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damack

Wanting what you can't have

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why is it the only girls who i want relationships with are the ones who are scared of them? Most of the girls i meet get clingy right away and i hate that shit, but when i do start feeling somethin for someone, it's the same fucking story everytime, i guess i do it to myself but shit girls are always bitchin bout guys not wantin the commitment but then they pull the same crap. whatever back to mackin

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Well, im not going to stereotype all girls, but i had a convo with this intelligent kid the other day along the same lines.

Many times, when you meet a girl who you want to get involved with, and they seem to detract at the idea of a relationship, 90% of the time that is due to them meeting an older guy when they were young, but being dumped by them in the process.

Take this example: You know how lots of girls want a prince charming. Well, when girls are young, they are more attracted to older guys than younger ones. They will get involved, the guy will say things like "you are the love of my life, etc..", only to drop her later on.

Now for us guys, we can get over this. But for girls (im guessing) this stays with them, and after this 1st heartbreak, they are especially careful not to get in too deep for fear of what happened the 1st time.

So in a way, there's not much you can do but carry along at their pace, and re-assure your feelings with them as much as you can.

hope that helps :)

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Well in the past I used to look at it that way, "that I was wanting what I could not have". However now I look at in a different light. The things I want I can not have, (at least not all the time).i The things we desire do not come easily but that is what makes them worthwhile, special, etc.

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yea i see what your saying kid but sometimes i get tired of trying, tho all my girlfriends said that it's not that the girl doesn't want the relationship she just needs to be reassured that i really want one cuz it takes alot for her to open up, i don't know, makes sense i guess

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Originally posted by gmccookny

Now for us guys, we can get over this. But for girls (im guessing) this stays with them, and after this 1st heartbreak, they are especially careful not to get in too deep for fear of what happened the 1st time.

Sorry, but you couldn't be any more wrong about that. Guys who have been burned are just scarred as the women who've been hurt in the past. Haven't you learned *anything* from reading all the bitter woman-hating stories here on CP? :laugh: :laugh:

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Oh, and I think the whole "wanting what you can't have" phenomenon is an indication that you don't *really* want whatever/whoever it is you think you want. Not if it's a recurring pattern, anyway. You're really more interested in the chase than you are in the person you're chasing- which could mean that you yourself are not really ready for a relationship.

Just an idea. ;)

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Originally posted by tastyt

Sorry, but you couldn't be any more wrong about that. Guys who have been burned are just scarred as the women who've been hurt in the past. Haven't you learned *anything* from reading all the bitter woman-hating stories here on CP? :laugh: :laugh:

I didn't mean to word it so bluntly

I mean that yes, for anyone to get over a breakup it is hard, but i feel that it stays longer for girls than it does for guys.

I've had the experience with girls who say either "im not ready", or " i still have feelings " blah blah, but i never heard a guy turning down a girl for those reasons :confused:

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Originally posted by tastyt

Sorry, but you couldn't be any more wrong about that. Guys who have been burned are just scarred as the women who've been hurt in the past. Haven't you learned *anything* from reading all the bitter woman-hating stories here on CP? :laugh: :laugh:

that thread was classic. :laugh: and even funnier bc who started that thread.

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Originally posted by gmccookny

I didn't mean to word it so bluntly

I mean that yes, for anyone to get over a breakup it is hard, but i feel that it stays longer for girls than it does for guys.

I've had the experience with girls who say either "im not ready", or " i still have feelings " blah blah, but i never heard a guy turning down a girl for those reasons :confused:

I stand by my words-

You only say that because you've never been in a relationship with a man. And actually, plenty of guys *will* tell you they're "not ready"... not ready for a *relationship* anyway (as opposed to just dating, having sex, etc).

And there are many ways, aside from what you just listed, that emotional scars manifest themselves- not being able to trust, turning into a womanizer (or man-eater), etc etc...

I've dated way too many guys that were emotionally fucked for anyone to tell me that men's scars do not run as deep as a woman's.

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i will vouch for the fact that men definitely have a harder time with breakups sometimes......

its situational though. no one opinion is right.... cuz each situation calls for different reactions. and IMO- men and women are both 100% capable of reacting the way the situation at hand calls for... be it a breakup... wanting a relationship... etc... but its the persons unique situation that actually makes them react in a certain way.

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as for the wanting what u cant have thing.... weve all been there... on either end... its just the way it goes sometimes. :(but then u get over it and move on to something more worth ur time and energy. :)

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Originally posted by gmccookny

I've had the experience with girls who say either "im not ready", or " i still have feelings " blah blah, but i never heard a guy turning down a girl for those reasons :confused:

ah fuck it, MAN!!! this is just the girls LETTING YOU DOWN EASY! do NOT listen to what women (or ANYONE) _say_, watch what they DO!

IF they would meet prince charming, exactly the one they´re looking for and that can make her feel incredible, YOU WATCH HOW FAST SHE *IS* READY FOR A RELATIONSHIP!

maybe 1 in 10 girls that says "she´s not ready yet" is HONEST about it. the rest is just rejecting you gently because you are not the one for her at the given time (though that *could* change after her next jerk boyfriend of hers). i mean girls, please, girls, would someone please tell him???

jeez, my female friends get hit on ALL the time and "i´m not ready yet" is the number one "nice guy rejection"-line. since you can´t just right out REJECT a nice guy.... BECAUSE HE`S SO NICE and they want to keep him around as a FRIEND :laugh:

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Originally posted by tastyt

You only say that because you've never been in a relationship with a man.

Oh yeah, and I say this because it's not as likely that you would find out about something like this from a guy you're just friends with... I mean, for the most part, a woman's more likely to talk about her feelings, right, and when she's upset over a breakup she'll cry to her friends about it... not as likely to happen with a guy. Which is why it's easier to see when you're in a relationship with them... because you're actually *experiencing* it... and not waiting to hear about it second hand.

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Originally posted by tastyt

Sorry, but you couldn't be any more wrong about that. Guys who have been burned are just scarred as the women who've been hurt in the past.

true, i don't think i can ever equal the amount of trust i once had with my girl.

get burned and you learn i guess

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