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what does it really mean when he says "let's take a break"?


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Originally posted by apotheosis:

take a break =

tired of sex with you / see what else is out there.

just a possibility.

[This message has been edited by apotheosis (edited 02-01-2001).]

tell it like it is...

why do I feel like its one of those times when the girl doesnt listen to us and goes back to the guy anyway. Pleas dont!!! He wants a break, give him one, 8 years older he might be but he's still trying to catch up on unchartered sex.

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I disagree. maybe he's confused. if u guys have been fighting or not really agreeing or anything like that. he's just taking time to figure shit out. like what he should do.

You know him better than me, so u can tell if he has been thinkin about it by the way he reacts when u ask him what he's been thinkin about. It he has an attitude or a stupid answer, than I would start thinkin about a ending it. If he gives you a honest anwser, then stick around.

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Originally posted by nikilina:

my new boyfriend of only three months thinks we should take a "few days off".... things have been a bit bumpy for the last two weeks, and now he questions if he can "give the relationship all it deserves"... told me he'd call me sat and fill me in on what he has concluded during his "thinking time"... he is 8 years older then i, is he being mature about it, or is he being a dick?

i need advice... my face hurts from crying.

**Starts with a hug for Nikilina, my shoulders are large for your aching head**

Now, the hard part. Forget him. I am usually older than the girls I date and that is silly. I tell people early up front if Im not ready for anything or if I am not interested in anything at the moment.

A little pain now is better than more pain in the future. It would be one thing if you hadnt already been dating. (IE, hooked up, hung out, whatever) However, the fact that he went three months of "dating" and now comes to a conclusin means you need to cut your losses.

That is my current take on the matter. People sometimes dont "click" when they first meet then down the road, they do.

If things are bumpy 3 months into it.......

Whatever you decide, feel free to join us anywhere, anytime. I promise you'll at least have some fun. And you'll smile AT LEAST once.....**grins**

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"The light, the glimmering light of her eyes, the shining exuberance of hope, the sparkling smile, Thats Life"

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Sorry to heat that.

Well I think that you should forget about him. What does he need a break from you have only been dating for 3 months. Your just getting started. Obviously he doesn't want a relationship (full time).

Now if you guys have been seing each other for a long time I would say-sometimes a break is a good thing. It gives the two of you a chance to realize what you really want and how you are feeling.

What also seems strange is that is he is so much older he should be looking for a commitment. Sounds like he may not know what he wants, but if you want a long term relationship I would move on.

Hope everything work out for you smile.gif

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Originally posted by crystalmethodny:

Niki

Im sorry baby

I think women suck too

Why dont we just finally get together and make it happen? All these years... the intensity... the drama... the wondering?

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LOL

Still pimping, I see! cwm38.gif

BlueAngel

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“You cannot create experience. You must undergo it.” - Albert Camus

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Originally posted by nikilina:

here's the problem... i really like him. and up until this point i thought he felt the same.. i always held the upper hand in the realtionship, i feel like this is his way of trying to take the lead or something. MEN! THEY DRIVE ME FUCKING NUTS!

Maybe that was the problem . . . you always taking the upper hand. Sometimes we, women, think that by taking the upper hand in a relationship we're kinda protecting ourselves. That's soooooo not true. Try walking with him. Not in front of him or behind him. Just because you have the upper hand doesn't always mean that the guy likes you more. Sometimes it just means that the guys is patient enough to let you get away with it, but after a while . . . it gets built up. Trust me, I speak from experience.

The BEST kind of love is the equal kind. Where you're giving AND receiving.

My advice to you is talk to him. Be honest with him about how you feel. How scared you are to lose him and how much you like him. Maybe that's what he's waiting to hear from you. Don't be afraid to let him know exactly how much he means to you. Do it soon before you lose the chance to.

Good luck! Hugs!

BlueAngel

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“You cannot create experience. You must undergo it.” - Albert Camus

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Boy does this topic bring back memories..

