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georgym

Asking for S P A C E

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Why is it that girls ask for space more than guys do?

Is it only natural nowadays due to the rise in "independent women", wanting to do their own thing and try their hand at work?

Requesting space can be good at times i suppose....

I just don't get how it's usually the women that ask for it :confused:

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Well, not this smurf ;)

I guess it depends on the person, but i've just noticed this with the type of girls i've been meeting lately.

Maybe it's a new trend b/c women like to feel more independent nowadays to do their own thing :confused:

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Originally posted by gmccookny

Well, not this smurf ;)

I guess it depends on the person, but i've just noticed this with the type of girls i've been meeting lately.

Maybe it's a new trend b/c women like to feel more independent nowadays to do their own thing :confused:

maybe they're just scared of getting attached

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Originally posted by gmccookny

Well, not this smurf ;)

I guess it depends on the person, but i've just noticed this with the type of girls i've been meeting lately.

Maybe it's a new trend b/c women like to feel more independent nowadays to do their own thing :confused:

I'm independent, but I dont think I've ever asked for space...:confused:

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Originally posted by jy

maybe they're just scared of getting attached

Maybe :confused:

I just can't understand why some people are not willing to take that xtra step, to jump over that pretentious hurdle and really try to get to know someone, without being afraid of ...................................:worry: COMMITMENT :worry: ........

I guess some people have either been hurt in the past, and are afraid to be hurt again, or they're just plain thick-headed :blank:

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Originally posted by gmccookny

Maybe :confused:

I just can't understand why some people are not willing to take that xtra step, to jump over that pretentious hurdle and really try to get to know someone, without being afraid of ...................................:worry: COMMITMENT :worry: ........

I guess some people have either been hurt in the past, and are afraid to be hurt again, or they're just plain thick-headed :blank:

what do you mean by jumping over the hurdle? what is it that you expect in someone when it comes time to make a commitement?

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Originally posted by destiny779

I'm independent, but I dont think I've ever asked for space...:confused:

Maybe you're more sure of yourself, like confidence-wise.

Ive just been with some people lately who are so unsure of themselves, their future and their interest. Like they're afraid of somthing.

Who knows :blank:

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Originally posted by gmccookny

Ive just been with some people lately who are so unsure of themselves, their future and their interest. Like they're afraid of somthing.

If you ask me, majority of the time when a female says she needs space she's really running away from the truth of possibly exiting the relationship. Don't get me wrong, there really are times when it's needed, but mostly I think it's used as a cop-out.

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Originally posted by jy

i was under the impression that guys always asked :confused:

hmmm you´re right. normally it´s me who asks for space cause a)i don´t want her to get too attached or b)she already is too attached.

if i´m afraid of commitment? hmmm toughie, i think i don´t want a relationship. on the other hand that could be my mind making up reasons so i´d probably have to ask a shrink about it. then again that wouldn´t work out cause i always play mindgames if i go to a shrink. lol one shrink *fired* ME, because i was constantly playing mindgames with him. he said i was not willing to cooperate and i was someone else with a different problem everytime i met him. i just can´t be serious with these guys. the challenge and fun of bullshitting a professional is just way to big :)

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I have been in all sorts of relationships, committed and not at all committed, and have found that giving your partner space is very important. So is making your own space, too. But do not forget that letting your partner know why you want space (be honest!!!!) is an important part of it, as well. Communicative relationships are often good relationships, with more potential for growth and future stability.

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Originally posted by mirrororrim

I have been in all sorts of relationships, committed and not at all committed, and have found that giving your partner space is very important. So is making your own space, too. But do not forget that letting your partner know why you want space (be honest!!!!) is an important part of it, as well. Communicative relationships are often good relationships, with more potential for growth and future stability.

That's some good advice, mirrorrim :)

I think space can be a good thing to, especially if each of them know the reasons why.

This world is getting more complicated by the minute. There's a lot to think about and do, and sometimes people need space to blossom and find themselves.

Thankx 4 the voice ;)

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it's interesting... as the world moves faster and faster, it becomes more important and necessary for me to go slooooow. it's almost like i'm afraid of losing myself in the hubbub.

haha, i said hubbub.

but anyway:

in the past, i've definitely NOT understood why people i've dated have needed their various kinds of space, and i have overreacted when it became apparent they wanted some. i think mirrororrim brings up a good point about the necessary articulation of WHY one might request a bit of "breathing room." some of us thick-skulled/paranoid types need to be sat down and explained (diagrams help, too! hehe) why things work the way they do. sometimes i ask too many questions, but in the end i hope it just means that i'll know more about the way people i care for.

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I don't know if I agree with you that women ask for it more than men. I know I personally require quite a bit of spece, expecially when I'm living with someone. I know about all that "two units acting as one" garbage, but I need my own personal time too. I used to have a tendency to just disappear for a few days and leave a note or something, but I think that in the past couple years I've gotten a little more comfortable with someone wanting to spend a lot of time with me. Still, there reaches a certain point when you spend too much time with someone where the other person's ideosynchracies get to be too much. However, being the type that hates imposing, I usually do the leaving rather than asking the other person to leave. I think the problem has gone a way a little up in NYC though simply because it's a much lonlier place here than where I was before.

BTW, if someone's asking for more space, the last thing they probably want you to do is play a game of 20 questions where you're crowdning them in even more.

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Originally posted by brickhouse

BTW, if someone's asking for more space, the last thing they probably want you to do is play a game of 20 questions where you're crowdning them in even more.

i don't agree with you there dear.. i think if someone wants space then they should at least explain themselves. It's just not right to tell someone you want space and not explain yourself. The poor person who gets told that the relationship is too smoothering and should back off isn't usually the one to blame and unfortunately because we're humans and we tend to blame ourselves we'll most probably assume we've done something wrong when infact it's just the persons prefrence, insecurities or fears of commitement that are to blame.

Anyhow, if someone wants their space they should be respectfull enough to explain themselves to their partner so that that person will understand. and in the case that they may have been too overwhelming in the relationship they could learn from it and hopefully react differently in the future.

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