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MEN: a few tips on pleasing ladies


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1> The only time foreign objects go inside of me are at the gyno, so don't even ask.

2> I'm not a rabbit, so don't try to f*** me like one.

3> If thirty seconds is a record for you in bed, i suggest "rubbing a few out" on your own before embarrassing yourself, and me.

ladies, anymore?

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A female friend passed this along to me a while back....It holds some relevance here...

Reasons Men Suck-

They leave the toilet seat up so when you stumble in for a late nite pee, your ass gets wet!

Extension to that: do they ever clean the piss and pubic hair off the bowl? NO...

They IM you online with "wanna cyber," "wanna have phone sex," and "wanna meet?" Is that supposed to turn me on?

They buy a new video game or game system and you don't see them for a few weeks. Since when does Gran Turismo 2 replace sex?

They like to fart, light farts, have farting contests... Dr. Drew & Adam Corolla had a radio fart war on January 9th between 2 kids to be the "2nd asshole" of the show, next to Adam's asshole of course. What point does this serve?

They are obsessed with their penises and almost everything will get them hard! Bend over a little too much and you'll get poke, for the 5th time in one day.

They talk women's breasts as if that is where their brain has chosen to reside.

They never call back even when they promise they will and are never on time.

Many wear their pants half way down their asses, and I'm supposed to think they're hot and want to jump their bones.

They want a "smart, down-to-earth, funny girl," who just happens to look like a model and has the libido of a rabbit.

They don't realize how sensitive women are and yell at us when we get upset over something THEY think is stupid. Feelings are feelings buster, if you don't like it... looks like you don't get any pussy.

They whine and complain like they're dying when they have the flu.

They bitch about women's driving and they are the one's with the tickets and accidents! (and their insurance is HIGHER!)

They will cheat on you if given half a chance, and then blame it on the girl or any other excuse they can think of.

After sex, they either get up and raid the fridge, play video games, or pass out like you don't exist. How's that for romantic?

They are obsessed with sex. So much, that they beg for it.

They brag about how good they are in bed.. and then when you get them there its like you are screwing a dead fish or a raging bull with 1 eye.

They think unhooking a woman's bra is a talent. (hey guys we can do it with one hand)

They're fake. I've know many guys as merely friends... they way the act around me and the way they act around girls they want to screw is totally different. Aren't you supposed to, i dunno, BE YOURSELF?

------------------

www.Hardhaus.com

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I have some...

1. Don't even try to stick it before you lick it!

2. Foreplay does not consist of kissing only.

3. When trying to insert a finger, please make sure it is wet!

4. Unless we agreed on a "quickie", 20 minutes from foreplay to orgasm, will not due.

5. Just because you may have a large member, that does not automatically make you a good lover. Learn how to work it!

6. The only thing allowed on the TV during sex is a porno.

7. The breasts will not be neglected!

8. When the woman is on top, do not just lay there like a bump on a log. Grab a handful of booty, grind, move your hips...something!

9. Do not kiss like a blender.

10. Just because you're finished, doesn't mean she is...

That's all for now...

------------------

icon9.giflove.gifbiggrin.gif

Peace Love Happiness y'all

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Originally posted by divalicious:

I have some...

1. Don't even try to stick it before you lick it!

2. Foreplay does not consist of kissing only.

3. When trying to insert a finger, please make sure it is wet!

4. Unless we agreed on a "quickie", 20 minutes from foreplay to orgasm, will not due.

5. Just because you may have a large member, that does not automatically make you a good lover. Learn how to work it!

6. The only thing allowed on the TV during sex is a porno.

7. The breasts will not be neglected!

8. When the woman is on top, do not just lay there like a bump on a log. Grab a handful of booty, grind, move your hips...something!

9. Do not kiss like a blender.

10. Just because you're finished, doesn't mean she is...

That's all for now...

you're kidding, right?

------------------

there is no law - except the law of the drug and the music

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Originally posted by filthy_slag:

shit. i'd just perfected my 'blending' technique - now i'm going to have to try something new.

Maybe the 'blending' technique would be suitable when you go south, if that's any consolation...

cwm27.gif

------------------

icon9.giflove.gifbiggrin.gif

Peace Love Happiness y'all

[This message has been edited by divalicious (edited 11-03-2000).]

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Originally posted by divalicious:

I have some...

