Need some advice

[jerzeygirl]

I know this question is off topic but I want to know what you would do if you were in my situation. O.K. My father invited me to his house for Christmas dinner, but the problem is I can't stand his wife but I really want to be with my father for the holiday. If any of you were in my shoes what would you do? I really appreciate your suggestions.

[thehype]

he is your father and he always be there for you so go to his house and hold off on the Grudge that you have wit his wife. Remeber Family takes care of Family

[doubleplay1970]

put the differences aside. its the christmas holiday. Time to spend it with people you care about and put some of your differences aside.

[jerzeygirl]

I really appreciate your suggestions, and I know he will always be my father and I should put my differences aside. But I have a question for you both, how would you feel if you were a father and your wife (second wife) told you, "You know what fuck your fucking daughter" because that's what she said to him about me.

[dknybabe2929]

If I were you talk to your dad about it and tell him EXACTLY what she said...then maybe he can clear it up when you arent around so you dont get in the middle...My stepmom is OK, but when I around my dad, I bite my tongue, because its just not worth it in the end...If she did say something like that then it is COMPLETELY your place to say something to your father...NOONE should talk about you that way that is part of your *extended family. Dont make a BIG thing about it but bring it up to him in private and tell him taht it bothered you alittle bit...I am sure he will take it from there...Hope that helps

[doubleplay1970]

you know if i had a son or a daughter and a wife that wasnt thier mother ( which will never happen) and she said something about my kids id be going for divorce real fast.

THank God my step dad is the best. No one could ask for a better guy. Always there for you always makes thngs fun.

Althugh Christmas he can be a pain. He puts a nte in your present and thats it. its a clue where to look for your present. then he leaves clues all over not the house but the whole property like 10 of them leading up to your present. Plus he likes toys too so we are always getting a new toy to play with. hopefully hell get a secnd 4 wheeler soon

[liqidtouch]

J-grl i sya goto his palce for the holiday-

seee how things go-

if theres anyprobs LEAVE

he'll undstand why and see that YOU were the better person for making that effort-

then pik a day that you and pops can be together to celebrate...

liike a JUST BECAUSE deal..

[jerzeygirl]

Thank you for your suggestion. But you wanna know something, he was right there when she said that about me and he didn't even say a word to her. It's like this with him, ever since he's been married to her I've been placed on the back burner so to speak. I have a daughter and this is her only grandfather, cause my fiance's father died when he was young and the sad part is he doesn't even bother to come and see her. There's to much to even sit here and tell you what she's done over the year's and how she's disrespected my family (my fayher's wife). If I even began to tell you half the stuff your mouth would be on the floor. But again thank's for your info.

[doubleplay1970]

jersey girl i hear ya and it sucks.

my dad can sometimes be the same way drops in here and there. i mean he has certian reasons for it which i somewhat understand. MY neice is already 7 mos old he hasnt seen her.

Sometimes i dont get people. i swear i would be like Mrs Doubtfire if i was away from kids if i had them. i think id be lost. Keep your head up. Go over for christmas and talk to him maybe things would change.

[jerzeygirl]

I totally understand what your saying and I thank you for your suggestion. But even when I see the woman I don't speak to her because I don't like her. And how you said I should just have a day with my father, I'm lucky if that will happen cause she always has to track him down and see where he's at. She's is an extremely jealous person. But again thank you.

[doubleplay1970]

Originally posted by jerzeygirl

I totally understand what your saying and I thank you for your suggestion. But even when I see the woman I don't speak to her because I don't like her. And how you said I should just have a day with my father, I'm lucky if that will happen cause she always has to track him down and see where he's at. She's is an extremely jealous person. But again thank you.

give her a christmas present a dead fish in a box and say leave me and my daddy alone biotch :laugh:

[liqidtouch]

Originally posted by jerzeygirl

I totally understand what your saying and I thank you for your suggestion. But even when I see the woman I don't speak to her because I don't like her. And how you said I should just have a day with my father, I'm lucky if that will happen cause she always has to track him down and see where he's at. She's is an extremely jealous person. But again thank you.

reguardless of her jealousies

that shouldnt have you missing out on any family related deals ya know?

it seems alittle like yor worried about coninuing a conflict w/ her buy doing something that in the 1st place you are at liberty to be entitled.

dont worry about how SHES going to feel-

this is about YOU and pops-

shes just a tagalong

if she does have any resppect for him and what they have together -then its shouldnt matter- and if HE cant see about makin somthing happen so yOU can befifite from his presence.. theres something wrong unfortunatly with the both of them...

sorry but i been there- and thats just how i was mixied into it

dont mean to offend

[jerzeygirl]

So you kind of understand where I coming from with this whole thing because of what you said about your father. Well it's a shame that your niece is seven month's old and he hasn't seen her yet, trust me he's missing out on one of the greatest thing's in the world. When I had my daughter my father didn't even bother to come see me in the hospital and he didn't come see her until she was a month old. As far as what you said about me talking to him and thing's changing, I've already done that and everytime I talk to him all he say's is "Yeah I know". And not one thing has changed. But I appreciate what you said about me trying to talk to him.

