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Funny: Blowjob Etiquette


trancerxn112

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Blow job Etiquette (By a Woman)

1. First and foremost, we are not obligated to do it.

2. Extension to rule #1 - So if you get one be grateful.

3. I don't care WHAT they did in the porn video you saw: its not standard practice to cum on someone's face.

4. Extension to rule #3 - No, I DON’T have to swallow.

5. My ears are not handles.

6. Extension to rule #5 - do not push on the top of my head. Last I heard, deep throat had been done. And additionally, do you really WANT me to puke on your dick?

7. I don't care HOW relaxed you get, it is NEVER OK to fart or fall asleep.

8. Having my period does not mean that it's “Hummer Week†- get it through your head - I'm bloated and I feel like shit so no, I don't feel particularly obligated to blow you because you need to have sex right now.

9. Extension to #8 - “Blue Balls†might have worked on those high school girls - if you're that desperate, go jerk off and leave me with my Midol.

10. If I have to pause to remove pubic hair from my teeth, don't tell me that I have “wrecked it†for you.

11. Leaving me in bed while you go play video games immediately

afterwards is highly inadvisable if you would like my behavior repeated in the future.

12. If you like how we do it, it's probably best not to speculate about the origins of our talents. See rule #2 about gratitude.

13. No, it doesn't particularly taste good and I don't care about the protein content...

14. No, I will NOT do it while you watch TV.

15. When you hear your friends complain about how they don't get blow jobs often enough, keep your mouth shut. It is inappropriate to either sympathize or brag.

16. Just because “it's awake†when you get up does not mean I have to kiss it good morning.

A MAN'S REBUTTAL......

1. First of all, yes, you are obligated to do it. If you don't we will find someone (younger, prettier, and dirtier) who will.

2. Second, swallowing a teaspoon of cream is a hell of a lot easier than licking a dead fish.

3. You want to talk about farting? Does the word “queef†mean anything to you?

4. I will use your ears as I see fit. Don't worry about it and be thankful that I am not pulling your hair.

5. When you’re on your period stuffing something in your mouth is the only way I can stop your bitching and moaning...suck it up.

6. Speaking of which if you are bleeding for 5 days straight you are in needs of fluids, trust me.

7. You bitch about the taste, but trust me when I tell you that we get the shit end of the stick in the flavor country.

8. At least there is no danger of my dick bleeding in your mouth.

9. Play with the balls.

10. No matter how good you think you are we've had better.

11. If you swallow, then you don't have to worry about getting any on your face, now will you??

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Originally posted by trancerxn112

Blow job Etiquette (By a Woman)

1. First and foremost, we are not obligated to do it.

2. Extension to rule #1 - So if you get one be grateful.

3. I don't care WHAT they did in the porn video you saw: its not standard practice to cum on someone's face.

4. Extension to rule #3 - No, I DON’T have to swallow.

5. My ears are not handles.

6. Extension to rule #5 - do not push on the top of my head. Last I heard, deep throat had been done. And additionally, do you really WANT me to puke on your dick?

7. I don't care HOW relaxed you get, it is NEVER OK to fart or fall asleep.

8. Having my period does not mean that it's “Hummer Week†- get it through your head - I'm bloated and I feel like shit so no, I don't feel particularly obligated to blow you because you need to have sex right now.

9. Extension to #8 - “Blue Balls†might have worked on those high school girls - if you're that desperate, go jerk off and leave me with my Midol.

10. If I have to pause to remove pubic hair from my teeth, don't tell me that I have “wrecked it†for you.

11. Leaving me in bed while you go play video games immediately

afterwards is highly inadvisable if you would like my behavior repeated in the future.

12. If you like how we do it, it's probably best not to speculate about the origins of our talents. See rule #2 about gratitude.

13. No, it doesn't particularly taste good and I don't care about the protein content...

14. No, I will NOT do it while you watch TV.

15. When you hear your friends complain about how they don't get blow jobs often enough, keep your mouth shut. It is inappropriate to either sympathize or brag.

16. Just because “it's awake†when you get up does not mean I have to kiss it good morning.

A MAN'S REBUTTAL......

1. First of all, yes, you are obligated to do it. If you don't we will find someone (younger, prettier, and dirtier) who will.

2. Second, swallowing a teaspoon of cream is a hell of a lot easier than licking a dead fish.

3. You want to talk about farting? Does the word “queef†mean anything to you?

4. I will use your ears as I see fit. Don't worry about it and be thankful that I am not pulling your hair.

5. When you’re on your period stuffing something in your mouth is the only way I can stop your bitching and moaning...suck it up.

6. Speaking of which if you are bleeding for 5 days straight you are in needs of fluids, trust me.

7. You bitch about the taste, but trust me when I tell you that we get the shit end of the stick in the flavor country.

8. At least there is no danger of my dick bleeding in your mouth.

9. Play with the balls.

10. No matter how good you think you are we've had better.

11. If you swallow, then you don't have to worry about getting any on your face, now will you??

hilarious

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