Generally means he's met someone...wants to sew his wild oats without actually cheating on you so he breaks up with you then when all is said and done and it's out of his system he comes back...only to do it again a few months later...some men just can't commit!!!

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Yeah, breaks are pretty much bullshit. Either you're mature enough to realize that one argument isn't necessarily reason enough to genuinely break up, or you're mature enough to say that things aren't going to work out, but for more reasons than just one little spat.

So, whatever..... if he's saying he wants to take a break, that's just fucking stupid -- he's basically saying that spending time with you isn't something he necessarily wants to do on a regular basis, only when it suits him. I'm not saying you should cut him loose at all -- that's a decision you need to make, in light of how _you_ feel . But it certainly seems like an emotional immature thing to do........

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"Live through the week. Live for the weekend."

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Originally posted by risa06:

I don't believe in breaks...either you IN...or you OUT!!!.....I used this "I need a break" shit when I wanted to be OUT...

Bingo! Exactly what I was thinking while reading all the other replies. Although a lot of them do have really good points and of course every situation is different.. But I cannot imagine "taking a break" from someone you wanna be with.. If you need to take a break from them, that means that there are a lot of issues. So unless you are both mature enough to sit down and discuss it like adults, in the case that it's just a break for ppl to figure out what they want, no reason to stay with someone who has doubts about being with you.

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Originally posted by nikilina:

here's the problem... i really like him. and up until this point i thought he felt the same.. i always held the upper hand in the realtionship, i feel like this is his way of trying to take the lead or something. MEN! THEY DRIVE ME FUCKING NUTS!

he's trying to be gentle i think by telling you about this break shit. even if you agree to it, what does it really mean??? that he needs to fuck other girls? then what? come back to ya? sister, puhleeez!

i don't understand this upper hand shit either? isn't it supposed to be equal?

listen, you seem to be a warm, gentle woman, do what makes you happy, but don't beg, he'll treat you like shit further. there are other boys out there that willl treat you well. i am sorry to hear that your feeling are hurt, it sounded like you really liked him. take care nikilina

-Dee

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take it from an older woman - take a break means back off. give him his space and act like it's no big deal. if you act clingy and needy you will push him away. be patient and time will tell. maybe during this break you will find that you are okay without him...or he will find that he can't live without you. it's probably natural that he needs a little time off if the two of you have been seeing each other intensely for three months. he probably just wants to hang with his friends, work out, veg out, whatever. everybody needs personal time to themselves. take this opportunity to do something nice for yourself and catch up on your reading, work outs, time with friends & family. no man wants a woman that has little or no life without him in the picture. don't guilt trip him about his decision and don't let him know you've been crying or fretting over this, it will only turn him away. be as sweet as you can about the whole thing and you'll get a better response from him than you would if you cry or cling. good luck!!!

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Originally posted by mysteriousss:

Bingo! Exactly what I was thinking while reading all the other replies. Although a lot of them do have really good points and of course every situation is different.. But I cannot imagine "taking a break" from someone you wanna be with.. If you need to take a break from them, that means that there are a lot of issues. So unless you are both mature enough to sit down and discuss it like adults, in the case that it's just a break for ppl to figure out what they want, no reason to stay with someone who has doubts about being with you.

exactly my thoughts....thank you sweetie

...When people have problems and they want to be left alone for some time that is understandable to me....I like to be left alone w/ my problems sometimes too....but to take a break form the person you like/love???? To do fucking WHAT??? As I said b4....when I say "I need a break from YOU" it usually means "Baby, I'm leaving YOU"

but that is just me......

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Originally posted by blueangel:

Maybe that was the problem . . . you always taking the upper hand. Sometimes we, women, think that by taking the upper hand in a relationship we're kinda protecting ourselves. That's soooooo not true. Try walking with him. Not in front of him or behind him. Just because you have the upper hand doesn't always mean that the guy likes you more. Sometimes it just means that the guys is patient enough to let you get away with it, but after a while . . . it gets built up. Trust me, I speak from experience.

