i'm sad :(

[goldenman]

Originally posted by dialectics

god dammit i am feeling miserable. the semester is over, my brother is in town and we just set up a pair of turntables, been going to parties at clubs and friends places for the past month, (almost) got a phatty new job and i'm headed for new orleans next week. all of this good shit is happening in my life but i feel sooooo down i don't know what to do with myself. something big time is missing in my life.... i thought it was loooooove but i dunno - i have such a hard time connecting with people it sucks.... and it seems like nothing is real or pure anymore. fuck.

ok... end of bitch session. i needed that

rob

im going through the same thing!

[goldenman]

im sitting at my pc playing music cause that the only thing that makes me happy.........(im also holding up the phone line)...i have no one in my life to be with, im bored, lonely and have only $22...and no job.........im so sad:( ... nothing is making me happy and i have one to talk not even peolple on Im..........

[silente]

Rob, love, what happened? It's the day of the feast of Mithras, the Druidic celebration of the winter solstice, some random Christian holiday ( ) and a week before NYE - why so down?? I won't be out of NYC *that* long! I know it sucks being single, but think how much money you've saved for yourself this month alone! Think of the cash you'd drop paying for TWO people for NYE in New York...dear lord, you could buy a frickin CAR for that much. And at least you have decks! Mine are stuck in Westchester while I'm back at home in Chicago with my thumbs up my ass (figuratively! figuratively!) desperate to get back to them. AND

[silente]

AND I'm a dork who can't post right!

Drop me a line on my cell phone, we'll commiserate. It'll get better.

[weyes]

Originally posted by rapidtransit

I am glad I came across this messageboard and it is good to hear everyone speak the truth. I can't find fulfillment in anything... except music which keeps me going. My endless search for that something extra in my life often has me at clubs alone in the wee hours drifting... just to go home even emptier.

I decided to quit my job starting in January, move to the village, in an attempt to get back to who I am and re-evaluate my life.

I am working everyday throughout the holidays. This will be two years in a row I can't spend Christmas with my family. New Years weekend I work everyday on 12 hour shifts... this will be my second new years... alone. Three years ago I was at the Mtv new years banging in the millenium on times square with a swedish princess. What the fuck?

I am always looking in the future and am never happy in the present. People tell me that I am so lucky to have traveled the world and make good money... I say fuck money and this materialistic world that we are living in... today I find myself alone in my apartment Christmas morning... and I realize I am just another lost soul... lostsoul... losoul... loser...

All my friends were with their families unwrapping presents. The only thing I unwrapped was more emptiness.

I am living in such a small world with so many people, but I am alone.

I hate the holidays. It only makes me bring out harmful emotions inside. Does anybody know any good clubs or parties for christmas night so I can get waisted?

Cheers!!!

the holidays are always the saddest time for me, too, but this year has been the easiest year yet.

i moved from nyc to l.a., and decided not to go home this year. i spent today with a roommate and her guest on and off as they and i came in and out of the house just doing little things like talking to the neighbors and such. i just didn't make a big deal out of it this year. i was away from my family drama, and i neither had the money to buy anyone presents nor did i feel like immersing myself in the commercialism of christmas, so i didn't go somewhere where there'd be a lot of gift-exchanging. staying home, playing some music and dancing around was just lovely.

getting all of that christmas insanity out of your head can be hard, but a lot of it is just mind over matter. of course, i know that that's another case of "easier said than done," but it really is true. i have to get over my birthday blues, when everyone forgets - due to christmas, which'll be on thursday. but i hope that this year'll be different, and i'll try my very best; it worked so well for today that i think i can do it for my birthday, too.

and welcome, rapidtransit!

[georgym]

Originally posted by joeg

Nathan... thats such a great soundgarden song....

I love those words ;;))

even though i*m far away in a far off land, you guys make me feel right at home;)

Whatzup to all my homies and home girls, nathan, joeg, SynSyn, Phuturefunk ( nice poetry, really puts me in a new york state of mind), and everyone else.