The thing about giving her the dead fish in the box was to funny.

She's not even suppose to celebrate Christmas cause supposedly she's a Jahova (spelling?) witness, but she celebrate's it anyway along with every other holiday.

[jerzeygirl]

No offense taken. And I know I have every right to be there, it's just I can't stand being in the same room as her. It's not that I'm worried and I could really care less how she feel's (don't mean to sound like a bitch) there's just so much dislike toward's her it's not even funny. Trust me she has the respect for him but not an ounce for me. As far as her I know truthfully there's something wrong with her and I told my father she need's some medical help. But anyway thank's for your suggestion again.

[doubleplay1970]

when my niece was born i was at work. my brother dint call me because he thught i might get in trouble. i was soooo mad because i would have walked out of there even if i got fired. i just wanted to be there.with only few exceptions i cannot undertand why someone would not want to be tere. i dont want to sound creul but your dad seems wrong to me. i mean his wife is a big priority in his life. but his children are more of a priority. there isnt a person, judge or jail cell that would keep me from kids if i had them. When my mom got remarried she had asked me and my brother what we thought. She told us later no matter how much she loved my step dad if either of us had said we didnt appove he would have walked away in a heart beat. i feel i would be the same way. I think your spouse comes second only to your children. i think the people you should love the most are children. My mom live opnly 3 1.2 hrs away from me and she stil gets upset because she doesnt talk to me every day and i havent lived w her in 10 yrs. i do think if your dad doiesnt take the initive than maybe you should tell him you need to spend a few hours alone with him. them tell him whats on your mind

[jerzeygirl]

Trust me you don't sound cruel about saying my father seem's wrong to you, your not the first person to tell me that. I totally agree that your kid's are a much bigger priority than your wife (second) but with my father it's not like that. She's the bigger priority than me. I couldn't agree with you more when you said that noone would ever keep you from your kid's. But that what she does cause she knows she's not welcome in my home. That is so great that your mother asked you and your brother how you both felt before she married your stepdad. I wish my father would of done that with me, but before they got married we got along but once they wed she became a totally different person toward's me. I know what you mean about your spouse coming second to your children, but she come's first and I come second trust me when I say this. I would never ever put someone before my daughter. I know I need some time alone with my father to tell him how I feel, but I already know what he'll say like always, "Yeah I know". Cause it's the same thing he say's all the time, my Uncle give's him hell about this too and he tell's him the same thing. Even if I wanted to spend time with him I'm sure she would be tracking him down to see where he is. Just let me tell you this, two summer's ago my father got ticket's to go to an Aerosmith concert (I'm a huge fan) and before we left his house she handed him a cell phone just so she could get in touch with him. Now how ridiculous is that? Well anyway I will respond back to you tomorrow cause I gotta get to sleep, I'm heading out of the house early to finish up my X-mas shopping.

[doubleplay1970]

here is something my mother kinda showed me that i will show you. We seem to have partially similar situations. i just accept mine for the reasons it is. but this is someting to give to your Dad

CATS IN THE CRADLE

written by H.Chapin and S.Chapin

My child arrived just the other day

Came to the world in the usually way

But there were planes to catch and bills to pay

He learned to walk while I was away

He was talkin' 'fore I knew it

And as he grew he said

"I'm gonna be like you, Dad

You know I'm gonna be like you"

And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon

Little boy blue and the man 'n the moon

"When you comin' home"

"Son, I don't know when

We'll get together then

You know we'll have a good time then"

Well, my son turned ten just the other day

He said , "Thanks for the ball, Dad. Come on, let's play

Could you teach me to throw ?" I said, "Not today

I got a lot to do." He said, "That's okay"

And he walked away and he smiled and he said

"You know

I'm gonna be like him, yeah

You know I'm gonna be like him" <-------

And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon

Little boy blue and the man 'n the moon

"When you comin' home"

"Son, I don't know when

We'll get together then

You know we'll have a good time then"

Well, he came from college just the other day

So much like a man I just had to say

"I'm proud of you. Could you sit for a while"

He shook his head and he said with a smile

"What I'd really like, Dad, is to borrow the car keys

See you later. Can I have them please"

And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon

Little boy blue and the man 'n the moon

"When you comin' home, Son"

"I don't know when

We'll get together then

You know we'll have a good time then"

I've long since retired, my son's moved away

I called him up just the other day

"I'd like to see you, if you don't mind"

He said, "I'd love to, Dad, if I could find the time

You see my new job's a hassle and the kids have the flu

But it's sure nice talkin' to you, Dad

It's been sure nice talkin' to you"

And as I hung up the phone it occurred to me

He'd grown up just like me

My boy was just like me

(Yeah, yeah, yeah)

And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon

Little boy blue and the man 'n the moon

"When you comin' home"

"Son, I don't know when

We'll get together then

You know we'll have a good time then"

And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon

Little boy blue and the man 'n the moon

"When you comin' home"

"Son, I don't know when

We'll get together then

You know we'll have a good time then"

[stiffler]

Jerzeygirl...............

