Misleading?

[starvingartist]

Situation: An old friend (who at one point was more) sends me an email. Basically saying hello, wanted to know what I was up to etc. I replied but I still have not heard from him. We basically lost touch when I started working in Europe. He is a very ambitious, intelligent and overall interesting person whom I admire.

Problem: I currently am in a relationship. I have no desire to see him or talk to him as anything more then a platonic friend. However if I decide to phone him and meet and then tell him I am involved is this misleading? Am I somehow giving out mixed signals? Also I consider myself a free spirit able to do as I please. But considering the circumstances can a man, more specifically a man in a relationship see this as nothing more then two old friends meeting, even if there is a history. Would this spark some jealousy? I am a woman and I am also very forward thinking in my ways. I will admit I do not know how either man would react in either situation.

With all that said, opinions please?

[tastyt]

I wouldn't consider it misleading towards your friend...

However

Your boyfriend is not going to be happy about this. If you really want to see your friend, and want to avoid jealousy, it would probably be a good idea to have your bf with you. But that creates only another world of problems.

Sorry, but if you really want to see your friend again, there's not really any easy solution.

[covetoys]

Originally posted by starvingartist

Situation: An old friend (who at one point was more) sends me an email. Basically saying hello, wanted to know what I was up to etc. I replied but I still have not heard from him. We basically lost touch when I started working in Europe. He is a very ambitious, intelligent and overall interesting person whom I admire.

Problem: I currently am in a relationship. I have no desire to see him or talk to him as anything more then a platonic friend. However if I decide to phone him and meet and then tell him I am involved is this misleading? Am I somehow giving out mixed signals? Also I consider myself a free spirit able to do as I please. But considering the circumstances can a man, more specifically a man in a relationship see this as nothing more then two old friends meeting, even if there is a history. Would this spark some jealousy? I am a woman and I am also very forward thinking in my ways. I will admit I do not know how either man would react in either situation.

With all that said, opinions please?

you can tell him, "yeah, let's hang out.......can my boyfriend come?"

He'll get the hint even though you may not invite your boyfriend. Always works on me.

[misk]

Originally posted by covetoys

you can tell him, "yeah, let's hang out.......can my boyfriend come?"

lol......feel the burn!

[starvingartist]

Originally posted by tastyt

I wouldn't consider it misleading towards your friend...

However

Your boyfriend is not going to be happy about this. If you really want to see your friend, and want to avoid jealousy, it would probably be a good idea to have your bf with you. But that creates only another world of problems.

Sorry, but if you really want to see your friend again, there's not really any easy solution.

Actually in the case I am very guilty of underestimating men. I told my bf, And he actually was surprised that I would even think this would bother him. He said something along the lines of, I appreciate that you know you are free to do as you please but you take my feelings into consideration. However I am displeased that you would think my reaction would be one of jealousy, etc. At this point in our relationship I imagined that you would expect understanding, security, confidence from me. I know you are not like most women, I know our relationship is not like most relationships. And up until today I assumed you thought I was unlike most men as well.

well, I definitely was not expecting this response. But overall I could not be more confident and happy to have someone like him in my life. Its conversations like this that make me realize how he surpasses more than I dreamed possible in a man, in a human.

[tastyt]

That's awesome! It sounds like you've found yourself a winner.

[karisma]

Originally posted by misk

lol......feel the burn!

lol.. that was funny

starvingartist-- i definitely here you on your problem and have found myself in similar situations in the past

Congrats on finding someone that completely believes in you first of all.. you go girl!!

My best advice would be to talk casually with your friend. If you want to see him and your bf knows about it, and is ok with it, than I think you are ok. Just make sure that you drop hints that you are already taken and this meeting will be completely platonic before you actually see him.. for example, drop a lot of "hey dude"s and "i'm glad to have our friendship back" sayings.

hope this helps hun

[tastey]

my guess is that if you didn´t KNOW there was some spark between you two and that you want him too you wouldn´t even be here asking ! it sounds like you KNOW when you two meet, something will happen...

my guess: you´re trying to hide that you are attracted to him and search for ways to overcompensate in the other direction. which is just as obvious as if you would just go there and tell him you want him... that is if he has any clue...

if that should not be the case, be honest from the start. say "i have to be fair and tell you in advance that i have a relationship i am happy in". do not "hint", we men don´t understand these

[sweetie029]

Your not misleading anyone....But when it comes to hanging out w/ someone.........women understand the word platonic more than men...In a lot of cases a women can go & hang out with a male friend JUST as friends where as the guy thinks more might happen or has alterior motives.......If your bf is aware of everything & ok w/ you spending time w/ this person....Just let your friend know he's just a friend....& If he gets pissed thinking you wanted more....That's his problem, not yours!!

[dgmodel]

Originally posted by starvingartist

Situation: An old friend (who at one point was more) sends me an email. Basically saying hello, wanted to know what I was up to etc. I replied but I still have not heard from him. We basically lost touch when I started working in Europe. He is a very ambitious, intelligent and overall interesting person whom I admire.

Problem: I currently am in a relationship. I have no desire to see him or talk to him as anything more then a platonic friend. However if I decide to phone him and meet and then tell him I am involved is this misleading? Am I somehow giving out mixed signals? Also I consider myself a free spirit able to do as I please. But considering the circumstances can a man, more specifically a man in a relationship see this as nothing more then two old friends meeting, even if there is a history. Would this spark some jealousy? I am a woman and I am also very forward thinking in my ways. I will admit I do not know how either man would react in either situation.

With all that said, opinions please?

keep it within the emails... and leave the meeting up to a later date... from my experience when one contacts an ex or someone who they had a past history with its either a. because they still have feelings for them, or b. that theyre on the rebound from a relationship... if i were in your situation i would simply write back stating where you are in life how youre doing and the like... then simply leave it at that... if and when he suggests meeting up for a drink or some dinner say "yeah we should do that sometime" and leave it at that... (and the time would be when it can be a platonic relationship...)

[starvingartist]

Thanks I appreciate the opinions and suggestions. However they all came a day late and a dollar short, hehe. The man is fine with it, I talked to the friend over the phone we caught up some more. It turns out he is in a relationship himself. Plus the nature of my relationship with him for the most part was a friendship. He was a strong influence in my life in the past. I valued his opinions and actually it was his support that helped me make some of the biggest decisions in my career. He was very supportive and encouraging and actually as the conversation revealed he was really curious to see how things turned out in my life and career path. Basically he was contacting me for that reason. So I am meeting him for lunch one of these days, to thank him in person. And hopefully we can remain friends. Basically both men in this situation disproved to very gendertyping falacies. Men can be confident and secure enough to understand that you can have a male friend. And more significant that men and women can be friends. I am very content to say these are in fact simply stereotypes and people can fall within and outside of them.

[dgmodel]

glad to hear...

[magellanmax]

Originally posted by starvingartist

Situation: An old friend (who at one point was more) sends me an email. Basically saying hello, wanted to know what I was up to etc. I replied but I still have not heard from him. We basically lost touch when I started working in Europe. He is a very ambitious, intelligent and overall interesting person whom I admire.

Problem: I currently am in a relationship. I have no desire to see him or talk to him as anything more then a platonic friend. However if I decide to phone him and meet and then tell him I am involved is this misleading? Am I somehow giving out mixed signals? Also I consider myself a free spirit able to do as I please. But considering the circumstances can a man, more specifically a man in a relationship see this as nothing more then two old friends meeting, even if there is a history. Would this spark some jealousy? I am a woman and I am also very forward thinking in my ways. I will admit I do not know how either man would react in either situation.

With all that said, opinions please?

Two words- 'mind games' Who needs it?