misk Posted July 29 Report Share Posted July 29 ...we need some more laughs............so let's hear......new...old....funny.....whatever...................BRING IT ONSparky: Cheerleaders are dancers who have gone retarded. Courtney: Why do we all have to diet? Sparky: Because! In cheerleading we throw people into the air. And fat people don't go very high. Whitney: Don't play dumb. We're better at it then you. Sparky: I want you to think of what you ate today. Got it? Now cut that in half, this is called a diet, people, everyone start one today! Darcy, you should stop eating. You see, when you skip a meal, your body feeds off its fat stores. And if you skip enough, maybe your body will eat your ass!Les: You know, everyone's saying that your ambition broke Carver's leg. Torrance: When really it was the angle in which she slammed into the ground. Sparky: Follow me or perish, sweater monkeys. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
misk Posted July 29 Author Report Share Posted July 29 CHASING AMY...Banky: All every woman really wants, be it mother, senator, nun, is some serious deep-dickin'. Holden: So, uh, what do you wanna do tonight? Banky: Mmm, get a pizza, watch "Degrassi Jr. High." Holden: You got a weird thing for Canadian melodrama. Banky: I got a weird thing for girls who say "aboot." Silent Bob: Bitch, what you don't know about me I can just about squeeze in the Grand fucking Canyon. Did you know I always wanted to be a dancer in Vegas? Alyssa: For you, to fuck is to penetrate. You're used to the more traditional definition -- you inside some girl you do, jackhammering away, not noticing that bored look in her eyes. Banky: Hey, I always notice that bored look in their eyes. Banky: [to Alyssa] Since you like chicks, right, do you just look at yourself naked in the mirror all the time? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ghhhhhost Posted July 29 Report Share Posted July 29 FRIDAY:Reverend : Excuse me brotha'...what we call drugs around 74th Baptist Church ...we call a SINNY SIN SIN...Smokey:Well round here....around Normandy and Westin...we call this..a lil TWENNIE TWEN TWEN *riiiight* .......NNIGGGAAAA Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JonStephen Posted July 29 Report Share Posted July 29 SNATCHVincent: What you do that for Tyrone?Tyrone: I didnt see it thereVincent: Its a two ton truck Tyrone. It aint exactly like its a bag of fuckin peanuts is it now?Tyrone: It came at a funny angleVincent: It was right behind you. When you reverse, things come out from behind you...... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JonStephen Posted July 29 Report Share Posted July 29 BIG LIBOWSKIBunny: Blow on themDude: Huh?Bunny: Blow on themDude: You want me to blow on your toes?Bunny: I cant blow on them from hereDude: You think he'll mind?Bunny: Kenny doesnt care about anything, he's a nihilistDude: Aaaahhh....must be exhaustingBunny: You're not blowing......Brant: Our guest most be going now Mrs. LibowskiDude: Oh, you're BunnyBunny: I'll suck your cock for $1000 bucksBrant: (laughs) wonderful women, we're all very fond of her, very free-spiritedBunny: Brant cant watch, or else he pays $100Brant: Thats marvelousDude: I'm gonna go find a cash machine Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
magellanmax Posted July 29 Report Share Posted July 29 Originally posted by djjonstephen SNATCHVincent: What you do that for Tyrone?Tyrone: I didnt see it thereVincent: Its a two ton truck Tyrone. It aint exactly like its a bag of fuckin peanuts is it now?Tyrone: It came at a funny angleVincent: It was right behind you. When you reverse, things come out from behind you...... I love that movie..sheeet !! I always roll on the floor when I see it Another part of the movie that nails me all the time....Tyrone: Make sure that dawg doesnt drool on ma seats !!Vincent: Its a stolen car mate !!Tyrone: As long as I'm driving, its my car..just make sure the dawg doesnt drool on ma seats !!!Another part...Vincent: " I thought you said he was a 'get-away' driver ?Saul :" Dont worry about him, he can move when he has to.. Just worry about getting the guns"Vincent: I got that taken care of...(* pulling out a shotgun*)Saul: Whats that ?Vincent: Its a shotgun !!! It will raise hell...Saul : Never mind hell..it will raise the dead ! :laugh: Bravo ! an instant classic !! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
