jenny999 Posted April 30 Report Share Posted April 30 Okay I've lived with my bf for 7yrs, for the past year our relationship had fizzled, no romance, barely any conversation just no connection. during the last month of our relationship I met someone else and it started out as friends, once my bf & I broke up the friend turned into a bf. Now here's the dilema, since my ex & I lived together for so long and shared a residence the break-up wasnt that easy since there were leases/bills/belongings to take care of. I kept the apt and my ex left, but he still had to come back to retrieve items you always forget (little things). Last night I had to actually meet up with my ex to give him back his car (my new bf knew this meeting eventually had to take place) so he has to come into the apartment to get all the paperwork for the car, he ends up lounging in the living room (which used to be his bedroom when our relationship was on the outs) and falls asleep. Then my new bf calls to see how the meeting went and I tell him how he's knocked out sleeping - of course this doesn't fly and he thinks more things are going on. Now he says he can't trust me and doesn't want to continue the relationship, but i keep trying to tell him that this was our last meeting since everything was now given back and I couldn't wake him up and kick him out of the house (since i'm trying to have this relationship end friendly).Am I in the wrong for allowing my ex to come into his old house (btw his name is still on the lease since hes lazy & won't sign papers) to retrieve items. I wasn't planning on him falling asleep.ps my ex has already moved on also and my current bf is aware of this Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Felix_Leiter Posted April 30 Report Share Posted April 30 the issue here is trust...your new bf doesn't have any...relationships dont work without trust..even though you should have prevented your ex from sleeping there..so a lil bit is your fault Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
georgym Posted April 30 Report Share Posted April 30 Well, on a side note, im completely against living with my g/f before im married. I have yet to hear a story where gf-bf live together and it actually worked.As far as your dilemna, i dont think your current b/f should make a big deal about it. If nothing happened, and you tell him nothing happened, then what else is there to say?I have a lil issue myself. My girl went away for a month, and she just told me last night that this guy she was on the trip with gave her a quick kiss in the bar.Obviously that pissed me off, but she told me that he surprised her and she didn't ask him to kiss her.It sucks, and im still upset, but what can i do Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Felix_Leiter Posted April 30 Report Share Posted April 30 Originally posted by gmccookny Well, on a side note, im completely against living with my g/f before im married. I have yet to hear a story where gf-bf live together and it actually worked.As far as your dilemna, i dont think your current b/f should make a big deal about it. If nothing happened, and you tell him nothing happened, then what else is there to say?I have a lil issue myself. My girl went away for a month, and she just told me last night that this guy she was on the trip with gave her a quick kiss in the bar.Obviously that pissed me off, but she told me that he surprised her and she didn't ask him to kiss her.It sucks, and im still upset, but what can i do did she tell you where i kissed her? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
georgym Posted April 30 Report Share Posted April 30 Originally posted by smokesum the issue here is trust...your new bf doesn't have any...relationships dont work without trust..even though you should have prevented your ex from sleeping there..so a lil bit is your fault i agree with you 100%, hombre btw, what do you think of my problem? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
georgym Posted April 30 Report Share Posted April 30 Originally posted by smokesum did she tell you where i kissed her? no dork. unless you were in switzerland last month, it wasnt you Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Felix_Leiter Posted April 30 Report Share Posted April 30 Originally posted by gmccookny i agree with you 100%, hombre btw, what do you think of my problem? well was she your gf??? if she wasnt your gf...then you dont have a problem... and if she was..i wouldnt really stress it..im sure it was nothing major..at least she mentioned it to you....she could have never even brought it up Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Felix_Leiter Posted April 30 Report Share Posted April 30 but then again..im sure she could have turned her head at the last second..but what are you complaining about...werent you the one that was debating on when to call another girl like a few weeks ago..DOUBLE STANDARD Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jenny999 Posted April 30 Author Report Share Posted April 30 Originally posted by gmccookny I have a lil issue myself. My girl went away for a month, and she just told me last night that this guy she was on the trip with gave her a quick kiss in the bar.Obviously that pissed me off, but she told me that he surprised her and she didn't ask him to kiss her.It sucks, and im still upset, but what can i do That's exactly what i mean ur gf was honest enough to tell you that happened and now you have to decide if you believe her or if you're going to let your mind go wild and envision other wrongful doings.My new bf is looking for me to beg, he wants me to call my ex on 3 way to have him allude to what did or did not happen, but I said to my new bf that last night was really supposed to be our last time talking or seeing one another and I wouldn't want to call him back & interrupt his new life with this because my ex will just think I'm nagging him to come back. I keep telling him nothing happened and he's not believing it. So I ask him what's the point in staying together if he doesn't trust me and he'll flip flop between answers 1st saying we're done but then still asking me what happened and then sort of believing me, but then still not. This is all so confusing:confused: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jenny999 Posted April 30 Author Report Share Posted April 30 double post Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jenny999 Posted April 30 Author Report Share Posted April 30 Originally posted by smokesum the issue here is trust...your new bf doesn't have any...relationships dont work without trust..even though you should have prevented your ex from sleeping there..so a lil bit is your fault I even admitted to him that I was at fault, but i'm not exactly experienced in break up etiquette. The reason why I didn't ask my ex to leave is because i'm trying not to turn this into something ugly, because then that would turn him to be spiteful and I just don't have time or energy for that.I try to let my new bf understand that i'm telling the whole truth, since i could've easily just said the meeting went fine and he never came in. I choose to be honest and look what i get. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bobbalou Posted April 30 Report Share Posted April 30 Your current significant other does not trust you. With that being said, shit will go downhill soon. IF there is no trust, there is no point to continue. In addition to all this, why jump into something else so soon? Take some time to focus on yourself. Just a thought... All the best.. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Felix_Leiter Posted April 30 Report Share Posted April 30 Originally posted by jenny999 I even admitted to him that I was at fault, but i'm not exactly experienced in break up etiquette. The reason why I didn't ask my ex to leave is because i'm trying not to turn this into something ugly, because then that would turn him to be spiteful and I just don't have time or energy for that. yur current is very immature Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jenny999 Posted April 30 Author Report Share Posted April 30 Originally posted by bobbalou Your current significant other does not trust you. With that being said, shit will go downhill soon. IF there is no trust, there is no point to continue. In addition to all this, why jump into something else so soon? Take some time to focus on yourself. Just a thought... All the best.. That's what i keep thinking no trust = no relationship. If i stay with him will i always have to wonder is he going to cheat or do something stupid only because he thinks I didAs for jumping in so soon, i really haven't been in a "real" relationship for the past year. But i've thought about that, but that thought scares me, i always thought i was independent however now faced with living alone is scary. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nomembername Posted April 30 Report Share Posted April 30 Originally posted by jenny999 he still had to come back to retrieve items you always forget (little things). Last night I had to actually meet up with my ex to give him back his car :laugh: sorry, I thought that was funny.I don't know jenny, it sounds like something more happened than him just falling asleep on the couch...are you sure you guys didn't have wild, uncontrollable sex on the kitchen table? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fliptoniaaa Posted April 30 Report Share Posted April 30 Originally posted by gmccookny Well, on a side note, im completely against living with my g/f before im married. I have yet to hear a story where gf-bf live together and it actually worked.As far as your dilemna, i dont think your current b/f should make a big deal about it. If nothing happened, and you tell him nothing happened, then what else is there to say?im getting in late on this one...so i will answer as i keep reading....but i think as a person who stdied relationships....u r totally off on ur statements here.....i lived with themrs 3 years b4 we actually got married!!!!!!!!!! i always tell people tehy should live together b4 getting married....cuz u know what im gonna say now....u never know some1 till u live with them!!!!!!!!!!!alot of married people find this out, after they have allready commited...so what usually happens is they stay in a miserable situation for even longer, cuz its easy to leave if ur bf-gf, but once ur married it takes alot more money...so alot of people just stay and becomemore miserable as time goes on take it anymore!!!!!!!!!!!as for the original post....i think smoksum hit it right on!!!!!!!!!!!thats just another ex bf in the waiting!!!!!!!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bobbalou Posted April 30 Report Share Posted April 30 Originally posted by jenny999 As for jumping in so soon, i really haven't been in a "real" relationship for the past year. But i've thought about that, but that thought scares me, i always thought i was independent however now faced with living alone is scary. So you jump on the next available train..I say give it time. This dude you have just gotten involved with is not mature enough. Be on your own its the best for you at the moment. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
georgym Posted April 30 Report Share Posted April 30 Originally posted by fliptoniaaa im getting in late on this one...so i will answer as i keep reading....but i think as a person who stdied relationships....u r totally off on ur statements here.....i lived with themrs 3 years b4 we actually got married!!!!!!!!!! i always tell people tehy should live together b4 getting married....cuz u know what im gonna say now....u never know some1 till u live with them!!!!!!!!!!!alot of married people find this out, after they have allready commited...so what usually happens is they stay in a miserable situation for even longer, cuz its easy to leave if ur bf-gf, but once ur married it takes alot more money...so alot of people just stay and becomemore miserable as time goes on take it anymore!!!!!!!!!!! Well, there's lots of specific things that we aren't taking into account. But i guess there is no right or wrong answer for this.I would say you and the mrs. A) knew what you guys wanted out of a relationship, were ready to commit and take the responsibility of living together, knowing that would lead to more.Sometimes couples move together in hopes that it will make the relationship better. Other times they rush into it, and it leads to a breakup.I guess it really depends on the situation Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fliptoniaaa Posted April 30 Report Share Posted April 30 jenny....i concur!!!!!!!!!! with bobbalou...u need to experince some time with urself.....go out, have good times, make new friends...look at ur frame of thinking....if im alone it scary!?!?!?!?!?!?!? y does it have to be scary....and just cuz u live alone doesnt meen ur lonely!!!!!!!!! so go ut.....smoke, do things that r entertaining, ad most importantly do alot of thinking about where u r, and where u want to be!!!!!!!!!!! so in conclusion i say........post a pic of ur tits!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! sorry i had to...it was to easy to pass up....this is the sex board!