The Holidqys cqn bring on tough, stressful moments. Even here in Belgium, there are LOTS of beggars on the streets, and it feels sad to walk by them and their poor doggies zho sniff the ground for food.

But getting away from the hustle and bustle of NY is good 4 me once in a while. I*ve had so much time to think and appreciate this world by not being caught up in work or school back at home.

So my advice to those who have the holiday blues , is to just step outside, get away from those hectic, pressure situations (whether they be family, cars, people, etc) and try to feel the christmas spirit for a minute.

It*s there for everyone, so listen to music, read some poetry, whateva it takes to carry yourself away from personal anguish and pain one might feel now and refocus on those pleasant, candycane thoughts that swirl at this time of the year.

PeAcE,

PaPa

PS... nice thread

[rdancer]

Originally posted by dialectics

wow i needed that. i'm still feeling like crap but i'm at work, so at least i can blame it on that

martinis are pretty much the cure for everything. james bond would laugh, but i'll take one of these:

blue c in the sky with diamonds - skyy vodka, blue curacao, licor 43 & oj with cubes afloat.

i never thought i would get bored of the routine: research, party, smoke, sleep. research, party, smoke, sleep. research, party, smoke, sleep. research, party, smoke, sleep. research, party, smoke, sleep. research, party, smoke, sleep. research, party, smoke, sleep. research, party, smoke, sleep. research, party, smoke, sleep. research, party, smoke, sleep. research, party, smoke, sleep.

but i guess i am. it just all seems kinda pointless.

weyes: that's part of the problem - all the people i love are spread out all over the world, and the ones that are here are all not talking to each other.

having someone to kiss (not just on new years, ya know) would be nice, but at this point i'd settle for something interesting happenning. i don't care what, just something.

peaz,

rob

'

Stop Smoking and maybe your brain will become normal again . Be sober ... And dont look so hard, let it come to you.

Sounds like everything in your life is working out, you should enjoy it, and just keep on trying to meet new people.. That is the best advice I can give. Maybe if you cut down on the smoking it might be better for you. I used to smoke all the time and that made me all depressed, cause it was the same shit over and over again. IDK Just my two cents

[dialectics]

wow thanks for your support, empathy + understanding... as horrible as this sounds its good to know i'm not the only one feeling the way i am.

somebitch had it right on: doesn't feel like there's anything REAL in my life.... i've spent too much time defending the choices that i make that i've lost that teenage sense of "everything i'm doing is right". anyone with enough cynicism can poke holes in anything, and if you look for something wrong you'll always find it.

i don't need time away from my problems - i need time to do the work. i need my focus back - but for some reason my self-confidence is completely shattered and i don't know what the hell to do to rebuild it.

gmccook: yeah i agree the way to appreciate what u have is to step back. my problem is getting started again after that. besides, its hard to enjoy the world when you are two months behind on at least two projects

rdancer: i don't smoke all that much.... just sometimes after a rough day and i'm about to head off to sleep anyway. its a delicate balance between habit and happenstance, but i'm treading the line ok

silente: yeah what happened? when we hung out it was pretty rockin'! thank 4 da love. u should hit all of the record stores in chicago so you don't get turntable widthdrawl

and for those who are with me (joeyg, xpander, phuturephunk, et al): lots of rob-love headed in your direction. spending your life searching for something that may or may not exist - and finding yourself getting closer - is a pretty heavy burden to bear. we'll get ours.

joeyg - i think i'm going to skip out on limelight for a little while but i think you're a cool guy so i hope to see u out there soon.

zlatang: there is NO WAY i'm moving out of nyc anytime soon (unless i win the lottery and retire to ibiza)

peaz,

rob

[dialectics]

Originally posted by rdancer

Be sober ... And dont look so hard, let it come to you.

Sounds like everything in your life is working out, you should enjoy it, and just keep on trying to meet new people.. That is the best advice I can give

sounds like good advice to me