tinybutterfli Posted June 2 Report Share Posted June 2 http://www.theonion.com/onion3920/horoscopes_3920.htmlI'm a pisces... whaaaat? LOL (I <3 the onion!)Aries: (March 21—April 19)Though it's noble that you became an accounts adjuster to make the world a better place, it remains unclear exactly how that's going to happen.Taurus: (April. 20—May 20)Your problem isn't merely that you love your money more than you love your friends, but that you only have a few hundred bucks.Gemini: (May 21—June 21)Keep in mind that it's important to set goals so you feel appropriately pathetic when you fail to achieve them.Cancer: (June 22—July 22)You'll make major waves in the show-biz world when you launch a show called The E! Completely Fabricated Hollywood Story.Leo: (July 23—Aug. 22)Heartbreak is in the stars for you this week when the woman of your dreams confesses she cannot love a man with such an unholy appetite for pie.Virgo: (Aug. 23—Sept. 22)You've had your picture in the paper before, but never in connection with a catastrophic bridge collapse. Libra: (Sept. 23—Oct. 23)Your colleagues will begin referring to you as the greatest mind they've ever encountered, in much the same way people call the fat guy Tiny.Scorpio: (Oct. 24—Nov. 21)Sometimes, one must be cruel to be kind. From now on, it's best to assume this is the case until proven otherwise.Sagittarius: (Nov. 22—Dec. 21)You've spent your whole life running from yourself, but considering that it's a murderous cyborg version of yourself from an alternate-universe post-nuclear future, that's understandable.Capricorn: (Dec. 22—Jan. 19)Some problems can't be solved by retreating into drugs and alcohol, but thankfully, yours aren't that kind.Aquarius: (Jan. 20—Feb. 18)A team of paramedics won't have the heart to revive you after finding your gin- and sex-drenched body floating happily in a country-club pool.Pisces: (Feb. 19—March 20)Remember, it's not how hard you beat the goat, but whether the goat you're beating is on fire. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shadygroovedc Posted June 2 Report Share Posted June 2 Libra: (Sept. 23—Oct. 23)Your colleagues will begin referring to you as the greatest mind they've ever encountered, in much the same way people call the fat guy Tiny.Bwahahaha!One of the bouncers at Felix is a fat guy named Tiny. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cookiegirl Posted June 2 Report Share Posted June 2 Originally posted by tinybutterfli Virgo: (Aug. 23—Sept. 22)You've had your picture in the paper before, but never in connection with a catastrophic bridge collapse. So true, so true. . . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rockyblue Posted June 2 Report Share Posted June 2 Originally posted by tinybutterfli Taurus: (April. 20—May 20)Your problem isn't merely that you love your money more than you love your friends, but that you only have a few hundred bucks. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crank47 Posted June 2 Report Share Posted June 2 Originally posted by tinybutterfli Aquarius: (Jan. 20—Feb. 18)A team of paramedics won't have the heart to revive you after finding your gin- and sex-drenched body floating happily in a country-club pool. Sounds good to me, except I don't like gin. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shadygroovedc Posted June 2 Report Share Posted June 2 Originally posted by rockyblue HAHAHA. That's fucking hilarious. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cotoncandydream Posted June 2 Report Share Posted June 2 Scorpio: (Oct. 24—Nov. 21)Sometimes, one must be cruel to be kind. From now on, it's best to assume this is the case until proven otherwise. Werd! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dancergirl000 Posted June 3 Report Share Posted June 3 Sagittarius: (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)You've spent your whole life running from yourself, but considering that it's a murderous cyborg version of yourself from an alternate-universe post-nuclear future, that's understandable.Mine sucks... I want another...PS- How do u do the quote thingy?? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spinsaikel Posted June 3 Report Share Posted June 3 Originally posted by dancergirl000 Sagittarius: (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)You've spent your whole life running from yourself, but considering that it's a murderous cyborg version of yourself from an alternate-universe post-nuclear future, that's understandable.Mine sucks... I want another...PS- How do u do the quote thingy?? look for the quote button next to the "edit/delete" button. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shadygroovedc Posted June 3 Report Share Posted June 3 Originally posted by dancergirl000 PS- How do u do the quote thingy?? Press the button that says "quote". If you still need help, it looks like this: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dancergirl000 Posted June 3 Report Share Posted June 3 Thanks guys.... but what if u wanna quote something that was like 3 posts before the last one? I'm such a virgin!!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spinsaikel Posted June 3 Report Share Posted June 3 Originally posted by dancergirl000 Thanks guys.... but what if u wanna quote something that was like 3 posts before the last one? I'm such a virgin!!!!! you can quote any post you want. just look for that quote button. btw, you say "virgin" like it's a problem. . that I can also help with. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dancergirl000 Posted June 3 Report Share Posted June 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
therunner Posted June 3 Report Share Posted June 3 Originally posted by tinybutterfli Aquarius: (Jan. 20—Feb. 18)A team of paramedics won't have the heart to revive you after finding your gin- and sex-drenched body floating happily in a country-club pool. WOO-HOO!!! I'M GETTING LAID!!!!!sex-drenched body Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spinsaikel Posted June 4 Report Share Posted June 4 Originally posted by therunner WOO-HOO!!! I'M GETTING LAID!!!!!chex-drenched body yer just as bad with chex mex as vic. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
therunner Posted June 4 Report Share Posted June 4 Originally posted by spinsaikel yer just as bad with chex mex as vic. But according to my whore-o-scope...I am getting LAID!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nourishment Posted June 4 Report Share Posted June 4 Runner, it doesn't say "laid by a hot woman". It might be that your body will be rode hard and hung out to dry by a group of angry truck drivers. Astrology is an inexact science. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
therunner Posted June 4 Report Share Posted June 4 Originally posted by nourishment Runner, it doesn't say "laid by a hot woman". It might be that your body will be rode hard and hung out to dry by a group of angry truck drivers. Astrology is an inexact science. But I AM GETTING LAID!! the old saying "bad sex is better than no sex at all" (as far as my collection of intelligence on this subject the previous saying only refers to men) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shadygroovedc Posted June 4 Report Share Posted June 4 Originally posted by therunner But I AM GETTING LAID!! the old saying "bad sex is better than no sex at all" (as far as my collection of intelligence on this subject the previous saying only refers to men) The saying goes: Sex is like pizza. Even when it's bad, it's still pretty damn good. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
therunner Posted June 4 Report Share Posted June 4 Originally posted by shadygroovedc The saying goes: Sex is like pizza. Even when it's bad, it's still pretty damn good. Sex is like money - It doesn't matter where I am getting it from - Just as long as I am getting it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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