gropasaurus Posted March 5 Report Share Posted March 5 This is clearly a very sensitive topic that has been avoided up until this point in time, but I feel it must be addressed once and for all, and who better to address it than I. In the past, we've both witnessed and engaged in battles such as "Guidos vs. Preps", "D&G vs. Abercrombie", "Red bull n' Vodka vs. Coors Light" and even "NJ Shore vs. Hamptons", but this battle quite possibly represents the fiercest competition of all time. The significance behind this match-up is quite simple: the nation's two elite guido communities concentrated in central NJ from Memorial Day to Labor Day separated by a mere 16 exits on the NJ Parkway going head to head in a battle that will decide who deserves the Guido rights to the NJ Shore. As the stakes on the line here are quite significant to say the very least, I am aware of the potential unrest this will ignite within our guido community. Therefore, I must stress the fact that each are world class competitors and deserve to be treated as such, so please be respectful b/c we are each blood guidos and guidettes. This battle will be judged on 6 different categories that are most essential to a guido's/guidette's summer, and each competitor will be awarded a score between 1-10, 10 being the highest. The scores will then be summed in order to arrive at the NJ Shore Master. I'm so excited right now that my fist is pumping involuntarily out of control!!! The categories include: Best Beach, Biggest Juice Heads, Hottest Guidette Monsters, Best Happy Hour, Best Clubs and last but not least, Best Chances of Getting Laid. For the record, Headliner's will be included in the Belmar corner, and Surf Club in Seaside's. Best BeachThis will probably be the easiest category to judge. From its soft sand and clean water to its densely populated guido and guidette incumbants who are for the most part in their 20s, and from its stereos pumping the latest guido trax to the likelihood of running into every person you ever slept with, Belmar takes this category by a landslide...a solid 10. Seaside beaches are packed with a bunch of low-lives, most of whom don't even have green cards let alone US citizenship, and these low-lives are either families or little scumbag teenagers with no muscularity or gel in their hair hoping to find some change or left-over pizza in the sand, and later spend time practicing pathetic tricks on their skateboards along the disgustingly filthy boardwalk. The beach in Ortley that surrounds Surf Club is the only reason Seaside scored a 7 in this category, but even Surf Club couldn't make up for the trash its neighboring beach populates...what a shame.Biggest Juice HeadsThe results of this category will even things up on the playing field. While I've seen my share of absolute beasts walking in Belmar and hanging out in DJAIS, I'm dumbfounded every summer by the amount of steroid freaks hanging out in Surf Club, but especially at Tempts. I've actually noticed some guidos walking around with syringes still insereted in the fourth quadrant of their glutes on several occasions at Tempts...one time I even saw a guidette monster with one still in her who was shooting up Winstrol!!! Seaside 10, Belmar 7. Hottest Guidette MonstersThis is clearly a very controversial category. DJAIS is always packed with NJ, Staten Island and Long Islang guidette monsters on Fridays nights, Saturdays for Happy Hour and Sundays for both Happy hour and late night, and Headliner's clearly populates quite a number of these sex beasts on Saturday nights. These two match up almost evenly to Surf Club and Tempts, but I'm leaning more towards Seaside in this category, especially b/c of other places like Excess and even Bamboo and Bermuda Club, although the pickings are quite slim here usually. Seaside simply attracts a bigger crowd of guidette monsters, so the number of hot sex beasts will clearly be more...in other words, there's a larger quantity of quality guidettes in Seaside than Belmar, but it's definitely a close call. Seaside 10, Belmar 8.Best Happy HourEven my dad knows the brand name and reputation DJAIS brings to the table when it comes to Happy Hour. Whether you're indulging in the free buffet and half-price drinks on Friday from 5-9 while watching a bunch of dumb sluts and gay guido wanna beez perform kareoke on stage, or half-priced drinks and reduced admission on Saturday from 3-7, or most importantly the Sunday happy hour that prepares you for the outrageous number of strippers and hard core guidette monsters that will show up later in the evening, DJAIS is by far a leader in the Happy Hour industry. Surf Club is not to be judged lightly, b/c it attracts quite a crowd of sex monsters and juiced up guidos without necks to enhance the atmosphere, but DJAIS takes the putang pie here...not to mention the fact that when the weather's shitty, DJAIS is still good, while Surf Club usually is not...main reason is that the guidettes prefer the enclosure and protection from the rain that DJAIS' offers in order to prevent their layers of make-up and sparkles from running...whatever it takes for you monsters to look good, just do it. Belmar 10, Seaside 9.Best ClubsWhile DJAIS and Headliner (notice I won't even mention BAR-A...I'm embarrassed of its existence!!!) offer great music, awesome atmosphere, tons of hot guidette monsters and a very close proximity/walking distance to 3 brothers pizza and your house no matter what street it's on (I've done the hotel-behind-Headliner's walk of shame back to my house in Belmar on several occassions...those fuckin' cabs just wouldn't stop for a shirtless guido at 10am!!!), Seaside just overwhelms the competition...staying open a few extra hours doesn't hurt either!!! You're garruanteed a sick night whether you go to Surf Club then Tempts, or just straight up Tempts