Irish driving.

[xlr8ted]

Irish Driver

Paddy the famous Irishman is driving home after downing a few at the local

pub. He turns a corner and much to his horror he sees a tree in the middle

of the road. He swerves to avoid it and almost too late realizes that there

is yet another tree directly in his path. He swerves again and discovers

that his drive home has turned into a slalom course, causing him to veer

from side to side to avoid all the trees. Moments later he hears the sound

of a police siren and brings his car to a stop. The officer, approaches

Paddy's car and asks him what on earth he was doing. Paddy tells his story

of the trees in the road when the officer stops him mid sentence and says,

"Fer Chris sakes, Paddy, that's yer air freshener!"

[nomembername]

A man walks into a public bathroom and begins using one of the urinals. He looks to his left and sees a very short man peeing also. Suddenly, the short man looks up at the taller man, and the taller man is completely embarrassed about staring at the smaller man's penis.

"Sorry," says the taller man.†I’m not gay or anything, but you have the longest penis I've ever seen, especially on a man so small!"

"Well," says the Leprechaun, "That's because I'm a Leprechaun! ALL Leprechauns have penises this size!" The taller man says, "Incredible! I'd give anything if mine were that long."

"Well, what with me being a Leprechaun and all, I can give you your wish! If you let me take you into that stall over there and screw you, I'll give you your wish!"

"Gee," says the man, "I don't know about that----aw hell with it, OK!"

Soon, the Leprechaun is behind the taller man, just humping away.

"Say," says the Leprechaun, "How old are you, son?"

Finding it difficult to turn with the Leprechaun humping him so ferociously, the tall man says over his shoulder, "Uh-Uh, Thirty-two..."

"Imaging that,†says the little man, "Thirty-two and still believes in Leprechauns!"

[xlr8ted]

:laugh: :laugh:

(my fav joke to tell when i'm drunk w/ friends or enimies)

A rich white man in North Carolina decided that he wanted to throw a party and invited all of his buddies and neighbors. He also invited Leroy, the only black guy in the neighborhood. He held the party around the pool in The backyard of his mansion. Everyone was having a good time drinking, dancing, eating shrimp, oysters and BBQ and flirting with the women.

At the height of the party, the host said, "I have a 10ft man-eating gator in my pool and I'll give a million dollars to anyone who has the balls to jump in." The words were barely out of his mouth when there was a loud splash and everyone turned around and saw Leroy in the pool!

Leroy was fighting the gator and kicking its ass! Leroy was jabbing the gator in the eyes with his thumbs, throwing punches, doing all kinds of Shit like head butts and chokeholds, biting the gator on the tail and flipping the gator through the air like some kind of Judo Instructor.

The water was churning and splashing everywhere. Both Leroy and the gator were screaming and raising hell. Finally Leroy strangled the gator and let it float to the top like a K-mart goldfish. Leroy then slowly climbed out of the pool. Everybody was just staring at him in disbelief.

Finally the host says, "Well, Leroy, I reckon I owe you a million dollars." "No,that's okay. I don't want it," said Leroy.

The rich man said, "Man, I have to give you something. You won the bet. How about half a million bucks then?" "No thanks. I don't want it," answered Leroy.

The host said, "Come on, I insist on giving you something. That was amazing. How about a new Porsche and a Rolex and some stock options?

"Again Leroy said no.

Confused, the rich man asked, "Well, Leroy then what do you want?"

Leroy said,

"I want the name of the muthafucka who pushed me in the pool."

[nomembername]

:laugh:

gotta love that one...

A young man walks up and sits down at the bar. "What can I get you?" the bartender inquires. "I want 6 shots of Jagermeister," responded the young man. "6 shots?!? Are you celebrating something?" "Yeah, my first blowjob." "Well, in that case, let me give you a 7th on the house." "No offence, sir. But if 6 shots won't get rid of the taste, nothing will."