cazz926 Posted August 9 Report Share Posted August 9 Courtesy of www.modernhumorist.com (one of the funniest sites on the net)The Madonna Fan’s Dream Set List 1. Vogue 2. Like a Virgin 3. Like a Prayer 4. Express Yourself 5. Into the Groove 6. Material Girl 7. Open Your Heart 8. Cherish 9. True Blue 10. Beautiful Stranger 11. Ray of Light 12. Borderline 13. Papa Don’t Preach 14. Justify My Love The Madonna Tour’s Actual Set List 1-17. Shit from recent albums 18. This Used to Be My Playground 19. Where’s the Party (acoustic) 20-33. Highlights from The Next Best Thing soundtrack 34. Don’t Cry for Me Argentina 35. Memory 36. Escape (The Piña Colada Song) 37. Waltzing Matilda 38. Theme from Bridge on the River Kwai (dance remix) 39. University of Michigan Fight Song 40. Shanti/Ashtangi (encore) Culture/Fashion/Fetish Combinations to Anticipate • Scottish kilt worn with knee-high, lace-up leather boots • Lasso bondage imagery • 17,000-person game of Truth or Dare • Leopard-fur thongs on live cheetahs • Japanese anime sumo threesomes • Classic Dick Tracy villains in Les Liasons Dangereuse garb simulating auto-erotic asphyxiation --------------------------------------------------------------------------------Safety Tips: Do:Praise MadonnaImitate MadonnaFeel Madonna’s auraDo not:Look directly at MadonnaMimic MadonnaUndermine Madonna’s commanding presence with mindless chatter Do:Compare Madonna the entertainer to Madonna the Holy MotherDo not:Compare Guy Ritchie the film director to Guy Smiley the Sesame Street game show host Do:Make sly references to Madonna’s "Two Smoking Barrels"Do not:Say anything crude about her jugs Do:Say that Guy Ritchie is a "hottie"Do not:Say that Snatch substitutes an incredible volume of profanity for any semblance of character development. Not that British people swearing isn’t a hoot. Do:Request "Material Girl"Do not:Request updated version of "Papa Don’t Preach" exploring moral ambiguities of embryonic stem cell research Do:Wear shimmering silver clothes.Do not:Attempt to disguise yourself if your name is "Weird Al" Yankovic. You are not welcome. Do:Consider being rained on by Madonna’s saliva as a blessing from on highDo not:Take the sample to a DNA cloning laboratory and attempt to create a new Madonna Do:Marvel at Madonna’s seemingly endless series of reinventionsDo not:Mention the accent Do:Proceed to exits in orderly fashion in case of fireDo not:Worry about trampling "Weird Al" Yankovic Do:Ask an usher to direct you to your seat if you have trouble locating your sectionDo not:Expect special treatment just because you’re Sean Penn Do:Express the hope that Madonna will never stop recording new musicDo not:Forget that there may come a time when she must leave this earthly sphere and be replaced with an army of licensed clones-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Map of Typical Drowned World Tour Venue1. Madonna 2. Guy Ritchie and kids 3. Orthodontist 4. Dancers 5. Security guards 6. Madonna’s dressing room 7. Mobile hair-dying facility 8. Teenage girls 9. Women in their twenties who dusted off their pointy leather bras for the occasion 10. Gentlemen who like gentlemen 11. AOL contest winners 12. Sean Penn 13. Yankovic -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Words Madonna Might Have Across the Front of Her Shirt • Britney • Snatch • Chest • Breasts • Oprah • Regis • Haley Joel • Condit • Campaign Finance Reform • Toronto Raptors • Abercrombie & Fitch • Dude, Where’s My Car? (wrap party commemorative tee) • I Survived the Scream Machine at Six Flags Great Adventure • Winston, Miller Lite, Castrol, Tide and Hardee’s (Talladega SuperSpeedway show) -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The Celebrity List Section from "Vogue" Updated for Contemporary Audiences Edward Norton, Lucy LiuKirsten Dunst and Carey, Drew.Matthew Perry, Jenna BushJ. Lo and her ample tush.Ray Romano, Zeta-Jones.Ew! Calista’s pointy bones. Haley Joel and Nathan Lane,Robert Downey does cocaine.Martha Stewart bakes a cake,Spears and Justin Timberlake.They had style, they had grace,To us belong all your base—"Weird Al" Yankovic -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Transcripts of Between-Song Banter Prepared Especially for This Tour by the Sensational British Director Guy RitchieAfter "Like A Virgin"GUITARIST What the fuck do you mean you feel like a virgin? Everyone knows you’re a mum. That you got two bloody kids. You’re not foolin’ anyone. MADONNA Look mate, that’s not the fucking point of the song. The song is about how the man is so sensitive and gentle that he makes me feel like a virgin. You know, like the first time. GUITARIST I don’t give a shit how bloody sensitive he is. He could be Don Juan de Cassa-fucking-nova. All I’m saying is, you can’t feel like you’ve never got your Red Baron popped when everybody knows you got two tykes in the next room wanking off to fucking Oscar the Grouch. After "Vogue"MADONNA Hey band, could you pick it up a bit? We did that last song like a turtle with a fucking limp. GUITARIST It’s not my fault, me guitar went out of tune. MADONNA Your guitar could be playing in the fucking key of J for all I care, just play faster. GUITARIST Song’s a piece of shit anyway. Seriously, who writes a whole song about a bloody magazine? After "Secret"BASSIST So wha’s the bloody secret then? MADONNA You think I’m going to tell you? BASSIST Come on M’donna, you can’t just sing a whole fu-king song about a secret and then not tell us what the fuuk it is. It’s not proper. After "Don’t Cry For Me Argentina"KEYBOARDIST ’Ey, M’donna! Where’d ’at song come from, eh? MADONNA What the fuck do you mean where did it come from? It came from my bloody larynx you stupid twit. KEYBOARDIST I’m not askin’ you ’ose fucking gizzard it came from. I mean what film was it in? MADONNA Have you been living in a cave? It’s from "Evita." GUITARIST The chick what had 15,000 pairs of shoes? After "La Isla Bonita"DRUMMER "La Isla Bonita"? What the fuck kind of language is that, bloody German? MADONNA What fucked up section of Germany have you been to? Wanker. After "Shanti/Ashtangi"GUITARIST [Looks profoundly nervous. At first opportunity, stealthily slips off stage and breaks into full sprint. "Weird Al" attempts to replace him but is beaten senseless by Guy Ritchie’s elite corps of soccer hooligans.] Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sinergygrl Posted August 9 Report Share Posted August 9 Madonna makes me Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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