"Open" relationships...

[nickijay]

Originally posted by blueangel:

I would NEVER want to be the "other woman."

BlueAngel

me neither!!

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Boink like a bunny with spring fever!!!

uknj@aol.com

[idisyda]

open relationships = fuck friends.

How can you let the girl you love go out with some other guy.

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[boa_boy]

Originally posted by apotheosis:

my favorite part is that time *before* anything really happens with 3 or more people and your all sitting there "at that same level" and all knowing that play time is ahead. thats my apotheosis

the 2 rules: be 100% honest and respecful with everyone.

[This message has been edited by apotheosis (edited 02-21-2001).]

further to that consider each and every relationship you have as being unique and accord it the respect it deserves.....I personally abhor lines in the sand, where people ask yoiu are you dating/seeing them/sleeping with them/serious/steady/fucking/yadayadayada...when people refer to their relationship history and try to pigeon hole you or square peg round hole you.....like Boy A did this and you're going to do the same thing

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......Flamebait 4 the week: Glowsticks are NO!..............boa_boy@yahoo.com

[divette]

I have to add my .02 because i'm going through this very thing!

After getting out of a 4 year relationship back in November..i was of course devistated..but began to move on.

I started dating people and just playing the feild again. This was something that i hadnt done in 4 years, so it was all new to me.

I started dating this one guy who i really liked..we we're talking everyday on the phone..seeing each other once or twice a week..it was all good. But we knew we were both dating other people too. I thought i would be ok with this "dating".."Open relationship " thing..but months have gone by...(and we we're sleeping together too.)

Anywho, it's been 4 months and we're at a stand still. Its still an "OPen realtionship"..even though we've gone on vacation together, met each other families...the whole nine...

it's true..one person always ends up wanting more in this type of a situation. It;s ok to date, but we all date with the hope that if it works out between eachother, that eventually an open relationship evolves into something more. THAT ISNT ALWAYS THE CASE!

So, yesterday i deaded it with the guy i was falling in love with,in an "OPEN RELATIONSHIP". I dont like sharing my heart and soul with a guy who's commitment phobic.

basically..unless your one emotioanlly strong MoFo...i dont suggest an open realtionship..or whatever the hell you want to call it.

thats it..i'm done...this must not make any sense to you..but i needed to vent as you can see.

[djmikedr]

Originally posted by idisyda:

How can you let the girl you love go out with some other guy.

Can you not love them enough to give them anything they might want?

sometimes sex is just sex.

[sirdante]

Originally posted by idisyda:

open relationships = fuck friends.

How can you let the girl you love go out with some other guy?

an open relationship, as i understand it, is a sexual proclivity, meaning you have other ppl fuck the person you love. its not about getting into other relationships.

i know ppl who have had open relationships for many years. it seems to work for them. its a purely sexual thing, like having another partner in the bedroom is like having a new sex toy.

some ppl have urges and are willing to deviate from customary norms to fill these urges. i would imagine it is either done lightly, and the relationship is not that serious, or its done as a calculated risk. as with everything, the risk takers probably have a more wild time, while more conservative ppl have a better chance at stability.

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i love music!

[mysteriousss]

Yep.. Agree with whoever said that open relationships are just plain dating.. Cheating is a WHOLE different story because a person being cheated on assumes that their partner is being exclusive.. If someone wants an "open" relationship, there IS NO relationship.. Maybe a friendship.. But no serious feelings, no committment.

It's ok for ppl to wanna have "options" and not be committed to one person. But if you say that you are in a relationship with someone, that kind of implies that you are monogamous and not fucking around with other ppl.. Even if your partner says it's ok..

Personally, I'd NEVER want to be in an open relationship. I'm not a jealous person by nature, but if my bf wants to sleep with someone else, he won't be my bf for long..

[blueangel]

Originally posted by apotheosis:

sometimes sex is just sex.

To me sex is never just sex. In a relationship it should be something that is between him and me and not shared with anyone else. I mean we share ourselves with so many other people in our lives (family, friens, co-workers, even strangers) that we can at least say this is the ONE thing that is shared between us and us alone.

BlueAngel

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“Once in a while, in the middle of this thing called life, love throws us a fairy tale.” - Unkown

[vampienyc10]

Originally posted by divette:

I have to add my .02 because i'm going through this very thing!

After getting out of a 4 year relationship back in November..i was of course devistated..but began to move on.

I started dating people and just playing the feild again. This was something that i hadnt done in 4 years, so it was all new to me.

I started dating this one guy who i really liked..we we're talking everyday on the phone..seeing each other once or twice a week..it was all good. But we knew we were both dating other people too. I thought i would be ok with this "dating".."Open relationship " thing..but months have gone by...(and we we're sleeping together too.)

Anywho, it's been 4 months and we're at a stand still. Its still an "OPen realtionship"..even though we've gone on vacation together, met each other families...the whole nine...

it's true..one person always ends up wanting more in this type of a situation. It;s ok to date, but we all date with the hope that if it works out between eachother, that eventually an open relationship evolves into something more. THAT ISNT ALWAYS THE CASE!