My father has been re-married for almost 20yrs and over those years my brothers and I have had so many situations similar to yours. We(me and my 2 brothers) are no good and her two kids are perfect little angels. We are all older now and nothings changed. As a matter of fact all of my brothers, step-brother and step-sister have children and you would have thought that by now the anomosity would have diminished, but it hasn't. I am not trying to shoot down any hope of things changing in the future because they might. My family, they haven't............and probably never will. My stepmother is a complete phoney materialistic bitch, but over the years I have found qualities I've grown to love:laugh: . My stepbrother is a 40yrold looser that has been married 3 times and sucks the family dry of money, but yet my fathers kids are the bad ones(fuck em')...........Its all about them and they pretend its about us.......................I work for my father so I see the most of what goes on and who benefits the most and me my my brothers are sick of it.....................but we can't change my father and no matter how many times we discuss it it won't change.....................

But we all realize now that time is the most prescious thing we have in life and all this petti bull-shit doesn't amount to a hill of beens..................spending time with your father is what is important, more important than any bad feelings you have towards your step-mother.....................

I hope this made sense, I could have gone on forever on this subject.............its obviously very close to home for me:(

[jerzeygirl]

I wish I could accept the situation for what it is, but it's just so hard. I'm glad that you can. As far as the song Cats in the Cradle, that song fit's my situation perfectly. Cause like my mother already told me, one day when he's old he will need you and if you decide to turn your back on him like he's done to you that is your choice.

[jerzeygirl]

It's a shame that you and your brother's are viewed as the bad one's, and that your stepmom's kid's are the angel's. See with me I don't know if I'm viewed as the bad one cause I'm the only child and she didn't have any kid's when she married my father. They don't have any kid's now either. I feel the same way that you feel about the situation never changing. Cause like I've told my mom as long as he stay's married to her thing's will not change. And my father doesn't try to make the effort to fix anything either. As far as spending time with him and it being more important than any feeling's toward's his wife, I'm lucky if I get to see him every couple of month's. Well thank you for your suggestion.

[solargirl]

Obviously she feels threatend by you..So you need to get rid of her for a couple of hours while you hang with your dad..right!

..sneak some laxatives in her drink..she will be on the bowl all night...Then slip a note under the Bathroom door

before you leave and say...Fuck who!!merry christmas!!

Hahahaha...Just kidding ..Ii think:confused:

[Mystify]

Originally posted by solargirl

..sneak some laxatives in her drink..she will be on the bowl all night...Then slip a note under the Bathroom door

before you leave and say...Fuck who!!merry christmas!!

:rofl:

lol sounds like a good idea

[incredulous]

Originally posted by mystify82281

:rofl:

lol sounds like a good idea

sounds like you dont want to piss solargirl off lol

[elementx]

Originally posted by solargirl

Obviously she feels threatend by you..So you need to get rid of her for a couple of hours while you hang with your dad..right!

..sneak some laxatives in her drink..she will be on the bowl all night...Then slip a note under the Bathroom door

before you leave and say...Fuck who!!merry christmas!!

Hahahaha...Just kidding ..Ii think:confused:

LoL Aside from the laxatives... I would have to agree... Approach your father... Maybe not Xmas day because it is 2 days away... But I would say some time soon after. Set aside time for just you and him to have dinner or something together... My parents divorced when I was 7. I basically hated everyone that my mother and my father dated through the years... Same when I was older... My fathers now wife never had children... So she had no clue what it was like when I was 18 and 19 and came to visit... And then I would ask my father for a few bucks... I was living on my own since I was 18 and I had my struggles and my father always helped me out. But she always had something to say about it. She felt that I should have done everything on my own... Situations are normally the same... The " Outsider " which would be your parents hubby or wife... Girlfriend or boyfriend will always feel out of place and or in compitition. And when the holidays come around this is made worse...

Anyway... Your father has to understand that as a daughter you have your needs. And no matter how old you get... You will always need that time with him... Same with your mother... So weather she likes it or not... He has to put time aside for you and if he doesn't I would write him off for some time until he realizes that he has to. Even holidays should occasionally be just family.... You and him... Especially if you do not get along with her or vise versa...

Anyway I think i can go on forever because I have been through hell and back with my parents relationships... But if you want to ask anymore... PM...

[SPYGIRL3]

Originally posted by jerzeygirl

I know this question is off topic but I want to know what you would do if you were in my situation. O.K. My father invited me to his house for Christmas dinner, but the problem is I can't stand his wife but I really want to be with my father for the holiday. If any of you were in my shoes what would you do? I really appreciate your suggestions.

I say go spend time with your Dad, stomach his wife for a few hours....You'll probably have a better time than you thnk. If it's that bad, just say you have another few parties to hit before the evening is over....