lorenzolamas

Do you have tourette's Syndrome?

you should worry about the things people actually can see on you, and not a hood piercing.

shut the fuck up you fat ugly whore.

Two A-List thumbs down. She looks too Suburban Jewish driving a BMW to High School for me. She can't act, and probably is a horrid lay. I'd never buy her a drink....even a stoli-o. Also why the hell do you have to post 153 pictures of the exact same person clogging up 3 pages? I think 3 pictures would be sufficient unless the other 150 are Oompa Loompa's running a train on her while blasting "She Bang's". By the way, You are also fat and sloppy, so stop trying to cover it up with all the "i love sex, nympho over here guys" crapola. -Lorenzo

New reviews will be up soon. Stay tuned for Round 5! -Lorenzo

No Dave never RENEGADED my asshole. Im not saying his lifestyle is a bit alternative. It is. But as with his drug habit, its in the past. Carmen brought the best out of him and in a way they changed for the better because of eachother. To say he is a blatant homosexual is a bit of an exaduration. You calling that Pussy Cat gig "Stripping"? I doubt I will walk into Big Red's Topless Rack Shack in Missouri, and see Tara spreading eagle shooting walnuts out of her punan. Stripping is considered stripping no matter what, but its not as degrading and demoralizing as before. If you got the stuff to do it, and see how much you can make a week most young girls will take that just to help them out for a year or two. You dont see many soccer moms gyrating around a candy cane poll. and joeg, what in the flying wombat's petrified shit nugget does that little blurb have to do with anything? All I said was stop acting like you think you know what your talking about on every topic. Global Warming comes up .. joeg has the answer. Haitian revolution... joeg will solve it. Was John Holmes's cock real or a prostetic? Joeg knows the answer. How many times does Ben Stiller take a shit in a day...why not ask joeg. Does Paris Hilton wipe front to back or back to front? Im sure Joeg knows. Thing is, you dont...you read Page Six..turn on the TV and then use your crooked logic to form some sort of a worthless inaccurate opinion. Stick to being the resident fatass around here. Your rating is about to come up. - Lorenzo.

How do you know this? Have you made out, or slobbed on Daves knob? Has he inserted GI Joes in ribbed condoms up your O-Ring? Have you gone to a strip joint and stuffed dollar bills down Carmens g-string? I have hung out with Dave before he was with Jane's Addiction and can say that he is not a blatant homosexual. You try to sound like you know what your talking about when its the exact oposite on about everything. Once again how do you know she is so used and diseased? She was publicly with about 4 mainstream guys. B-Real, B-Rate actor, Dennis, and Dave. Have you seen her banging left and right joeg? Do you set up spy cams in her house? Have you used a grappling hook and broke into Santa Monica STD clinic for her test papers? She acually is exact opposite of what you said moron. Very nice girl, with a good heart. Except once your in the public eye as a sex goddess you gotta look and act like one. Once again you now nothing about what you talk about yet try to give off that impression. Remember who you are and what you look like, because if I were you I'd re-add that haitian marathoner to your AIM buddy list, buddy. - Lorenzo

Well well well....It looks like Lady Shady has made it past security to come yell at myself and the other judges yet again. I suppose the Lincoln Town Car was not up to her standards. Next time I will order a white escalade on 23" spinning rims and have a 300 pound ex football player named Teyshawn come and chaufer you around to the nearest Ecko party. A few things about my ex. She is not in her 20's. Most women start to decline in looks at that age..most. Take a picture of yourself 20 years from now, email me it, and lets see how you look. First image: Once again, I stress...you are not black. Your not ghetto, thug, or whatever the fuck you kids call it. You are a mis guided white girl trying to find her image in all the wrong places. Its funny when I see girls like you trying to talk in slang and act hard. It just doesnt look right. A short skinny white girl blurting out "awww hellz naw man, yall motha fukas betta check dis shit out..I know one of yall is ma baby daddy". Even the blacks look at you and shake their heads. Grow the fuck up, and be yourself. Also what the fuck is up with your face? Why is it so massive and square? Girls I know have petite delicate faces that arent so rough and masculine. You have an uncanny similarity to... Picture #2: Once again, that Gumby shaped face and features are too masculine. Now I really hope I am wrong for my sake. But is that ALL of your hair draping you and your BabyPhat jacket? Holy smokes, not even the horses in Renegade's stable had manes that bad. But! Have no fear, since I am an expert I figured out a way to solve two problems in one. Wrap that Rupunzel hair around your petruding lower half of your face. You may look like some Arabian princess, but I belive its better than guys coming up to you and trying to cock knock you to see if you will say "OUCH". Picture #3: Im sure while you sit in some stairwell with your Rodriguez and Martinez gurlfreeeinds, you pass this picture around saying "yo girlfrieends, I came frum ashy to classy...naw I meeean?" This picture brings another masculine feature into play. The hands. You could palm a watermelon with those things, and still be able to give your crew a "pound". Yeah Im down, I spent a weekend at Jamie Foxx's house when he was shooting Any Given Sunday, so I picked up some of their lingo. If you stare long enough into this picture an intense optical illusion occurs. You start to notice our subject is cross eyed. The longer you stare, the more and more the left eyeball starts to pan left. But then you start to become cross eyed and the Medusa effect casted on the picture starts to take its toll. Goodbye lady shady, security will escort you outside, and provide you with a Razer Scooter for you to scoot your wigger self back to wherever hick town your from. You are banned from Are You Hot, and if you ever set foot into our compound you will be arrested. I apologize to the viewers for this mishap, but some people cant take the game very well. Tune in for Round 4 of Are You Hot. Randolph Duke our second judge just flew in from Paris, and is ready to also part take in the events. Take Care, Lorenzo.

