but so funny. :laugh: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
joeg Posted November 4 Report Share Posted November 4 :eek: :laugh: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
reddog4063 Posted November 4 Report Share Posted November 4 this is without a doubt, the funniest thread i've seen yet...Joe Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest tilly Posted November 5 Report Share Posted November 5 this is pure genius!!!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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