So, yesterday i deaded it with the guy i was falling in love with,in an "OPEN RELATIONSHIP". I dont like sharing my heart and soul with a guy who's commitment phobic.

basically..unless your one emotioanlly strong MoFo...i dont suggest an open realtionship..or whatever the hell you want to call it.

thats it..i'm done...this must not make any sense to you..but i needed to vent as you can see.

Oh sweetie.. I totally understood what you said.. You did exactly what an "emotionally strong MoFo" would have done.... If he *is* the one for you then time will put everything into place.. In the meantime, don't dwell on this..Go out and have fun but most of all be true to yourself!

xoxoxoxo, Marcella

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AIM vampienyc10

e-mail: vampie@aol.com

[divette]

Awww..thanks for the support chica!

I hope it falls into place with this guy, if he doesnt realize it now...hopefuly in time he will. And if he doesnt...then good riddin's!

Ciao~

D.

[boa_boy]

Originally posted by divette:

Awww..thanks for the support chica!

I hope it falls into place with this guy, if he doesnt realize it now...hopefuly in time he will. And if he doesnt...then good riddin's!

Ciao~

D.

Having been in that type of relationship rollercoaster before, where you start of someplace 'open' and your feelings evolve to somewhere more intimate......does he know how you feel? Boys can be dumb asses (I should know) so in these situations communication is key......

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......Flamebait 4 the week: Glowsticks are NO!..............boa_boy@yahoo.com

[sgbrooklyn]

okay, this conversation is waaaayyy beyond me!

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I love everyone today!

[sgbrooklyn]

this conversation is WAY beyond me!

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I love everyone today!

[mel-o-d]

Originally posted by blueangel:

I never said cheating was a way for people to get more out of a relationship. People cheat when they have their cake and want to eat it too.

BlueAngel

I just can't tolerate cheating. I think being in a relationship is all about making sacrifices and losing your heart, showing your vulnerabilities but being loved for everything that you are, good and bad. And in the process you grow as an individual by becoming part of a couple. A couple - that's just two people. When someone cheat or feel the need to have an "open" relationship, that just says to me they are being selfish. Whether to fulfill their fantasies or whatever, there's just something fundamentally disrespectful in polygamy. And while it wasn't the best experience, being the other woman definitely helped me come to this conclusion and I'm glad for having gone through it. Once was enough, never again would I subject myself towards that sort of treatment.

[vampienyc10]

Originally posted by mel-o-d:

I just can't tolerate cheating. I think being in a relationship is all about making sacrifices and losing your heart, showing your vulnerabilities but being loved for everything that you are, good and bad. And in the process you grow as an individual by becoming part of a couple. A couple - that's just two people. When someone cheat or feel the need to have an "open" relationship, that just says to me they are being selfish. Whether to fulfill their fantasies or whatever, there's just something fundamentally disrespectful in polygamy. And while it wasn't the best experience, being the other woman definitely helped me come to this conclusion and I'm glad for having gone through it. Once was enough, never again would I subject myself towards that sort of treatment.

***clapping***

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AIM vampienyc10

e-mail: vampie@aol.com

[blueangel]

Originally posted by mel-o-d:

I just can't tolerate cheating. I think being in a relationship is all about making sacrifices and losing your heart, showing your vulnerabilities but being loved for everything that you are, good and bad. And in the process you grow as an individual by becoming part of a couple. A couple - that's just two people. When someone cheat or feel the need to have an "open" relationship, that just says to me they are being selfish. Whether to fulfill their fantasies or whatever, there's just something fundamentally disrespectful in polygamy. And while it wasn't the best experience, being the other woman definitely helped me come to this conclusion and I'm glad for having gone through it. Once was enough, never again would I subject myself towards that sort of treatment.

I apologize if I came off as judging you in any way. I wouldn't do that. What I was trying to say is that by "being" cheated on I learned what you learned long time ago. When I said that "I would never want to be the other woman." It's because I don't have the need or never did have the need to share a guy with another woman. Above all else watch him leave me to go home]/b] to her. That would NEVER make me happy.

Cheating no matter how you look at it is wrong. It's deceitful and manipulative, so anything that ugly has to be bad. So when people are participating in something that ugly . . . they have to be wrong also.

BlueAngel

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“Once in a while, in the middle of this thing called life, love throws us a fairy tale.” - Unkown

[jammy]

Originally posted by back2basics:

Shit i will have to do someting about that!!

go have a couple of pints ya bugger . That'll fix you good.

-Jamms

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GLI ABBRACCI

[cathyo]

I don't share...period.

There are no exceptions to the rule, at least not for me. I could never do an open relationship.

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A mind that is stretched by a new experience can never go back to it's old dimensions.

~*~*~Don't use time or words carelessly, neither can be retrieved.~*~*~

[nlichau]

Originally posted by apotheosis:

Can you not love them enough to give them anything they might want?

sometimes sex is just sex.

I've talked about this alot with my man of 9 years. We wonder if our relationship is strong enough-could we actually just have sex with other to have sex-and maybe spice up our relationship.