iamsamurai: I understand what it feels like to be mocked daily for your looks...well actually I dont, I was popular in High School, and moved onto becoming a TV actor/personality marrying a pretty woman and having great kids. You have nothing positive for you down the path. Unless you become the next Bill Gates and invent some top computer program, find the cure for cancer, or have a 12" penis and can get into pornography, your a lost cause. Overweight, horrid looking, weird, insecure, and rather stupid. Do you think typing like some hood rat wigger will proove your cause anymore? I think you have been hanging around with LadyShady too much on the corner waiting for my town car to pick you two up. You say people are having a good time on this board partying it up and chillin. What does that exactly mean? Does someone order an internet bottle of champagne and pop it? Is there an E-Bouncer selecting the few? Is someone playing songs thru a winamp broadcast? I dont understand your notion. Its a internet website. But that attitude plus your 1000 posts and I have too much time on my hands. Please, exit stage left, or I will have security usher you into the alley and take care of you for disrupting MY show. The Town Car is running 15 min late so buy a hot dog for you and Lady Shady....remember YOU pay. DarrellG: Sore loser much? You are ugly. End of story. Your pook skin care (dirty pores, blotchy complexion, oily) un-athletic body (flab, pudge, beer gut) and overall charachter embody that of everything we kick out on the show. Please go buy some Proactive and Cetaphil for that tribal mask you call a face. Moisturize properly, and try not to eat like a fat chode. Your disgusting. Somebitch: please wait in line, your number will shortly be called, and the judges will keep in mind what you said when you went off on a tirade. The line is long, I understand, but everyone gets a fair shot, so its not just to have you cut infront. Dont throw a tantrum.

exscuse me iamsamurai. Is the car service not to your standard? Why have you come back into the lobby yelling at the secretary to try and get a second chance. We at Hot or Not do not allow redemption. Furthermore, I would never ever EVER be caught in a 500 foot radius of you. We are two different people. Myself, a rich, handsome A-List actor with a Playmate as a wife and 2 houses. You, a Pizza Faced anime nerd who collects toy swords and dances crazy to seizure music. If I see you at a Radio Shack trying to crack the Windows 98 password on their sample computers I will make sure to drag you out by your ear flaps and make you french kiss my Harley tailpipe.

magilicuti: Trying to be something your not. We once were in New Jersey doing promotional stuff, I for Renegade, and Shauna for her new Playboy spread, and went into one of the malls..the name escapes me at the moment. Once inside we were puzzled to see tons of asians. I have no problems with Asians, but these asians seemed confused. All of them had pounds of gel, wore only Armani Exchange, sunglasses inside, and drove nice cars. They didnt know a thing about their culture. Hell I study'd the arts over in Japan for years and could school these kids. Very dissapointing to say the least. This guy looks like a carbon copy of what I saw. Spends a bit too much time in the gym. You should do more cardio, your face is flabby and has no definition. Now I know that Asians have wide faces in general, but kill sodium in your diet, and run every day. Should lean your face out. You age rather quick which is ironic. The hair is going bye bye fast. I can refer you and Legend to a hair doctor, he can look into some help for you two. Overall nothing special, face is poor so body has to makeup for it. Lorenzo's Scale: |0--1--2--3--4--5-magilicuti--6--7--8--9-10|

