Destiny Posted April 9 Report Share Posted April 9 Originally posted by djmoonshine me and this guy were like together... all the emotions and feelings of being together, being bf/gf... i wasn't hooking up with anyone else, he had a few times, but back when we weren't as close... anyway, this past weekend at the bar i was at, he kissed some girl that he had kissed before...some of his friends are trying to tell me that its kinda my fault cause we never made it official that we were together, so im not allowed to be mad at him...i feel like he cheated on me in a way. yeah, we werent official but the way we felt about each other and acted with each other tells a diff. story.im having a hard time forgiving him... any advise?? Well first i would suggest talkin to him...and second...some guys are different and the title does matter...i was on and off wit a guy for 4 years with no bf /gf title..it was sort of a given...but not all people are the same...im sorry you had to go through that...i know how much it sucks ...the only thing that will make you feel better is by talking it out with him...Good Luck:) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fierydesire Posted April 9 Report Share Posted April 9 Babes I could understand why you would be mad, yet were never technically *official*, but then my understanding is that you 2 had some sort of understanding that you were togetehr and it was understood and assumed..IDK:confused: And in now way is this your fault...he fucked up....IMO...good luck hun Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nycchic24 Posted April 9 Report Share Posted April 9 Originally posted by djmoonshine while the friends are attempting to blame me for what happened, the guy is not... he totally agrees with me that he fucked up... i dont think his friends are right in saying "its your fault" bc you and he did not declare that you are bf/gf. ( unless the two of you had spoken about it previously about not seeing anyone else), I would say that then he would have more room to argue on whether or not he was at fault, BUT since he acknowledges the wrongdoing -- its a different story. so yes, you need to talk to him about this and i guess each of you need to make independent decisoins on whther or not you want to walk away, or move forward from this. good luck from the sounds of it and he's showing remorse - he kissed the other girl to get your attention (as insane as it sounds) he probably does want to be your bf. if he didn't want a relationship, he wouldn't be sorry for kissing the girl and would pass it off as "you are not my gf." line. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
phatman Posted April 9 Report Share Posted April 9 oh yeah..one more little note...dont listen to anything your friends say or his friends say...this is about you and him and that's where you need to take it... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tastyt Posted April 9 Report Share Posted April 9 Originally posted by nycchic24 if he didn't want a relationship, he wouldn't be sorry for kissing the girl and would pass it off as "you are not my gf." line. That sounds about right... Of course you have every right to be angry, but he's not 100% wrong either... Here's my take on the situation (not that I have ever, ever done anything like that): because you two never really discussed the situation (you can never just assume these things) maybe at the time it felt ok to him... and if he was at a bar I'm assuming he wasn't completely sober either, thus, blurred logic... but afterwards he realized how wrong it was- Sometimes you don't realize a boundary exists until you've already crossed it.Just a possibility.Good luck sweetie. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
djmoonshine Posted April 9 Author Report Share Posted April 9 he was very very drunk when he did it... as for boundaries, i guess the line was somewhat blurred, but at the same time we both knew that we'd hurt each other if we hooked up with other people... he def. acknowledges the fact that what he did was sooo fucked up cause he said he wouldnt even know what he'd do if i did that to him... soo... i dunno... i feel really betrayed and shitty about things... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ronin Posted April 10 Report Share Posted April 10 *sigh* Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
midnightangel Posted April 10 Report Share Posted April 10 So for me, yeah, title is important because alot of people don't understand the unspoken rule of " don't fuck anyone else while you are fucking me". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
siceone Posted April 10 Report Share Posted April 10 I Guess this thread can be summed up like this.. For me the label isn't for me and my significant other. It's for everyone else, like respect my shit don't step to my girl and respect my girl don't step to me. when you say that to the world whether it be with a title or with a ring or whatever. It helps aliviate alot of temptation if you are like oh he is my man or my boyfriend. My advice would be to make that shit official. even if you think its dumb it will save you the heartache moonie went through and Im sure alot of other people went through just because the object of your affections decided to play symantics Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gothzane Posted April 10 Report Share Posted April 10 The whole boyfriend/girlfriend template is far too old for our times.Each of us has our own standards, rules, basics, morals, whatever.Such things can be easily simplified by communication.Simply discussing what each partner out of a relationship wants, need, expects would be the optimal way to start off no?So sad that things arent that easy.We jump blindly into each other...then we redicule ourselves for it.Saldy ironic.Tis love and life... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sexyclubber01 Posted April 10 Report Share Posted April 10 This thread totally sums up my life right now.Been seeing someone for about 9-10months now, but he isnt ready to put the title of "boyfriend/girlfriend" on us yet, because he wants to get his shit together & I completely understand that. But its a little frustrating when you ARE bf/gf. We spend all of our free time together, we sleep together, we arent seeing anyone else, we support one another, etc etc etc etc. But recently I realized like that Im not really as ready for a totally committed relationship as I thought I was.I dont think the title really matters all that much. Like someone has already said, its more for other people to know that youre taken. You shouldnt need a title to know what the situation is or how they feel about you. Its all about communication. Come straight out and ask, "what are we?" or "how do you feel about me?"The truth may hurt, but its always better to know than sit and wonder. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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