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nomembername Posted April 30 Report Share Posted April 30 Jenny, can you please post your picture...it always makes it easier for me to give better advice when I have a visual.thanks Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bobbalou Posted April 30 Report Share Posted April 30 Originally posted by fliptoniaaa jenny....i concur!!!!!!!!!! with bobbalou...u need to experince some time with urself.....go out, have good times, make new friends...look at ur frame of thinking....if im alone it scary!?!?!?!?!?!?!? y does it have to be scary....and just cuz u live alone doesnt meen ur lonely!!!!!!!!! so go ut.....smoke, do things that r entertaining, ad most importantly do alot of thinking about where u r, and where u want to be!!!!!!!!!!! so in conclusion i say........post a pic of ur tits!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! sorry i had to...it was to easy to pass up....this is the sex board!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :laugh: :laugh: see you tonight bro!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! u kill me !!!!!!!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hotbarbiedoll Posted April 30 Report Share Posted April 30 I do understand where your current boyfriend is coming from.. Afterall, you were with your ex for SEVEN years.. You guys have obviously shared a lot throughout that time..And now here comes your current boyfriend ( who I'm assuming you havent been with all that long) and he prob feels he has 7 years of some great times to compete with..But on top of that, your ex is sleeping over and maybe feels since you guys ARE in fact leaving off on good terms, maybe there is a chance he might need to come back for something else he "forgot" therefore having the same sitaution again. All you can do now is prove how much you care about him & would never do that..Explain to him how you and your ex are completely over and he's just part of your past now. I agree calling him is completely childish, you shouldn't have to go to that extreme to prove yourself to him. Just give him time and I'm sure he'll get over it. Just for now, try to lay off talking to the ex for a while, at least until he feels a little bit more comfortable and this all blows over Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fliptoniaaa Posted April 30 Report Share Posted April 30 Originally posted by gmccookny Well, there's lots of specific things that we aren't taking into account. But i guess there is no right or wrong answer for this.I would say you and the mrs. A) knew what you guys wanted out of a relationship, were ready to commit and take the responsibility of living together, knowing that would lead to more.Sometimes couples move together in hopes that it will make the relationship better. Other times they rush into it, and it leads to a breakup.I guess it really depends on the situation themrs was 17 and i was 18 when we moved out.....we just wanted to get out of our parents house!!!!!!!!!!!and think about all the 17 and 18 y/o u know.....they dont know anything.....i m gonna be honest.....were just kind of lucky!!!!!!!!!!!! i have always been straight forward, so i always told her what i expected out of her, and for the most part she is very low maintenace.....so lets say i got extremly lucky!!!!!!!! through the time we just experienced life together....so we really have come to a relationship where we really do lean on each other for support!!!!!!!!!! so when i was studying relationship therapy...i would see other people having miserable relationships, and going through these great dramas, and i couldn never understand y people would put themselves through all this hardship willingly!!!!!!! until i came to the realization ....humans for the most part r idiots...thers no othre way to explain it!!!!!! theres such a lack of common sense when feelings r involved that it made me dizzy......so i got out of studying that profession...cuz i really did not want to be surrounded with people who say they want help, and really make no effort to help themselves.....basicalyy ur surrounded at people who talk AT u instead of talk and listening to u!!!!!!!!!im rambling...im gonna stop now!!!!!!!!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nomembername Posted April 30 Report Share Posted April 30 Originally posted by fliptoniaaa im rambling...im gonna stop now!!!!!!!!!!! j/k Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sweetie029 Posted April 30 Report Share Posted April 30 Originally posted by jenny999 Okay I've lived with my bf for 7yrs, for the past year our relationship had fizzled, no romance, barely any conversation just no connection. during the last month of our relationship I met someone else and it started out as friends, once my bf & I broke up the friend turned into a bf. Now here's the dilema, since my ex & I lived together for so long and shared a residence the break-up wasnt that easy since there were leases/bills/belongings to take care of. I kept the apt and my ex left, but he still had to come back to retrieve items you always forget (little things). Last night I had to actually meet up with my ex to give him back his car (my new bf knew this meeting eventually had to take place) so he has to come into the apartment to get all the paperwork for the car, he ends up lounging in the living room (which used to be his bedroom when our relationship was on the outs) and falls asleep. Then my new bf calls to see how the meeting went and I tell him how he's knocked out sleeping - of course this doesn't fly and he thinks more things are going on. Now he says he can't trust me and doesn't want to continue the relationship, but i keep trying to tell him that this was our last meeting since everything was now given back and I couldn't wake him up and kick him out of the house (since i'm trying to have this relationship end friendly).Am I in the wrong for allowing my ex to come into his old house (btw his name is still on the lease since hes lazy & won't sign papers) to retrieve items. I wasn't planning on him falling asleep.ps my ex has already moved on also and my current bf is aware of this What is so wrong w/ waking up your ex & telling him to leave ? It's not your fault he fell asleep....That's not his home anymore and you are no longer his gf.....IMO...You should have stayed single after your breakup....7 years is a long time...Obviously you aren't going to be able to invest 100% into your new relationship b/c you are probably still dealing w/ emotions from your previous one....I say you should be by yourself for a while....It's probably for the best Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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