I am torn-I am not really sure sex could be just sex-emotions always are involved.

And no matter how tight we are in our relationship-one of us would bound to be hurt is some way. Is it worth the risk? Could it leave us bitter and with regret?

I don't think its worth it right now.

But who know what could happen 9 years from now.

I have learned that most of the time when your make your fantacy a reality it isn't so much fun after all.

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The music makes the people come together...

[mel-o-d]

Are you guys for real? We're talking about 2 different topics here.

First of all, if you feel the need to cheat on your bf/gf, that says right there you have no respect for what you guys share and that you in your heart/mind, you have given up on having a meaningful, long term relationship with your gf/bf. Sex isn't just sex when you're in a relationship. And if you're cheating, sneaking around, lying, then it isn't an "open" relationship.

uknjx2 and blueangel - please enlighten me on how cheating actually demonstrates that you want more from a relationship. This blows my mind. Maybe it's because I have been the other woman before, but when a man regularly cheats on his girlfriend with you, it's because his feelings for his girlfriend has changed. Sex between two people can be fun and exciting, to explore your sexuality and to experiment, but when it's a regular thing, it becomes more than just physical.

[blueangel]

Originally posted by mel-o-d:

uknjx2 and blueangel - please enlighten me on how cheating actually demonstrates that you want more from a relationship. This blows my mind.

I never said cheating was a way for people to get more out of a relationship. People cheat when they have their cake and want to eat it too.

BlueAngel

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“Once in a while, in the middle of this thing called life, love throws us a fairy tale.” - Unkown

[vampienyc10]

Originally posted by mel-o-d:

Are you guys for real? We're talking about 2 different topics here.

First of all, if you feel the need to cheat on your bf/gf, that says right there you have no respect for what you guys share and that you in your heart/mind, you have given up on having a meaningful, long term relationship with your gf/bf.

okay so you being the "other woman' what does that make YOU ?

**silence**

Sex isn't just sex when you're in a relationship. And if you're cheating, sneaking around, lying, then it isn't an "open" relationship.

We've covered that....

uknjx2 and blueangel - please enlighten me on how cheating actually demonstrates that you want more from a relationship. This blows my mind. Maybe it's because I have been the other woman before, but when a man regularly cheats on his girlfriend with you, it's because his feelings for his girlfriend has changed. Sex between two people can be fun and exciting, to explore your sexuality and to experiment, but when it's a regular thing, it becomes more than just physical.

Okay...NOW...NO ONE is perfect!! People make mistakes.. Some of us realize early on while others don't .. In their case, and ladies correct me if I'm wrong.. The guy went out and cheated.....After having cheated he realized what he had....

Sometimes bad things have to happen in order to bring out those deep down feelings..

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AIM vampienyc10

e-mail: vampie@aol.com

[nickijay]

Originally posted by mel-o-d:

Are you guys for real? We're talking about 2 different topics here.

First of all, if you feel the need to cheat on your bf/gf, that says right there you have no respect for what you guys share and that you in your heart/mind, you have given up on having a meaningful, long term relationship with your gf/bf. Sex isn't just sex when you're in a relationship. And if you're cheating, sneaking around, lying, then it isn't an "open" relationship.

uknjx2 and blueangel - please enlighten me on how cheating actually demonstrates that you want more from a relationship. This blows my mind. Maybe it's because I have been the other woman before, but when a man regularly cheats on his girlfriend with you, it's because his feelings for his girlfriend has changed. Sex between two people can be fun and exciting, to explore your sexuality and to experiment, but when it's a regular thing, it becomes more than just physical.

ok, in my situation when my boyfriend cheated on me the relationship was relatively new and the way i see it is he wasn't ready to give up his single status but he didn't want me to be with other guys so he cheated on me, in other words he was deceptive for his own benefit and had no regard for my feelings. of course i didn't know this was going on at the time or i would've bailed. i found out about it much later on after we'd built a history....i don't want to get into all the details b/c it's irrelevant. yes, maybe some people cheat b/c they feel there's nothing left in their relationship, but at this point why stay in it? get the fuck out!!! it's just plain selfish to screw around on somebody. i'm not judging you for being the other woman....i would never do that b/c i don't know your circumstances and it's none of my business. i'm just saying i, personally, would never want to be the "other" woman....it's not what i want from a relationship. two's company, three's a crowd (for me)! when i said my bf cheated b/c he wanted it ALL i meant he just wanted me all to himself but he wanted to be free to play around. he realized later on that he could've lost me in the process. i know that if i'd found out about it when it was going on that i would've bailed but i found out much later on and by that point things were different. i'm not saying it didn't have a huge impact on my relationship with him b/c it did. anyway, my whole point about open relationships is they are not for me as far as if a guy is def. not my boyfriend if he's sticking it to some other girl.

ps: i apologize for repeating myself over and over....

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Boink like a bunny with spring fever!!!

uknj@aol.com

[This message has been edited by uknjx2 (edited 02-21-2001).]