naughtybabe Posted July 29 Report Share Posted July 29 Originally posted by ghhhhhost FRIDAY:Reverend : Excuse me brotha'...what we call drugs around 74th Baptist Church ...we call a SINNY SIN SIN...Smokey: Well round here....around Normandy and Westin...we call this..a lil TWENNIE TWEN TWEN *riiiight* .......NNIGGGAAAA :laugh: You beat me to it..... Love that movie.. so funny!! :laugh: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
solbeam Posted July 29 Report Share Posted July 29 Originally posted by naughtybabe :laugh: You beat me to it..... Love that movie.. so funny!! :laugh: LMAO I love it as well :laugh: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fkornre Posted July 29 Report Share Posted July 29 from the movie AIRPLANEVoiceman: The white zone is for immediate loading and unloading of passengers only, there is no stopping in the red zone.Voiclady: The white zone is for immediate loading and unloading of passengers only, there is no stopping in the red zone.Voiceman: The white zone is for immediate loading and unloading of passengers only, there is no stopping in the red zone.Voiclady: The white zone is for immediate loading and unloading of passengers only, there is no stopping in the red zone.Voiceman: The red zone is for immediate loading and unloading of passengers only, there is no stopping in the white zone.Voiclady: NO! The white zone is for immediate loading and unloading and there is no stopping in the red zone.Voiceman: The red zone has always been for loading and unloading there is never stopping in a white zone.Voiclady: Don't tell me which zone is for stopping and which zone is for loading.Voiceman: Listen Betty, don't start up with your white zone shit again! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
phatman Posted July 29 Report Share Posted July 29 Grosse Pointe BlankWaitress: What do you want in your omelette, sir? Marty: Nothing in the omelette, nothing at all. Waitress: Well, that's not technically an omelette. Marty: Look, I don't want to get into a semantic argument, I just want the protein. Marty: Hi. I'm, uh, I'm a pet psychiatrist. I sell couch insurance. Mm-hmm, and I -- and I test-market positive thinking. I lead a weekend men's group, we specialize in ritual killings. Yeah, you look great! God, yeah! Hi, how are you? Hi, how are you? Hi, I'm Martin Blank, you remember me? I'm not married, I don't have any kids, and I'd blow your head off if someone paid me enough. Mr. Grocer: This is Durazac 15, kid. It makes Prozac seem like de-caf latte. Marty: I don't do that stuff anymore. Mr. Grocer: Don't say "do it," because I don't "do it," I *ingest* it, on orders of my neurophysiologist. This stuff is legal. In five years they'll be putting it in the water for citizens, just like fluoride. ...i could go on and on with this one... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JonStephen Posted July 29 Report Share Posted July 29 Originally posted by magellanmax I love that movie..sheeet !! I always roll on the floor when I see it Another part of the movie that nails me all the time....Tyrone: Make sure that dawg doesnt drool on ma seats !!Vincent: Its a stolen car mate !!Tyrone: As long as I'm driving, its my car..just make sure the dawg doesnt drool on ma seats !!!Another part...Vincent: " I thought you said he was a 'get-away' driver ?Saul :" Dont worry about him, he can move when he has to.. Just worry about getting the guns"Vincent: I got that taken care of...(* pulling out a shotgun*)Saul: Whats that ?Vincent: Its a shotgun !!! It will raise hell...Saul : Never mind hell..it will raise the dead ! :laugh: Bravo ! an instant classic !! One of my favsBullettooth Tony's speach......classicBrick Top's speach......classic Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
phatman Posted July 29 Report Share Posted July 29 Meet The ParentsJack Byrnes: "My Mother" by Jack Byrnes / You gave me life. / You gave me milk. / You gave me courage. / Your name was Angela. / An Angel from Heaven. / But you were also an angel of God. / And he needed you to. / I selfishly tried to hold on to you, / While the cancer ate away at your organs, / Like a rebel force. / And now we'll meet in heaven. / And I shall see you / Nevermore. Nevermore. Nevermore. Pam Byrnes: Dad, that's beautiful. Greg Focker: Yes, it was so beautiful, and yet, had so much information. Jack Byrnes: I mean, can you really trust another human being, Greg? Greg Focker: Yeah, I think so. Jack Byrnes: No. The answer is you can not. Jack Byrnes: I'm just curious, did you pick the color of the car? Greg Focker: Uh no, the guy at the window did, why? Jack Byrnes: Well they say geniuses pick green. Greg Focker: Oh. Jack Byrnes: But you didn't pick it. Kevin: [On who inspired him to be a wood worker] I'd have to say Jesus. He was a carpenter and I figured if you're going to follow in somebody's footsteps, why not the steps of our lord and savior? Jack Byrnes: [before Greg has a chance to respond] Greg's Jewish. Kevin: Really? Well so was J.C.! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fkornre Posted July 29 Report Share Posted July 29 Originally posted by phatman Meet The ParentsJack Byrnes: "My Mother" by Jack Byrnes / You gave me life. / You gave me milk. / You gave me courage. / Your name was Angela. / An Angel from Heaven. / But you were also an angel of God. / And he needed you to. / I selfishly tried to hold on to you, / While the cancer ate away at your organs, / Like a rebel force. / And now we'll meet in heaven. / And I shall see you / Nevermore. Nevermore. Nevermore. Pam Byrnes: Dad, that's beautiful. Greg Focker: Yes, it was so beautiful, and yet, had so much information. Jack Byrnes: I mean, can you really trust another human being, Greg? Greg Focker: Yeah, I think so. Jack Byrnes: No. The answer is you can not. Jack Byrnes: I'm just curious, did you pick the color of the car? Greg Focker: Uh no, the guy at the window did, why? Jack Byrnes: Well they say geniuses pick green. Greg Focker: Oh. Jack Byrnes: But you didn't pick it. Kevin: [On who inspired him to be a wood worker] I'd have to say Jesus. He was a carpenter and I figured if you're going to follow in somebody's footsteps, why not the steps of our lord and savior? Jack Byrnes: [before Greg has a chance to respond] Greg's Jewish. Kevin: Really? Well so was J.C.! LMAO ...u should have put this thread in the "meet the fockers" thread Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reeni Posted July 29 Report Share Posted July 29 Originally posted by fkornre from the movie AIRPLANEVoiceman: The white zone is for immediate loading and unloading of passengers only, there is no stopping in the red zone.Voiclady: The white zone is for immediate loading and unloading of passengers only, there is no stopping in the red zone.Voiceman: The white zone is for immediate loading and unloading of passengers only, there is no stopping in the red zone.Voiclady: The white zone is for immediate loading and unloading of passengers only, there is no stopping in the red zone.Voiceman: The red zone is for immediate loading and unloading of passengers only, there is no stopping in the white zone.Voiclady: NO! The white zone is for immediate loading and unloading and there is no stopping in the red zone.Voiceman: The red zone has always been for loading and unloading there is never stopping in a white zone.Voiclady: Don't tell me which zone is for stopping and which zone is for loading.Voiceman: Listen Betty, don't start up with your white zone shit again! :laugh: love that movie!"old school"just one linefrank:you my boy blue! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
phatman Posted July 29 Report Share Posted July 29 Originally posted by Reeni :laugh: love that movie!"old school"just one linefrank:you my boy blue! ...ahahahaha...lmao...i've been saying that for like the last two weeks....YOU MY BOY BLUE!!!!...i <3 reeni Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reeni Posted July 29 Report Share Posted July 29 lol ....I ordered it on ppv and watched it atleast 20x Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
phatman Posted July 29 Report Share Posted July 29 <--- bought the dvdmore from old schoolMitch Martin: True love is hard to find, sometimes you think you have true love and then you catch the early flight home from San Diego and a couple of nude people jump out of your bathroom blindfolded like a goddamn magic show ready to double team your girlfriend...Mitch: I think there's something wrong with this seatbelt! What do you suggest I do. Taxi Cab Driver: I suggest you stop being a fagget. You're in the back seat. Therapist: Frank, this is a safe place. A place where we can feel free sharing our feelings. Think of my office as a nest in a tree of trust and understanding. We can say anything here. Frank: Anything? Well, uh I guess I, deep down, am feeling a little confused. I mean, suddenly, you get married, and