1. Don't even try to stick it before you lick it!

hey i remember that song

"ya gotta lick it, befow we kick it, ya gotta get it soaken wet so we can kick it"

nice old skool biggrin.gif

-Rob

------------------

-BRING BACK FRANK ALVEE *FOR GOOD*-

"And thus they give the time, that Nature meant

For peaceful sleep and meditative snores,

To ceaseless din and mindless merriment

And waste of shoes and floors."

hmr3.gif

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Note my responses/comments

Originally posted by the_pharmacist:

A female friend passed this along to me a while back....It holds some relevance here...

Reasons Men Suck-

They leave the toilet seat up so when you stumble in for a late nite pee, your ass gets wet!

(open your eyes and pay attention... what ever happened to "look before you leap")

Extension to that: do they ever clean the piss and pubic hair off the bowl? NO...

(ewwwwwwwwww)

They IM you online with "wanna cyber," "wanna have phone sex," and "wanna meet?" Is that supposed to turn me on?

(yawn--------stereotype)

They buy a new video game or game system and you don't see them for a few weeks. Since when does Gran Turismo 2 replace sex?

(yawn-----closet gay guy, or you're busted)

They like to fart, light farts, have farting contests... Dr. Drew & Adam Corolla had a radio fart war on January 9th between 2 kids to be the "2nd asshole" of the show, next to Adam's asshole of course. What point does this serve?

(Disagree)

They are obsessed with their penises and almost everything will get them hard! Bend over a little too much and you'll get poke, for the 5th time in one day.

(Too much of a good thing?)

They talk women's breasts as if that is where their brain has chosen to reside.

(So?)

They never call back even when they promise they will and are never on time.

(We talking about women or men on this one?)

Many wear their pants half way down their asses, and I'm supposed to think they're hot and want to jump their bones.

(Need more dick room)

They want a "smart, down-to-earth, funny girl," who just happens to look like a model and has the libido of a rabbit.

(And this is wrong because?)

They don't realize how sensitive women are and yell at us when we get upset over something THEY think is stupid. Feelings are feelings buster, if you don't like it... looks like you don't get any pussy.

(Pfft.... oh no, not pussy games... oh well, so much for honesty. "Whatever you say, dear")

They whine and complain like they're dying when they have the flu.

(Again, we talking about women here again?)

They bitch about women's driving and they are the one's with the tickets and accidents! (and their insurance is HIGHER!)

(Stereotype)

They will cheat on you if given half a chance, and then blame it on the girl or any other excuse they can think of.

(Yawn------ women NEVER do this one... sure, right)

After sex, they either get up and raid the fridge, play video games, or pass out like you don't exist. How's that for romantic?

(Stop boning the 60yrs olds then)

They are obsessed with sex. So much, that they beg for it.

(I never beg)

They brag about how good they are in bed.. and then when you get them there its like you are screwing a dead fish or a raging bull with 1 eye.

(I got no skills. How do you work this thing? Which way is up?)

They think unhooking a woman's bra is a talent. (hey guys we can do it with one hand)

(I just use a knife-----fuck that shit!! lol)

They're fake. I've know many guys as merely friends... they way the act around me and the way they act around girls they want to screw is totally different. Aren't you supposed to, i dunno, BE YOURSELF?

( We talking about women again on this one?)

------------------

gohanssj2.gifBabymin1.gif

<I'm a Fire-starter>

<Float like a butterfly, sting like a bee!!> <I got the glow, baby!!

Can ya feel it?!? Now back up and give me some dancin' room!!>

--- When the Artful speaks

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Originally posted by divalicious:

I have some...

1. Don't even try to stick it before you lick it!

2. Foreplay does not consist of kissing only.

3. When trying to insert a finger, please make sure it is wet!

4. Unless we agreed on a "quickie", 20 minutes from foreplay to orgasm, will not due.

5. Just because you may have a large member, that does not automatically make you a good lover. Learn how to work it!

6. The only thing allowed on the TV during sex is a porno.

7. The breasts will not be neglected!

8. When the woman is on top, do not just lay there like a bump on a log. Grab a handful of booty, grind, move your hips...something!

9. Do not kiss like a blender.

10. Just because you're finished, doesn't mean she is...

That's all for now...

kiss like a blender? lost me. WTF is kissing like a blender?

------------------

gohanssj2.gifBabymin1.gif

<I'm a Fire-starter>

<Float like a butterfly, sting like a bee!!> <I got the glow, baby!!

Can ya feel it?!? Now back up and give me some dancin' room!!>

--- When the Artful speaks

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