liqidtouch Posted November 18 Report Share Posted November 18 Sexual Positions Man on top, woman on bottom (facing each other)..........20 calories Woman on top, man on bottom.........................................25 calories Many women find that in addition to its inherent sexual possibilities, this position affords a better view of the clock. From the rear (Mysterious variation)..............................40 1/2 calories Standing Both partners of equal height......................................18 calories Woman 1 foot taller than a man..................................90 calories The man will have to make several rigorous leaps into the air in order to achieve even minimal satisfaction While in traction.............................................................124 calories (very useful during ski season) Location, Location, LocationOn a bar stool....................20 calories Rear of a Honda Civic......38 calories In a phone booth Standing.......................14 calories lying down...................274 calories On an airliner Aisle seat....................24 calories Middle seat.................42 calories Window seat...............30 calories In the lavatory.............100 calories Finding your clothes....................5 calories Possible Side Effects of Intercourse Bouncing........................7 calories Sliding around................9 calories Serious Skidding............12 calories Full cartwheel................20 calories Whiplash........................27 calories Knee burn.......................6 calories Chafed elbows...............5 calories Chafed nose...................11 calories Sex Related Noises Short gasps (per gasp).....................................3 calories Wheezing.........................................................5 calories Squeals............................................................4 calories Ecstatic moaning..............................................11 calories Low growling..................................................8 calories Squishing.........................................................10 calories Shouting...........................................................16 calories Screaming........................................................18 calories Urgent begging.................................................22 calories Any short speech giving partner directions......25 calories Satisfying Partner (organ size) Most experts agree that size means nothing. Shape is what counts, and the man with a Shaped organ can write his own ticket. In those rare instances where a man has a genuinely small member, he may have to compensate by working slightly harder, but this is good for weight loss. A man with a really large organ, while he might not have to work as hard once inside, may exhaust himself just trying to convince his partner to let him put it inside. Normal size............22 calories Oversize.................15 calories Tremendous............8 calories Teensy-weensy.......163 calories Approaching Orgasm Letting go..........................................................5 1/2 calories Controlling yourself.........................................79 calories Digging nails in your partners back back.........11 calories Trembling........................................................15 calories Shaking............................................................20 calories Shuddering......................................................25 calories Trying to keep eyes open................................33 calories Orgasm Real............27 calories Faked.........160 calories Orgasmic Intensity Scale Expression didn't change...............1/2 calorie Face turned purple........................15 calories Orchestra swelled.........................6 calories Magical explosions.......................10 calories Blazing Sheets...............................25 calories Earth moved..................................30 calories Vesuvius erupted...........................47 calories You began moaning in Latin..........60 calories Pulling Out After orgasm...................................1/4 calorie A few moments before orgasm.......500 calories Multiple Orgasms For woman 2......14 calories 5......30 calories 8......47 calories Depending on greed her rate of recovery a woman can enjoy around 8 orgasms within an hour period without losing consciousness or disarranging her hair. As the number increases, however, she may begin to experience a form of "reduced sanity" that will temporarily interfere with her ability to cook, worship and ride a Moped. For Men 2......21 calories 3......39 calories 4......57 calories For a man, its a different situation, perhaps due to physiological and biological reasons. Many men can enjoy up to 4 orgasms in an hour with little discomfort except for the slight ringing in the ears. With few exceptions, however, a man who tries to achieve more than 10 orgasms within that same period is flirting with irreversible brain damage. Special Orgasms Clitoral...............15 calories Vaginal...............21 calories Penile.................21 calories Scrotile..............15 calories Rectal................25 calories Oral...................30 calories Premature EjaculationDuring insertion.............................2 calories During intercourse.........................5 calories approx.. 2 sec's or 3 thrusts after insertion, which ever comes first During foreplay.............................3 calories Immature ejaculation.....................4 calories similar to premature ejaculation except male acts childish and throws a tantrum Consequences of Premature Ejaculation Even if you have a good heart, it takes much understanding not to feel like a victim when your partner climaxes after 3 sec's of intensive sex, especially if he immediately sits up to watch the footy on the tv. For Woman Frustration..........................................8 calories Anger.................................................15 calories Violent mood swing...........................20 calories Suppressing rage................................25 calories Not suppressing anger........................65 calories in extreme cases, this can include cursing, nose tweaks, and gently massaging partner's head with a tire iron. For Men Cursing..............................................10 calories Apologizing.......................................3 calories Sniveling..........................................5 calories Pleading for mercy............................8 calories Begging for another chance...............15 calories Recovering Un-entwining............................................3 calories Regaining motor control of pelvis.............7 calories After especially tiring sex, you may feel numb from below the waist to the opposite wall. The result will be an inability to walk ( put one foot in front of the other), which will seriously impair your chances of going to the bathroom or getting a juice. Standing up...............................................9 calories Getting some juice....................................11 calories Trying Again If the woman is ready...........5 calories If the man is not....................156 calories Dreaming Regular dream.................2 calories Wet Dream......................16 calories Add 5 calories if it occurs while in bed with your partner; Add 20 calories if your partner notices Wet Trance......................20 calories Usually occurs in the presence of a sensual hypnotist Masturbation For pleasure only...................................6 calories For exercise, too....................................10 calories For relief from tension...........................12 calories To pass the time.....................................7 calories To avoid overeating...............................16 calories To get in touch with inner self...............10 calories To get in touch with outer self..............10 1/4 calories To avoid insanity..................................24 