you're supposed to be this entirely different guy. I don't feel different. I mean, take yesterday for example. We were out at the Olive Garden for dinner, which was lovely. And uh, I happen to look over at a certain point during the meal and see a waitress taking an order, and I found myself wondering what color her underpants might be. Her panties. Uh, odds are they are probably basic white, cotton, underpants. But I sort of think well maybe they're silk panties, maybe it's a thong. Maybe it's something really cool that I don't even know about. You know, and uh, and I started feeling.....what? what I thought we were in the trust tree in the nest, were we not? Andy Dick: He left me with a little something called herpes. Which I then gave to the dog. But thats neither here nor there. Andy Dick: You know, when I get back there, I'm going to show you something called crouching tiger, hidden penis. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reeni Posted July 29 Report Share Posted July 29 these carrots are not going to ejaculate on there own:laugh: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
phatman Posted July 29 Report Share Posted July 29 Andy Dick: Oh that's funny to you? You won't be laughing when someone prematurely ejaculates in your face. It stings. And that's now why I have a lazy eye. ..lmao...i'd go watch it now if i could but i let my friend borrow the friggin movie...that, and i'm at work.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reeni Posted July 29 Report Share Posted July 29 Mitch- you might ask yourself why am Im carrying these 30lb sinder blocksyou might ask yourself why is there a long yellow rope tired on my penisFrank-spanish do you trust us enough that we have supplied you with enough ropespanish-sir yes sirFrank- blue do you believe I dont want you to dieblue-sir yes sirFrank-your my boy blueblue-ring the bell you pansyQuincy-my momma gonna kill me she showed me the knife Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
iamme Posted July 29 Report Share Posted July 29 Originally posted by ReeniQuincy-my momma gonna kill me she showed me the knifeOMG i lost it in the theatre when he said this!!! Such a great movie! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
misk Posted July 29 Author Report Share Posted July 29 Originally posted by Reeni Mitch- you might ask yourself why am Im carrying these 30lb sinder blocksyou might ask yourself why is there a long yellow rope tired on my penisFrank-spanish do you trust us enough that we have supplied you with enough ropespanish-sir yes sirFrank- blue do you believe I dont want you to dieblue-sir yes sirFrank-your my boy blueblue-ring the bell you pansyQuincy-my momma gonna kill me she showed me the knife beansy...all u gotta do is say earmuffs!.....see......shit fuck damn.......FRANK:: COCK!!! BALLS!!!...........beansy::.ok i was proving a point..u don't have to celebrate itbeansy::....u've upset me...but most of all....u've upset max.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JonStephen Posted July 29 Report Share Posted July 29 HALF BAKEDChapelle: Get me a pack of condoms and some of that.......what was it.....used to eat it all the time back in the day............oh yeah, PUSSY Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fkornre Posted July 30 Report Share Posted July 30 Originally posted by djjonstephen HALF BAKEDChapelle: Get me a pack of condoms and some of that.......what was it.....used to eat it all the time back in the day............oh yeah, PUSSY loljon stewart: have u ever seen the back of a $20 bill?chapelle: nojon stewart: you ever seen the back of a $20 bill on weed? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
phatman Posted July 30 Report Share Posted July 30 ...i know the theme is comedy so far, but i watched this again last night...Sonny: What's your name, kid? Calogero: Calogero. Sonny: That's a long name. Don't you have a nickname? Calogero: No. Sonny: What do your friends call you? Calogero: Calogero. Sonny: That makes sense. Priest: Don't be afraid, my son. No one is more powerful than God. Calogero: I don't know about that, father. Your guy may be bigger than my guy up there, but my guy is bigger than your guy down here. Priest: Ya got a point. Calogero: Sonny had five fingers, but he only used three. Sonny: Now yous can't leave. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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