on any given Saturday night, and Sundays as well. The energy, music, 4am closing and atmosphere including some of the best built guidos and guidettes you'll ever meet is a complete trip...there's just nothing like it except for SF in the tri-state area, let the entire country (in terms of worldwide, Ibiza clubs put it to shame, but that's another topic). Additionally, all of the juice head guido monsters that want to show off and flex their pecs and lats all night can do so without the confines of shirts...it can get quite disgusting when you're dripping with other guidos sweat, but it's part of the whole experience. Seaside 10, Belmar 9.Best Chance of Getting LaidJust as the tides were beginning to turn in favor of Seaside, Belmar comes back with a strong performance in this category. Without a doubt, you have a much better chance of getting laid in Belmar than Seaside. The primary reason involves the close proximity of happy hour and nightlife to your house...I can't even count the number of times I've taken guidettes back to my house mid-way through a DJAIS happy hour, banged the shit out of them, kicked them out, jumped in the shower, and then pregamed for night-time, which also tended to result in me taking home or going back to some beasts house for a night of slaying, biting, screaming and releasing...if I really liked her, even spooning at times. Secondly, the level of music is loud but not to the extent you'll experience at Tempts which destroys any chance of having a decent conversation with one of these beasts, unless you're into the screaming at the top of your lungs thing. Finally, the way the houses are laid out and frequent house parties throughout the day make it incredibly easy to meet a substantial number of sex monsters in the morning, afternoon or evening, which allows you to establish yourself as the mid-day or late night booty call master, always guaranteeing yourself some ass.Belmar 10, Seaside 7. BELMAR WINS, BELMAR WINS, BELMAR WINS!!! As suspected, it was close, but Belmar pulled it off by 1 and as a result has been awarded the title and all of the rights connected and pertaining to THE NJ SHORE MASTER!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sin-sational Posted March 5 Report Share Posted March 5 What? who has the time or patience to even consider reading that novel!Save it for an editor , oh and by the way I didn't know the state of New Jersey was having a shore competition-get a life! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ch0sen0ne Posted March 5 Report Share Posted March 5 Originally posted by sin-sational What? who has the time or patience to even consider reading that novel!WHOA!!! I'M FINALLY IN AGREEMENT WITH SIN WITH THIS ONECRAPASAURUS......STFU Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
notallthere Posted March 5 Report Share Posted March 5 i like seaside for partying belmar is better to bring your girl freind. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
luvdaclubs22 Posted March 5 Report Share Posted March 5 Holy Crap!!!! There is NO WAY I cant read all that....I did skim through it though...very amusing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
turnaround78 Posted March 5 Report Share Posted March 5 Good points but I think you are to smart for CP. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
djcreep Posted March 5 Report Share Posted March 5 that was quite an extensive battle, funny too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pipdaddy Posted March 6 Report Share Posted March 6 good punctuation, grammar and spelling. obviously an intelligent guido.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lesdig Posted March 6 Report Share Posted March 6 uumm, yeah whatever he said...but is there really a question between Belmar and Seaside...I mean does anybody besides me realize how badly Belmar SUCKS!!!!!!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
joeycarbone Posted March 6 Report Share Posted March 6 That's fuckinGreat Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
monsterguido46 Posted March 6 Report Share Posted March 6 .I've actually noticed some guidos walking around with syringes still insereted in the fourth quadrant of their glutes on several occasions at Tempts...one time I even saw a guidette monster with one still in her who was shooting up Winstrol!!! Seaside 10, Belmar 7. Fucking classic Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
johnneebee Posted March 6 Report Share Posted March 6 RE:Best Chance of Getting Laid Just as the tides were beginning to turn in favor of Seaside, Belmar comes back with a strong performance in this category. Without a doubt, you have a much better chance of getting laid in Belmar than Seaside. The primary reason involves the close proximity of happy hour and nightlife to your house...I can't even count the number of times I've taken guidettes back to my house mid-way through a DJAIS happy hour, banged the shit out of them, kicked them out, jumped in the shower, and then pregamed for night-time, which also tended to result in me taking home or going back to some beasts house for a night of slaying, biting, screaming and releasing. ..if I really liked her, even spooning at times. Secondly, the level of music is loud but not to the extent you'll experience at Tempts which destroys any chance of having a decent conversation with one of these beasts, unless you're into the screaming at the top of your lungs thing. Finally, the way the houses are laid out and frequent house parties throughout the day make it incredibly easy to meet a substantial number of sex monsters in the morning, afternoon or evening, which allows you to establish yourself as the mid-day or late night booty call master, always guaranteeing yourself some ass. Belmar 10, Seaside 7. This is basically why I moved down to live in Belmar all year long!!! And for those of you who did not enjoy this fine piece of work..either your a stupid gudo/guidette monster with nasty pimples and your banned from DJais for fighting cause one of our fine women turned you down OR you were the "guzzling" half of an in between a DJais Happy Hour and a Headliner night blowjob and got dumped off never to see me again quickie....lighten up...that has got to be the funnest piece I ve seen yet..Bravo!!..Maybe cause I live n Belmar & work in Seaside...not one spelling error either..You get a 10 my friend for this...And ofcourse everything in the ""novel"" IS 100% TOTALLY TRUE!