Legend: This guy looks plain scary. Very serial killer like. I had to call for security when he walked onto the stage foaming at the mouth. Once again the gel is abused. Just put the bottle down!! However, the receeding hairline is quite visible and is probably caused to the abuse of hair products. Who wears jeans up that high with no belt? I dont think that was ever in style, and no belt shows that you have no fashion sense or class. I hope the gold chains are a joke. End of that. Why are you flexing in the picture? Relax tiger, Ronnie Coleman isnt around, no need to try and have a flex off. Overall, you need tons of work. You are loosing hair so me suggesting to grow it out is worthless. Get a tan, maybe it will not make you look like John Wayne Gacey that much. You strike me as one of those people who tries real hard at things, fails miserably and throws deathly tantrums, scaring off everyone. Lorenzo's Scale: |0--1--2--3--Legend--4--5--6--7--8--10|

KingArthur: I think we have found the second of the top 3 ugliest males on here. I will have to tell the town car to make 3 stops now, how annoying. Typical over-gelled hair. I dont understand what it is these days with gel. Back in my time you put a tiny dab of pommade in your hair, just to enhance the look. Kids these days lather their hair with cheap products and walk around reaking of it. Eyebrows are a laughing stock. Did One Eye Willy do them for you? Too uneven and WAY over done. Your one step behind Boy George, and thats not a good thing. The ear ring screams Chelsea Army with the cheap H&M Divided tank top. Your face really out of proportion, and the colossal nose serves as the main focal point of anyones attention. Not pretty, wait up for iamsamurai. Lorenzo's Scale: |0--KingArthur--1--2--3--4--5--6--7--8--9--10|

iamsamurai: I dont think you got the message. You are not HOT, and actually one of the top 3 ugliest male posters on this board. You lost badly in Round 1 with .001% of votes. Please pack your locker and kindly walk out of the studio to meet LadyShady on the corner. A town car will arrive shortly to take you to your desired location. As for GlowgirlNYC. Your body is good. Never said anything about that. I would let you ride on my motorcycle, just dont get your 15" rave shoes stuck in my chrome tail pipe. You still could use a makeover and a re-vamp in style. Putting up Professional pictures does nothing for myself or the other judges. We have seen many woodland trolls look semi decent with pro makeup artists, lighting gurus, master photographers, and expert photo editors. My wife Shauna doesnt even look that good in real life. Throw out the Daytona 500 outfits, hop into some sexy clothes and go out. You can try that for one night instead of dancing like the Tazmanian Devil in the middle of the floor. Take my advice, I'm an A List celeb whos been paid to do this. Im a pro.

suthurnbelle: Where is the flair. The pazaz? Too plain in my book. Very soccer mom. Nothing stands out. Now im not saying your totaly ugly, but I bet you my Renegade shotgun (autographed by the way) that the white tube top you are wearing is the most wild and revealing outfit you have. Spice things up. You also need a tan. You are in the Hawaii motiff, yet about as pale as my grundle in December. Get a nice Hollywood tan, and lighten your hair up. More blond will bring out your eyes. You can also tone up your arms/torso as the proportion is decent, but you have much room to improve. Lorenzo's Scale: |0--1--2--3--4--5--Suthurnbelle--6--7--8--9--10|

GlowGirlNYC: I dont understand kids these days. When I used to club, it was a pair of 501's and a leather jacket. Tie your hair back, and go all out. Now you have to look like Mario Andretti or Jeff Gordon to fit in. Are we testing for bio-chemics here? Dont clubs get rather hot in the heat of dance? Why the hell would one strap into a freek vinyl sauna suit to rave around? *Sigh*...crazy times. Anyways, face isnt bad. Makeup looks like a drunk Yuko the Clown did you up while you were asleep. Body is good. Fit. Hair has to be changed. The Medusa locks were never really a hit, not even in Ancient times. Eyebrows for a female are out of sync. They should get thinned out and arched a bit more. Similar to scoob-e they wrap around your head like a pair of Kareem Abdul Jabbar's spec's. God I miss sitting courtside next to Jack in those days. Now its not as fun anymore with this LA team...anyways, I will refer you to a good hairstylist, makeup artist, and eyebrow threader so they can fix you up. I think you would look good in a wifebeater tanktop, a pair of messy jeans and some boots, with a hat. Burn that Spacesuit. Lorenzo's Scale: |0--1--2--3--4--5--6--7--Glowgirl--8--9--10|

exscuse me? LadyShady please dont be bitter about your rating. It is accurate and true. If you cant take the heat , dont email your picture to the show in hopes of making it into Round 4. You are not black. I have many black friends, Ving Rames, Sammy L Jackson, Mr. Marcus etc. They all laugh at mis guided white girls acting black. Have you seen 8 mile too many times? I never understood that movie. I took Shauna to it at the premiere and never got into it. Drop the 10" spray on gold hula hoop ear rings, remove your leopard print press on nails, burn your BabyPhat velor jumpsuit, and read a few books, preferably Old English. Your attitude just got you DQ'd off the show, please pack your locker and get out of the studio. Lorenzo.

hmm, the only Rizzo I know is Renegade producer Randy Rizzo. He is a nice guy, but doesnt have time to post on a MessageBoard. Dont be such a disgruntled degenerate drunkard, Drunk. I will put up Round 3 of HOT or NOT tonight after I get back from dinner with Shauna. Take care. Lorenzo.

