atomicapples Posted April 23 Report Share Posted April 23 INT. COUCH IN A LIVING ROOM - EVENINGBOY and GIRL are going at it. It's hot, it's heavy, it's sexy. The camera moves with them, silky, like the lingering tongue of the third wheel in a ménage a trois.Boy farts. Nasty.Boy and Girl freeze.Boy and Girl start to laugh. GIRLOmigod I can't believe you just did that. BOYShit. Girl holds her nose. BOYSo you can't smell it anymore, right? GIRLNo, thank God. BOYWell then… Boy starts to kiss her neck. GIRLGet offa me. They dismount. GIRLWere you holding that in for a while? BOYUh, yah, but I clenched it away a few times. GIRLSo while we were making out, you were thinking about holding your fart in? BOY… GIRLWell, that was the world's fastest turnoff. Girl reaches for a Cosmo and starts reading. Resigned that the nookie's over for now, Boy reaches for the remote and turns on the TV.Boy laughs to himself. BOYYou know what's weird? GIRL (thinking it'll be something on TV)What? BOYI've never heard you fart before. GIRLOf course not. BOYWhy? GIRLI have manners. BOYSo you've never farted around me? CUT TO: Previous day and she lets out a quiet one at dinner with him. GIRLNo. BOYDo you ever need to around me? GIRLI would never do it in front of you. CUT TO: In the park they're walking, camera behind them. She waves her hand behind her ass. BOYSo do you always hold them in? GIRLI don't really think about it. CUT TO: In a swimming pool. BOYEver? GIRLWell… BOYCuz we spend all our time together. And you can't never need to fart. CUT TO: Back on the couch. GIRLOkay, maybe once or twice. But you never noticed. BOYDo your farts ever make much noise? GIRLYah, sometimes. BOYThen how come I've never heard one? GIRLGirls don't do that kind of shit in front of guys. BOYWhy not? GIRLIt's gross. BOYIt's unnatural. GIRLWhat? BOYIt's unnatural. (sarcastically)How can I know you're serious about me if you're not even willing to open up like that? You know what? We can get beyond this, real simple. CUT TO: Girl eating. She leaves meal on table. Boy appears out of nowhere and slips Ex-lax into girl's food. BOYAnd then we won't ever have to speak of this again. GIRLThat won't give me gas! That'll give me the runs! BOYSo if I've never heard you fart, but you have farted around me, do you just clench them away? GIRLI guess. BOYDo all girls do it? GIRLI haven't taken a survey, but a lot of them probably do. BOYCuz all babies fart. But if all girls don't, like, did you guys talk about it? Do you just let loose at slumber parties? CUT TO: Wild whooping as girls at slumber party light their farts on fire. GIRLIt's not like farting is some societal oppression. It's not like burning bras or something. BOYBut what about your mom? Doesn't she fart loud? CUT TO: Middle-aged woman on couch. GIRLYah. BOYMy mom does too. GIRLSo? BOYSo the question is, what happens between the young clencher and the old ripper stinking up the couch cushions? GIRLWell that probably has something to do with having babies. Everything just sort of stretches out. CUT TO: Stock footage of baby being born. BOYWell does your momma do it in front of your dad? CUT TO: Middle-aged man appears next to middle aged woman on couch. GIRLYah. BOYThey're that comfortable around each other? GIRLI guess. My parents really don't even care anymore. CUT TO: Mutually-ignored middle-aged fart symphony on couch. BOYHow can you just not care anymore? GIRLMaybe farting's not that funny when you're fifty. For most people, they're not as funny when you're 25. BOYSo like, when they're going at it— CUT TO: Middle-aged couple going at it on the couch.FREEZE FRAME GIRLThey'd probably notice. BOYDo you really think they would? GIRLThey might. I'm not sure they have sex anymore.UNFREEZE and the middle-aged couple glares into the camera. GIRLThat's not even that gross. They use the bathroom together. CUT TO: In the bathroom, one of them is on the toilet and the other brushing their teeth. BOYWhile one of them is number 1 or number 2? GIRLI dunno. I'm not in there! CUT TO: Back to the couch. BOYSo that stuff really stops mattering? GIRLWell, you're already okay with peeing in front of me. BOYCrap, you're right. GIRLAnd sometimes I take you with me when we're on the phone. CUT TO:INT. BATHROOM - NIGHTGIRL, talking on the phone, gets off toilet. GIRLHold on. GIRL puts phone into her armpit and flushes. BOYSee, that's fine. CUT TO: Back to the couch. BOYIt's not like I can smell you over the phone. Silence. BOYSo do you fart loud when you're— GIRLIt's not like I keep track. BOYWell, I'm just saying, if you do, you should record your farts. I saw this website for fart fetish people that will pay good money for your farts. CUT TO: Screenshots of website.CUT TO: Back to the couch. GIRL (sarcastically)Great. I'm sitting on a goldmine and I didn't even know it. But how do I know you don't run the site? You're talking about this too much for someone who doesn't get off on it. BOYOh yah, nothing gets me going more. GIRLThat's good, cuz as soon as you ripped one five minutes ago, you ended the fart honeymoon. BOYThe what? GIRLThe fart honeymoon. Now, it's only a matter of time before we're that comfortable around each other. BOYNo, I don't think so. Hearing you fart will always be funny. GIRLWhatever. Every couple gets comfortable around each other. That's just the way it goes. BOYNo it isn't. Every couple should be trying not to get too comfortable around each other. If they are, they're not trying to look good for each other anymore, they're not trying to impress each other. The spark's gone. GIRLJust cuz you're comfortable doesn't mean there can't be spark. BOYIt'll be okay for a while. It'll take a long time before we're so comfortable that farting won't be funny. But it stops being okay when it stops being funny. Can't we stay at that in-between