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5 Stages Drunk

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I'm sure some of us are familiar with this.

Stage 1 - SMART This is when you suddenly become an expert

on every subject in the known Universe. You know you know

everything and want to pass on your knowledge to anyone who

will listen. At this stage you are always RIGHT. And of

course the person you are talking to is very WRONG. This

makes for an interesting argument when both parties are


Stage 2 - GOOD LOOKING This is when you realize that you

are the BEST LOOKING person in the entire bar and that

people fancy you. You can go up to a perfect stranger

knowing they fancy you and really want to talk to you.

Bear in mind that you are still SMART, so you can talk to

this person about any subject under the sun.

Stage 3 - RICH This is when you suddenly become the richest

person in the world. You can buy drinks for the entire bar

because you have an armored truck full of money parked

behind the bar. You can also make bets at this stage,

because of course, you are still SMART, so naturally you

win all your bets. It doesn't matter how much you bet 'cos

you are RICH. You will also buy drinks for everyone that

you fancy, because now you are the BEST LOOKING person in

the world.

Stage 4 - BULLET PROOF You are now ready to pick fights

with anyone and everyone especially those with whom you

have been betting or arguing. This is because nothing can

hurt you. At this point you can also go up to the partners

of the people who you fancy and challenge to a battle of

wits or money. You have no fear of losing this battle

because you are SMART, you are RICH and hell, you're BETTER

LOOKING than they are anyway!

Stage 5 - INVISIBLE This is the Final Stage of Drunkenness.

At this point you can do anything because NO ONE CAN SEE

YOU. You dance on a table to impress the people who you

fancy because the rest of the people in the room cannot see

you. You are also invisible to the person who wants to

fight you. You can walk through the street singing at the

top of your lungs because no one can see or hear you and

because you're still SMART you know all the words.

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