***The OFFICIAL "I'm feeling a little sad today and I need some cheering up" thread

[LavenderMenace]

LM is having a case of the melancholies. I hate this time of year.

Ok, who can cheer me up?

Note: I'm pretty easily amused so it shouldnt be that hard.

[barvybe]

did u know i got arrested at chicago airport with 684 pounds of pot?

[xtcgirlie]

I'm just gonna give u some smiles:D :D :D

[barvybe]

My girlfriend told me I should be more affectionate. So I

got two girlfriends.

[phuturephunk]

. . I'm sure you already know this, but if you REALLY want to laugh, do a search on Monsterguido or Fleximus in the Jersey boards. . . Absolute hilarity . . I couldn't stop laughing . .

[xgirlie037]

**SMILE**

[barvybe]

and...(no offense intended peeps)

How do you know when your staying in a Kentucky hotel?

When you call the front desk and say "I've gotta leak in my sink," and the person at the front desk says, "go ahead."

[pookie23]

IF MEN AND WOMEN SWAPPED GENITALS!!

Top ten things MEN would do if they woke up and had

a vagina for a day

10. Immediately go shopping for zucchini and cucumbers.

9. Squat over a hand-held mirror for an hour and a half.

8. See if they could finally do the splits.

7. See if it's truly possible to launch a ping pong ball 20 feet.

6. Cross their legs without rearranging their crotch.

5. Get picked up in a bar in less than 10 minutes...BEFORE closing time.

4. Have consecutive multiple orgasms and still be ready for more

without sleeping first.

3. Go to the gynecologist for a pelvic exam and ask to have it

recorded on video.

2. Sit on the edge of the bed and pray for breasts

too...

And, the NUMBER ONE thing men would do if they woke up with a vagina...

1. Finally find that damned G-spot.

Top ten things WOMEN would do if they woke up and

had a penis for a day:

10. Get ahead faster in corporate America

9. Learn to stare with that-I'm undressing you look.

8. Find out what is so fascinating about beating the meat.

7. Pee standing up while talking to other men at a

urinal.

6. Determine WHY you can't hit the bowl consistently.

5. Find out what it's like to be on the other end of a surging orgasm.

4. Touch/shift yourself in public without thought as to how improper it may seem.

3. Jump up and down naked with an erection to see if

it feels as funny as it looks.

2. Understand the scientific reason for the light

refraction which occurs between a man's eyes and the ruler situated next to his member which causes two inches to be added to the final measurement.

And, the NUMBER ONE thing women would do if they

woke up with a penis...

1. Get a blow job.

[loch]

Originally posted by lavendermenace

...a case of the melancholies.

how 'bout i trade'cha your case of melancholies for my case of Harpoon?

[LavenderMenace]

Originally posted by loch

how 'bout i trade'cha your case of melancholies for my case of Harpoon?

Is it IPA?

[loch]

Originally posted by lavendermenace

Is it IPA?

sorry, but this bumpkin knows not what you're asking.

Idiot Proof Alcohol?

[mugwump]

A language instructor was explaining to her class that in French, nouns

unlike their English counterparts are grammatically designated as masculine

or feminine. "House," in French, is feminine-"la maison.

" "Pencil," in French, is masculine-"le crayon."

One puzzled student asked, "What gender iscomputer?"

The teacher did not know, and the word wasn't in her French

dictionary. So for fun she split the class into two groups appropriately

enough, by gender and asked them to decide whether "computer"

should be a masculine or feminine noun. Both groups were required to give four reasons for their recommendation.

The men's group decided that computers should definitely be of the feminine

gender ("la computer"), because:

1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic

2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is

incomprehensible to everyone else

3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for possible

ater retrieval

4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half

your paycheck on accessories for it.

The women's group, however, concluded that

computers should be masculine("le computer"), because:

1. In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on;

2. They have a lot of data but they are still clueless

3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE

the problem

4 As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you'd waited a little

longer, you could have gotten a better model.

The Women Won

__________________

Cheer up LM..

[Xpander]

Let Jesus save you from your sadness!

http://www.jesusoftheweek.com

random jesuses...every week!

...yeah it's a downer day for me too...

[djmikedr]

Could be worse, could be me.

but:

Just to Ponder : Have you ever wondered how blind people know when to stop wiping?

[weyes]

i started a thread just like this a few days ago and it helped a bit; check it out:

http://bbs.clubplanet.com/showthread.php?s=&threadid=65721&highlight=cheer+clubplanet

and just think - turkey day's coming up. mashed potatoes, pumpkin pie...