Relationship advice needed...

[starvingartist]

Ok I have been with my current bf for over a year. Lately I feel as if I am being smothered in a sense. I do not want to use the term space but that is what I need on some levels. He tends to stay over almost every nite. Now I have strong feelings and I am very straightforward about most things. But I do not have the slightest idea how to approach him on this matter. I do not want to cripple or alter our relationship from an unpleasant encounter. Basically can anyone offer a tactical approach. Thank you.

[daemoncel]

i dated a girl that moved in like that, we were really close.

SHe would stay over all the time, and like basically live with me,

it was great but you know, too much to fast,

in your case it's been a year

my opinion, start with hey, i gots to work late today, or like i've got family coming over,

but try not to bullshit too much if at all

the thing is, that it's a very touchy subject, cause if approached wrong could lead to lots of problems.

I agree space is a nasty word to use cause it's known to cause problems.

My honest advice, sit down with him, and tell him that you love him, and that you want him but sometimes you need "me" time. This is a good thing because you want to be able to appreciate him all the time

If he mentions something along the lines, "well what about if we get married, it would be like this."

then say well i look forward to those times, and i can't wait for thos times (obviously word you stuff better then me). But until then, "me" time will make our time seem more important, more valuable, more appreciated.

[maximazero]

Hmmm, a few of my friends have been able to use the whole "guys /girls night out" thing to create some "space" with their significant others.

For me, straight up honesty works the best. If he really does love you, he'll respect your wishes, understand, and accept the way you see things.

When my ex used to literally call me every hour on the dot with absolutely nothing to say, or just to say "hi" while I was busy with my things, I just sat down with her one day and laid it out clearly. I simply told her something along the lines of a relationship is all about respect and being able to be yourself and feel comfortable with the person you're with. Maybe you can explain to him how this "smothering" is making you uncomfortable and interfering with things you want to do (hang out with your own friends, do some things in private, etc.).

Even a marriage makes no real difference IMO. There are still times where "space" is needed from one another in order to do your own things.

I'd say to just be honest and tell him exactly how you feel. In the end, if he truly respects and loves you, he'll understand.

[covetoys]

but try not to bullshit too much if at all

Don't bullshit at all and tell him right away, the next time you see him. The facts are he is staying at your place, which might be too invading for you and smothering. If the tables were turned, I'm sure you wouldn't feel like you are smothering him, so don't think that he will react badly, just think about what is acceptable to you if he were to say, "I need my won space for a while" or "I need to get some things done."

Everyone is different and he is probably the person in your life that knows you better than most, so you don't want to surprise him with a "talk" you want to tell him straight away, the next time you see him.

I suggest saying something that is more straight forward and less interpretive, like: "I need you to stay at your place more often so I can get more done at night and enjoy the time we do spend together more." This way when you do see each other is less mechanical or domestic and more impulsive.

[georgym]

I've been in tha same boat at school, only i stayed over her apartment more since it was better than dorm life .

But it turned into almost everyday, and inevitably you're going to smother someone like that.

I would just tell him that you're not getting enough done and to maybe keep the staying over to the weekends . It's not that you dont love him less. In fact, this move would be to keep the relationship going stronger

[siceone]

you could just say you feel like being alone or something... girls are allowed to do that.

or just have a fight about something you get a couple days space and some make up sex after

[covetoys]

Originally posted by siceone

you could just say you feel like being alone or something... girls are allowed to do that.

or just have a fight about something you get a couple days space and some make up sex after

would you really recommend starting a false fight in order to get space from one another? Sounds as counter-productive as this board is.

[phatman]

Originally posted by covetoys

Sounds as counter-productive as this board is.

...nice productive statement right there...

[covetoys]

Originally posted by phatman

...nice productive statement right there...

that was my point

[phatman]

Originally posted by covetoys

that was my point

...lemme know when you discover sarcasm...

[siceone]

Originally posted by covetoys

would you really recommend starting a false fight in order to get space from one another? Sounds as counter-productive as this board is.

who said the fight has to be false.. he does something wrong instead of letting it go get pissed about it and ask him to leave you alone... It's honest, you get a couple days alone, then after wards when you're making up you can say I feel a little smothered and he'll be more receptive to your concerns cause he wants to make up. unless he's a dick then you shouldn't be with him ANYWAY..

[covetoys]

Originally posted by phatman

...lemme know when you discover sarcasm...

I have and it's not on this thread.