Hey folks! Lorenzo here to bring you Part 2 of ARE YOU HOT! I had to goto our beach house on Wed to fix my motorcycle and have dinner with Shauna's parents, so I apologize for the delay. The network's hate lethargic people. Let us begin! Im sorry but this is just one of those horrible creatures which you meet at a VIP party, get a bit tosted from jager shots, blow a line of coke, and end up making out with. You never had an asian under your belt so this would be your first experience. As you kiss those Bubba Gump sized lips you hear her moan at a very low pitch. You pause, and think...but ignore it. You start feeling and kissing her neck and notice a small bump right infront of the neck. Once you tap it, she yelps "ow man"....you pause again. This is your ground breaking experience so nothing will stop you boning a asian vixen. You start to work your hand down to her leather skirt and underneath. At first you think she is smuggling snausages in her thong so she doesnt have to wait in line for food after the club ends. You grab a hold of this kielbasa laughing "haha hey lemme get a bite after the club too!" she proudly says "biting would hurt baby".....you pause again and heart starts to beat fast. Your head shoots down towards her crotch and there standing in full attention is a 4" Viet Cong pig in a blanket winking right at you. After using her nuts as a boxing bag, you run crying back home, take a cold shower, put on your fav Football jersey, play AC/DC real loud, watch as much hardcore porn, and drink as many heinekens as possible. If this story rings a bell, you've been a victim of Tranny Trickery. Be careful kids, I run into tons of them but my Trandar is in fine tune.

I was muching on an Atkins bar while reading this drivel and nearly lost my protein. Instead of talking about shit, you people should hit the gyms, beaches, and try to perfect yourselfs. Shauna never even thinks of taking a dump while im watching the Raider game. Its not lady like, and should never be done unless your last name is Hasselhoff...that bastard.

thats right linabina, Carmen is quite a pretty girl. We used to goto White Lotus with Dave months ago for their Playboy party. Nice couple indeed...you however will need much work in the gym, and a bit of surgery to try and look like her. You got the eyes....start workin on it. Best of Luck, Lorenzo.

"Shorty" is quite possibly the ugliest creature I have laid by A-List eyes upon, someone please take the picture down for Medusa's sake.

gmcookny: Not much to say here. Im suprised you had the balls to sign up for the show and step onto the stage. I still dont understand why there are so many "nerds" on a Club Board. Arent you kids supposed to be hot, trendy, party goers? Your pores are awful. I suspect you had bad acne as a teenager, and did nothing to treat it. Accutane could have worked before but now its a failure. Try to get chemical peels ever so often, moisturize often, and use a soft skin cleanser. Its still not to late to try and not look like a Drakes Coffe Cake. Get some contact lenses unless you want to look like a nerd. If so then thats O.K. A white person should never throw up any sort of a hand sign unless its the devil horns, which I used to abuse back in 89 during backstage orgies with Brett Michaels and his groupies, and the middle finger. Other than that please stop, you look stupid even though you are "joking". Your face is ugly, not attractive, no potential. Lets hope you become a computer genious and make $ or are hung like Peter North, who still owes me that bet! haha I didnt forget Pete!! Lorenzo's Scale: |0--gmcookny--1--2--3--4--5--6--7--8--9--10|

lolahotass: Where to start. The bird nest/scarecrow look was never really in. I think my good pal Sebastian Bach tried it once, but we all laughed at him. Way too much forehead. I never thought the forehead was a erotic feature and this just re-affirmed it. Try to comb or pull or whatever some of those tentacles over your forehead, and use a hot iron to straighten it out. Listen to me and become sexy. Face is rather feminine, which is good. We have seen some Mathau mugs here so its refreshing. Loose about 15 pounds, style the hair properly, and try some light makeup and you have potential at local sports pubs. Good Luck. Lorenzo's Scale: |0--1--2--3--4--5--6--lolahotass--7--8--9--10|

i3itch: As I say, take every picture like its your best and last. This one unfortunatly is very sloppy. You look like Orphan Annie drenched in grease. I recomend BioSilk conditioner for your hair, and wash it 2-4 times a week. You want those natural oils but dont go overboard where your head could grease up an entire cookie pan. The face is rather large, and with no definition. Evil grin. Smile nicely next time. My kid loves beavers, If I paid you 5000 dollars to fly out and chew on some bark while they all laugh and clap would you accept? Think about it! Lorenzo's Scale: |0--1--2--3--4--5--6--i3itch--7--8--9--10|