The BEST kind of love is the equal kind. Where you're giving AND receiving.

My advice to you is talk to him. Be honest with him about how you feel. How scared you are to lose him and how much you like him. Maybe that's what he's waiting to hear from you. Don't be afraid to let him know exactly how much he means to you. Do it soon before you lose the chance to.

Good luck! Hugs!

BlueAngel

Great advice. Relationships have to go two ways. If you don't feel that it is equal then move on. You are definately too beautiful to be crying!!!!

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Originally posted by tonygmo:

If there are so many fish in the sea, how come I haven't dated any of them in over a year?! Damn I feel like a loser. cwm3.gifcwm11.gif ...I'm pretty much in ths same predicament as you and I don't think I am (hmmm) but it has also been a year for me too. But for now I have been enjoying the single life and contemplating if its worth to be in a relationship were you are constantly thinking about the relationship you are in. Lately, it has been frustrating seeing other couples out having a good time and me all by my lonesome. I do want that but I don't want to be with someone just for the hell of it (oh wait...I take that back cwm27.gif ).

As for nikilina, I'm sorry to hear about that poopyhead guy. I agree with tyco as far as constnatly thinking about the relationship and stuff. I was put in the same predicament as you last year and I was told that he needed time to think about the relationship. I was hurt (of course) but I realized that if you need time away from me and is willing to make a decision that affects the relationship 100%, then its time to walk away. If instead, we have been discussing issues/problems in the relationship then it would be a 50/50 mutual decision that the both of you came up with (obviously this is the more adult way). I say screw him, and move on. You are too beautiful inside and out to let yourself be hurt in anyway by a jerk that can't figure which direction he wants to go in with the relationship. Sorry if it sounds too harsh, but like others have said there are too many more fish in the sea.

-Jamms "thatsdrjammyjamtoyou"

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thanks for the advice everyone...

everyone keeps saying he wants to see someone else, etc etc... i dont think he is that kind of person. he wouldnt hurt me like that, i am positive. i will not blind myself to the possibility though....

thanks.... i needed to hear some of this stuff!

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Originally posted by nikilina:

thanks for the advice everyone...

everyone keeps saying he wants to see someone else, etc etc... i dont think he is that kind of person. he wouldnt hurt me like that, i am positive. i will not blind myself to the possibility though....

thanks.... i needed to hear some of this stuff!

Hun.. In that case, if you really think that all he needs is some time to think about things, then give him that.. You don't have much choice, you either wanna give him a chance to do this, or you can move on. I dunno, some ppl can't realize and appreciate what they have until they lose it. So maybe he just wants to test his own feelings, to see how bad he really wants to be with you.. I dunno, just random thoughts..

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Nikilina,

Hey Sweetie, hope this can put you into better spirits... Trust me when I tell you that your Man will come back... Make sure you play your cards right and stick to your guns:

Dont Call Him

Wait like 3 or 4 days b4 you return any of his calls

act as if this lil break has no effect on you, present yourself as being "the happiest girl", certainly not sweatin the situation wit him...

I know this from experience... My b/f and I have gone through breaks all throughout our 2 1/2 years together... and he always, always, always comes back... Men need to sometimes pull away and find a sense of independance when they get close to a female, guys cant handle falling in love too quickly...

The only way to really forget, is to fill the void with someone else... Occupy yourself with date after date, and remain busy so that he doesnt take up space in your mind... a few weeks will go by, and he will be persuing you, trust me...

And for the rest of you who claim that he's lookin to see other people, STFU... b/c you dont know all the facts...

Hope this helps...

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You only get ONE chance to make a "First Impression"

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you must have mistaken me for your mother you cunt...

PS... Glad you had a great time at Sound Factory! (you whore!!)

WOW, I feel so much better!! Thank ili-asshole!

Originally posted by iliana:

Face it, you're bad at giving blowjobs and your ass smells like shit. Oh well! Good luck at finding your next toothless bum/wannabe boyfriend!

LOL

-iliana

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