phase? GIRLIt's not like you'll have a choice. You just put our relationship on the fast track. Before long… CUT TO: They're eating breakfast having a fart symphony. GIRLAnd then… CUT TO: Previous bathroom scene, only with the younger couple. Then they look into the toilet and giggle. GIRLAnd we'll run out of things to talk about, like all couples do, and we'll be old and saggy and end up sitting on park benches for hours without saying a word. CUT TO: Elderly couple on park bench, silent. BOYAll that cuz I farted in front of you? GIRLYup. You might as well have proposed. BOYGreat. (pause) CUT TO: CU of elderly couples' faces. GIRLSo what'll you be thinking about on that bench? BOYProbably trying not to fart. GIRLProbably won't be able to control it by then. CUT TO: Back at the couch. BOYSo is it too late to take that fart back? Can I just suck it all in again? GIRLNope. It's out there. BOYWell, whatever. You've got a lifetime of auto-clenching to get over, so it's not like you'll be farting around me anytime soon. And that's cool. I'm in no rush. We can take the relationship nice and slow. GIRLOkay. They sit in silence on the couch in exactly the same position as the middle-aged couple.BEATBEATGIRL farts. BOY looks over, then looks back at camera, nervously.BLACKCredits over footage of regular life moments with farts overlaid.After credits, back to middle-aged couple's fart symphony. It crescendos, then silence. Then the middle-aged couple starts laughing their asses off. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dgmodel Posted April 23 Report Share Posted April 23 , that was soo fuckin long, and retarded... i had no idea it was that long, i started reading it, and i got half way and then i paused and scrolled down and noticed there was mad more, and i couldnt stop reading it since i made half way already... wtf is that and where is it from??? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sexxyh Posted April 23 Report Share Posted April 23 Originally posted by dgmodel , that was soo fuckin long, and retarded... i had no idea it was that long, i started reading it, and i got half way and then i paused and scrolled down and noticed there was mad more, and i couldnt stop reading it since i made half way already... wtf is that and where is it from??? ~~ditto Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
djplasma Posted April 23 Report Share Posted April 23 sounds funny in the begginning...... but then it started repeating itself the WHOLE WAY THROUGH and started gettin Exaggerated.... but if its a real clip on the net...... i wanna C IT!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
barslut Posted April 23 Report Share Posted April 23 Reading that wasted about 50 seconds of my life i will never get back. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nSyNcBaBy Posted April 23 Report Share Posted April 23 Originally posted by dgmodel , that was soo fuckin long, and retarded... i had no idea it was that long, i started reading it, and i got half way and then i paused and scrolled down and noticed there was mad more, and i couldnt stop reading it since i made half way already... wtf is that and where is it from??? i did the sammmmme exact thing Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rdancer Posted April 23 Report Share Posted April 23 Get one of those Ab flex Shocker workout machines that zap your abs when you sit on the couch doing nothing, put them on your head and turn it all the way up......And say to your self: I will not post stupid crap anymore... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
richiemarvisi Posted April 23 Report Share Posted April 23 WTF! There should be a mandatory 30 day restriction on posting for shit like that. What the fuck were you thinking? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
barslut Posted April 23 Report Share Posted April 23 Someone email dave and tell him to ban apples for making us read that shit. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HAZE Posted April 23 Report Share Posted April 23 Originally posted by dgmodel , that was soo fuckin long, and retarded... i had no idea it was that long, i started reading it, and i got half way and then i paused and scrolled down and noticed there was mad more, and i couldnt stop reading it since i made half way already... wtf is that and where is it from??? I did the same shit too.I grew a beard readin' that shit.Apples, I hope you cut and pasted that shit.You got PRrrRoBleeeemms!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aknelma Posted April 23 Report Share Posted April 23 Originally posted by dgmodel , that was soo fuckin long, and retarded... i had no idea it was that long, i started reading it, and i got half way and then i paused and scrolled down and noticed there was mad more, and i couldnt stop reading it since i made half way already... wtf is that and where is it from??? Looks like I'm just not the only one that got lost in the middle of it and gave up on it........ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
entheogen808 Posted April 24 Report Share Posted April 24 holy shit. i don't know what the fuck that was.that's just cruel...a big buildup like that...then nothing!!!like slipping out, just as you're about to cum.ugh Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dgmodel Posted April 24 Report Share Posted April 24 :laugh: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maximman Posted April 24 Report Share Posted April 24 Originally posted by barslut Reading that wasted about 50 seconds of my life i will never get back. it only took you 50 seconds to read that? I don't know, it felt a lot longer to me. Sounds like a script off of ifilms.com or something... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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