calories To avoid spending money on a date......9 calories In addition to being a viable alternative to television, shopping and binge's, masturbation is a quick and inexpensive way to get warm. Using Your hand(s): Regular way......................................11 calories Your finger(s)...................................9 calories Tweezers..............................................2 calories An inflatable doll.................................24 calories Any fruit or vegetable..........................19 calories except watermelon or a sprig of parsley A vibrator: Hand-operated.................................12 calories Windup............................................9 calories Electric............................................5 calories Anything not mentioned here.................50 calories In a pornographic movie theater Purchasing the ticket.........................2 1/2 calories Finding isolated seat.........................78 calories Adjusting raincoat.............................3 calories Typical Sex-Related Fears Partner hates me for what I did............................4 calories Partner hates me for what I didnt do....................8 calories Forgetting the instructions in the sex manual.......10 calories Climaxing too soon.............................................5 calories Climaxing too late...............................................6 calories Not climaxing......................................................20 calories Partner thinks of me as a sex object.....................9 calories Partner doesn't think of me as a sex object...........47 calories Partner will neglect to administer last rites should I not recover from orgasm......................88 calories Personal Fears Gigantic cellulite that shake and ripple during orgasm....6 calories Stretch marks that look like a plowed field........................8 calories Penis envy.........................................................................72 calories Body odor of a disgruntled yak..........................................25 calories Getting Caught By partner's spouse.........60 calories By your spouse................60 1/2 calories Trying to explain.............165 calories Stuttering.........................28 calories Throwing-up...................40 calories Calorie counts here are flexible, depending on type of spouse-whether understanding and open-minded, or narrow-minded and armed Almost Getting Caught Trying to remain calm...........................100 calories Fright (includes trembling)...................66 calories Leaping out of bed................................25 calories Getting dressed in one large motion.....300 calories Thanking partner quickly......................2 calories Jumping out of window........................15 calories add 5 calories if window wasn't open Landing................................................1 calorie Running very fast.................................50 calories Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
erica127 Posted November 19 Report Share Posted November 19 I have to say that was definitely the best thing i have read in a while. I actually read everything on that page, i was really bored cuz i hate school.. Thank you for keeping me entertained Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jerzeygirl Posted November 19 Report Share Posted November 19 Just exactly where did you get all that information? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
liqidtouch Posted November 19 Author Report Share Posted November 19 anytime sweetynice to see that ppl actually read it-glad u liked itlook on the boards for my" the new MAYBE thread" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
liqidtouch Posted November 19 Author Report Share Posted November 19 hey jersygrlas u know-what keeps alot of CP threads interesting and make ppl come back for more is the fact that some of us DONT know where the info derives from-so keep looking around the boards for other posts that i left-*hintthreads STARTED by D J LIQID TOUCH or LIQIDTOUCHi mean i cant just give away ALL my leads*winkhave fun Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jerzeygirl Posted November 19 Report Share Posted November 19 O.K. Liquidtouch I understand that you gotta keep it a secret and that's perfectly fine with me.LOL Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
solargirl Posted November 19 Report Share Posted November 19 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rdntheshortbus Posted November 19 Report Share Posted November 19 There should be a subclause stating that incorportaing any of the solargirls into a sexual act will burn off an addition 300 calories....... CAUzE THeY mAke Me sOOOooooo CRaZeeeee!!!!!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ibclubbin Posted November 19 Report Share Posted November 19 so thats how ive been able to stay in shape considering I havent been to the gym much lately:rock:BG Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
liqidtouch Posted November 19 Author Report Share Posted November 19 well im just doing this fromm memory cause i know I HAVENT been getting any Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
solargirl Posted November 19 Report Share Posted November 19 300 CALORIES....THATS IT?!!IM INSULTED AT LEAST 1000:) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rdntheshortbus Posted November 19 Report Share Posted November 19 I will edit my post.... It should have read an extra 300 calories per minute...... (per solargirl!!!)So it could easily hit 600 per minute if all three of us were "hangin" out.... lmao!!!!!Sorry, I am still a walking hormone today.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
solargirl Posted November 19 Report Share Posted November 19 RDSHRTBUSDONT YOU EVER WORK?YOU AND ERIC ONE ALWAYS POSTING ON COMPANY TIME!...YEAH 300 CALORIES PER MINUTE SOUND RIGHT! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rdntheshortbus Posted November 19 Report Share Posted November 19 Self employed......I hire people to do the work.... lmao!!!!!!Just kiddin... my computer is right at my desk, so I jump on and talk online when its slow......Work has been slow though lately.... When its busy I disappear for a few days at a time....Wait a minute, do you work?????? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
solargirl Posted November 19 Report Share Posted November 19 I REALLY AM SELF EMPLOYEDI WORK ONCE A WEEK BUT I CHECK ON MY STORE EVERYDAY:)WHERE DO YOU WORKI HAVE A FUNNY STORY ABOUT YOU...SOMEONE I KNOW THOUGHT THAT YOUR NAME IMPLIED THE SIZE OF YOUR ....UMMM..BUS..HEHE. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
roddigga Posted November 19 Report Share Posted November 19 Originally posted by rdntheshortbus Self employed......I hire people to do the work.... lmao!!!!!!Just kiddin... my computer is right at my desk, so I jump on and talk online when its slow......Work has been slow though lately.... When its busy I disappear for a few days at a time....Wait a minute, do you work?????? YEAH HE WORKS FOR ME!!! clean my CD's fool and rotate my turn tables, and clean my bumper!!!..............HOLLA shortbus, dude to mangled to drive to afterhours sorry pal!!!! hope ya had a good time friday Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rdntheshortbus Posted November 19 Report Share Posted November 19 Had a great time... just bummed you and Deizel were unable to participate.....Hit another afterhours till 4am.... then swung over to check out the loft.....Got there around 4:30, decided it would be best just to head home before I got myself into trouble.... so I ended up hitting one more after hours on the way home....No sleep... up all day Saturday.... hit a house party in New Brunswick, then late night again... finally tipped over around 6am Sunday.... got a full three hours sleep, all weekend... lmao!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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