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tepfenhardth Posted March 6 Report Share Posted March 6 not that i care because i found it funny as all hell. But here are the mistakes incumbants with an E, insereted is inserted, kareoke is karaoke, occassions is occasions and finally garruanteed is guaranteed..But otherwise very entertaining...My say is a definite Belmar, not into the scum/White Trash of Seaside. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
32oots Posted March 6 Report Share Posted March 6 All I have to say this post should be put down as a classic. groopasauras excellent work. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blazz Posted March 6 Report Share Posted March 6 POST OF THE YEAR.... No post of the "Millennium". Nicey Nice !!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cgm Posted March 6 Report Share Posted March 6 Originally posted by lesdig uumm, yeah whatever he said...but is there really a question between Belmar and Seaside...I mean does anybody besides me realize how badly Belmar SUCKS!!!!!!!!! BALLS!!!I, like Lesdig, am an avid Belmar hater, and this is for 4 reasons.1- D'Jais is a hole in the wall with a whack vibe2- Belmar is one big FRAT HOUSE3- Every single guy who goes out in Belmar is WIERD ( I have met some CHARACTERS, believe me)4- The beaches is Belmar may be nicer than Seaside, but they do not surpass Ortley.4 reasons why Seaside/Ortley is better:1- Tempts2- XS3- Surf Club (Best happy hour BY FAR)4- 4 AM closing:D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pipdaddy Posted March 6 Report Share Posted March 6 WHAT DOES WIERD MEAN? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
notallthere Posted March 6 Report Share Posted March 6 I totaly agree with you! Originally posted by cgm BALLS!!!I, like Lesdig, am an avid Belmar hater, and this is for 4 reasons.1- D'Jais is a hole in the wall with a whack vibe2- Belmar is one big FRAT HOUSE3- Every single guy who goes out in Belmar is WIERD ( I have met some CHARACTERS, believe me)4- The beaches is Belmar may be nicer than Seaside, but they do not surpass Ortley.4 reasons why Seaside/Ortley is better:1- Tempts2- XS3- Surf Club (Best happy hour BY FAR)4- 4 AM closing:D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tempkid Posted March 6 Report Share Posted March 6 Originally posted by cgm BALLS!!!1- D'Jais is a hole in the wall with a whack vibe4- The beaches is Belmar may be nicer than Seaside, but they do not surpass Ortley.3- Surf Club (Best happy hour BY FAR)OMG Caroline that was the funniest thing I ever heard!Surf club HAPPY HOUR better then DJ's :laugh: and the vibe is pretty good in DJ's during happy hour. It's a lets get fucking really fucking piss drunk vibe.Yes Ortaly's beach is nicer then sleaside, but Belmar beach is better because there is no trash and the beach is packed with beautiful people all over. Ortaly's beach is nice but empty! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
l3lueyes Posted March 7 Report Share Posted March 7 NICE..NICE.. VERY WELL WRITTEN!!FOR ME PERSONALLY.. NOTTING BEATS SEASIDE DURING MEM.DAY WEEKEND.. BUT FOR THE REST OF THE SEASON - BELMAR.. CAUSE SEASIDE ATTRACTS TOO MUCH TRASH Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bmw4jay Posted March 7 Report Share Posted March 7 SEASIDE PARK BEACH (for the day)SEASIDE HEIGHTS (for the night)It's that simple.......Normandy Beach is nice too.. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dancensmile Posted March 7 Report Share Posted March 7 It's all about... SEASIDE -- Island Beach during the day & dancing ALL night... to me Belmar doesn't compare... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cgm Posted March 7 Report Share Posted March 7 Originally posted by tempkid Originally posted by cgm OMG Caroline that was the funniest thing I ever heard!Surf club HAPPY HOUR better then DJ's :laugh: and the vibe is pretty good in DJ's during happy hour. It's a lets get fucking really fucking piss drunk vibe.Yes Ortaly's beach is nicer then sleaside, but Belmar beach is better because there is no trash and the beach is packed with beautiful people all over. Ortaly's beach is nice but empty! Last time I went to D'Jais 4 Sunday happy hour, everyone was drunk in that place by 6, and the place was empty by 8. I just had a bad time. I like how Surf Club keeps going, and there is always the option to hop over to Tempts 4 Denny late night. Also...you cant drink on the Belmar beaches! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
notallthere Posted March 7 Report Share Posted March 7 IM COUNTING THE FUCKING DAYS..I cant wait to roast on the beach all summer every year i get a season badge!! less then 2 months!! i cant wait! pina coladas girls in thongs funny ass dj's gotta love it! GRAND OPENING WEEKEND 2002 Friday May 3rd, Saturday May 4th, Sunday May 5th Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
xcracker Posted March 7 Report Share Posted March 7 Great thread! I have to go with Belmar beach on sat afternoon, then Seaside for night party..Djais, is fun but attracts too many remedials.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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